The Remember Rock...

Rumi wrote a poem that says we should open the door to whatever “visitor” knocks, as it has been sent as messenger… Well, okay, drama keeps knocking at my door, so maybe I’m not getting the message here. I really feel like I *need* to shut the door on all this drama, to not get entangled in it, to not let it drag me down, to drain me – and it is terribly draining, emotionally and physically. And as I mentioned in a previous blog post about this, it is very addictive. The mind just loves it! And so I am guilty in this latest drama of indulging in the mind-loop of stories *about* this drama and the people in it, of telling myself all the different scenarios about what we can do about it, and what the reactions might be - drowning in the sweet, poisonous drivel of drama – intoxicating myself.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to step out into our backyard for a few minutes. It seems like it’s been ages since I’ve actually spent time there. I’ve been on the inside looking out. (Or is that on the outside looking in. :) There has been one drama crisis after another since February, so I have been a little preoccupied. But when I stepped out into the cool rainy morning with a thin layer of new fallen snow on the grass (Yes, northerners, we are still getting snow here in the “southwest” Yippie!) I was intoxicated by the experience. I automatically took in the peace with a deep breath. The smell of moisture in the crisp, cool Spring air with lilacs in bloom and little pale green leaves on the trees barely making their appearance, the grass greener than ever with this wet Spring, and a soft mantel of white on top of everything for accent tugged at my Heart to come play. Nature inhaled me. And I thought, boy, just look what I’ve been missing out here caught up in all these dramas: Missed moments being in the moment of each drama.

Life has been kind of like going to a restaurant everyday and ordering different dishes but no matter what meal is on the menu, there is the goopy syrup of drama layered over it. And maybe that’s just the way life is – dribbles of drama all over everything that I keep trying to push out of the way with my fork. It just doesn’t work. We don’t always get to pick and choose the storyline of the drama because the storylines are entangled and enmeshed with other storylines – in one big gooey mess.

I went out to the back yard to take a picture of this little lighthouse under the Spruce tree and Lilac bush. It has a small natural garden stone next to it that says: “Remember” - the Remember rock. We placed it there when our cat died last August. But today it had a broader meaning.

Drama has a way of entangling me *with* another in an emotional hook up. And I feel like I’m walking a path of entanglement on so many levels these days, with so many people! I’ve danced this dance so many times you’d think I would know better, would remember the music. But drama makes you forget the *inner* music, and each new drama brings a little different tune and I get carried away by the music. As I bent over to adjust the “Remember rock” I disturbed a bird that was nesting in the tree and heard it flutter its wings past my head, as if to warn me I was too close. I apologized for disturbing its nesting place as it winged its way by, stepped away and turned back toward the house. But with just that one flutter of a bird I felt just a tad bit closer to what is really real, to the essence of Life and living – the space where there is no drama. Such peace is tangible.

Being out under the Lilac bush I began to remember that there really is a space where there is no dramas, no stories, no entanglements. I’ve been missing that space, not experiencing it! And I want it back! I want to remember (for the umpteenth time) who I really am underneath all the drama and stories and entanglements – underneath the rock – the simplicity of untethered and unfettered Being dancing to the inner music. I do miss her. She disappears often and I have to go looking for her – under rocks.

After I went inside, I looked back out the window. And with that turn came the realization that Nature is just always there, of course, right there waiting in stillness - just living, breathing, growing, flying, being, untouched by all the dramas that swirl through it – inviting me to participate.

So I’m going to peak underneath the Remember rock more often and spend more time in Nature, reconnecting with the inner music, drinking in the Essence of Life. I cant’ get rid of the drama that unfolds in my life or others, as drama is just part of living. But I no longer wish to open the door every time. Maybe it can just whisper its message through the door.

Knock-knock – who’s there… Remember…

~*~