Life Came Back...

Then when
it seems
we will never
smile again,
life comes back...









This photo and verse are on a blank greeting card that I found many years ago. (See copyright info below). I kept it for myself, to remind me that through the “dark” times, life does come back… Of course *Life* never goes away. It just changes form. Life morphs Itself.

During times of fever, through my recent experiences with illness, I was drawn into deep Stillness, similar to the space of aware Stillness in meditation – only deeper. I was surprised that illness could lead to such a deep space of Stillness. The mind and body - though laboring under illness - were less active, and I was able to find a deep inner space of rest - amazing. And yet, there were many times that it also felt as if “life” (the sense of aliveness, well-being, embodiment) had left and would not return – or at least was on hold somewhere in cyberspace maybe. Hello~o~o~o~o …. This is not to sound dramatic. I was not near death. It was just the way “I” experienced it. But of course “Life” hadn’t left – the body-mind was still here, still functioning… But it was experienced that *something* “left” – the felt sense of Presence. Inexplicable…

Monday night, however, “LIFE came back” – the healing rain came. There was a clear shift in body-mind. Energy returned to the body and clarity to the mind – a sense of wellness and well-BEing – a sense of being here, aware, alive; a sense of the spirit of LIFE embodying this body again. Although energy levels still seem to come and go.

“Life came back”, much as it had been before. There were no big revelations, no breakthroughs, no big shifts in perception. Life lived on – like nothing had happened at all. Even intentionally taking time out for “refuge” for a few days in Stillness last week, as part of my “recovery”, was not a life-changing “retreat.” My home did not suddenly become a monk’s (or is that monkess’s :) monastery filled with chants, meditation and enlightenment - darn. There was still – husband home 24/7 - again - conversing, engaging; meals to make, laundry to be done, sprinkler system to “help” fix; and mother continuing to call every day to see if I was “better” – no pressure there. :) My “refuge” was nothing more than taking refuge in inner Stillness – capturing moments of Silence as much as possible – listening inwardly as Life lived on.

Now I am experiencing a renewed curiosity in and re-commitment to this deep inner Stillness of Being, the Aliveness within, as a way of life. I take more time during the day to feel and listen to this inner Presence of Being, awareing IT, experiencing IT, breathing IT, absorbing IT - delighting in the wonderment of IT as it pulses through this body. However, I do feel the demands of ordinary life and requirements of daily living beginning to crowd it out - again. I understand why gurus, yogis, artists, writers, and contemplatives head for the hills, places unknown, caves and nature – to *live* in wondrous refuge and intimacy with the Stillness of Life within – listening deeply to Its Voice.

I am curious – What is your refuge? What allows you to experience the Aliveness of Being within on a daily basis?

~*~


Photo
copyright – Chris Jones
Card
copyright - The Borealis Press – 1997
Surry Maine