Mystic Meandering

Transitions and Dissolving Delusions...

2012-02-12T09:12:00.001-07:00

This past week has been a week of transition – like twilight – a transition from one form of life to another…

Dear Hubby started a new job on Monday, the fourth new job in a year, and 6 months since his last one. They have been contract-to-hire jobs that haven’t turned into permanent positions, which is why we are not “celebrating” this new job just yet, although DH says it looks encouraging. But, it’s only been a week of orientation and training. The “real” work begins this next week. My mind still doesn’t completely trust that we won’t keep living in these “survival mode” patterns – always at the edge, on the precipice of life. It’s not a way this human being enjoys living. My husband, on the other hand, seems to thrive on uncertainty.

Being 60 in a 30 something corporate world has made it more difficult for DH to find and keep a good job, especially after leaving the corporate world 8 years ago. (And that’s a *whole* other story that I won’t go into now – or maybe ever. :)) We believed the myth that if you follow your passion the money will come. But the “hobby” wasn’t enough to live on. So - it was back to corporate life again a year ago. The last 3 “new” jobs he got last year we celebrated. We even thought we’d be moving to Minnesota, as that’s where one of the jobs led him. But that didn’t pan out either. With each “new” job we *assumed* that life would go back to “normal”, that we could “recover” financially, and finally catch-up, get xyz done, have healthcare again, and maybe start feeling “secure” again. But – that was apparently a delusion. “Plans” don’t seem to matter – personal, employment, economical, healthcare, retirement – poof. And as we all know, nothing is secure. It’s all dissolving delusions.

So I’m transitioning into a new life-routine - again, letting go of old roles, old identities, old preoccupations - trying to find an intuitive rhythm with Life again – the intuitive Heart wisdom (prajna) - feeling out of sync with that Rhythm for so long now. I’ve been reorienting my awareness away from preoccupation with the surface of life to the deeper waters of Being. In doing so I find that I am worn of spirit and fatigued of body, needing deep rest – feeling like the sand suddenly ran out; evidently letting go of a heaviness I didn’t realize I was carrying. I became aware of feeling out of sorts, unsettled, and cranky as well. Ironic, don’t you think. You’d think I’d be relieved with our new turn of events, excited about this “new” life. But even in the familiarity of no job and constant job search there was a kind of stability in instability – predictability in the unpredictable. I’m meditating more, and I rest a lot, listening for and moving with the rhythms of the body and Being. Not getting a whole lot done – but I’m okay with that… I thrive in the Silence of Being… Can’t seem to get enough. And I know the movement will emerge from within when it’s ready…

I haven’t taken “twilight walks” this week, but I’ve been noticing how quickly the sun sets these days, how quickly the light dissolves. Here and gone in minutes. Likewise, life transitions fade into other transitions. The Grand Story of Life keeps being written - and dissolving – as if written with invisible ink. No need to deny the story that is occurring at the moment, or spiritualize it. It’s just The Story being lived in the moment – and changing in the next…

So we are quietly slipping into a new chapter of Life’s Story. No fanfare this time - just gratitude that DH was even able to *get* another job. We are more aware of the uncertainty, not taking anything for granted; not getting attached to our *idea* of how life is supposed to go now – or should I say - getting unattached to how it should be, knowing from experience that life doesn’t go the way we have in mind. The Story never does.

It does, however, invite us to move differently through life – without preconceptions, expectations, or a sense of entitlement - adapting to how it unfolds. That sounds good on paper. Living that way is easier said than done :) To be honest, there have been many emotional roller coaster rides over the years, because of identification with delusions about how life was supposed to turn out. I still have attachments to wanting The Story to go other than it is going; times of feeling entitled to at least a “comfortable” life style in my waning years. But nobody said that *living* The Story would be easy…

The bigger View apparently is that it doesn’t matter what *i* want, or what i *believe* about the way life should be. Nothing is guaranteed. The Universe is not obliged to reward our efforts or achievements. The point is, Life is occurring, so we live it. We *are* Consciousness unfolding ItSelf through life circumstances. I keep forgetting that View. Consciousness is just living its eternal Rhythm – as it does and always will – in one form or another – which changes all the time…

Poof…

Photo – The flash on the camera
went off by mistake as I was
trying to take a picture
out the window
at night…

Embrace The Sky...

2012-02-09T16:04:00.000-07:00

The longing of your Heart is there to draw you in…
It’s the longing of the Heart for that which is true,
pure, innocent, whole,
and alive within you -
The Beloved…

It is the longing for the embrace
of
The Beloved,
Pure Awareness

It’s the call of The Beloved,
the pull of the Heart…

Follow the call
into
the Vastness
of Being…

Embrace the Sky…

Mystic Meandering
Meditative writings

When the Heart opens
nothing else matters:
”enlightenment”
”duality, non-duality,”
appearances,
distinctions between
Maya and The Real…

When the Heart opens,
there is just the simplicity of
seeing that there is only Love
that lives beyond the veil of “me.”

Mystic Meadnering
Meditative writings

Let peace work on you
and enable you to gather
your scattered mind
into the mindfulness
of Calm Abiding.

You will find
everything
that disturbs
evaporating
like a mist
into the vast
sky
of
your
Absolute
Nature

Nyoshul Khenpo Rinpoche
Tibetan Lama

To be at complete rest
within the Awareness of One’s True Self
is silent Joy…

Mystic Meandering
Meditative writings

Effortlessly Love flows…

Like a bird
Who rivers the air
without moving
her wings…

Thus we move in the world.
One in body and soul
though outwardly
separate in form…

As Source strikes the notes
Humanity sings…

Spirit is our harpist…

And all strings which are touched
in Love
must sound…

Mechtild of Magdeburg
Medieval Mystic

You are Love, and loved beyond measure.

When you know this you will heal.

Feel Love’s Embrace…
Feel Love’s Joy…
and play
in the
currents
of
Life

Mystic Meandering
Meditative writings

Ice Prisms...

2012-02-05T02:22:00.004-07:00

There is innocent wonder
in the
spontaneity
of
living

~

see
what keeps you
unaware

Light Movement...

2012-02-02T11:22:00.003-07:00

I thought it would be interesting to post this sequence of a sunset that I took last week to show the changes in the light and color as the sun slipped behind the mountains…

To be witness to the movement of Light as it crosses an imaginary threshold is amazing. I never noticed before that the light becomes more brilliant *before* it diffuses; changing color and hue as the light bounces off the clouds. I know there is a scientific explanation for why this happens :) But I am a mystic – I see things poetically and metaphorically - so bear with me…

In watching the light wane into its brilliance before twilight, (interesting paradox) I begin to understand that the Light never *really* leaves. The Light is always there – lighting someone else’s day. My evening becomes someone else’s morning; returning again to make a new day… But actually everything is one continuous movement of Light - always… And I’m not talking about the sun here…

This wondrous movement of Light reminds me that “Reality” and “phenomena” are never separate. You cannot separate phenomena, such as a sun setting, *from* the movement of Reality ItSelf. It is an illusion to say that one is an illusion and the other is not. There are no illusory objects appearing separately from Reality. There is no line between light and dark, formless and form, day and night. In fact, it is the separation that is illusory. There is nothing that *isn’t* Light. Everything is one and the same Light, or you could say, one and the same Life. The Absolute and the Relative are the same. It’s all the breath and movement of Light/Life, in and as everything. We are the brilliance of unlit Light… What matters is what opens us to the awareness of that unlit Light in the Heart that is always there…

Squirrel "Small Stone"...

2012-01-31T09:22:00.004-07:00

This was the first “small stone” that I wrote for the practice of
writing “small stones” for the month of January.
So I thought it only appropriate that I end
the month and the practice
with this one.

The snow receding,
exposing a browning landscape.
A squirrel digging in the bare
spots of grass,
trying to find his buried treasures;
hopping over the frosted snow patches,
up the fence post
and down the fence line,
traveling on to other back yards
on his search -
in his daily play…

~

Have a squirrely day
and collect a pocket full
of “small stones.”! :)

"Simple Minded"

2012-01-28T19:22:00.004-07:00

My mother is becoming more “simple minded” – meaning – she is showing clearer signs of dementia. She has been “showing signs” for several years, but it is more pronounced now. Within 5 mins she has forgotten what you have said, especially if it is detailed, has to be reminded over and over again, and is learning to write things down. The other day she said to me – after having to repeat myself several times – “I am beginning to forget things.” She has been “beginning” to forget for years now, but is only now just noticing the forgetting – or let’s say – is now accepting and admitting it. I think she’s known for a while, but could hide it. Well, she *thought* she could, but the rest of us knew. But she can’t hide it from herself anymore. And gets frustrated when we pick up on it, and doesn’t like being questioned in order to seek clarity.

In many ways her strong-willed, head strong personality has changed. That’s what personalities do, they change and in some cases dissolve… She seems more “simple” now – not asserting her power, her will, her motherly authority, her need to control; instead getting lost in herself, and lost in simple things, in simpleness. And I wonder if “she” is getting lost. I’m sure the fact that she can’t see well, or hear well has only added to her “simpleness.” And I wonder if this is such a bad thing – this simple mindedness that allows us to come out from hiding – and just be… But I also wonder to myself if one loses the awareness that we are more than our self, our personhood, (if one has ever realized that, if you know what I mean). And if we do lose that sense of inner Beingness - what then...

In some ways she is easier to be around because there are fewer “personality struggles”, as if this simple mindedness has allowed the veil of personality to drop somewhat – but not by volition. I see her vulnerability and fragility of mind and body – and I soften. I feel compassion for her, and yet frustration arises because her cognitive abilities and comprehension are slipping. She is less and less able to understand. She gets information wrong, and therefore passes on incorrect information, which tends to get everybody else’s wires crossed.

I feel compassion as well as anger and irritation when she can’t “get it”, or gets confused, or can’t get the words out. On the one hand I want to try to explain things to her so she can understand, and be understood, but realize it doesn’t do any good. She is incapable of understanding complexity, and her mind forgets. Her brain isn’t working like it used to. I understand that but it is hard to experience. Neither is mine for that matter. I am losing my words… I can describe what the word I’m groping for does, but sometimes just can’t come up with the word, which boggles my mind even more. How could I *remember* how to describe what a word does, but *forget* the word…. Strange brain… It is disconcerting to lose the ability to articulate… So we laugh about the fact that we are both losing our words, both forgetting. But the reality of it is, well, scary - this untimely “simple-mindedness” that creeps in over time as we age.

In Mom’s simple-mindedness I notice that she relies on things being as they always have been, how things used to be, on things being consistent, reliable, and gets confused when they are not. Don’t we all! And yet, she seems adaptable as well – able to move with life as it is, through her simpleness. Not a bad quality actually. Isn’t that what I’ve been trying to do all these years on a “spiritual path” – find the simpleness and simplicity of just living – just being. But I am *aware* that this is what I’ve been doing. And I know it’s not really the same. When the brain-mind starts to go it’s really a forced simpleness through a loss of connection somewhere in the brain, which means *her* reality of things doesn’t always coincide with actual reality. Well, neither does mine actually! :) And I don’t see that as “bad” either! :) It’s just what’s happening now…

My sister, you remember - the prickly personality, lives with her, and is having a hard time with Mom’s simple-mindedness. Her own brain being short-circuited through years of drug abuse and alcohol - is also forgetting; although insists her memory is accurate, which creates unnecessary conflict. She cannot adjust to my mother’s growing simpleness, and is short-fused. Mom is no longer able to be who she was, or the image of who we want her to be – the “mother.” That role is dropping as well. My mother was never really “mothering” in the sense of being the nurturer, the encourager, the emotional supporter. There really wasn’t much of a “heart connection.” The baggage and the woundings from all that are still there of course. But it’s really time to put that baggage down. In fact I think I already have, although I don’t remember when. It must have slipped out of my hands when I wasn’t looking. I realize there is no point in holding onto the baggage and trying to hold her accountable for old wounds that she can now neither understand nor do anything about. The time for discussion and trying to get her to understand, without creating more wounds, has passed. There is only what is…

I see that more and more. And I see that I am going to have to meet her in her simpleness - *her* reality – to accept her simple-mindedness – to allow her to simply be the way she is, without struggling against it, without closing my heart… I’m sure that will be a challenge for all of us - as we all slip down that rabbit hole of “simple-mindedness” together…

Heart Stones...

2012-01-26T21:55:00.002-07:00

Some of you may remember that I am doing a month of
“small stones.”
It’s a practice in awareness, noticing life,
both inner and outer,
as it happens…
Click here to read more about it.

~~

The homey smell of
a cooked meal
that lingers
in the house,
smelled again
upon entering…

Memories of the smell of
my grandmother’s home…

The smell of love and warmth…

Warm fuzzies…

Snowing like soft white rain
melting as it hits the ground,
leaving shiny black pavement
and the swish sound of wetness
from the tires..

Lovely lyrical violin music
on the car radio

The Heart’s delights…

Loving the sounds of the house
the sounds of a day…

The washing machine
the dryer
the furnace
the creaking

A plane overhead
A dog barking

The sound of peace
The sound of silence
behind the noise

Contentment…

Experiencing the gap
of twilight

a transition…

an opening of the heart…

an awareness
of life
so complete
my heart quakes
like the leaves
with its sweetness…

"The Beloved's" Romance...

2012-01-24T21:55:00.004-07:00

Absorbed in Nature,
the natural world,
we remember
that we are
embraced by
”The Beloved.”

Experiencing Nature
*is* experiencing “The Beloved”
experiencing ItSelf *as* Life.

Experiencing Nature
is experiencing the Formless
becoming form, taking shape,
*as* Formlessness;
the ineffable Nature of Being…

…the Beloved morphing Itself
into “mere” form…

Saying ~ here, look, see ~
*See* ME…

Offering the invitation to open to
the Nature of Being…

Offering the gift of
*seeing*
*hearing*
*awareing*
*experiencing*
~ Beingness ~
experiencing ItSelf
as an owl,
as a tree,
as the sunset,
as me,
as
‘B’

…all conduits of “The Beloved’s” Love
romancing life…

And who is “The Beloved”?

The Form and the Formless…
The Every-thing-ness of Existence,
calling to us to play in
”The Beloved’s”
Divine Play…

Calling to us to remember “The Beloved’s”
embrace
and be absorbed
by
”The Beloved’s”
Love…

Reminding us
through
Nature
everyday
that
we
*are*
”The Beloved’s”
Love…

The
True
Romance

And what is “The Beloved’s” Romance?
To be in love with Life
To feel ALIVE *to* Life
To play *with* Life
To Dance *with* Life
in the
Dance of Existence…

Look beyond the surface of “things”
as they seem;
this “mere” humanness,
this “mere” existence,
to the Essence
of
”The Beloved…”

Life in love with ItSelf…

*See* into the *Nature* of “things,”
and Romance with “The Beloved”
will blossom…

Mystic Meandering
copyright
January 24, 2012

“B” is my husband :)

"The Beloved" - as I use it here, is the luminous,
ever-present Presence that animates
all life;
that *is* Life,
not a separate entity of being...

Twilight Owls...

2012-01-21T17:25:00.003-07:00

I wish I had a better picture for you, to show my two very enchanting experiences this week with two different owls in our neighborhood, but you’ll just have to trust me. All I have to show for it is this silhouetted picture of a small owl. That would be the little dark blob in the photo of the tree. :) The other one was a huge Great Horned Owl perched in our next door neighbor’s tree, very close to our house. There is such a sacred feeling to be able to view wildlife in a residential neighborhood like this (besides rabbits, squirrels and hawks). And if I hadn’t been out on my walk I would not have seen the smaller owl. In fact I nearly missed it…

As I walked down the sidewalk my husband approached from the opposite direction in the car, as he was coming back from errands. He stopped, we briefly spoke, and I continued on my walk. However, I realized I had the garage door opener, and turned around and headed back. I waved to him to show that I had it, and he started walking towards me. Suddenly he started running towards me, which I found strange. I thought maybe we were going to have one of those magical romantic moments in slow motion that you only see in the movies. And I waited – but no – my mistake…

As he reached me and I handed off the opener he said to me – “Have I got a surprise for you” – peaking my intrigue – a surprise?! And he couldn’t wait until I got home?! After all we had just talked. But he just had to run to tell me now?! With a look of innocent wonder on his face, he pointed up at a tree across the street and said - “There’s your owl” – as if presenting me with a gift. He was - the gift of awareness, the gift of seeing what I had previously missed, and the gift of childlike amazement seen in his eyes. Priceless. He meant it was the owl we thought we had been looking for since hearing it last Summer.

I am hard of hearing and hadn’t heard the soft, gentle hoo-ing when I passed by this owl just a moment before. We both stood in amazement, and of course I whipped out the camera, and managed to get a few shots before it spotted us and suddenly flew off – which I almost missed because I had the camera in front of my face! We stood together for a moment marveling. My husband turned and walked back to the house, and I turned and continued on my twilight walk – in joyful wonderment at such a “romantic” moment -with the owl that is. As I walked, I marveled at the Mystery of Life living ItSelf all around me, in sunsets, and moon risings, on the ground, in the trees, and the winged ones that perch in them…

After I got back from my twilight walk the next evening, where you can be sure I was searching the trees for another view, my husband heard an owl hoo-ing close by. So we went out to look for it and followed the sound. We knew it was very close. It was dusk, but light enough to see the image against the liminally-lit sky. And with binoculars I could tell it was a Great Horned Owl, with its characteristic ear tufts, and a white neck ruffle – like a wise old judge from the Forest. It hooed a few more times from his perch high up in a cottonwood, seemingly unaware of our presence, and then quietly flew off with its elegant and swooping wide wing span. I do believe it was the Great Horned Owl that we heard last Summer and Fall. And maybe the smaller owl we saw the other night was the female version, as this is the beginning of their mating season. Ah ha! Romance *is* in the air! I am falling in love with Nature!

I am strangely comforted knowing that this incredible world of nature is just outside my door, teeming with Life. I am enamored with the idea that I may be living in Winnie the Pooh’s Hundred Acre Wood and haven’t even realized it – till now. So much goes on in nature all the time that we’re never really aware of, unless we put ourselves in a position and frame of mind to really *see* it… And to think that I don’t have to go off into the wilderness somewhere and wait for hours to spot it! I can’t imagine that I’ve missed all this beauty all these years by not paying attention and not being out at this time of day – the liminal time, where the subtleties of Life reveal themselves.

Last October we recorded and posted the mysterious sound of the owl that had been visiting so often at night. I thought I’d post it again here. Enjoy the lullaby :)

“small stone”

Small hoo-ing, coo-ing owl
sitting in gnarly branches
silhouetted in dusky light…

Swoops off to other perches,
other haunts,
leaving the echo of
her mysterious hooes
behind…

Awakens imagination…

A Gathering of "Small Stones"...

2012-01-19T13:12:00.004-07:00

From what I can gather :) the practice of writing “Small Stones” is a way of being mindful, aware, noticing, seeing the world, our environment, both inner and outer, with new eyes. It is about noticing and writing down these little stones of awareness on a daily basis for the month of January. I was first introduced to “Small Stones” by Hilaire over at Storing Magic. To find out how it all began on the original site Click here. And here are a few “stones” I have gathered in my “noticing” this month with some photos that seemed to fit… Enjoy!

Sanctuary...

2012-01-15T21:09:00.007-07:00

How quickly I turn away from
the sanctity of Silence,
the
Stillness
within…

allowing the mind to take me
to the next “thing”,
and the next “thing,
and the next “thing,”

distracting myself
from the awareness of

the
quiescence
of
an
internal
abiding
Sanctuary

How easy to follow the mind
to other places and other spaces:
an anxiety,
a worry,
a thought about some

*thing.*

How hard to stay with “just this,”
this moment,
this experience,
and not want to know where I’m going
and how I’m going to get there…

How hard it is to “just rest”
in the abode of
Silent Awareness…

Sanctuary

The soft embrace of
”The Beloved”
so intimate
I
realize,

“The Beloved” and “I” are One…

Sanctuary

“The Beloved”
intimately enfolding
and unfolding
everything
as ItSelf
in
compassionate
Knowing Awareness.

Sanctuary

“The Beloved” knowing ‘me’ as ItSelf;
‘me’ knowing ‘me’ as “The Beloved.”

Sanctuary

Silent
Knowing
Compassionate
Awareness;
our True Nature;
the internal abode
of
“The Beloved.”

Sanctuary

Empties
the
meandering
mind
momentarily
of
its
restless
distractions.

Mystic Meandering
copyright
December 24, 2011

Neither Snow, nor Sleet, nor...

2012-01-14T02:22:00.004-07:00

We’ve been getting more snow this winter than we have in many years. Wednesday night we had another small snowfall – about 3 inches. That day it had been 70 degrees. So when it started to snow after midnight with a 50+ degree drop in temperature, it melted when it hit the pavement and froze.

I should have known better than to go for my usual twilight walk the next evening, when I stepped out the front door and saw the stairs and shoveled driveway covered in ice. I figured the snow covered sidewalk would be okay, if I could get to it. I was determined to make my twilight rounds. WHAT was I thinking!

I hadn’t gone far when my left foot slipped off the edge of the sidewalk, because I couldn’t really tell *where* the sidewalk was, and I fell onto my right knee – thunk. *&%$@. I felt the jolt go through my body. I felt like Pooh Bear who “stepped on a piece of the Forest which had been left out by mistake.” The sidewalk had just disappeared. I heard the neighbor lady out shoveling across the street gasp as I clunked to the ground, but she never said a word. Or maybe it was just the echo of my own grunt as I landed. :) I quickly popped up, brushed myself off, and continued on. Nothing hurt – surprisingly. But I didn’t go far – didn’t finish my self-appointed rounds. It was cold and my knee started to “bother.” I cut my “expotition” short, as Winnie the Pooh called them, and skipped a couple of twilight walks. My knee is fine. But I feel like a “bear of little brain”, and I’m not a spring chicken anymore, or Eskimo either for that matter. So I will have to employ a little common sense before going off on my twilight “expotitions” – if I still have any of that left - common sense that is...

Here are a few pictures from other twilight walks, in between snowfalls, that I didn’t want to have “slip” into the archives :)

“The gift of Silence allows true listening to emerge.”

Joan Ruvinsky
Pathless Yoga

(see the little bird in the tree top!)

There is just being.
There is nothing else.
Being is totally whole just being.
It is the aliveness
that’s in the body;
pure beingness,
pure aliveness.

Tony Parsons
The Open Secret

Don’t ask what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive
and go do it.
Because what the world needs
is people who have come alive.

Howard Thurman

"Embrace the full measure of your life at any cost.
Bare your heart to the unknown
and never look back..."

“...awaken to yourself
as the radiant emptiness of spirit
...turn your attention inward
to the awake silence that you are.”

Adyashanti

Prickly Personalities...

2012-01-11T12:12:00.007-07:00

My sister has a prickly personality. She tends to be brash, disagreeable, black and white, right or wrong, self-righteous, judgmental, very angry and critical of everyone and everything, creating a very toxic environment. We have had a lot of prickly people in our family tree. In fact the whole family dynamic is rather prickly. We all end up walking on eggshells – except the prickly people. :)

Anyway, she’s rather unpleasant to be around. I tend to unconsciously protect myself from her negative energy when I’m around her. I understand where she’s coming from because I too have had a “prickly personality.” I understand that her prickly personality means that she feels fearful, unloved, wounded, overwhelmed and victimized by life, not realizing that the world doesn’t revolve around her or for her, and that she keeps everyone at arms length with her constant need to be in control, using anger and criticism as a false sense of power. It has been humbling for me to see this reflection. Thankfully my “spiritual path” (and some good therapy :) has led me down a different road - a road of awareness; becoming more self-aware of my unconscious patterns, as well as more *Self* Aware. That is, more aware of my core Beingness – that still, silent place of Conscious Awareness within us all. But the tendencies are still there. I did not escape them, I only became aware of them, and over time I have softened and learned a different way of being in the world; which is not to say that I have perfected this “new” way of being. I can still get prickly at times.

I have been reading a very inspiring book by Oriah Mountain Dreamer called: The Call. While reading, the phrase: “Meet her in her wholeness” came to me. And with that, the sudden realization that I didn’t need to try to protect myself *from* my sister, but to meet her in her Beingness – that place of wholeness within her - from that same place within myself. Instead of shutting down and protecting myself against her negative energy I could consciously “sit back” into (internally become aware of) my own felt sense of Beingness/Wholeness and meet her, eye-to-eye, Being to Being.

I decided to experiment with this one day. As she railed on at what was wrong with the world, with that familiar blank look in her eyes, I just silently sat listening, while at the same time “connecting” with (becoming aware of) my own sense of silent Beigness within - looking right into her eyes. As I did, I noticed a slight softening in her eyes and demeanor, as if there was an inner recognition – Being to Being. It lasted for only a brief moment, and then that blank veil came back over her eyes, and she went on railing at the world. The difference was that I was aware that I could now meet her from a place of wholeness. By *remembering* my own Beingness, by consciously becoming aware of this space in me, I could meet her Wholeness, her Beingness behind the shield she constantly throws up to protect herself – and from behind my own unconscious shield.

This is not to sound magnanimous at all. This is not about ‘me’, but about awareness, and re-discovering a way of being and relating that I have forgotten in the chaos of family dynamics. Clearly I don’t always remember to meet my sister in this “new” way because her unconscious ways ruffle the feathers of my prickly personality. There is still a reactional instinct to push back, to get angry, and to respond in kind – to want to change her, fix her, make her behave. But I also see her suffering, and want to respond to that – if I can find a way in…

When I remember to remember the Wholeness of Being within myself and relate from there; trusting Beingness that *sees* through the prickly personality, something “magical” happens – sometimes; a recognition of Beingness in the "other." Isn’t that what we all want – a mirror of our Beingness; to be met in our Wholeness – Being to Being. I don’t think this is pie-in-the-sky idealism. Experiencing and living from our Essential Nature is not just a fantasy. It’s the Way of Being. Or is that a little too prickly... :)

~~

“Embracing your wholeness is the greatest gift you can give to others.”

Christine Wushke
Journey to Light

~~

“All things are made of the same sacred presence, stillness…”
”All things emanate from and return to and are never
separated from a vast and sacred wholeness.”

“This spaciousness that we are is not
indifferent to the suffering that we feel
when we have forgotten what we are.
It reaches out to us, calls to us.”

‘It is the Great Mystery.
It is what we are made of,
and what everything and everyone
is made of.
It is what we participate in
with every breath.”

“We will never be happy
or truly able to live and
love fully
until we find our way of living
from an awareness of the deep stillness
at the center of what we are
- our essential nature -
which is wakefulness, awareness,
love, peace, truth and beauty.”

“Look at your own life from within
that sense of quiet stillness
that you are.
You will see this inner essence,
this innocence, like a bright thread
woven throughout the center of your life.
Living it consciously is why you are here…”

Quotes from: The Call
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Snowy Evening Walk...

2012-01-08T23:09:00.004-07:00

“At the edge of restful darkness…the sacred life force calls to us,
asking us to remember…

We feel the longing to go home to what we are…

It is the impulse of the life force within us…

Surrender…”

Oriah
Quotes from: The Call

“We are probably never more true to ourselves,
or more in tune with our fundamental nature,
and our inner light than when we are engaging
in the liminal…”

Cate Kerr
Beyond the Fields We Know

“Discover the light that is already within you.
It’s a discovery of Being,
revealed in your inner Reality.

We have always already been this light -
always been full of light.
Go within and see what’s there.
See the Truth of who you already are.

Just close your eyes and look in…”

Osho

"We try to grasp something strange and mysterious
because we believe that happiness lies elsewhere…

The Self is all pervading.
Our real nature is liberation,
but we imagine that we are bound,
and make strenuous efforts to become free,
although all the while we are free.

All that is required to realize the Self
is to be still.

Your true nature is that of infinite spirit."

Ramana Maharshi

The ineffable Mystery calls to us from within…
Come Home…

~

Photos - my twilight walk Saturday evening...

Twilight Walks - December

2012-01-06T20:22:00.006-07:00

In December I started taking walks at twilight through the neighborhood. Something I haven’t done in the 15 years we have lived here; finally getting to know where I live… ‘Bout time, don’t you think :) Walking in this liminal light, life seems more alive to me. In this in-between space something awakens in me. The spirit of Life becomes more apparent as life goes through its daily transition from light to dark. I seem to become more *aware* of the Mystery behind it all, driving it all, compelling me to seek it out. Twilight becomes a threshold of heightened awareness of Life being lived: the sounds of birds bedding down in the pines and spruces; the sight of a flock of geese flying; the crunching of snow and ice beneath my feet; the smell of dinners being prepared; the sound of a man chipping ice from the gutter so the snow melt can flow; the sun splaying its light out in a final flare of color in the clouds just before the light disappears completely.

In all this noticing I become aware of the vast spaciousness of the sky. And in that noticing - the awareness that I am really *not* on solid ground – but suspended on a small spinning globe that looks like a marble *within* this vastness of space. It is not Earth *and* Sky – as if two separate entities meeting at the horizon - but Earth enveloped by Sky – enveloped by the vast eternal spaciousness of Being. Ironically, the twilight walks help me to *see*…

One evening in particular I felt a deep heart ache, a deep longing in my heart. Maybe you have felt it too sometimes - that deep longing or ache in your being for that felt sense of the Sacred, that sense of Presence; that felt “connection” with the Essence of all Life; for the Truth of Existence; a longing for a deeper intimacy with the Nature of Being. A *deep* unexplainable gratitude arose from this longing, for the experience of this vastness and intimacy with the Nature of all things, through nature. It was a gratitude that was beyond comprehension. This gratitude for Existence and the vastness of Being opened up a larger context of awareness that cannot be fully described, or grasped, allowing me to *see* the *beauty* and *aliveness* of the natural world, and our essential Nature - *as* all one Beingness, one Aliveness. Beingness ItSelf living ItSelf here, intimately alive – as this – as us… What a wonderful alive Mystery!

As I walked in the crispness of the winter air, feeling a deeper kinship with the Nature of all things, I began to feel as if I was really *meeting* Life for the first time. And I liked it. I liked this new exploration of my environment, the new felt connection to the natural world, and my new re-discovery of the vastness of Being - and what it stirred inside.

As the sun moved further down behind the mountains, house lights began to give off their warm glow. My focus went to wondering about the people who live in them. Neighbors, yet strangers – and all Beingness too. I noticed a cat viewing the sunset in one window, and a dog barking at me from another as I passed by. Beingness being too…

Enthralled by my inner discoveries and the dimming light of twilight, I startled when a neighbor greeted me from her driveway. We don’t know each other well, except the exchanged pleasantries of neighbor-strangers over the years. We had a brief encounter as she thanked me for the card I sent her over a year ago when she was first diagnosed with cancer, and tells me that her cancer has come back, even though treated for a year. She seems undisturbed by the news. I, on the other hand, in my vulnerable, open state, felt saddened by the awareness of another threshold occurring right across the street; another in-between space as life continues its natural cycles. None of us is immune. We’re always at a threshold of the unknown. And I’m beginning to allow myself to be there and deeply *feel* that in-between space; to be deeply touched by the unknown spaces of Life. I crossed the street, comforted by the sight of the familiar light of home at twilight – feeling a new openness to the vastness and essence of Life as I crossed the threshold…

Poet's Posts...

2012-01-04T16:44:00.004-07:00

My husband brought me this pin from a womens business workshop that he video taped in November. I was surprised that he thought of me as a “Poet.” I had to let that sink in. It gave me the opportunity to accept this about myself. I grew up finding solace and expression in poetry. I have been writing poetry since age 11, but I never really thought of myself as “a poet.” (Not that I *need* that identity, but it was interesting to get a glimpse of how others might see me.) Writing in poetic form comes naturally to me – especially prose poems. I seem to have a poet’s view of life – seeing life poetically, lyrically – no matter what the mood. :)

I love the rhythmic fluidity, and the word-craft of poetry, especially taking my journal notes and turning them into prose poems – creating language in motion. I also like creating a pictorial rhythm with the words, almost like “poetry art” – forming fluidity on the page, which I’ve done with the most recent poems of the past year. And of course I love the ones where the words just spill out from that sacred space within during times of meditation and silence that need no word-crafting. My poems are of a “spiritual nature” as you may have guessed. I write about being in Silence and Stillness; about “The Beloved”; remembering the Heart of who we are – our True Nature; about Light; about the aliveness of Nature; about the Earth; about just Being; about the “Self”; about “Awakening”; about “The Flow.” Some might be considered more “cosmic” in nature – writing about the Universe, galaxies, stars and such. Most have been written while in meditation, or as a result of meditating.

It occurred to me that the poems that I have posted on this blog have gotten lost in the archives. And so I have created links to these past poems in the right side margin as an offering for those who like prose poetry and might find them inspiring – which of course I hope you do. :) Just scroll down to the photo of the “Poet” pin under the picture of the bridge. I realize that not everyone likes poetry, and what I write may not be everyone’s cup of tea, so-to-speak. But I invite you to take a gander. They are listed from the most current on the top to oldest on the bottom.

Mary Oliver has said this about poetry:

“Poetry is prayer, it is passion and story and music, it is beauty, comfort, it is agitation, declaration, it is thanksgiving… Often poetry is the gate to a new life. Poetry can quicken, enliven the interior world of the listener.” (And I would say that this is also true for the Poet as well. :) She says, “poetry is a life-cherishing force… For poems are not words, after all, but fires for the cold…”

So if you have an ear and heart for poetry, and some time on your hands, snuggle up to the fire, and be warmed as you read them…

A Heart Wish for the New Year...

2011-12-31T23:55:00.001-07:00

May our hearts always be open
to hear
The Rhythm of Life’s Song.

May we see life through the eyes of wonder and curiosity…
May we dance with life intimately and creatively…
May we inspire each other to remember who we are in the core of our Being…
May we find contentment in just being who we are…
May we give voice to the song in our Hearts authentically…

And may we always
leave Love
in our wake…

~♥~

This amazing photo was captured after our neighbor’s daughter
pulled away from the curb in front of her house and made a turn in the street -
leaving behind these 2 hearts…

I just *happened* to look out our living room window
and saw them. I grabbed the camera and ran upstairs
to get a better shot – just before they evaporated into the air…

I am grateful for all the traces of love that you all have left here…

♥

Blessings of Love to you all in the New Year!

Winter Walk - "Hibernating Land..."

2011-12-30T11:22:00.009-07:00

Frozen earth bound in time,
waiting for the thaw;
allowing flow and movement
to regain rhythm and rhyme…

Frozen streams of frosted glass,
crystallize the sun;
creating an opaque light

that illuminates the path...

The silence of the hibernating land,
speaks in loud whispers
through the firs,

as life still stirs -
while lying dormant…

Soul callers of the sky
fly in familiar formation,
following their
homing call;
unaffected by the
earth’s quiescent luminescence
of hibernation…

Mystic Meandering
From: “Hibernating Land”
originally written Jan. 1998
Revised Dec. 2011
copyright

"The Ineffable Mystery of Being"

2011-12-28T11:22:00.010-07:00

Not much going on here, except a lot of family involvement with errands and doctor appointments this week; and trying to take my “twilight walks” each evening, which I hope to write about at some point. But nothing arises to be written, no inspiration visits. And yet there was the impulse to post this article by Rob Matthews, called, "The Ineffable Mystery of Being," that I read on Non-Duality Highlights more than two weeks ago. I so deeply resonate with what he articulately writes that really all I can say is: “what he said…”

“What I have discovered through my spiritual practice is an
increasing self-intimacy...a sense of authenticity and real-ness,
that has become the cornerstone of my daily life. I cannot
imagine how I could have lived without this living presence
and sense of emerging fullness.

Our awareness is incredibly powerful at enabling the unveiling
of ourselves, revealing a fuller picture, illuminating our
experience, but only if we are willing and committed to
knowing the fullness of what we are.

I find as I continue noticing and encountering this awareness in
my life what comes into view is both particular and vast,
discordant yet harmonious, life sustaining yet challenging
and not necessarily easy. This active engagement demands
my courage and honesty, this is no walk in the park.

As I continue, the sense of congruence and authenticity begins to
sprout and this self-intimacy becomes the rule, in time. Although
it is not as though there is one mode of being, that of self-intimacy,
no, it is more like that a dance has begun.

This dance, fueled and enabled by the openness and desire of
wanting to know myself, is both exhilarating and liberating and,
as I develop trust in the unfolding, I soon begin to recognize that
any ideas or desires for Awakening need not concern me....it no
longer is of interest as my life has filled up with a delicious
fragrance of authenticity.

I no longer care for anything other than supporting what has taken
root within me…if the self concept or ego continues I don't care,
the teachers and teachings tell me this and that and I don't care,
life is its usual mix of struggle and strife, joy and love, and I no
longer care...why would I care when I know the golden key is within?

Why search for anything when the very fabric of experience is the
path of unfolding. Everyday experience reveals this once we get a
little more familiar with ourselves and stop trying to awaken, stop
meddling with our experience long enough to notice what is.

At some stage there was a key realization, one among many, when
I realized I can let go of all concepts about the teaching and just
feel comfortable in everyday experience without any framework
or concepts about how it ought to be. Is their a doer? Is there an
ego? Is there an awakening? Are we perfect? None of these
conceptual frames of reference are important. Instead I relax
and notice that all that stuff is just ideas about...
about the ineffable mystery of being.”

I too feel this sense of “self-intimacy, authenticity and realness” stirring, simmering deeply within, calling to me *from* within. And I am committed to listening to and following the call - *living* the call of deeper intimacy with Self – Beingness – “The Beloved” - Life, which I think is part of what my “twilight walks” are all about – allowing myself to experience this ineffable mystery of Being…

Note: I emailed the editor of Non Duality Highlights who posted this particular piece to see if there was a link for Rob Matthews. There was no response. Whoever he is, I thank him for putting into words what I feel in this heart…

~

I also found what I consider to be one of the simplest and clearest “definitions” of “non-duality.” It was spoken by Joan Ruvinsky in reference to the question “what is a non-dual retreat” – but her answer spoke to me in the broader sense of the word “non-dual”, and thus life itself. She says:

“Ultimately a non-dual retreat is where it is all welcome,
the fragmentation and the wholeness,
the confusion and the clarity.
It is a place where it is no longer necessary
to be spiritually correct…”

“Life has always been a spiritual practice
in its ordinariness – just happening -
just living it.
A simple silence underlies life happening -
the simple silence of the perfection
of things as they are…”

Joan Ruvinsky

The Heart of Christmas...

2011-12-25T18:56:00.003-07:00

We are the grace of Love fulfilled,
the shimmer of Sacred Light,
lustrous uniqueness in a field of
mutlitudinal Divine Shimmers
- autonomous, yet in glittering Oneness.

We are the twinkle of liberated luminosity
radiating from the Heart of Love,
within the Stream of Life,
in continuous unfoldment.
We are created, and create, from the glowing embers
of the magical furnace of Love’s Fire…

Receive the molten flow of golden translucence
that forms you in the fire of Divine Love.
Let Love infuse you in every micron of consciousness
- Golden Love turned fluid,
flowing incessantly from the Primordial Heart.

Recognize Love’s Presence, and Love’s presents:
Grace, Freedom, Truth, Wisdom,
Light and Love ~~~~~
Love of Love…
Love experiencing Itself as Love
in every breath,
in every form…

December 21, 2001
Mystic Meandering
copyright

~~

Love and Gratitude
to all my blogger friends
who have meandered with me;
and to those readers
whom I have not met yet.
Your Presence and comments
are always appreciated here.

~

May we all remember the Light
that lives in our Hearts
beyond this Christmas night…

Winter Walks...

2011-12-24T13:22:00.003-07:00

I wanted to share these photos from some of my walks at twilight after our first Winter morning snow; plus some taken from out the windows… The words under the photos are excerpts from a poem called Silent Retreat© by Jamie Reaser. They are used here with her permission. You can read the entire poem in context and view her poetry at Talking Waters.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sometimes you have to go
into the thick quietude
alone

Because no one
can meet the curve
of your words…..

……only the snow knows
the story that is hidden
from the closed eyes
of the world.

This is a silent retreat

Go then, this way…

Far within the bear’s den
where you will
hear your beating heart…

Speak nothing of the Beloved

until the Beloved has

your name

Then you’ll know
emergence
is the only possibility.

~*~

Winter Blessings to all...

Heart-Light Solstice

2011-12-21T22:30:00.001-07:00

“Be
a
light
unto
yourself”

The eternal Light that has always been…
Light beyond light,
illuminating
from
within…

“Be
a
light
unto
yourself”

The unfathomable Light,
with the Luminosity
of innumerable suns,
and the Glow
of countless stars
coursing through you.

“Be
a
light
unto
yourself”

Incandescent
Luminescent
Living Light
Unlit…

“Be
a
light
unto
yourself”

The
Light
that
lives
in the
sanctuary
of your
Heart

“Be
a
light
unto
yourself”

Remember the Heart-Light
Listen to the Heart-Light

Winter Solstice 2011
copyright
Mystic Meandering

~

“Be a light unto yourself”
is reportedly part of the last words uttered
by Buddha before he died.
The words came to me while meditating
several times this week,
and the poem began to emerge.
I also noticed the candle
was in the shape of a heart.

I attempted to make each stanza of the poem
look like a candle, or candle holder, with a flame,
formed by the words, creating poetry art…
(use your imagination :)

*
~~
~~~
~~~~
~~~~~
|

Enjoy the Season of Light…

What Lies at the Bottom of the Barrel...

2011-12-18T11:11:00.004-07:00

I’ve been experiencing more of the “Winter Blues” lately. Have been feeling a bit melancholy, especially at twilight. I thought I hit the bottom of the barrel a week ago, but no, there was more, and it’s been very intense. So I had to look into the bottom of the barrel. There was something unexpected waiting.

Her visit wasn’t convenient; this being the Holiday Season and all where one is not supposed to be melancholy, dark, and sad – but joyous and cheerful. It’s not a switch one can just turn on, or off. Ho-Ho-Ho. I didn’t intend to feel this way. She just showed up unexpected one evening and stayed 5 days.

Sometimes she was felt as heartache – a longing for love; sometimes a wrenching gut feeling of the pain and grief of an undefined loss that felt like a crushing pressure. She was every memory of sadness as a child – that usually occurred at twilight - and losses of loved ones over the years – remembered at twilight. It was as if I was being emptied out of every painful feeling and experience from the past. As uncomfortable as it was, I stayed open to her. I knew deep inside she was a “guide from beyond”, as Rumi calls it, and so I welcomed her in each day, sat with her and listened.

It was revealed that “Melancholy” – this Divine Miss M - was really a deep longing for *living;* for engaging fully with Life!; for connecting with and experiencing love for life, communing with life *in* the living of it, and allowing myself to be *absorbed* by Life living me.

I reflected that life has primarily been a series of events, people, drama, crises that I have reacted to, struggled with, and against, and felt threatened by over the years – consequently missing opportunities to love; withdrawing sometimes instead from the harshness and difficulties of living, thinking there was something “better” in being on a “spiritual path.” But I recognized that I never fully engaged with Life! And now there is this impulse to fully engage – to creatively engage. There is a sense of urgency to *feel* life happening, to pay attention to life – in the waning years of life… The “how” has yet to be revealed.

After these insights, in sitting meditation, I relaxed and dropped into the Silence within, as I usually do. And in a fleeting moment I became inwardly aware of what lies at the bottom of the barrel. It was/ is “love.” I know that sounds trite. It’s not “love” as we have come to know it. It’s not the “in love” kind of love that oscillates and changes; or the sweet ooey-gooey kind of love that is just words that drop from the tongue and onto the floor, missing the heart. It’s “The Beloved’s Love” – a steady, equanimous, sustaining love that is always present, never wavering. This “love” that lies at the bottom of every experience, thought, feeling, emotion, physical function etc., can only be described as a spacious openness in which everything occurs. Love enfolds life within Itself; is in a sense, “in love” with ItSelf – how could it not be. And we are the animation of that Love - loving. It turns out that “melancholy” (as with any feeling) is a portal, a gateway to - Love.

I only touched on this love briefly, fleetingly. In trying to capture it with my mind it escaped from view. But for a brief moment I was aware that Love resides in the depths of living – feelings and all. And what a surprise it was one morning to cut into a tomatoe and find this heart deep inside! The “gift” from beyond. :)

Melancholy stayed 4 more days – emptying me out and opening me up. And Love merely *allowed* melancholy to be here, embracing her - until she melted away into the twilight - the space between the light and the dark…

The twilight keeps calling to me to open to the space where Love abides – to keep recognizing it. Now I go outside and walk at twilight - not with melancholy – but *feeling* life living. And in experiencing life intimately, I experience the spaciousness of Love that lies at the bottom of everything!

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival…

A joy, a depression, a meanness.
Some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all,
even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture.

Still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Rumi

“the longing you feel for this love
comes from inside you…”

“Love is the cure.
For your pain will keep giving birth
to more pain
until your eyes constantly exhale love
as effortlessly as you body
yields to its scent.”

Rumi

“Rumi tells us that the supreme secret of
the inner journey is the path of love.
If we can possess our whole heart
with contemplation of ‘The Beloved’
we will experience the wonders
and beauty of the universe.”

(I don’t remember where I got this :)

Twilight Moon...

2011-12-12T20:28:00.001-07:00

Stand still.
The trees ahead and bushes beside you
are not lost.
Wherever you are is called Here…

…The forest breathes.
Listen.
It answers…

I have made this place around you.
If you leave it,
you may come back again,
saying Here…

Stand still.
The forest knows where you are.
You must let it find you…

David Wagoner
Excerpt From: “Lost”
To read the complete poem click here

I walk the maze of moments,
and everywhere I turn to
begins a new beginning
and never finds a finish.

I walk to the horizon,
and there I find another.
It all seems so surprising,
and then I find I know –

Anywhere Is…

Enya
Lyrics from: Anywhere Is

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone…

…To feel abandoned is to deny the intimacy
of your surroundings.

Surely…you have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence…crowding out your solo voice…

Put down the weight of your aloneness…
The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink,
the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness
and seen the good in you at last.
All birds and creatures of the world
are unutterably themselves.

Everything is waiting for you…

David Whyte
Excerpt From: Everything Is Waiting For You…
To read the complete poem click here

“At some point there has to be a direct apprehension.
It’s about a visceral taste of this living event…

This is what “being in the Now” is all about.
When the focus on thought stories subsides,
the living happening reveals itself.
There’s just a happening happening -
shifting modulations of a great event.

Clear seeing…..simply reveals what is always
already the case.
It soon dawns that whatever is occurring
in whatever state
is nothing other than a modulation of Life’s creative play.”

Radical Tao

A Heart Opener...

2011-12-09T19:22:00.009-07:00

These photos are so precious! We recently received them from an online friend, and I was so moved by them that I had to share them with you.

This is the short story that came with these pictures: Lily is a Great Dane that has been blind since a bizarre medical condition required that she have both eyes removed. For the last 5 years, Maddison, another Great Dane, has been her sight. The two are, of course, inseparable.

This was the caption at the bottom of the photos…

"People will forget what you said; People will forget what you did.
But people will never forget how you made them feel."

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives
means the most to us, we often find that it is those who,
instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures,
have chosen rather to share our pain
and touch our wounds
with a gentle hand.

The friend who can be silent with us
in a moment of despair or confusion,
who can stay with us in an hour of grief & bereavement,
who can tolerate not knowing,
not curing,
not healing,
and face with us the reality of our powerlessness,
that is a friend who cares…”

Henri Nouwen

~

You might also like to view
this wonderful
Heart warming video
click here.

Winter Blues...

2011-12-06T23:22:00.012-07:00

I may have to rethink this “contemplative life” I *thought* I wanted to live. I like the *idea* of “contemplative living.” And yet, being housebound for 5 days with 3 snowfalls and arctic temps (unusual for here this early), left me anything *but* contemplative. The first 2 days were wonderfully restful and peaceful. I read, journaled, conversed with hubby - enjoying the quiet and companionship; and simply sat – in contemplative Silence. But by Saturday night I was restless, agitated, irritable, discombobulated, and down-right cranky. The “new” realizations of the fluidity of Life, from “the edge” last Wednesday, just flitted on through, and I was left empty; as if gutted by the cold. Frozen in this time bound reality again I found it hard to sit in the sacred Silence that used to be so comforting.

I wandered – unmotivated - a vagabond within my own mind – feeling out of place and out of sorts. I used to enjoy this snowy visitor. The older I get, the more I feel its icy edges permeating the “soul”, instead of illuminating it, as it used to do. I don’t recall experiencing the “winter blues” before. It was a different kind of visitor – a darkness from the dungeoned mind. Unable to settle, I searched for a spark of inspiration to light the embers that had cooled so quickly from standing on the edge of glory.

I scanned the book shelves for something inspirational – nothing appealed. I pulled Rilke’s Book of Hours down, reading the preface and introduction again. One line stood out: “Through the empty branches the sky remains.” Yes, I acknowledged - that is true – except it was snowy and dark, therefore I could not see the sky… But the meaning did not elude me – beyond the contraction of my perceptions, the expansiveness of Life is always there – waiting to be experienced.

Each day I took photos from the windows – none of them came out that well. One has to be out *in* life – experiencing it for a clearer view. My vision had become snowed in and frosted over.

Sunday afternoon I finally took the plunge and wandered out into the cold to take more photos… The cold hit my face crisply and felt good, exhilarating. There was my spark of inspiration – immersed in the experience. A simple movement on my part had changed the brain and the patterns of thinking, shifting the entire mental perspective - lightening the color.

“What happens in your mind
changes your brain.
And what happens in your brain
changes your mind…”

Buddha’s Brain

I’m reassessing what it means to be a “contemplative” – not that I need that label. In fact, I think I have romanticized it – imaging myself in monk’s robes – days in solitude – communing with “The Divine.” :) However, it evidently does not mean being cloistered somewhere between walls – especially the canyoned walls of the mind. Living contemplatively, it seems, is simply being immersed in and absorbed by the play of Life.

May Your Heart Fly Unburdened…

Snowy Visitor...

2011-12-05T10:10:00.001-07:00

“Put a chair in the middle of a room.
Sit in the chair.
See who comes to visit…”

Ajahn Chah

In order to know Wisdom,
you must sit with Wisdom…

In order to know the Truth,
you must sit with the Truth…

In order to know the Heart,
you must sit with the Heart…

Mystic Meandering

Simply Sit…

November's Swan Song - Edge of Glory

2011-11-30T23:11:00.003-07:00

It seems I’ve been at a loss for words lately, and so I’ve borrowed from others for my posts. Not that I’m in deep contemplative Silence here; not that there aren’t stories still occurring in my life to write about, with family and my own life circumstances. I love stories, yours and mine, especially the ones that have insight and wisdom as a result of the awareness that arises from the stories we find ourselves in. But nothing has arisen that wants to be written – until this morning. And of course I had to go to my mother’s… Such is life these days. The muse shows up and I have to say – wait, please wait, don’t’ go, I’ll be back… :) And this being the last day of November, on the edge of Winter’s arctic arrival tonight with a 40 degree temperature drop and snow, I thought this would be a nice way to say goodbye – to November that is. I’m not going anywhere :)

When I awoke this morning there was the usual dread and anxiety… And then for some unknown reason I asked myself – Who do I want to be today? Why this question, I have no idea. It just rolled off the brain. And I don’t mean that I want to become somebody else. The question itself made no sense. But with the question my solar plexus suddenly opened up, like a giant Sea Anemone, relaxed and became fluid. The constriction of dread and anxiety viscerally released. Another question arose: What does this *Being* that I am want… (You know, our essential Nature, our Being). With this next question my Solar Plexus opened even more, revealing more fluid energies like that of an aurora borealis… There was just a wide open fluid energy where my solar plexus is. It was as if the recognition of, and attention to, what Beingness wanted opened up the space.

As I showered I began to realize (once again) that *everything* is infused with this fluid Life that I was experiencing. Everything *is* this liquid Life (call it God, Buddha Nature, Christ Consciousness, “The Real” – everything is alive with this beautiful fluid Life.) And I began to belt out a few lines from the song “Edge of Glory” by Lady Gaga. Why that song? - who knows. And as I did so, I laughed and cried uncontrollably. Something deep inside broke open *to* this *presence* of Life inside.

Some “awaken” and laugh uncontrollably when they discover that all is an “illusion.” But for me the opposite happens. When I look around sometimes, I see that *everything* is REAL, is ALIVE. (I’ve had many such “moments.”) And it is seen that “illusion” is just a label, a story. When I *see* this Life, *feel* this Life energy, *experience* the Realness of this LIFE that we are – I become like a madwoman dancing :) – or singing – infused with an unexplainable and unspeakable sense of LIFE – totally and completely free.

When I see life this way – infused with *Life* – I can let life in; in whatever form it takes, or shape it comes in, because I know I am experiencing Life (Being) ItSelf. And Life does not make distinctions about what is Real (ItSelf) and what is “illusion.” It’s all “The Real.” The delusion of “illusion” drops away because our essential Nature is seen as this Aliveness that is living life. IT is experienced. One (The One) cannot separate “illusion”/phenomena from Reality - from ItSelf. *That* is sheer illusion. It’s all One Life. There’s no distinction – no boundary. It’s all fluid, seamless Life - playing – taking on form that we call “phenomena.”

In this realization, on the way home from my mother’s, everything came alive, became more vibrant – the trees, the mountains, the sky, the clouds, the music on the radio – even dead leaves were not seen as “dead” – as “Life-less.” Even my husband – not a non-existent illusion – but Aliveness in form. :) Everything plays, dances and sings with Life – like an aurora borealis – sometimes seen, sometimes not – depending on the “atmospheric conditions.” The “illusion” (depending on the perspective) is seen through to what animates the so-called “illusion.” I know, I sound like a madwoman standing at the edge. :) But I like the View from here…

“I’m on the edge of glory,
…hanging on a moment of Truth.

…I’m on the edge of glory…..with you.”

Lady Gaga
(what can I say :)

Shall we leap?

Northern Lights over Yellow Knife, BC, Canada
Sent to us by an online friend.

November Sky 2

2011-11-27T10:10:00.002-07:00

“What calls the ear to listen,
or the eye to see
more than the surface façade
that shrouds the essential spirit?

…Bare your heart to the Unknown
and never look back.

What you are stands content,
invisible,
and everlasting.

…split open into eternal delight.”

Adyashanti

“All that remains is
the beaming luminosity
of Life Itself.”

Author unknown

May you awaken
to the mystery of being here
and enter the quiet immensity
of your own Presence.
May you have joy and peace
in the temple of your senses.
May you receive great encouragement
when new frontiers beckon.
May you respond to the call of your gift
and find the courage to follow its path.
May the flame of anger free you from falsity.
May warmth of heart keep your presence aflame,
and anxiety never linger about you.
May your outer dignity mirror an inner dignity of soul.
May you take time to celebrate the quiet miracles
that seek no attention.
May you be consoled
in the secret symmetry of your soul.
May you experience each day as a sacred gift
woven around the heart of wonder.

John O’Donohue

“When you tire of your own constriction
and you open to the flow of life,

you feel a river
moving in you,
a joy…”

“Something bigger and brighter always
calls to break through and shine.”

Elizabeth Lesser
Broken Open

"Morning Has Broken"

2011-11-24T08:55:00.007-07:00

“Morning has broken
like the first morning.
Blackbird has spoken,
like the first bird.

Praise for the singing.
Praise for the morning.
Praise for them springing
fresh from the Word….

[Ours] is the sunlight,
[ours] is the morning.
Born of the one Light,
Eden saw play…

Praise with elation.
Praise every morning.
[The] recreation of a new day…”

~*~

This little tune was humming through my head last evening,
and thought it was appropriate for today.
It is a few lines from the song:
”Morning has Broken”
by Cat Stevens in 1971.
Some of you may remember him :)
You can view a beautiful video of it on You Tube here
lyrics: Eleanor Farjeon

~*~

Photo taken by DH
before morning exercise :)

November Sky...

2011-11-21T23:22:00.005-07:00

“He who can hear Love
can hear Silence.
He who can hear Silence
can hear Love.

All the words of the world bow
and pay homage to Silence’s song."

Kabir

“Let peace work on you
and enable you to gather your
scattered mind into
the mindfulness of Calm Abiding.”

“Above all, be at ease,
be as natural and spacious as possible.
Slip quietly out of the noose
of your habitual anxious self,
and relax into your true nature.”

Nyashul Khenppo

“Here is where the adventure begins,
the adventure of not knowing…
but simply standing still.
The task turns out to be ceding to stillness,
and in that stillness the recognition of
just this…”

“Stop pretending
you don’t know
the fundamental nature
of your being…”

Joan Ruvinsky
Pathless Yoga

“…over time wonders were revealed,
chief among them the light
of conscious awareness…”

”The light turned out to be
my truest home -
what was most abiding.”

Tracy Cochran
Finding a Path

The Matrix of the Practical - A Plumbing Story

2011-11-19T11:02:00.006-07:00

No, these are not my new “prayer flags”, although I probably need to get some and string them around the house. These towels are a sign that I’ve been caught in the matrix of the practical the past 2 weeks. And it wasn’t pretty. :) And you thought I had disappeared into the Forest, living a contemplative life. Needless to say, I have not stepped over that threshold yet…

The story begins with a plumbing back up in the kitchen sink on the afternoon of Nov. 5th, a Saturday. Dear Hubby tried to ream out the pipes to no avail, which meant we were without a functioning sink until the plumber came that Monday. So I washed dishes in the shower. :) The plumber successfully reamed out the kitchen pipe that runs under the basement floor, but it took 4 times – as we stood there with visions of having to dig up the basement. There was a clump of roots attached to the end of his reamer. Oh-oh. THEN, he discovered a leak coming down the basement wall at the site of the kitchen drain pipe. Oh dear. Not being “financially stable” at this point (as the Cricket job ended as quickly as it began because certain crickets couldn’t harmonize with each other – chirp) we opted to not have the plumber fix that, as DH said that *he* could fix that. Wifey :) didn’t believe it, but what can one do but to humor DH, and stay out of the way… So for two days DH tackled the job of finding and repairing the leaky pipe.
The dishwasher stood in the middle of the kitchen floor for two days. DH found a crack in the main kitchen drain pipe, right at floor level. And of course the pipe was not a straight line down to the basement. There was a 3 foot section of pipe that had elbows and turns in it to navigate the foundation. He cut out that section and took it to the local HD store. The handy men there told him to use a certain type of plumber’s “glue” – a thick, black, sticky substance – t0 seal up the crack. It worked! I amazingly maintained equanimity most of the time, with a few moments here and there of – what if you can’t fix it! He assured me he could. Oh me of little faith.

Six days later the sewer drain in the basement backed up at 11pm on Sunday night. Photo not available – you wouldn’t want to see it anyway. During the night the furnace went out and we woke up cold. Great – one more thing. My husband said the two were not related. By now I am turning into Eeyore, the poor-me little donkey in Winnie-the-Pooh, with more oh-dears, oh-no’s and what ifs, and how are going to ppppppaaayyyyy for th-th-this... Brain went into stress mode – biologically. The old neural pathways kicked in and I started functioning on automatic mode, the body contracted into a hard ball of anxiety and numbness. I would have liked to have made a different choice here, but I was unable to turn into the laughing Buddha – to see that it was my mind that was contracting around the event, creating stories. DH reminded me that I had become trapped in “the matrix of the practical” – as he coined it – only focusing on the practical problems and not the bigger picture. I had become trapped by my own mental matrix, and sitting in Silence in “The Forest” was the furthest thing from my mind – because – my mind had become entangled. And somewhere in the mental matrix there is still a belief in a separate sense of self that still feels threatened by life’s happenings – blocking the flow of Life through my “pipes.”

So – to continue - furnace guy and plumber guy arrive late Monday morning – fortunately not together. Furnace guy fixes furnace. Thankfully it is under warranty. Plumber guy, not so lucky. This time he reams out the outside access to the main sewer line to the house and can’t find the problem. So he calls the manager plumber with the special fiberoptic camera that looks into pipes. But *he* could not come until Tues at 11am, which turned into Noon. Meantime – no flushing the toilets and no running the water. Campers we are not. Maybe I need to rethink this sojourn into the Forest.

Tuesday camera guy finds the problem: tree roots in a 25 foot section of the main line in five different places. (We have two huge Cottonwoods, and a Walnut tree just a few feet from the house whose roots have infringed on the line.) So he ordered a “Jetter;” a plumber’s version of the “big guns” – a rooter with a cone shaped tip that shoots out forceful streams of water that cut through the roots. “Jetter” guy arrived an hour and a half late. (As Eeyore woud say – “of course” :) But, within a half an hour we are root free and back in business. Ah – life as it is… Never a dull moment. :)

I’ve always thought the “Forest Life” – the life of a contemplative - would be “easier”. Maybe that’s just my fantasy. I’m sure The Forest has its practical problems as well. You can’t escape the matrix of the practical. It’s just life happening the way it does – she says after the fact. :)

Late in the evening, as I prepared for bed, I noticed how wonderfully silent and peaceful the house was after all the chaos. And then I realized that it wasn’t the house that had been chaotic, it was my mind. And it wasn’t the house that was silent, it was the Silence within me being noticed again. The Silence had been underneath the mental matrix all along. I just couldn’t access it because of my narrow focus on the practical problems… I couldn’t see the Forest for the deeply entangled roots… I think I need a “Jetter.” :)

And that's the end of the plumbing tale - hopefully...

~*~

You might find this article in Parabola interesting…

Into The Forest...

2011-11-14T23:02:00.004-07:00

For some time know I’ve had the feeling of being at a threshold. In my journal last month I wrote: It is time to enter “The Forest” again, “The Dark Forest” – the Unknown – to go deeper into the Unknown; an indefinable space.

As I meditated on this I heard the still small Voice within unexpectedly say: “How serious are you?” “How willing are you to enter the Unknown?” Whoa…

“The Forest” traditionally is a threshold symbol of entering the unknown, the deeper nature, or the spiritual world. In fairy tales it usually represents a passage through difficulties and an opportunity for “transformation” of some kind. I also see it as a sanctuary, refuge, a place of deepening. This entering the “Dark Forest” happens sometimes when I have lost (intentionally or otherwise) the framework which gives structure to my life, when I must find my own way, and be true to the call of Self. Shamans, poets, holy men and women sought refuge in the forest, as a healing place. Going into The Forest represents a return to the Primordial Self – beyond societal, cultural, conceptual and spiritual frameworks. In a way, it is like returning to the child’s heart of innocence - just following the longings of the Heart once again; trusting that I will emerge from "The Dark Forest" with clarity. As a child I often went into the forest next to our house as a place to just sit, to listen and commune with nature, and write poetry. It was a place of experiencing Awareness directly, although back then I called it “God.”

And, since I don’t have a “Dark Forest” handy, and I am spooked by things that go bump in the night, my Forest will have to be the space of Silent Awareness within – navigating the inner Forest of the Unknown – as well as the unknown practicalities of everyday living… In my imagination it is not a “Dark Forest” however. I see a forest filled with tall, white, straight, pole trees that look like birch or aspens – reaching up through the sky. It is not dark, but light here, and the sense of silence and quiet is palpable. My body begins to relax in this Silent Forest. I can feel its depth, its spaciousness, its welcoming… It’s a beautiful space, this Silent Forest, a vast awareness and aliveness live here. And I am drawn into it…

I am willing, I say inwardly, in answer to the Inner Voice, to enter the Unknown – the Forest – to trust Intuition to take me through. I am ready to step over the threshold and see where the Unknown takes me, while also navigating the matrix of practical realities of every day living… Care to join me :) Are you willing...

“The familiar horizon has been outgrown;
the old concepts, ideals,
and emotional patterns no longer fit.
The time for the passing of a threshold
is at hand.”

Joseph Campbell

“Midway upon the journey of life
I found myself within a forest dark,
for the straightforward pathway
had been lost…”

Dante Alighieri
The Inferno

“Sometimes you have to step into
the void and trust
that the ground will appear.”

author unknown

Bottom Photo: Calendar page from 2004
photographer unknown
copyright 2003

~*~

You may want to read The Pathless Path post
for more context

Fall's Last Flash...

2011-11-12T11:22:00.005-07:00

The lamps are different,
but the Light is the same...

Concentrate on essence,
concentrate on Light…

In lucid bliss,
calmly smoking off its own holy fire,
the Light streams towards you from all things...

The lamps are different,
but the Light is the same…

One matter, one energy, one Light,
one Light-mind,
endlessly emanating all things.
One turning and burning diamond.

One, one, one…

Ground yourself,
strip yourself down,
to blind loving silence.
Stay there, until you see
you are gazing at the Light
with its own ageless eyes…

Rumi
“One, One, One”

Inside this new love die.
Your way begins on the other side.
Become the sky.
Take an axe to the prison wall
Escape.
Walk out like someone suddenly
born into color.

Do it now.
You’re covered with thick cloud.
Slide out the side.
Die,
and be quiet.

Quietness is the surest sign
that you’ve died.

Your old life was a frantic
running from Silence...

Rumi
”Quietness”

Silent Soundings...

2011-11-09T23:22:00.032-07:00

Soundings from Silence

~~~

Existence “exists” in a field
of Silent Awareness
Everything is “held” in this space –
suspended in deep Silence…

~~~

I feel myself slipping deeper into the Silence,
slipping off the shore of the mind,
into the deep internal Silence -
the depths of the Ocean of Aware Knowing,
in which *everything* is suspended…

~~~

This Silent Awareness *wants* to be found,
recognized, acknowledged, known…

Who really *lives* here?
What animates this human self?
What animates this body-mind?
What functions the cells?
Who *lives* this body?

Who is it that *wants* to be recognized as *living* here?

~

A recognition of Self occurs – of Being-Self,
of Deep Awareness, of the Who/What that
lives this body, animates and functions this body...

I am being lived...

~~~

Inspiration arises from this deep Silence.
Creativity arises spontaneously.
Words arise from here without thinking them…

~~~

Resting deeply with no agenda, no seeking

just experiencing the deep rest of Silence,
I feel the pull of the depths of unavoidable,
irresistible Silence...

I recognize this space ~~~

I am being freshly bathed
in the waters of Silence ~

I am being breathed
by Silence ~~~

~*~

“To be aware of the embrace in which
Existence holds us
is the greatest gift…”

Deva Premal
From her CD - “Embrace”

~

"Only when you drink from the river
of Silence
shall you sing…"

Kahlil Gibran

~

Photos–
Top - Vortex Art
#2 – Inside of Earthenware Pot
#3 – Shadow Ripples on Counter
#4 – Shadow on Wall
#5 – Heart Shape Water Droplet

~

You might also like these past posts;
Silent Window
Symphony of Silence - Poem
A Prayer of Silence

Intimacy with Deep Silence...

2011-11-06T21:09:00.009-07:00

There is an intimacy with deep Silence
that is indefinable,
luxuriatingly peaceful…

A fluidity of

~ s p a c i o u s n e s s ~

of Silent Awareness

aware-ing,

listening…

Nothing irritates or disturbs.

Everything is open

BE~ing~ness

There is depth,

and breadth,

and substance,

and fullness

to this

rhythmic

space

of

Silence

that

embraces,

surrounds,

and

fills

every crack and crevice
of the
body and mind,

soothing out the rough spots,

aligning the ‘energies’

softening their flow ~ ~ ~

There is sanity in this Silence
that
is
beyond
breathtaking.

It is:

The Breath of the Infinite

The Whisper of Love

The Taste of Forever

The Feeling of Peace

The Awareness of Presence

~

Intimacy with this deep
Silence
is
*knowing*
I am
Home...

...resting in
The Primordial Womb
of Life!

~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
Oct. 27, 2011

~
Photo ~ Aurora Borealis
sent to us by someone
who worked in Antarctica
several years ago.

~

You may also like these posts:
The Primordial Womb of Stillness
Turn…Turn… Turn…

The Pathless Path...

2011-11-02T22:22:00.009-06:00

I find the older I get the more I want to experience Truth directly, and leave the many trodden “spiritual paths” that I’ve been on all my life behind – gasp. Even as a child I wanted to *know* “God” – a child’s understanding of God. Then my search evolved and expanded to include finding “myself” – whoever that was :), then Truth, Wisdom, peace of mind, and last, but not least, the search for “Enlightenment.” They are all the same “path” under different disguises. And now, through all these many paths, I am feeling the need to settle in, deepen, and re-discover a sense of inner Truth for myself; not by following a particular external path – but by intuitively listening to the voice of Life in my Heart; observing this inner Life directly, by spending time in Silence (which I avoid so easily). Now if Life would only cooperate and give me the right environment. :) (Just kidding:).

Being on a “spiritual path” implies that one is going somewhere, seeking “Some-thing” at the end of the journey – like retirement after a life of working; or the magical pot of gold at the end of the mythical rainbow; or even the mystical “Holy Grail.” Or maybe one is even seeking an *end* to something, like suffering, pain, ignorance, their humanness, or the end of seeking. But what if there was no need for “a path”, no need for seeking the illusive big “Some-thing” that spiritual seekers are seeking? I find myself in this place of questioning – again… I have been down the "seeking road" – many times…

The path of “Enlightenment”/”Awakening”/”Self-Realization”, particularly the path of what is popularly known as “Non-Duality”, has lost its luster, its pull, its certainty for me – much like the other paths I have taken throughout my life. It’s just another construct. I found out that the Emperor has no clothes! And I’d rather not describe Truth by a negative – with no-me, no-self, no other, no-world - as Truth is all inclusive – including duality, me, self, other, and the world.

Even if one follows “a path” (which can be any path) there is no guarantee that we will discover what we are looking for, and life will not suddenly become easy or flowing with bliss. We won’t necessarily lose our personality with its quirks, our conditioning, or our neuroses. Our thoughts will not stop, neither will our surface struggles, or our pain, or our stories. Walking “a path” doesn’t even guarantee that we will actually *see* life differently from either the mountain top, or with nose to the ground; or suddenly find our “purpose” – as if there’s only one. But no one tells us this about “the path.” It has to be a Self-discovery - for ourselves – even if we have a “Teacher” or use a “Teaching” to point the way…

Years of seeking, realization, recognition, and then forgetting, and then remembering, and then forgetting again – brought me to the realization that discovering (or rediscovering) this Being-Self/Truth that we are, is through awareness of and deep intimacy with the Silence within; through continually coming back to the Heart of Awareness – the space of Silent, Still, innate Wisdom – which of course is wherever we are at the moment, not off in the distance somewhere. It’s not a place. “The path” doesn’t *go* anywhere. There is no reward at the end. It’s an inner pathless path… And that’s my “path” at the moment :) - rediscovering this inner Silent, Aware Wisdom for myself. It’s an inner pathless path of remembering; remembering the underlying Rhythm of Life ItSelf – humming through… Ommmmmmm…..

“A mystic is content with nothing less than
to touch the Truth in its most universal purity.”

Ivan Granger
Poetry Chaikhana

~

“Wanderer, your footsteps are the road,
and nothing more;
Wanderer, there is no road.
The road is made by walking…

By walking one makes the road,
and upon glancing behind
one sees the path that will
never be trod again…

Wanderer, there is no road –
only wakes upon the sea…”

Antonio Machado

~

“Empty yourself of everything.
Let the mind rest in peace.
The ten thousand things rise and fall
while the Self watches their return.
They grow and flourish and then
return to the source.
Returning to the source is stillness,
which is the way of nature….”

“Returning is the motion of the Tao.”

Lao Tzu

~~

Photo – taken by my father
1952/53

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T09:29:00.001-06:00

May nothing but benevolence
and blessings
get past your door
tonight…

Happy Halloween!

Narcissus Way

2011-10-26T23:11:00.005-06:00

While I don’t consider myself a “narcissist” by definition, i.e.: I am not enamored with myself, with my thoughts, opinions, or perspectives about life, I find myself living on Narcissus Way where ego-self is preoccupied with itself. Through my inner window I have seen how this narcissistic self is a remnant of self-identification and ego function. Sometimes we can best see our own ego through the ego reflection of others, particularly those closest to us. This has been the case here on Narcissus Way for several weeks now. In the past several months, as some of you know, I have needed to attend to family more than usual. I evidently bought a ticket for a front row seat at this little ego drama.

So I wanted to share a kind of “day in the life” on Narcissus Way. I hope I don’t bore you with my meandering story, but it is life as it is here at the moment, and I find it hard sometimes to step out of the story – so I write…

Monday morning I arrived at my mother’s. TV is on, like it always is – game shows, cooking shows, talk shows -24/7. Mom is sitting in her chair flipping through catalogues and ads that come in the mail. When she turns to look at me I see that the eye that she had surgery on nearly a year ago appears bloody – not just blood-shot. She evidently had a severe coughing spell the day before and that morning that must have put too much pressure on her eyeball. I encourage her to call the eye doctor, she reneges. I felt the contraction between us. I evidently raised an issue she doesn’t want to deal with and she self-protects. I move on to something less threatening.

I climbed the stairs to my sister’s room – door is closed. She has not emerged yet. She was still in bed, her TV on. Her back and leg pain had returned, as evidently she overdid it the day before by being up too long, doing too much; even walked around without her back brace on – not even 4 weeks after surgery. Hel~lo... But her pain is also emotional. She desperately wants control in a situation that she has no control over, and so she gets very, very angry, trying to control through anger. My “ego-self” remembers this pattern all too well. I attend to what is needed and tactfully withdraw from her lair, not engaging – but feel my ego react to her anger, as it feels invasive.

I check with them both to compile a list of grocery items, and get vague answers. No one is capable of clear thinking of what is needed, even with prompt questions. I head out to the store, feeling irritation rise, and the self-centered thought that this may continue for the rest of *my* life! And how am I going to do this! My ego balks at the idea. I ask my Self - what is my real role here? What is the real need? - as I’m not seeing clearly.

I return to find my Diabetic mother eating cupcakes. She says she has eaten a salad already for lunch. I check her eye and encourage her again to call the eye doctor. She obviously doesn’t want to, and brushes me off, not wanting to be controlled – wanting to make her own decisions. I respect that. I find I am no longer interested in power struggles, so I move on. I do tell her that she probably shouldn’t do a lot of bending over – then later find her bent over looking for something in a lower kitchen cabinet! I turn away, not saying anything, resisting the ego’s need to correct, to control.

I find a partially written list on the kitchen counter of other items that I was evidently supposed to pick up at the store – but no one told me it was there. I also found another list of things I needed to do – like bring the hoses in, and fix the shower head in my sister’s bathroom, which neither mentioned. My ego-self has been sufficiently aroused to elicit the anger response. My mother knows nothing about the lists. She is unaware – evidently about a lot of things. And I am irritated at her unawareness, and the general lack of coherent communication – wishing that we could all communicate better without the ego walls that are between us. I find it interesting that we are all in the same living space, but no one is *really* home – internally home. Although, the unaware, conditioned “me” is very much “at home”/comfortable in this environment, thriving in unconsciousness, and unawareness; thriving in cycles of long held patterns that have blurred over time…

I head back out to the store, because we discover that my sister’s cat does not have enough food. No one remembered that before. I begin to feel myself numb out and go on automatic; another ego defense mechanism on Narcissus Way.

After doing the chores on the list, while my sister supervised to make sure I did them “right”, my mother announced that her blood sugar was only 68, and we head towards a possible crisis. She’s been a Diabetic for 26 years and still doesn’t eat right – is still in denial… We quiz her for her food intake that day, which she didn’t like – too invasive - because she couldn’t hide her eating habits. And now we attempt to play catch up with her blood sugar to get it back to normal… She eats a banana and pours herself a glass of OJ. Her blood sugar rises to normal levels, and we all move on… I feel the need to withdraw, to find silence, solitude…and rest.

My practice over the last few weeks has been to bring a greater sense of conscious awareness to this situation and to maintain an inner awareness of Beingness; to step back from self-centered me-ing, drop into the space of the Heart, and experience what it is that is actually experiencing this little drama; who is seeing through these eyes, hearing through these ears, as this ego story continues to play itself out… Noticing all the while that there does appear to be a “me”, and I begin to seriously question the concept that there is no “me”/no self, because I am sitting with “me-s” who *believe* they are only “me-s”, separate from one another – drowning in their “me-hood.” And my me is going right along with their little “me-s.” Three “a–me-gos” on Narcissus Way, reflecting each other’s “me-s”, creating a distorted reflection of Reality.

I trust that underneath all this ego drama there is Love – not “family love” but Divine Love; that this drama is really just the play of “the Beloved;” that Love lives in the midst of it all – embracing our little “me-s” until we remember our true reflection. And maybe the real need is just to be there – not out of a sense of resignation, or self-sacrifice, or responsibility, or obligation – but just BE there – authentically - staying open to and aware of the dynamics as they unfold, allowing Love to work Its Way…

Life Blossoms for Its Own Pleasure...

2011-10-22T19:22:00.009-06:00

We are in full Fall foliage here, and this year is turning out to be pretty spectacular. For the last couple of weeks, as I have traveled back and forth to my mother’s house (a 30 min drive), bogged down in the practical of life, I have watched the leaves turn into their brilliant radiance, peak, and fall. And of course didn’t have my camera with me – or the time to stop and enjoy. So today, grabbing some time for myself, I went out on a short excursion, just a few miles from where we live, to “Fiddler’s Circle.”

I walked the circle and managed to capture some of the beautiful color and scenery; although I lost the bright sunlight almost immediately with cloud cover. But still, Life had blossomed for Its pure pleasure and I wanted to be in it; a Colorado Fall in one of our most spectacular years ever!

Leaves were raining as the winds picked up, making their rustling noise as they fell. The smell of Fall in the air was fragrantly ripe. Unfortunately the photos of mountains didn’t come out too sharply, partly because of my little Kodak camera, and partly because of the light conditions. I find that true of myself as well. Because of the lens of thoughts, feelings, frame of mind, and perspectives that I see life through, and my own “light conditions,” I sometimes can’t see clearly the brilliant radiance of Life that is everywhere - just being - for Its own pleasure – and ours too… :)

Enjoy the View!

Everything comes full circle…
Nothing really dies…
Life, the Light, is always within…
It only changes form,
changes expression.
Nothing can kill IT.
IT rekindles ItSelf
from formless to form,
and back again…

~

“The form of the formless.
The image of the imageless.
It is called indefinable
and beyond imagination.
Stand before it and there is no beginning.
Follow it and there is no end.
Stay with the ancient Tao.
Move with the present.
Knowing the ancient beginning is
the essence of Tao.”

Lao Tzu

~

“Observe the wonders as they occur around you.
Don’t claim them.
Feel the artistry moving through.”

Rumi

~

Everything calls you back to the Truth…

Turn... Turn... Turn...

2011-10-16T23:02:00.010-06:00

Turn
inward
towards Me,
”The Beloved;”
the Face of your Self;
the Light in your Heart;
the space of Pure Awareness…

Turn from the voices of the unconscious,
- the land of the living dead -
the voices of confusion, hatred, violence;
the ones who distract
you from *knowing*
the Truth…

~ Turn ~

~

~ Turn ~

Turn and listen

in
deep
Silence,

in
the
Chalice
of the Heart

until you hear
what needs
to be heard
in your
heart.

~

Turn inward from the stimulation
of life being “sold” to the masses;
with its false delusions of the Real;
including the “spirituality” vendors,
who sell you their “frameworks”
to keep you seeking, striving,
believing you need more,
leaving you empty…

Come – sit with Me.

Sit in solitude
with Me…
Hearing,
Seeing,
Aware-ing,
Knowing Me.

Silently
listening
within

where
“I”
thrive
in
the

S
i
l
e
n
c
e

~ Turn ~

“I” am Here…

~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
Oct. 16, 2011

~

Photo ~

In looking for a photo for this post
I found this one in my files.
It is a picture of the September Full Moon
through the skylight.
What captured my attention
when I saw it in my files
was the reflection of what appears
to be an “inner window” or door.
I did not notice this
when I took the photo,
but only saw this afterward,
and after turning the photo :)
In a sense it is what this poem
is about – turning and going inward,
metaphorically through the inner
window/door.
Just sitting, turning towards Silence,
and meeting that spacious Awareness
that is always there…

Waking Up - again...

2011-10-13T23:01:00.005-06:00

After what feels like *months* of contraction around “family tending”, family dysfunction, and the resurrection of unconscious emotional baggage, I woke up yesterday morning to Awareness again… Meaning – I became aware of that vast field of spacious Awareness that is the ground and function of our Being; a spacious stillness that is just there/here, aware-ing life, *being* life… It was like realizing something I already knew, as new – and my body-mind relaxed. Interesting. I felt the weight of the present circumstances lift. I felt lighter, fuller, taller, thinner (heh-heh) and Aware… The energy of Beingness hummed through my body like a familiar pulse. One could also call it Chi, the Life Force, Buddha Nature, Christ Consciousness, God-Consciousness, Supreme Intelligence, Inner Being, Nowness, Presence, Awareness, whatever your particular frame of reference is. The awareness of ‘This’ that we know as our Being is a very grounding feeling; a feeling of “connection” – of knowing that Life is being lived through the body.

When I physically woke up yesterday morning, I felt the usual angst about, and chaffing against, the day. I also had the thought – I’m tired of waking up like this, of going through life like this… I then remembered a breathing practice I used to do each morning before getting out of bed and started breathing into the Lower Dantien, (or Hara). As I did, my angst settled, and the internal Life energy started to move. Beingness “woke up” inside. Something inside was aware of every sound, feeling, sensation and thought, *without* immediately contracting around it in some kind of reactive response of judgment, or dislike. Even thoughts about family were just noticed to be thoughts. Awareness of this inner awake, aware Presence became my “goal” for the day. Part way through the day I lost “consciousness” :) (lost the felt sense of awareness of this ever-present field of Awareness) but - the awareness of un-awareness was just noticed too. I was just being/doing what was called for in each moment and being okay with whatever arose. It was a totally different orientation than the last several months – and totally welcome – finally…. Something so simple as awareness can seem so difficult when one is entrapped in the chaotic mind.

I also realized that this was probably one of the “gifts” of the Owl that had shown up for 3 days last month – the reminder to be still and aware – just being aware of the presence of Life flowing within, the presence of Presence, etc…

I recognized that my Inner Being/Spirit thrives through awareness of this field of Awareness that we all are: The awareness of our True Nature – the awareness of the Silent, Still, Awake, Aware Presence within - our Divinity, our Aliveness, however you know that to be. I rediscovered again that ‘This’ is where I really thrive – in the Breath and Pulse of Awareness.

~ ~ ~ ~

There are so many ways to wake up to and thrive in our Beingness. I so appreciate all of my blogger friends who shared how their Inner Being/Spirit thrives in the previous post. It helped bring me back to awareness of that Beingness, and how we nurture That. Here are highlights of the “thrivers” that I put together from everyone’s comments:

Time in places of Natural Beauty and quiet…
~
Listening to Dharma talks
(satsang/spiritual teachers)
~
Time to contemplate, be still and listen…
~
Connection with, and supporting others…
~
Love
~
Kindness and Compassion
~
Being authentic
~
Being in touch with ones wild nature
~
Paying attention to the senses
~
Lots of free time
~
Meditation
~
Exercise and Music
~
Cappuccinno - really? ;)
~
Creating/Creativity
~
Following the Breath
~
Awareness of Beingness
~

May we all sense our Inner Being thriving!

~ ~ ~

Photo: Last night’s Full Moon
as seen through a dirty skylight window
creating a “moon shadow.”

Nice effect – eh? :)

Thriving...

2011-10-10T23:11:00.004-06:00

Fall in Colorado, before “the Freeze”, is really a melding of Summer, Fall and Winter. It’s as if Nature isn’t really ready for the change of season. The natural cycles and rhythms of Nature can seem to be a little out of sync. One day near 90, then a dip into the 40’s with rain/snow mix leaving a wisp of white, and then back to Fall with its crisp Autumn night air, flashes of color, and “Indian Summers” – and hooing owls :). Yes, she is still in the neighborhood! Ya hoo! :)

It’s a playful mix of learning to live in transition with no clear delineations or definitions, just a fluid movement of all 3 seasons blending into one before “the Freeze.” Blooming Impatiens expand, overflowing the limitations of their container with full exuberance, while the Maple leaves overhead begin to turn yellow, although I found this one with a touch of red.

The first snow is Nature’s signal of a new season to come, leaving a brief taste to tantalize the senses. And then a melting of the mantle to allow Fall to finish her song – to thrive once again before the hibernation of nature begins.

After the first snow – a show of endurance from the Petunias reclaiming their life color in one more flare before the hard freeze. In my being there is this same blend: an exuberance - felt as restlessness and erratic energies; an excitement for the shift from Summer heat into colorful, cool Autumn. Thoughts of hot chocolate, apple cider and popcorn waft through, as well as the feel of fatigue and an inward pull to start settling in for Winter’s inner hibernation.

These signals of Nature remind me that I need to pay attention to my own cycles and make some changes in order to live according to my Natural Rhythms, to thrive according my True Nature. But recently that has been my dilemma: How to honor my natural rhythms – while life and the needs of others pull me away from those rhythms. I find myself asking: What is needed for my Essential Nature to thrive… What is It pulling me to… What environment allows Being-Spirit to thrive… Or, is it really just a matter of attitude, just accepting life as it is? Am I still attached to a personal me who just wants her way? That is what I am looking into…

“What environment do you thrive in?
Plants need different conditions to thrive in
and when you try to grow it in a different environment –
it can’t thrive.
It’s not about 'preferences',
or about 'accepting life as it is' -
but knowing what you need for your spirit to thrive.”

“This is about the recognition of what it truly is
that lives, thinks, sees and breathes,
through and as [the person].
It is the One substance – Presence Awareness…”

“…preferences, likes and dislikes are recognized
as some of the countless ways the One appears
to ItSelf…”

Leo Hartong
from his book: From Self to Self

How about you…
What allows your Spirit, your Inner Being, to thrive?

First Snow...

2011-10-08T23:22:00.001-06:00

Woke up to a touch of Winter this morning, and the sound of wet snow plunking on the roof. Managed to snap these pics before rain set in melting it all away. Fall is not finished yet (as you can see by all the green still on the trees) but the first snow is always welcome here, as it signals a time for slowing down (hopefully :). There is a pull to “hibernate” – to move inward, to be still, to rest, to be in silence – to go deep and just listen…

“Winter is a time for death.
Do you think death is a bad thing?

The ultimate death is nothing to do with the body.
It is the death of your self as separate from God.
You are standing at the edge of the ocean of Love.
Plunge below the surf of separation.
Dive into the mystical depth.
Dissolve yourself into that sea.
Like a moth around a candle,
be irresistibly drawn to the light
until you are engulfed by flames
in an inferno of communion.”

Rumi

Sacred Signals...

2011-10-04T23:00:00.005-06:00

Last week we were visited by an Owl three times in 4 days. I cannot tell you the feeling of sacredness that it elicits in me to hear the sound of an owl hoo-ing overhead at 12:30 am in the silence of the night. One night it sounded as if it was sitting on our roof, or at least in one of the trees that overhangs our roof.

Last week was particularly challenging – and continues on into this week. I reached a low point emotionally and spiritually due to the pull of the unconscious family dynamic (despite dancing squirrels and chirping crickets) and found myself praying for some “assistance” – dare I say for a “sign.” Oh dear… a sign?! Fatigue had settled in, and the felt sense of Divine Presence within receded. Sometimes the unconscious seems to drown it out. I am amazed at how easily I fall back into the sea of unconscious habituated patterns and cycles. And in doing so there was an emotional “surrender” of sorts, where I knew I couldn’t continue to rely on my own ego-strength, all those wonderful coping mechanisms I constructed over the years, but must give in to the workings of The Sacred Mystery. I’m discovering that is actually a good thing, as painful as it is, as it returns my awareness to a more authentic place of “openness” – not just in words, or theory, but in the depths of my being; not that I am at peace, or without fear and anxiety. I continue to deal with these latent tendencies on a daily basis, but… How do I explain… There was, in that moment of surrender last week, just a simple sense of allowing everything to be as it is. And in that moment of surrender, there was a sense of relaxation - noticing that everything *is* the way it is anyway. Life just lives – just unfolds. I mean, if you look at nature you see that Life just lives ItSelf. I know I’ve mentioned this before. I begin to see this more clearly - and then I lose sight of it again.

I couldn’t help but feel that the Owl showing up was my “sign” - a kind of sacred signal, if there is such a thing– like when we find little stone hearts along our path, or we hear or read just the right “teaching” that addresses an issue we are struggling with, or read an inspiring blog, or find a feather. Maybe there is a Supreme Intelligence that hears – maybe Existence cares deeply and compassionately for life – hears every sound, sees every movement, like the owl - and answers. I would like to believe that, rather than the belief in an impersonal, uncaring Emptiness. But my beliefs don’t really matter. I’m just interested in seeing how Life communicates with ItSelf – because everything we encounter is Life communicating with ItSelf…

The Owl came two nights before, the night before, and the night after my sister’s surgery last Thursday. It was as if “The Beloved” ItSelf had shown up to sing Its sacred song… It was a haunting, yet comforting sound as it echoed through the night; crickets singing backup.

As I listened to the patterned “hoos” (not hoots) I thought of the owl just sitting up there, watching, observing, listening, hearing, seeing *everything* in and through the darkness, illuminating the darkness with her in-sight; seeing the totality of everything from her vantage point. Good metaphor in these hectic days of feeling more contracted than expanded, needing a little objectivity, needing to see the bigger picture, needing equanimity, needing to wait on inner wisdom from a deep place of knowing before acting. It reminded me that I *can* find that place of inner Stillness within, again and again, if I get really quiet and listen to it. I know I *know* this, but with each life challenge it’s as if I have to find it all over again.

Hearing the sound, my heart felt cocooned in the echoes of the Owl’s Sacred song… It was as if it was calling me to drop into the Heart of Being and wrap myself in the Mantle of the Mystery, to remember this space and “stabilize” there (was the word that came), deepening into the sense of the Silent Knowing within again. I hope she comes back… Am sure I’ll need more reminders…

I thought I’d share a little of the Owl’s song. We had to shorten the intervals between hoos because they were too long. Her hoo-ing lasted an hour.

~

“Trust that a thread of Love operates
in everything
and listen deeply for this Love…

Existence listens
when we connect
from the Heart…”

Adyashanti

~

Just be available
unbounded
unfettered
unencumbered
(a post-it note)

~

“Love lurks in the white water”
(of the rapids of life).

Leslie Read

~

“There is a spontaneous and
benevolent power
behind the unfolding
play of the world…

Whatever you are pushing against
flows in effortless harmony…”

Mooji

Read an interview with Mooji

~

Photo: I have no idea what bird this feather
is from. If you can identify it, please do!

Squirrel Joy

2011-09-28T23:09:00.001-06:00

We are often entertained in the morning at breakfast by this squirrel. The other day I managed to capture him/her on video and my husband put it together with music to create this really short piece (less than a minute) of Squirrel Joy. :) A total frolic. Thought we could all use a little grin, heart smile, or maybe even a chuckle… The Joy of True Nature… The Joy of simply Being...

Enjoy Your Day!

Music: Hampster Dance

Fall is Coming... Or is "The Fall" Coming...?

2011-09-25T12:22:00.018-06:00

There are tell-tale signs in the air that Fall is coming. The date on the calendar no longer seems to coincide with what’s happening outside. There are a few leaves turning, and there is the smoky, woodsy-earthy smell of Fall in the evening air. Crickets are chirping less. The clouds are looking more like Fall clouds – that winter gray - as if readying themselves for the snows to come. But it’s still Summer here. Temps will reach into the high 80’s this coming week – actually nearing 90 they say. Summer is hanging on. The first week in October, according to the weatherman, the highs for the day will be 70 degrees across the board. Ahhhh – that’s what I’m waiting for – the chilly days of Fall, especially chilly, rainy, damp days… But so far, no rain in sight.

Internally Fall hasn’t arrived yet either – and I eagerly await its coming. Usually there is a feeling of inspiration, and a sense of clarity, of being energized from within. That hasn’t happened, as this body appears to be waning under the load of “family tending.” I no longer refer to it as “care giving” – but just tending what needs to be tended to. Friday I spent 7+ hours in the ER with my sister who was severely dehydrated. Her kidneys were failing. All because she had decided not to eat or drink for nearly 2 weeks – she *says* because of the severity of her back pain and the pain medication she was on that took her appetite away. And then she admitted to me, that it was also because the more that we encouraged her to eat, or asked about food, the more she shut down in order to gain control, until she finally put herself in such a weakened state that her poor body could not function. And I wonder, why one would want control so badly that they are willing to starve themselves for it – but obviously they do – they have medical names for it. Obviously there is a deeply unconscious mind at work here. And sometimes I feel like I am at the end of its emotional leash – and my rope, physically.

Fall reminds me of a threshold time, an in between place, a place of transitions, of liminal light, where the mantle of The Mystery wraps ItSelf closer around us – so IT can be felt, so we can notice its Presence. But the unconscious family dynamic here seems to muffle the awareness, dull the senses, and dampen the inspiration. The pull of the unconscious, and deeply latent emotional baggage, seems stronger than the pull to more quiet, sacred, untouched places within where inspiration of The Mystery lives.

I am certainly learning to surrender to “what is” – in ways I hadn’t anticipated. What else is there to do but surrender – to let go of my own unconscious need for control... I am learning a lot about choice, control and consequences of those choices. And yes, I do believe now that there are choices that have serious consequences being made by unconscious choosers. This does not mean that this “unconscious chooser” is in any way “separate” from The Mystery. It just hasn’t been noticed yet by the unconscious. But that’s another post. I’m supposed to be talking about the Fall that is coming :) – in terms of weather that is.

When one must be preoccupied with “family tending” somehow the seasons just meld into one another, awareness of what is Aware seems clouded, noticing the change of seasons with delight is less colorful, because the pull is towards the magnetism of the unconscious family dynamic. The ones who are most unconscious seem to have the most pull: the ones who do not act on their own behalf, who feel victimized and wronged by life, who reject any form of assistance, suggestion, or encouragement because it is seen as control. And control, for the unconscious mind, must be maintained at all costs, even by trying to kill the body – unconsciously of course. And "we" (the supposed enemy of the unconscious one) suffer the consequences of the unconscious right along with them – and maybe that’s part of the manipulation – to get us to pay for their self-imposed suffering. This may seem like a lot of drama – it is – but it is also life as it is – unfolding as it does. And I write about it because this *is* the reality at the moment. Life is not always “held together” by “spiritual glue.” Life falls apart and comes back together again all on its own, and you just learn to ride the waves…

So here we are in the sea of unconsciousness again – where the suffering of the unconscious takes place – waiting for “The Fall” of the unconscious; the demise of this bastioned inner sanctum of lost luggage. And it is seen that there is no intention or interest to claim its luggage by those who remain unconscious.

I truly look forward to the cool, clean, crisp air of clarity. It may be a long time coming…

Here are a few pictures reminding me that Fall is coming…

Oak Leaf and Acorns
collected on a walk...

~

I happened to step out our back door
one evening recently to this
beautiful sight of Fall clouds -
noticing the Fall air that
settles around everything
in the quiet of the night that
settles over the land..

Life is a Sand Fantasy...

2011-09-19T22:22:00.009-06:00

For a woman, me, who is learning to surrender daily to “life as it is” – to face reality as it is – just this – just Now, I found this particular video fascinating and unexpectedly profound on many levels. Although probably not intended, there is a lot of Dharma in it about impermanence, change, facing reality, and living life as it is; obviously just what I needed. The Truth often comes through unexpected vehicles!

The video is of a woman named Ilana Yahav creating sand art. She calls it “Fantasy Sand Art.” The video is called “One Man’s Dream.” (It’s about 5 mins long, and you’ll need to close the pop-up boxes). He is dreaming of other realities, other places he’d rather be than the one he is in (only you don’t know this until the end). I find myself doing the same thing lately.

I am coming face to face with “life as it is” vs. my ideal of what I thought my life would be like at this stage of life, and am having a hard time adjusting to the reality of it – the reality of needing to be more involved and engaged with my elderly mother showing signs of dementia, who is trying to take care of my sister who has been bedridden the last two weeks with back and hip pain; possibly requiring more surgery. I see the writing on the wall here, and wonder how I will be able to keep pace physically – and emotionally, tending to their needs, as well as my own long term physical issues. We are all contending with the reality of our own situations, and each others. At this point the future seems daunting. But “the future” is sand fantasy too.

The challenge for me (besides the physical) is to not get caught in the re-play of family dysfunction and story - but to remember the Essence of Life that we all are. I can’t say that I’ve succeeded.

I show up and do what needs to be done in practical ways, while attempting to throw the sand around to create different realities *for them* - as if that were possible. Sand fantasy.

I experienced a rather intense melt down on Saturday (in private), coming to terms with life as it is, and my futile attempts to control it – allowing the anger, frustration and resentment to flow – which ultimately was a death knell for the "little me" who didn’t want to give up its false sense of control over “what is.” But the “me” with its need to control is sand fantasy too.

Byron Katie writes: “…when I listened within myself, I saw that the world is what it is, nothing more, nothing less. There is only what is, just the way it is, right now. Reality is what is true, whatever is in front of you, whatever is really happening, whether you like it or not…”

So this is my reality – just showing up for life and living it – the way it is.

Life is a sand fantasy – reality changes from moment to moment.

Enjoy the video!

For more cool sand art videos see Ilana Yahav's website:

http://sandfantasy.com

Open the Moon Window...

2011-09-15T21:45:00.000-06:00

“At night, I open the window
and ask the moon to come
and press its face against mine…

Breathe into me…

Close the language-door
and open the love-window.

The moon won’t use the door,
only the window.”

Rumi

~

And what if the moon
whispered:

“…I want to know what you ache for,
and if you dare to dream of
meeting your heart’s longing…”

“…show me how you reach
inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of
the Mystery…”

“What if your task is simply to unfold,
to become who you already are
in your essential nature -
gentle, compassionate,
and capable of living fully…”

“What if the essence of who you are
and always have been
is enough…”

“…remember…
you belong to the sacred life force;
you are an embodiment of
the sacred Mystery,
surrounded and held
by The Beloved…”

“…dance with me in the infinite pause
before the next great inhale
of breath that is breathing
us all into being…”

Oriah

~

I took the creative liberty of combining the above lines from
two different poems by Canadian author and poet Oriah,
as if combining quotes,
maintaining the essence of her writings.

The first stanza is a quote from her poem:
The Invitation
copyright 1999

The other stanzas are taken from
her poem and quotes from her book:
The Dance
copyright 2001

You can read the full poems on
her website:

http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/

~

Photo ~ taken with my little Kodak Easy Share
two nights before
the Full Moon, Sept. 2011

The Joy of Spontaneity

2011-09-12T20:08:00.008-06:00

Last Friday I was surprised by unexpected joy – aliveness – an inner dance of Light and lightheartedness. Unfortunately I haven’t had time to write about it until Now :). I felt an inner excitement that I know all too well comes and goes, just like the sad feelings, or any other for that matter – but I was delighted and amused by this feeling of spontaneous joy rising. Honestly, sad to say, it doesn’t happen that often. I do not have what might be considered a “joyful” outlook on life. :) In fact my mother called me “the dark cloud” most of my childhood. So an effusion of “joy” is not normally expressed here – we were not a band of “joyful souls.” There was a darker cloud that loomed over us, and it wasn’t mine. But I’ll spare you that story. Suffice it to say, there wasn’t an environment that nurtured joy. So when it arose within me I *knew* it had to come from a place of pure Being deep within.

It seemed to me that by honoring and giving space for the sadness to express the day before, it freed the space up for joy to spontaneously arise. I think the same is true with all our shadow aspects – our “darker” feelings. When they are acknowledged and recognized, it frees them, releases their hold on us, and opens the door for the heart to play - spontaneously…

Everything became spontaneous; every action, every idea, thought, movement – eliciting a sense of joy. I spontaneously went for a 2 hour walk at 12 noon, which I never do; didn’t think about it, just did it, and rediscovered a new place to walk and take pictures. I had driven over to my “regular” walking path, but there were two huge dump trucks blocking the road to the parking area, and many cars were already trapped there, waiting for the trucks to move, so I decided not to chance it. Feeling a little bummed that my moment of joy was about to wane, I spontaneously remembered there was a little park right near our house. So I went there, with anticipation and curiosity.

This inner joy thrived in my new surroundings as I walked down winding concrete walking paths through a small, tree-filled park with a small pond, manicured gardens still in bloom. As I strolled along with my new friend, Joy, taking it in, I spotted a big yellow and black butterfly fluttering around one of the round gardens that happened to be quite fragrant. I have no idea what those little pink flowers are, but they were potent. I tried to get a picture, but the butterfly’s wings just kept fluttering and “he/she” wouldn’t sit still – of course. She was just doing what a butterfly does – thoroughly enjoying herself. She moved from flower to flower and I’d chase after it trying to capture “the moment”, leaning into the flowers as far as I could, camera extended, to get the right shot, and she’d move on to the next blossom, and me with her - trying to keep up with her joyful dance. I was in the moment *with* her – completely focused, although having trouble keeping the camera focused on her. Somehow magically I managed a couple of fairly good shots! The dragonfly was more cooperative, as I caught him resting on a stem.

I thought of how contemplative photographers must be soooo patient, so mindful, so still, just waiting for just the right moment to snap the shutter; skills I have yet to learn – particularly patience and contemplative photography. I was having too much fun playing with Joy to be patient! I completely lost myself in the experience, in the fun of it, in the presence of nature’s joy. Life should be like this everyday – a nurtured sense of natural Joy! For some I know it is… It is our natural state of Being after all… But it seems to come more naturally for some…

Even in this new Now today - new day, new feelings - I remember how I *in*-joyed the experience whole-heartedly – spontaneously. Spontaneously knew when it was time to leave, and spontaneously went about the rest of my day – in an uncontrived, natural state of joy... I could say my entire being was purely joy-ing that day. :) Yes, I know, it’s called enjoying… I did that too…

Remember Joy!

Fracture

2011-09-11T00:01:00.003-06:00

The desolate place of woundings
is like a stark canyon of deeply creviced walls
and fractured fissures;
a fracture of the heart almost unbearable.

But within the fragmentation is Life.
Hidden deep within these canyoned walls
is an eternal
Light
glowing, throbbing, pulsating -
nestled and protected in a stony enclave,
formed from ages and ages of exposure to the
”elements” of separation…

But the enclave cracks open,
and the Heart Light is exposed
through the quaking of intense pain.
The tremors of trauma loosen and unwall
the hidden
Life
within
revealing a pureness
of innocent vulnerability…

Like the awakening of first light,
gentle, full and graceful,
this shimmering brilliance emerges from
the fissure of fragmentation,
releasing its full expression,
pulsing the message of Love:

“Embrace it all.”

~♥~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
June 17, 2001

~

The Light finds an opening for ItSelf
*through* our shadows,
our fractures,
our woundings,
which allows us
to experience Its Fullness,
Its Grace…

May all who have felt fractured
by life’s woundings come to a
place of embrace
and rest…