Wisdom in the Storms - a meandering

Not everyone makes it through... and what tries to kill you
takes a lot of energy that makes you tired and anxious, and
might be better used elsewhere...

Rebecca Solnit
Recollections of My Nonexistence

~

What I call "unnecessary storms" are the ones that are created
by those in your life who have refused to take responsibility
for their own lives - whose life choices continue to impact you
in a negative way.  They can kill your spirit, your creativity
and your motivation, as well as drain your life energy, affecting
your health and well-being.  I almost drowned in another person's
addiction through "care taking", "rescuing", and enabling,
discovering how easy it is to get entangled in their "unnecessary
storms" - their crises, their dramas - that they create through their
addictive behavior; blaming you for their circumstances; calling
you names.  And no matter what you do for them, it is never
enough... (Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about.)

The "unnecessary storms" keep you focused on "the elephant in
the room" - keeping things in chaos and stress.  How interesting
that they have the power to do that - to distract and disrupt your
life rhythm - even your inner life - in their boredom, needing
your attention, time, and presence - in their self-induced
helplessness....

And yet... I have found there is wisdom gained in enduring these
"unnecessary storms."

A friend once told me, it is important to follow the wisdom of 
compassion, and I would add - kindness and even empathy.  We
all have our "addictions", even"spiritual" ones, and a common
dysfunction, which the Buddhists call conditioning.  The Hindus
call it Samskaras - the psychological wounds or imprints in the
mind, or innate behavior inclinations.  As a Professional advised:
Be compassionate - yes - but don't get into the water and drown
with them.  Don't get sucked into their vortex.

So I've had to learn to listen to and trust my inner instincts and
intuition, the whispers of the Heart...

Not to judge, but to find a way to relate in as compassionate way
as possible - seeing their pain, and reasons for their addiction;
often using humor when needing to set boundaries.  I recently
moved into acceptance mode: accepting them and their life
experiences as part of a larger Tapestry - a diverse human
tapestry inclusive of all life experiences - each expressing a
unique piece - even the darker ones.  I dropped the old, hard
stances, (as Alanon and CODA use) and my old roles; learning
the hard lesson to accept who they are and their path - not trying
to control their behavior - or what I think "should" be happening.

But - I also have to remember to step back, to not go down the
rabbit hole with them, but find ways to compassionately take
care of myself, tending to my own soul and sanity - putting on
some music and dancing, finding my natural rhythm again -
my own flow, freeing myself from entanglement in the
"unnecessary storms."

_/\_

MM

I share this personal meandering in the hopes that it might
strike a chord with those who might be experiencing
"unnecessary storms."

Even mystics have messy lives :)

May we somehow find our way through them...

Blessings

~