Sometimes
I think I feel what the Buddha must have felt when he sat under the Bodhi Tree waiting for “enlightenment” – waiting for the revelation of the Truth
of Existence… I am not a Buddhist (nor a
Christian) and do not claim to know the full Truth, nor what the Buddha felt,
or interpret the meaning of his “experience” under the tree. But what I have read is that he was
determined to wait for the Truth to be revealed, to wait as long as he needed, to know the Truth. He did not evidently question whether he
could know the Truth or not, he waited
for it.
Recently
I have experienced a deep longing again for the Truth, the whole Truth, and
nothing but the Truth. Sometimes that
translates into a longing for “God” – not a religious image of “God” – more a
felt sense of a much vaster, enveloping spacious Cosmic Awareness – which for
me is the same as Truth/God. Sometimes I
call it a longing for “God.”, or “waiting on God.” Ultimately I am longing and waiting for Truth
to be revealed, no matter what the vehicle or label. It is
what I have wanted since childhood – a direct revelation of “God”/Truth, which
often seems veiled to me – although there have been many “awakenings.”
Every
morning I go to my chair by the window and sit in meditative Silence –
Listening inwardly… Waiting… Nothing else matters to me. Everything else is distraction. It’s as if I am waiting for the “Truth/God” to
come Home IN me… Non-dualists would argue that there is no
“me” to wait – which may ultimately
be true. But there is a “mechanism” here that functions as “me.” And I am tired of those arguments. I don’t care about playing word games. I just want the pure Truth. And it doesn’t seem to matter how many
“awakenings” I’ve already had, or how many times IT has revealed ItSelf – there
is still longing.
The truth
of the matter is J –
I do miss “God”! – not a theistic or
deistic separate “God”, but more a personal sense of “God” - as Friend, like Rumi and Shams, sitting with each
other in intimate Silence. This probably doesn't make any sense to the reader, and I cannot
truly explain this “missing” – this “longing.”
In the midst of the longing there is a sense of “The Sacred.” No matter how I try to mentalize it with
contemporary “non-duality” teachings, telling myself that there is no “me” to
miss “God” – there is a longing for
the Divine. So where does this come
from? I can “spiritualize” it and say it
is the Divine in me longing for ItSelf.
I have said this many times. But
is that true, or just another non-dualism – something to asuage the angst of
longing.
It is
interesting to me as well that this occurs at what feels like a very “sacred” time of year. Not because it’s Christmas, or because of
Jesus, but there is something palpable in me that starts at Halloween,
continues into November, gets particularly stronger near the Winter Solstice –
and wanes at Christmas. It’s as if a
“cosmic birthing” – an “awakening” of Consciousness - is taking place within
myself – through the longing. After all isn’t that the theme of season – a
rebirth of the Light in form; the awakening of Consciousness within? I become more acutely aware of what I can only call a “Divine Flow” pulsing within. There are moments of a felt sense of
internal “communion” - of peace and contentment. And with that comes a deep sense of awe and Gratitude…
Is this the illusive “enlightenment”
I’ve been waiting for? I don’t know… (And yes, I mean "illusive." :)
So, what to
do with this longing…except allow the
longing – surrender into it – be true to the longing of the Heart, let it lead, and feel it all the way through
to the Truth.
The Morning Kiss
I am kissed every morning;
a gentle kiss from behind a cloudy veil…
I long for the veil to lift;
to fully awaken to
”the Beloved”
a gentle kiss from behind a cloudy veil…
I long for the veil to lift;
to fully awaken to
”the Beloved”
in ITs Brilliance…
I am tired of *trying* to “know”
*trying* to “see”;
chasing misty shadows
of
the Real.
chasing misty shadows
of
the Real.
Yet “IT”
calls to me from
behind a veil of mystery.
calls to me from
behind a veil of mystery.
When my trying and chasing stops,
the veil opens.
Silence comes
– and I wait…
”The Beloved” reveals ItSelf
in
Divine Intimacy
in
Total Awareness
– and I wait…
”The Beloved” reveals ItSelf
in
Divine Intimacy
in
Total Awareness
A love affair with
Grace and Love
Grace and Love
A Mysterious Embrace
The Morning Kiss…
Mystic Meandering
Dec. 17, 2014
Dec. 17, 2014
