In speaking recently with a friend, I was reminded of the great
bias in our culture toward the light and away from the darkness.
When we meet with someone who is down, feeling hopeless,
empty or otherwise not beaming and joyful, we can become
quickly convinced that something is wrong, that they are
"broken," and that we must act urgently to "fix" them. We
scramble to put them back together, to remind them of all the
gifts in their life, impart spiritual techniques and philosophies
to them, suggesting that they just "focus on the positive", letting
know that everything will be better soon, and that it will turn out
okay.
bias in our culture toward the light and away from the darkness.
When we meet with someone who is down, feeling hopeless,
empty or otherwise not beaming and joyful, we can become
quickly convinced that something is wrong, that they are
"broken," and that we must act urgently to "fix" them. We
scramble to put them back together, to remind them of all the
gifts in their life, impart spiritual techniques and philosophies
to them, suggesting that they just "focus on the positive", letting
know that everything will be better soon, and that it will turn out
okay.
...we might see the subtle aggression in this, this insistence that
they come out of their immediate experience and into the one
we believe they should be having instead. We can start to see
how much of this "fixing" activity arises out of the disconnection
with that which remains unmetabolized within us.
It is possible the kindest thing we can offer our suffering friend
is to sit in the darkness with them... removing the burden that
they change, transform, feel better, or heal in order for us to stay
near. As we turn to embrace our own unmet sadness, grief, and
despair, we remove the projection of our unlived lives from them.
We lift the weight that they take care of our unresolved anxiety
for us.
they come out of their immediate experience and into the one
we believe they should be having instead. We can start to see
how much of this "fixing" activity arises out of the disconnection
with that which remains unmetabolized within us.
It is possible the kindest thing we can offer our suffering friend
is to sit in the darkness with them... removing the burden that
they change, transform, feel better, or heal in order for us to stay
near. As we turn to embrace our own unmet sadness, grief, and
despair, we remove the projection of our unlived lives from them.
We lift the weight that they take care of our unresolved anxiety
for us.
As we learn to trust and to rest in the wisdom-field of our present,
embodied experience, we see that love is a movement of totality.It is whole, and is raging and alive even in the darkness.
embodied experience, we see that love is a movement of totality.It is whole, and is raging and alive even in the darkness.
In the core of the fire, the sadness, the grief, and the despair
is something very real, breaking through the dream of
partiality. But what this is may never support our cultural
and spiritual fantasies of a life of invulnerability. Here, you
are being shown that the wild, untamed, creative movement
of love will never conform to your hopes and fears, and that
things are unlikely to ever turn out the way you thought they
would. This is not evidence that something has gone wrong,
but of how alive you are.
is something very real, breaking through the dream of
partiality. But what this is may never support our cultural
and spiritual fantasies of a life of invulnerability. Here, you
are being shown that the wild, untamed, creative movement
of love will never conform to your hopes and fears, and that
things are unlikely to ever turn out the way you thought they
would. This is not evidence that something has gone wrong,
but of how alive you are.
From the perspective of this radical sort of wholeness, every
experience is beheld as utterly valid, totally workable, and
an expression of the path itself. Here there is no obstacle.
From the center of your being, it is seen that life is not only
the joy and the sweetness, but at times will arrive raging as
the darkness, in order to reorder your world and to remind
you of something you have lost contact with. In this surging
of your inner family, the true nature of your experience will be
revealed, and the portals to Presence will be shown as they are...
as infinite.
experience is beheld as utterly valid, totally workable, and
an expression of the path itself. Here there is no obstacle.
From the center of your being, it is seen that life is not only
the joy and the sweetness, but at times will arrive raging as
the darkness, in order to reorder your world and to remind
you of something you have lost contact with. In this surging
of your inner family, the true nature of your experience will be
revealed, and the portals to Presence will be shown as they are...
as infinite.
May you stay close to your suffering and the suffering of others,
careful not to cut it too quickly, curious and available to the
wisdom as it unfolds in unexpected ways. Open your heart to
the golden, full-spectrum nature of love and the jewels hidden
in the dark before you discard them, and finally see what it is
that they have to say.
careful not to cut it too quickly, curious and available to the
wisdom as it unfolds in unexpected ways. Open your heart to
the golden, full-spectrum nature of love and the jewels hidden
in the dark before you discard them, and finally see what it is
that they have to say.
Matt Licata
Photo from Matt's blog
Photo from Matt's blog
very well said, allowing the dark thoughts and emotions, especially those within ourselves is so important to having compassion for self and others. Then, at times, the overwhelming attention on wanting/avoiding begins to fade into the background as awareness in the present moment begins to occupy the foreground.
ReplyDeleteThanks Dean :) Even our spiritual/non-dual *ideas* of the way we *think* things are supposed to be fade... We see that duality exists and is part of the wholeness of life as well. The dark and the light exist together - not opposing one another, and we embrace it all.
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