I am feeling stretched, fingertips reaching wide towards the
sharp contrasts of joy and deep grief. I feel weathered, open,
tired, curious, grateful, regretful, raw. My body is going from
being an open channel for highly activated sensations to shut
down and hardened, sometimes within seconds of each other.
There have recently been blissful and ecstatic moments, and
moments that tear me apart. Deep connections and penetrating
aloneness. I've got a whole bunch of unanswered emails and
texts. I feel a heightened awareness of the parts of me that feel
deeply wounded..., and all the stories that come along with them.
I'm trying to stay present to what is. I feel like I am in a state of
unraveling, a grand coming undone that feels both wildly un-
comfortable and buoyant all at once, and I have been fighting
the urge to dig my heels in with defiance and resistance.
sharp contrasts of joy and deep grief. I feel weathered, open,
tired, curious, grateful, regretful, raw. My body is going from
being an open channel for highly activated sensations to shut
down and hardened, sometimes within seconds of each other.
There have recently been blissful and ecstatic moments, and
moments that tear me apart. Deep connections and penetrating
aloneness. I've got a whole bunch of unanswered emails and
texts. I feel a heightened awareness of the parts of me that feel
deeply wounded..., and all the stories that come along with them.
I'm trying to stay present to what is. I feel like I am in a state of
unraveling, a grand coming undone that feels both wildly un-
comfortable and buoyant all at once, and I have been fighting
the urge to dig my heels in with defiance and resistance.
It feels as though we are deeply immersed in a season of death,
on the personal and collective levels. So much dying - systems,
beliefs, ways of being, bodies, all being laid to rest in the cosmic
compost pile. The phrase 'quality of life' has been coming up
a lot, and I wonder what that truly means - for the living and
the dying... How does a society that is both grief-illiterate and
death phobic learn to die a good death? Humans are such
curious creatures, and I fear we too often place ourselves at the
center, forgetting the much wider web we exist in.
on the personal and collective levels. So much dying - systems,
beliefs, ways of being, bodies, all being laid to rest in the cosmic
compost pile. The phrase 'quality of life' has been coming up
a lot, and I wonder what that truly means - for the living and
the dying... How does a society that is both grief-illiterate and
death phobic learn to die a good death? Humans are such
curious creatures, and I fear we too often place ourselves at the
center, forgetting the much wider web we exist in.
I have been finding myself struggling to be open to views
starkly different than my own (sometimes I'm downright
judgmental and angry), which feels at odds with my idea of
who I am and my capacity to be compassionate and
understanding. I feel like a fraud, like my membership card
to the 'woke folk' club should be revoked. I want answers,
as we all do, and at times my mind spirals into a state of
desperate grasping for them when my body knows they don't
exist, at least not in some static and definitive way.
starkly different than my own (sometimes I'm downright
judgmental and angry), which feels at odds with my idea of
who I am and my capacity to be compassionate and
understanding. I feel like a fraud, like my membership card
to the 'woke folk' club should be revoked. I want answers,
as we all do, and at times my mind spirals into a state of
desperate grasping for them when my body knows they don't
exist, at least not in some static and definitive way.
I don't know what will happen and where we are all headed...
It feels like a delicate dance...
It feels like a delicate dance...
I feel far from my best right now.
I pray for the softness required to take each step forward
with grace and humility, and for the bravery to
dance this life...
dance this life...
~
Photo - Mystic Meandering
We awoke to snow this morning and saw this leaf caught
in the snow on the front steps - blowing in the wind...
in the snow on the front steps - blowing in the wind...
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