Come meander with me on the pathless path of the Heart
in these anecdotal,
sometimes inspiring, sometimes personal meanderings of the Heart's opening in the every-day-ness of life...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Snow Dusting...

We had a dusting of snow over night,
along with the magic of Adobe Fireworks :)

"It's our illusions that dissipate *about* reality..."

"It doesn't really matter what role
the Infinite plays.
The Absolute and the Relative
are both true."

Friday, January 25, 2013


I had hoped I would have some good news to share tonight after DH’s job interview this week.  But it turns out that “the company has met its quota on the first wave”, according to the recruiter (a cattle call hiring 10 people at a time basically, and he didn’t make the first cut).  They evidently plan on doing a “second wave” – although we have no idea when that might be.   However, DH has other irons in the fire as they say, so we are still encouraged, as he is early in this job-hunting process, although it’s difficult not to recede into a fog of sadness and discouragement because we weren’t instantaneously relieved from this period of uncertainty.  Which is a segue into the subject of “adaptability.” J

A week ago DH was at the library perusing the shelves when he came across a CD series called “Adaptability” by a leading guru of change, MJ Ryan, targeted towards those in the business world.  Basically the premise is that those who adapt survive the changes that are inevitable, and so the point is to cooperate with the unavoidable, learning to take on new roles and shift with the changes that are coming more frequently in the business world.  DH has been doing this for years – adapting, shifting his career identities and roles to suit the current business environment, and still, jobs have been hard to come by and keep. We are grateful that he actually had a job that lasted a full year!  Most have been 3-6 month contracts.  He says the series on “Adaptability” is helping him with this current change, giving him a new perspective and some new skills for riding the wave.  If you’re interested, here is a You Tube link to watch her give a talk on “The Tortured Mind.” J  As always it comes down to what we *think about* what we are going through and how we interpret it.

What does this have to do with the photo of the Raccoon in the drive-way you ask? J  Well it showed up late yesterday afternoon, sniffing its way around.   I of course grabbed the camera and snapped the shot through the window.  As it disappeared out of sight to the right, I went outside to see if I could get a better shot.  I’m a sucker for wildlife – especially in the burbs.  Raccoons and Coyotes are about as wild as we get here.  The critter had climbed part way up the Spruce tree at the corner of our neighbor’s property by the driveway.  And of course I just had to try to get closer for a better shot…  But it went further up the tree – so no shot only big cute eyes looking back at me.  And what does a Raccoon have to do with adaptability?

Well... late last night I looked up the symbolic “meaning” of Raccoon in one of those animal symbolism books.  And the very first word that was underlined in the text was “adaptable.”  My eyes bugged out at the seeming synchronicity, and I went to share it with DH who was already in bed trying to sleep. J  Seems there’s a message here we’re supposed to be paying attention to!  So I read on:  Raccoons are known for their sense of curiosity about new realms, exploring what fascinates them, as well as their courage and ferociousness.  One of their most striking features is the mask.  Although the common interpretation is thievery, it actually becomes a very powerful symbolism for adapting.  When we wear a mask we create a doorway in the mind of who we believe ourselves to be.  It goes on: We can become anything we want to be by wearing different masks (identities) and learning to be dexterous in the masks that we wear, knowing when to use which mask for different purposes, knowing what circumstances requires what mask.  And in that respect, masks help us in the process of change.

There is actually a purpose for the persona of course – adapting to life situations, which seems to be a natural process.  I had somehow lost sight of that...

So – it spawned a few questions for myself like:  What masks am I wearing…  And are they serving me…  Are they helping me to adapt and change to life circumstances or am I just hiding under a mask of “spirituality”…  Do my masks keep my True Self hiding under a disguise, or are they are true expression of the Being that I am…   Do I need to change my idea of who I am, my self-identity as a “spiritual” person – ahhh – now *there’s* a courageous question…   Will have to explore that one a little more…

In any case, we are learning to adapt once again to the perpetual changes of life, accepting the reality of what is at the moment.

You might also like this humorous post
that I wrote last May on the subject of masks and identities:

Who Would You Be If You Weren't Who You Think You Are...?

Thursday, January 24, 2013

More Medicine...

“Beyond the realm of mind,
beyond limitations of humanity’s conditioned consciousness,
lies that which can be called the sacred.
And it is from the sacred
that a new fluid consciousness is born…
that brings to life a
living and undivided expression of
beyond all notions of self…

When we perceive from an
undivided consciousness,
we will find the sacred
in every expression of life.

Therefore we must leave
the entire collection of
conditioned thought
let ourselves be
led by
the inner thread of silence
intuitive awareness,
beyond where all paths end,
to the place of sacredness
where we go innocently,
or not at all,
not once but

The Way of Liberation

 “If I come to life with eyes
 that are tuned to
other levels of consciousness,
and if I [don’t] get lost in my old reactions
to the situation,
there it all is:
Living Spirit...

Reinvesting our society
with Living Spirit
happens through
Living Spirit…”

Paths to God

”…We just need to tune in to our awareness
and we’ll see that it’s already there…

We are not seeking the Truth,
the Truth is seeking us,
is seeking ItSelf…”

“Lose yourself.
Lose yourself.
Escape from the black cloud
that surrounds you.
Then you will see your own light
as radiant as the full moon.

Now enter that Silence.
This is the surest way
to lose yourself…”


“Love draws you into Itself.
Give yourself to the tides of the Ocean…
absorbed by Love…”

Sufi Mystic


The Sacred, Living Spirit, the Truth, The Silence, Love
It’s all the same…  Namaste…


Bottom Photo:
Northern Lights over Yellow Knife,
Northwest Territories, Canada

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Greatest Medicine...

Over the last 5 days I have had the great good fortune of spending a lot of the time in Meditative Silence, re-discovering that the best medicine is experiencing the awareness of Being (Essence, Living Spirit), that Living Presence that exists within all of us beyond the egoic consciousness.   For me this awareness happens through Meditative Silence. 

Last week I started feeling a pull into Meditative Silence that continued into the weekend – which gave DH a lot of time to prepare for his interview today. J  And it did not mean that there wasn’t any “doing” – as there was laundry and meals to make, phone calls to family to be made, conversations with DH to be had, etc.  Yet, I was continually drawn inward beyond the egoic functioning, the scaffolding of the self, into the open space of Being - to the awareness of Presence beyond the mechanism of the “me.”  Some days I felt a soft presence of Love surrounding me, other days it was the felt sense of the vast expanse beyond form, and other days just an awareness of The Silence of Being that is the thread through all life.  Even so, feelings arose, emotions emoted, but there was still this Essence of Being that made Its Presence known through the veils of thought, feeling and “doing.”

Most psychologies and some forms of “spirituality” focus on “fixing”, putting the emphasis on *self*-improvement, *self*-empowerment, on gaining *personal* power, offering to make life better by fixing, or bolstering the surface self – the ego, the personality - neglecting to see the root cause - the underlying “connection” with and awareness of our Essential Being.  Directly experiencing the inner flow of Being on a regular basis will do more for us than any quick-fix methods, as helpful as they may be initially.  I had forgotten this, under the strain of years of life’s twists and turns in unexpected directions, falling back into the egoic fear of survival again and again.  When we are able to reach a deep state of awareness of Being, the protective scaffolding of the ego begins to collapse, or becomes transparent, as we discover that we ARE That Silent Presence of Being – that there is no separation from our Essential Being, and never has been – the key to any kind of lasting transformation.

This is not to say that the “ego” needs to be transcended, or gotten rid of, as if that were possible. J   It is part of the whole package and needs to be embraced as such.  But it is not *essentially* who we are.   We can learn to keep bringing our awareness back to the silent space of Beingness and see our life experiences through the lens of Being, and not the ego/persona: the constellation of ideas, beliefs, opinions, judgments, thoughts, identities and definitions about who we *think* we are, and what we *think* reality is, and how life “should” be happening…  To see through that scaffolding to the incredible vast Aliveness that we are changes our perspective – even momentarily.  I am currently re-acquainting myself with the awareness of this “core” Being again, re-experiencing it as a part of my daily practice of awareness…  Becoming aware of Being (no matter how many times) is like becoming aware of our Essence before we were born – returning to the Innocence of Being.  Delighting in that…  Abiding in the felt sense of Being.  The Greatest Medicine. 

Adyashanti – The Way of Liberation on-line course
Ram Dass – Paths to God
and my own experience

Rainbow light on wall
zoom blurred

Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Silent Flame...

Empty out everything except Silence,


of the Heart…

Lay it all down – just breath the Silence,
the Stillness of Being.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve been taught,
what words you have heard,
what beliefs you have believed…

Lay it all down – just listen to the Silence,
the deep Rhythm of the Heart.

Unconcern yourself with words,
beliefs - concepts of the dreaming mind.
Fill yourself with the Rhythm of the Stillness…

Lay it all down – just *live* from the Silence;
the still space within the Heart.

Live from the Silent Flame
that burns in your Heart;
brighter than any words,
any teachings, any beliefs,
revealing everything.



©Mystic Meandering

December 19, 2010

The Silence of which I speak is a
meditative Silence, a sacred Silence
in which we are aware of what is Aware
within us; where we are in communion with
that Eternal Being – that which is
our Essence…

Monday, January 14, 2013

The Somber Tones Of Winter...

Sometimes my Heart sings the somber tones
that have lain dormant
needing expression…

An Adagio emerges
as if someone has died;
maybe that someone is “me,”
the false me… the mask of “me”
that keeps falling off,
leaving something more real exposed…

The grief begins
to sing, to play her strings,
feeling the loss.
I have heard her tune before.
I allow her to play her strings,
until she is played out,
listening to her deeply…

I know that
even the Somber tones are
an expression of the One.
There is no separateness,
no good or bad tones,
just the authentic expression
of what Lives here…

The Somber tones and shades are
Life ItSelf,
inviting me to look deeper,
to find the richness that lives within them…

Their song has to be sung as well.
Even they are the Heart’s language of Love,
calling me to more authentic Living...

©Mystic Meandering
January 27, 2011

Friday, January 11, 2013

A Pause for Momentary Insanity...

What a week!

We have been anticipating that DH would be hired permanently by the company he has been working for as a contract-to-hire for the last year.  Instead, DH was given notice on Tuesday that he will NOT be hired, although there was every indication in December that he would be.  So this came as quite a shock.  It was a moment of insanity – the expectation of a certain outcome and then given another. We had unconsciously become attached to this outcome, *believing* life was going to go a certain way.   Instead we are at the edge of the unknown again…

Word has it that the “Fiscal Cliff” scared the higher up mucky-mucks at corporate.  So they pulled in the reigns on the budget and let go of managers and purged the contract-to-hire people - the reality of the corporate world.  What a landslide we have found ourselves in, scrambling – putting us in survival mode once again.

DH was very philosophical about it, saying that he saw this as an invitation to a new adventure.  That’s just who he is, how he sees life, even though he was riding the wave of anxiety and fear as well.  But this was not the “adventure” I had in mind!  - I reacted.  I was just beginning to relax and breathe again, believing we might actually have some financial security and stability again after many years of living without it. And I was surprised at how quickly I was pulled under by the waves of shock, disbelief, numbness, depression, anxiety and anger…  And I also felt a very deep sadness for DH, who has gone through this so many times in the last 10 years as the economy continues to fail.

The next morning I awoke and felt the grip of fear in my gut, and a deep crushing void in the middle of my chest where my Heart was supposed to be. A heart wounding cry rose from deep within, from a depth I have not known before, as if a death had occurred  - a death of a constructed life that we thought was real - collapsing  - again; the death of the ‘self’ with its idea of the way life should be - collapsing…  Waves of emotion passed through… And I learned how much depth there are to these waves and how easily it is to get caught in their undertow.

And then there was the call to Silence – a deep inner Silence of Being – a collapsing into just Being…  And in that Silence of Being a realization that everything happens to collapse what you have identified with, the deconstruction of self-identifications of who you think you are, the beliefs, the ideas, the opinions, the mental constructs of the way you think  life should be… And the insight came that everything is based on interpretation, how we interpret our circumstances.  The awareness arose that every experience is an opportunity to awaken to That which lives deeply within us – our True Beingness that just IS – beyond the emotions, beyond the pain, beyond the chaos of life’s circumstances, beyond our self-centeredness.   LIFE unfolds on its own terms, not how I wish it to…  So we unfold with it…   How easy it is to forget this…

As I awoke this morning I turned inward to the awareness of that familiar feeling of inner Beingness – the deeper Reality that life takes place *in.*  I slipped out of momentary insanity, out of the ego’s grip, into the awareness of the Greater Reality of Being that is always here – that just IS - that silently lives every experience in every moment.  When I keep turning inward to Beingness, trusting and resting in THIS, I am at peace with what is…

“There is a force which gives you life – seek That.
If you want to find the greatest treasure
don’t look outside,
look inside and seek That…”


Photo: Eeyore
Sorry for the graininess
It’s kinda like life is at the moment J

Monday, January 7, 2013

Love Is A Bowl...

“This is love…

simple, bare awareness
that is already open,

An honest,
to be open
the whole
tidal cycle
of our

moment by moment…

Allowing the entirety
of our experience to sit
in a bowl

…a spacious
of all
that is.”


I used the words from Genju’s
post “Love” from Feb. 13, 2012
at 108zenbooks
to create this poem,
written Feb. 14, 2012
originally posted 2-14-12

And thanks to Lynne at DeCollete Glimpses
and her “Bowled Over” post
for the inspiration to repost it again!

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Guardians of Solitude...


“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality
by tearing down all boundaries;
on the contrary,
a good marriage is one in which
each partner appoints the other
as guardian of his [her] solitude,
and thus they show each other
the greatest possible trust.

A merging of two people is an impossibility,
and where it seems to exist,
it is a hemming-in,
a mutual consent that robs
one party or both parties
of their fullest freedom and development.

But once the realization is accepted
that even between the closest people
infinite distances exist,
a marvelous living side-by-side
can grow up for them,
if they succeed in
loving the expanse between them,
which gives them the possibility
of always seeing each other
as a whole…”

Rainer Maria Rilke
Letters to a Young Poet

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Dukkha with Revelations Please...

No, this is not the name of a new Cappuccino that I whipped up.  Dukkha is a Buddhist word that basically means suffering.  I am not a Buddhist, but the word best describes my recent experience.

It was December 29th, our 34th wedding anniversary.  It unexpectedly came with a load of *unconscious* expectations of how I *thought* it should be.  I had a lapse in consciousness and was operating in an old paradigm mode, wanting the day, and Dear Hubby, to be the way I wanted them to be, because after all it was a “special” day.  You know, like “The Holidays.”  It said so on the calendar, and in my mind.  We both *intended* for it to be a “special” day, so we orchestrated the day, trying to make it happen the way we envisioned it – or should I say the way *I* had it pictured in my mind.  DH was just fine with the way it was – of course. J  But disappointment was lurking on the horizon for me…

It started out fine.  We exchanged cards and expressions of our love for each other.  We drove to one of our favorite places about 40 mins outside the city-burbs to get away from the erratic, knotted, stuck city energy and be in the fluidity of open space and nature.  The shift in energy was dramatic.  We both felt the flow of energy change to a sweet, comforting embrace that surrounded us.  It was cold and blustery out, so there would be no walk in nature.  But we sat in the car in sweet silence at the trailhead, enjoying each other’s presence, basking in the warmth of the sun, enjoying the idyllic view of the surrounding foothills with a small town nestled in its curves, and trains slowly winding through the valley.  Picture perfect – so far… J  We were both content to just BE with each other…

Later that evening we went to dinner.  Darkness set in as I sat across the table from DH who stared at his plate not saying anything.  There it was – the familiar view: detachment, disengagement, non-participation.   And me feeling like I wasn’t on the radar screen, or at least a tiny blip that he could choose to see or not see.  It was a mirror of how I have often felt in this relationship.  (I know some of you must know what I’m talking about. :)  And the defensive responses when I raised the issue - with him saying that conversation can’t be forced, must be spontaneous, that I could not orchestrate *how* he was.  Well, okay, true, yes… But…

But I started feeling old emotions again - feeling invisible, unimportant, disappointed that the evening was not living up to my expectations.  There was that word again…  I wanted that wonderful feeling of resonance, of partnership, and an in depth spiritual/philosophical conversation that was also a hallmark of our relationship – which admittedly was usually spontaneous.    And I wanted to feel – important – the gaze across the table that says I will love you forever – even though he already said as much in his card.  But I wanted more…  I wanted Romance, attention, acknowledgement.  I wanted to *feel* special!   I-I-I…

Aye-yi-yi…  Enough already…

I couldn’t see then what I see now because the darkness of silent anger veiled the truth.  It was the anger of deep hurt – which came from believing that DH, and our relationship, should be other than what he/it is.  The feelings spilled over into the next day.  Ego was having its way with me - seducing me - and suffering ensued: Dukkha…  So it was time for a little authentic, heart to heart conversation with – myself - journaling…

Through writing it was revealed that I had been holding onto the thought/belief/expectation of the way the relationship/marriage was supposed to be, to feel; the expectation that it would provide *me*/ego-self with something concrete to hold onto – like a sense of security, of safety, a sense of being loved, or special…  I wondered how many of us live this way, thinking that “contentment” in life depends on feeling loved and secure by a partner.  And yet – I also realized that even in relationship, we are really still emotionally on our own journey in many ways.  No one person can meet our needs – I know this…  But I am not completely empty of “self” yet – the fabricated, conditioned self with its expectations of how relationships are “supposed” to be.  Just call me Eeyore…

I was faced with the truth, I must let go of my illusions/delusions *about* the relationship or suffer.  I needed to, once again, let go of the myth of marriage that I obviously have unconsciously still held in my mind all these years, as well as the myth of myself – the myth of the fabricated self.  The myth would no longer do, no longer satisfy.  I realized that the myth I held to was only a fantasy I had *believed* to be true.  The myth had cowled me, leaving me in darkness.  But I don’t want to remain a prisoner of the myth, or the darkness…

So – maybe this is the place in the story of “us” where I finally step off the edge, letting go of attachments, expectations, and old images - seeing things as they really are, allowing the relationship to be what it is and unfold as it does – appreciating the truth of it and loving the parts that work…

btw – DH has been looking up from his plate… J


This is the original image of the above photo

Which just goes to show
there is always light in the darkness
if we are willing to adjust our perspective
and *see* it…