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sometimes inspiring, sometimes personal meanderings of the Heart's opening in the every-day-ness of Life...

Sunday, December 28, 2014

The Morning Kiss...

Sometimes I think I feel what the Buddha must have felt when he sat under the Bodhi Tree waiting for “enlightenment” – waiting for the revelation of the Truth of Existence…  I am not a Buddhist (nor a Christian) and do not claim to know the full Truth, nor what the Buddha felt, or interpret the meaning of his “experience” under the tree.  But what I have read is that he was determined to wait for the Truth to be revealed, to wait as long as he needed, to know the Truth.  He did not evidently question whether he could know the Truth or not, he waited for it.

Recently I have experienced a deep longing again for the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth.  Sometimes that translates into a longing for “God” – not a religious image of “God” – more a felt sense of a much vaster, enveloping spacious Cosmic Awareness – which for me is the same as Truth/God.  Sometimes I call it a longing for “God.”, or “waiting on God.”  Ultimately I am longing and waiting for Truth to be revealed, no matter what the vehicle or label.   It is what I have wanted since childhood – a direct revelation of “God”/Truth, which often seems veiled to me – although there have been many “awakenings.”

Every morning I go to my chair by the window and sit in meditative Silence – Listening inwardly… Waiting… Nothing else matters to me.  Everything else is distraction.  It’s as if I am waiting for the “Truth/God” to come Home IN me…  Non-dualists would argue that there is no “me” to wait – which may ultimately be true.   But there is a “mechanism” here that functions as “me.”   And I am tired of those arguments.  I don’t care about playing word games.  I just want the pure Truth.  And it doesn’t seem to matter how many “awakenings” I’ve already had, or how many times IT has revealed ItSelf – there is still longing.

The truth of the matter is J – I do miss “God”! – not a theistic or deistic separate “God”, but more a personal sense of “God” - as Friend, like Rumi and Shams, sitting with each other in intimate Silence. This probably doesn't make any sense to the reader, and I cannot truly explain this “missing” – this “longing.”  In the midst of the longing there is a sense of “The Sacred.”  No matter how I try to mentalize it with contemporary “non-duality” teachings, telling myself that there is no “me” to miss “God” – there is a longing for the Divine.  So where does this come from?  I can “spiritualize” it and say it is the Divine in me longing for ItSelf.  I have said this many times.  But is that true, or just another non-dualism – something to asuage the angst of longing.

It is interesting to me as well that this occurs at what feels like a very “sacred” time of year.  Not because it’s Christmas, or because of Jesus, but there is something palpable in me that starts at Halloween, continues into November, gets particularly stronger near the Winter Solstice – and wanes at Christmas.  It’s as if a “cosmic birthing” – an “awakening” of Consciousness - is taking place within myself – through the longing.  After all isn’t that the theme of season – a rebirth of the Light in form; the awakening of Consciousness within?  I become more acutely aware of what I can only call a “Divine Flow” pulsing within.   There are moments of a felt sense of internal “communion” - of peace and contentment.   And with that comes a deep sense of awe and Gratitude…   Is this the illusive “enlightenment” I’ve been waiting for?  I don’t know…  (And yes, I mean "illusive." :)

So, what to do with this longing…except allow the longing – surrender into it – be true to the longing of the Heart,  let it lead, and feel it all the way through to the Truth.

The Morning Kiss

I am kissed every morning;
a gentle kiss from behind a cloudy veil…

I long for the veil to lift;
to fully awaken to
”the Beloved”
in ITs Brilliance…

I am tired of *trying* to “know”
*trying* to “see”;
chasing misty shadows
the Real.

Yet “IT”
calls to me from
behind a veil of mystery.

When my trying and chasing stops,
the veil opens.

Silence comes
– and I wait…

”The Beloved” reveals ItSelf
Divine Intimacy
Total Awareness

A love affair with
Grace and Love

A Mysterious Embrace

The Morning Kiss…

Mystic Meandering
Dec. 17, 2014


  1. "I will search for the Friend with all my passion and all my energy, until I learn that I don't need to search." Rumi. There is something incredibly sweet about the longing and the searching, but...longing is still longing. I definitely understand this feeling...

    1. Love the Rumi quote :) It's organic... Everything is allowed... I knew you'd understand ;)

  2. Peace, contentment, awe, gratitude. What wonderful things! May your new year be filled with them!

    1. Aw, thanks David! And you too! You are so kind, for which I am grateful :)

  3. Waiting... That's such good word for what we do a lot of, isn't it--waiting. And especially for Enlightenment. And waiting on God too! ;o) Like you, I feel I've often been listening and waiting for direction. Sometimes I've received it. Sometimes not. And just sitting with the not, waiting a bit more, is the nice challenge. I'm learning God's time. :o) I think part of what drew me back to Catholicism was largely the desire for a personal relationship with God--that true One-to-one. Of really being embraced by the Sacred, held in Divine Love. And that that Divine Love saturated me so much that I could only operate more and more in response to the Love. And of course there is Rumi's beautiful---"What you seek is seeking you." I believe there is something unique human about the longing for connection with the Divine. I think there is just something great being said for us wanting to be connected to a higher source--that we are not alone. It is perhaps not unusual that you've been feeling and experience so much since end of last year. I've always felt that the true New Year was in autumn--September/October. This natural "end" is echoed inside us. It is easy to lean into the slower rhythms of ember days and fireside night, of release, and rest and making space for renewal & rejuvenation. It is an amazing time of releasing but also recreation. In a lot of ways winter is a great time to tune into the that Divine Flow within us! When we slow down more, we can notice and feel it more. ;o) And sometimes when we release trying so much--what we seek does find us. I LOVE this post so much... I really, have not enough words for what this stirs. And your poem is glorious--truly is. Love this line-- "A love affair with Grace and Love"... a good motto for life & living, maybe?! THANK YOU fo this... ((HEART HUGS))

    1. Thank you Tracy :) Yes, I too think that "longing for connection with the Divine" is inherent in us... And very interesting observation about Oct being the New Year (in the Celtic tradition), thus why I feel these strong energies arising in *that* New Year... Thanks for coming by and leaving your comment :) Am glad it spoke to you...Heart Hugs...


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