Come meander with me on the pathless path of the Heart
in these anecdotal,
sometimes inspiring, sometimes personal meanderings of the Heart's opening in the every-day-ness of life...

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Soul Windows...

“When your ‘soul’  (Consciousness) awakens,
you begin to truly inherit your life.
You leave the kingdom of fake surfaces,
repetitive talk,
and many weary roles,
and slip deeper into the true adventure of
who you are,
and who you are called to become.

The greatest friend of the soul is the unknown…

Yet we are afraid of the unknown because
it lies outside our vision and our control.
We avoid it or quell it by filtering it
through our protective barriers of
domestication and control.

The normal way never leads home…”

John O’Donohue


“The spiritual journey is individual, highly personal.
It can’t be organized and regulated.
We can only keep turning to our Hearts,
listening to what feels right...
It isn’t true that everyone should follow one path.
Listen to your own truth…”

Ram Dass


Photo:  This is actually a photo of a curtain on a window
I digitally played with the colors and got this affect
of a building with windows – albeit distorted -
reflecting, for me anyway, that there
are many windows of the soul
we have yet to

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Intimacy With Infinite Silence...

I *am* nameless, and formless...
I *am* Infinite Silence.
Alive, Aware, Ever-Present

“I” dissolve into the Great Ocean
of Silent Awareness,
Silent Beingness;
non-existent Existence
that just IS!

Silence is That which LIVES,
the formless Essence of Life -
nothing else…

Everything is dissolving…
The form dissolves into energy,
into fluidity,
into Infinite fluid Silence.

I *feel* my “self” dissolve.

Silence turns into Joy,
into excitement, and curiosity -
innocent once again;
a natural process of metamorphosis
into the True State
of nameless Silence.

I *love* the nameless Silence that I am!
The fluid Silence of Life
Open and Aware


Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
August 26, 2013


Photo: Shadow of my husband...

You might also like:
Intimacy with Deep Silence

or some of my other
prose poetry and meditative writings
listed under "Poet" in the right hand margin...

Sunday, August 25, 2013

A Sappy Love Story...

I am always deeply moved by the kindness of strangers.  I don’t mean acts of courtesy like when someone allows you to go ahead of them through a door, or at an intersection on the road, or ahead of them in line at the store, but unexpected acts of genuine kindness that make a deep impression in the heart, and leave it open.  This was one such occasion.

Friday I drove over to a local craft store to look for an item to use in a painting that I had had an image of in a meditation last week.  When I drove into the parking lot a large, bright yellow and black Monarch butterfly flew over the left top edge of the windshield and down in front of me – flying just ahead of me.  It felt like I had been gently and unexpectedly graced from another realm.  It certainly got my attention…  It flew on and I turned into a parking slot – wondering if there was any significance to it…  Usually when something like this shows up right in front of my face, it means I need to pay attention to something.  Butterflies represent a process of metamorphosis, morphing into their True State, breaking through a self-imposed cocoon, opening their “wings” more fully and taking flight.  I didn’t know that the cocoon of my Heart was about to be opened!

I also unexpectedly found what I was looking for in the store and quickly headed for the check out counter.  I was the only one at the counter, besides the cashier, or so I thought.  The item was not very expensive, but still I enquired if it might be on sale, as I had noticed 50% off tickets on some of the shelves around where I found the item.  It wasn’t.  So the woman rang the item up and gave me the total.  I was about to pay when I was suddenly aware of a tall woman standing next to me.  In a soft-spoken voice she said: “Wait a minute, I think I have a coupon here.”  At first I was confused, and then realized she had dug out a rumpled up coupon worth 40% off any item and handed it to the cashier for my purchase!  It meant a savings of over $7.00.  I was gobsmacked!  Had she been standing there all along and I hadn’t noticed her!?  Had she heard me ask the clerk about a discount?!  I had no clue where she came from!  Really!  Like the butterfuly that was suddenly in front of my windshield!  I was overwhelmed and a bit in shock…  I turned to her and met her large soft eyes, and humbly thanked her a couple of times, and then left with my package – and my heart opened; most likely never to see her again…  Gone like the butterfly…  Amazing…   I found more than my “item” on this errand! J  It seems I found my True Heart again - the soft , open Heart hidden within the cocoon…

When I got to the car I started crying – and cried nearly all the way home – as my heart softened and opened even more…  Sounds sappy maybe, but I am always moved by these acts of connection and kindness with total strangers when least expected.  And I thought how often I do not act out of kindness towards others in this way, but put my blinders on, feeling overwhelmed by crowds and noise, staying in my cocoon,  just wanting to get the errand over with, consequently less *aware* of those around me.  I wondered how many opportunities for kindness I have missed along the way…  I now will be paying more attention, being more aware, and keeping my heart open – letting those rumpled-up heart wings unfold…

What touches your Heart deeply?


Photo: The shadow looks like
a butterfly wing to me

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Tending The River Within...

Sometimes you read something and it just really resonates, either in whole or in part.  Recently I read the poem below from a link on – findingmybliss – and it touched me deeply.  It reminded me once again how necessary it is to tend the Quiet place within – the River of  Sacred Silence that flows within us all…   The poem speaks to what I aspire to, but certainly have not achieved…  Maybe that’s why it touched me.  I have highlighted the lines that spoke to me the most…

The Quiet Power

“I walked backwards, against time
and that’s where I caught the moon,
singing at me.

I steeped downwards, into my seat
and that’s where I caught freedom,
waiting for me, like a lilac.

I ended thought, and I ended story.
I stopped designing, and arguing, and
sculpting a happy life.

I didn’t die.  I didn’t turn to dust.
Instead I chopped vegetables,
and made a calm lake in me
where the water was clear and sourced and still.

And when the ones I loved came to it,
I had something to give them,
and it offered a soft road out of pain.

I became beloved.

And I came to know that this was it.
The quiet power.

I could give something mighty, lasting,
that stopped the wheel of chaos,
by tending to the river inside,
keeping the water rich and deep,

keeping a bench for you to visit.”

~ ~ ~ ~

Photo: Light in the kitchen sink
digitally enhanced

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Learning about Love...

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves,
and not to twist them to fit our image.
Otherwise we love only the reflection of
ourselves we find in them…”

Thomas Merton

“You have to learn to get up from the table
when love is no longer being served…”

Nina Simone

“Love arises when you die into
the Unknown Mystery of Being -
when you realize that Love
has no intention to change you,
it has no agenda…”


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Pain and "The Way of Things..."

The last few days I’ve become acquainted with pain and “the way of things” – as spiritual teacher Ram Dass calls it - which sounds much nicer than the dismissive phrase - “it is what it is” - that I have often heard in terms of the way life goes.

Today I was supposed to take my mother for her eye surgery.  But as it turned out my sister and husband had to take on that responsibility when my back went into spasm last Friday night, after another 3 hour doctor’s appointment with my mother and an hour’s drive on either end.  It was a pain worse than any I remember.  It went up the right side of the spine and around the right side of the rib cage.  Despite self-massage, back rubs, heat packs, ice packs, stretching, energy work, trying to find a comfortable position, praying my muscles would release their grip, the pain remained intense.  I finally gave in to pain medication at 5:10 am Saturday morning - after no sleep, and playing musical chairs all night.  The medication knocked me out for a couple of hours, leaving me feeling drugged – but the pain returned.  It wasn’t done with me yet…     

In the ensuing days I speculated that this must be my unconscious emotional resistance (and not so unconscious) J contracting against life as it is.  On the other hand, I thought, it may have simply been a matter of body mechanics, sitting in the car, and those uncomfortable waiting room chairs.  And on the other hand, if everything is exactly as it should be, then maybe this was a larger Universal Intelligence (which I would like to believe there is J) telling me I didn’t need to be in control, on top of things, always available, feeling responsible; that it was time to let go, to release this old role that tends to keep me in knots and a little “wired” as my mother and sister have recently alluded to, suggesting that my “presence” was not necessarily “helpful.” J That was an interesting reflection in the mirror. J

Or – just maybe – for the moment - it was just “the way of things”: Life playing Itself out as it does with no hidden meaning, agenda, or conclusion…  And yet I do feel like I was given an opportunity here to see things differently  – about myself and my assumed roles; as well as seeing the need to take care of myself both emotionally and physically and not try to be super woman for my family.  I also became aware that no matter how one *tries* to be “present” or helpful, if it cannot be done from a deep place of Presence, and only comes from the place of personality/ego, then it’s best to just back out of the way…  In this case, I was literally “taken out” – for whatever reason.

Pain has an interesting way of bringing us to our knees, dissolving defense mechanisms, and our self image: those lofty *ideas* we have of ourselves, like being “spiritual” or “helpful” or “present”, demanding that we surrender to the moment as it is – to look at things as they really are, including ourselves and how others see us – and being willing to see the truth of it.  Although will have to say I wasn’t that philosophical about it at the time.  I had no higher thoughts of “spirituality.”  I was just a person in pain, in the immediate experience of pain, tyring to do my best to ride the wave: sometimes resisting the pain, and sometimes remembering to breathe into the experience, allowing it to be what it was in the moment.   Resisting, allowing, resisting, allowing, again and again and again, all the while taking my pain medication with gratitude J, until the muscles finally let go of their grip - yesterday.  *I* was not the one “letting go.”  No matter how I *tried* to control the letting go by trying to relieve the pain, it had its own way, and its own time evidently.

And so it goes…  Pain, family dynamics, and life in the moment…  The way of things…

by Danna Faulds

“There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt,
containing a tornado.
Dam a stream,
and it will create a new channel.
Resist, and the tide will sweep you
off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry you
to higher ground.
The only safetly lies in letting it all in –
the wild with the weak;
fear, fantasies, failures and successes.
When loss rips off the doors
of the heart,
or sadness veils your vision
with despair,
practice becomes simply bearing the truth.
In the choice to let go of your
known way of being,
the whole world is revealed
to your new eyes.”



Rain on screen through window
looking out at the back yard

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Sabbatical Moment - Rainlight...

We are in “monsoon” season here where we are supposed to get thunderstorms and showers every afternoon or evening.  It’s very localized, so sometimes we do and sometimes we don’t.  But Saturday evening, before dark, we happened to get one of the “monsoons” J  The thunderstorm and rain swirled around us, leaving all the screens and windows covered with rain and raindrops.  The neighbor’s motion sensor light was on in his side yard.  So I grabbed my camera and caught these shots of light through the raindrops.  I completely lost any sense of self with its issues, and was just in the moment, enjoying a "sabbatical" moment. 

“…drink the pure silence.”

”…let your ear teach you
which way to listen.”

“…wait without waiting;
as if it were dusk.”

and “…look into light falling,
in deep relief…”


Quotes are excerpts from a poem I found on line
by poet Philip Booth
from Lifelines…

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Anticipation Part 1 and 2...

August is looking to be a busy and challenging month, which actually started already in July…  With my last few posts on “sabbatical” life you might think my absence here has been because I have been blissfully raptured in Silence.  Not so… J   Instead I have been attending to the requirements of daily living, and tense family issues – feeling more like an automaton in “The Matrix” – distracted from the deeper Life within…

Hubby is winging his way south again on the long 525 mile ride to visit his mother in NM for a few days, which will finally give me some days to settle into meditative Silence, living “sabbatically” – meditating, journaling, reading, painting, or however Being moves within – finding The Rhythm again - moving intuitively and fluidly *with* the day – like spontaneously writing this post… J  Although I love my “alone time” I am already reminded how much I miss him when he’s not here – anticipating his safe return…

Also anticipating Mother’s eye surgery, scheduled for Aug 14th, requiring several appointments before and after.  We already had one 3 hour appointment in the surgeon’s office.  It’s been frustrating with her dementia to get everything coordinated, and everyone on the same page.  My mother’s confusion is getting worse, although she is able to hide it quite well when we go to for her appointments.  I didn’t realize how serious it was until I discovered that she couldn’t answer my questions about when her appointments were, and what they were for, as she had managed to get it all confused, even though she had written it all down.  You see, I made the mistake of letting her make her own appointments, not wanting to “take over”, not realizing just how serious her dementia was getting.  I wanted to let her still feel like she was in control of her own life -  as if any of us really are – and yet she believes she is – and is not giving up easily.  She insists that she’s not confused, and is feeling like we are making her look that way.  And yet, clearly, there is confusion, loss of memory from one moment to the next, and a strong willed stubbornness that doesn’t want to admit that she needs help keeping track of things – like a bill that didn’t get paid for 3 months!  Oh dear…

And of course, there is the anticipation of how things will go the day of surgery and the day after. Like will she be able to see…  Last time she could not see out of her eye the day after surgery.  No one had told her that that was a possibility. She had gone into the surgery anticipating that her eyesight would immediately improve.  Instead, she  needed a corneal transplant 4 months later.  And with my own health issues I wonder if I will have the stamina to to stand up under the physical and emotional strain with little sleep – anticipating an early morning surgery time – like 6:30am, check in up to two hour before.  Are you kidding me!  I don’t even know how my mother will be able to do that!  So I commandeered my husband to go with me for support. J  Everythying is done outpatient now, requiring family to be the primary caretakers. Thankfully, at home, my sister has that duty of eye drops every two hours.

Added to this we were anticipating the possibility of my Mother-in-law having to be transferred to a Care Facility here near us from NM in August.  We checked into local facilities with Alzheimer’s units.  Her coming here would mean I would be actively engaged in her care - being on top of things with the care facility, and several daily visits to help feed her.  Gratefully that is not going to happen.  But needless to say with the uncertainty and anticipation I have been feeling a little overwhelmed - knowing that I need “sabbatical.” 

All this anticipation is based on the story of what *might* happen, I know…  But sometimes life is lived that way – with anticipation.  It’s not that one is not in the moment as it is, but it also unfolds with anticipation.  At least that *is* how Life is unfolding here at the moment.  I need to remember that it’s all just waves on the great Ocean of Consciousness, and turn towards the Inner Abiding Self – and abide there; not getting overwhelmed by the requirements of life at the moment - although at times I feel like I’m climbing Mt. Everest without air – but lean into the mountain/moment and keep going.

Window sitting, meditiating, and Silence are my ways of leaning into life, maintaining the awareness of, communing with, and deepening into the Divine Presence within, the vast Cosmic Ocean in which this life, this story, is all happening.  This is not my “escape” but my Life-line, so that I might fully function and be present in the midst of challenging times…  Looking “forward” to the present moment of “sabbatical” J

Anticipation Part 2

How quickly life changes… J

4 hours after B’s departure he called to say he was having car trouble.  He had stopped at a “garage” off the highway to see if they could tell what was wrong.  They couldn’t.  Told him he needed to find a dealership; they suggested he go back to Colorado Springs, more than two hours away.  He hoped he could make it all the way back home.  I am not sure I could even drive our 23 year old little Honda Civic anymore to go get him, as it is stick shift with a difficult clutch. 

So I waited - moment to moment – filled with anticipation – what ifs – hoping the car didn’t completely break down - waiting for the next phone call, indicating the next milestone.

I would like to believe that I could just step back into a wonderful place of peace and presence and deep acceptance of what is, but I was on edge – with anticipation – for nearly 4 hours.  So this is living in the moment, which in the moment was anticipation…  And even in that there is “acceptance” because what else can one do, but wait and anticipate…  Life is what it is from moment to moment. 

He arrived safely home at 6:45pm….

Ahhhh – life… J