"Sabbatical Life" - A Reflection

Over the last few years I've reflected on the idea
that the life of a "mystic" was supposed to be about
"sabbatical" - you know, living a monk's life :) -
spending days in Silence, meditating, continuously
aware of the Pure Being that we are.  And yet,
in reality, I am continually pulled outward into the
requirements of daily living with its ups and downs,
preoccupations and distractions.  Of course!  Aren't we all! 
That's just how life is...

Sometimes I think I may be delusional to think that it is
possible to live according to the Inner Rhythm, focusing

on the Inner Life...

I also sometimes wonder if I'm being selfish, self-centered,
narcissistic to want to focus on the Inner Life...  Is this just
hidden ego? - rhetorical question. :)  I don't see this as an
escape from life, but a call to a way of being - and yet it
eludes me.  

When I ride the waves of this Inner Rhythm in meditative
Silence, I can feel the chaotic surface waves dissipate.  But
at times I also find myself making the distinction between
life as it is and the *idea* of the "sabbatical life" - creating
 a separation where there is none.  When in fact it is more
one's orientation towards life and living that matters - one's
relationship with life as it is - and - with "The Ineffable
Mystery" within...  I'm still working on that...

I know that ultimately it's not either/or, but both/and:
living in harmony with life as it is - surrendering to where
LIFE wants to flow - to the wholeness of Being;
living fully from a deep, abiding *awareness* of Pure
Beingness within - and - the awareness that it's really
all "The Mystery" living ITself here anyway...

I may have romanticized the "sabbatical life", but it still
calls to me, feels like a very deep and vital need - this
resting in the awareness of Pure Beingness - like breathing.
And at this point, for me, it requires Silence and Solitude,
which is why I post about it here :)  

The "key" seems to be - to be willing to face into the realities
of living, the requirements of daily living - while at the same
time being deeply aware of the deeper Rhythm within; not having
any preconceived ideas about what "sabbatical life" should look like,
 but being open to The Rhythm of the Inner Life - while learning to
ride the waves of daily life as they come.
.  They are not in opposition to each other, but flow together.

~

Mystics are people who quest for wisdom or for God,
[or the Truth of Existence, etc.], not in the world of
externals but in the microcosm of their own soul.  There
they follow themselves to be fully present to the experiences
of a deep-felt joy or sorrow, of beauty or suffering, of gain
or loss, so that these opposing poles might in time reconcile
and grow and ripen into a harmonious whole - which wells
up as peace that defies all rational explanation...

Anne Marie Kidder, Editor
 Etty Hillesum: Essential Writings