Embrace the Totality of Experience - Kathleen Knipp

It is possible to sink beneath the play of duality
and feel and know the totality in which all of this
play is happening, in whatever drama happens to be
unfolding in your life.  It doesn't diminish the impact
of difficult experience - but creates a bigger picture...

The experience of True Nature is somatic, [a felt experience]
through the sensations in the body; a fluidity of all elements
[sensations, feelings, etc.] that don't contradict each other,
but happen simultaneously, like lightness and density, etc.

Everything is formed out of the element of space and happens
within the element of space.  The body is simply compressed
space.  The space around it, and within it is the same space -
wide open spaciousness.  The spaciousness that just is
even in the presence of solidity of form - being 
simultaneously wide open spaciousness - and - the 
solidification of form.

To the mind it seems contradictory.  In the realm of sensing,
it can be quite apparent.  For is emptiness, emptiness is form
may seem esoteric - yet what is the experience? 
Simultaneously dense - and - wide open; feeling weighted
and light;  feeling still and moving.  All of the apparent
contradictions drop away in the sensory realm.

The totality contains everything, all expressions of the one -
unrecognized:  This that is before time, before words, 
before division.  It's not either/or, it's both/and.

Remembering our infiniteness in the face of finiteness.
Experiencing totality simultaneously,
The unique being that is me - remembering.

Kathleen Knipp
Excerpt from a Yoga Nidra Meditation

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

The "Noisemakers"...

 I have entered a desert place...
The desert of "noisemakers",
both internal and external;
creating stress and tension
in the mind and body;
from the dramas others have created
denying that they are the Elephant in the room;
going from crisis to crisis - drowning out
the Great Silence within.

The "noise" robs you of the felt sense of "The Mystery."
The veils of stress cloud the clarity of energy and perspective.
They rob you of what feeds the soul and nurtures the very
Essence of your Being.

Impossible you say?
But have you experienced it...  this drowning in "noise"...

One can get lost in the stress of too much "noise" if one is
not aware - not vigilant of the "noisemakers";
the thoughts and people that create distress in your life...

We cannot let the "noise" of others' dysfunction and disease
disrupt and distract, nor invade the deep Silence and Stillness
of our Being, and Indigenous Wisdom;
distorting our life energy with their "noise'!

We must tend to the Essential Nature of our very Being -
finding tender nurturance there from the
weariness of the world and its "noise"...

We need to feel the lightness of "The Mystery" again,
and reclaim the Sanity and Clarity
of the Stillness of the Quiet place...

And leave the "noisemakers" drowning in their own "noise."

Mystic Meandering
Dec. 4, 2020

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Life Postmortem...

It's been six weeks since my mother passed...  My grieving has ended.
I did most of my grieving over the 3 months she was home on
"Hospice Care", waiting to die; which was really her children taking
care of her 24/7, watching her deteriorate; although, because of her
dementia, she forgot that's what was happening to her - until about
a week before she passed, making it all the more sad...
She struggled so hard to hang on to life...

But my mother's passing was not the worst part actually.
I am at peace with that and my "spiritual" beliefs have seen
me through.  It's the "postmortem..."

Now my days are dominated with going through her 90 years of
life's belongings at her house with my sister.  Mom was a bit of a
pack rat/hoarder, so we are trying to clear things out so we can
put the house up for sale, which also means trying to find a place
for my sister to live, as she has lived with my mother for 8 1/2 years.

But she doesn't want to move.  That is not an option - she can't pay
the mortgage or the bills...  My brother returned to his home early
in April after staying with Mom for 3 months until the week after
she died, and tried to set things in motion for my sister and I to
follow through in processing the "postmortem" experience.

The process itself is difficult, even demanding, but with my siblings
has been especially challenging.  We are all so very different;
different values, different priorities, different perceptions, and we've
 all taken different paths, and made different life choices for ourselves
 and how we choose to live...  And they don't mix well.  But we manage
most of the time to treat each other kindly...  Unfortunately there has
 also been a lot of drama, which I really can't expand upon here... 
But will be glad when everything is finally settled, and I can "move on",
 as they say, and have some space to breathe again, and hopefully
 rekindle  the Spark within, as I am feeling rather uninspired lately
 - lackluster;  out of sync with the rhythms of Life.
 Like an automaton going through  the motions to get things done,
 yet surprisingly "present" as well.

But nothing speaks to me anymore - well almost nothing.
Feeling trapped in the particulars of my moment-to-moment
experience. It is what it is, and I am where I am...  No pretense here...
The stress of the family dysfunction and the grind of being
 immersed in the mundane has made me weary of life - and placed a
 heavy burden on my heart...

I have had little time for Solitude and deep Meditation - feeling rather
distracted by the externals of living, creating a feeling of "separation"
from the Alive Presence within...
My meditation space has now become storage space for some of my
 mother's things, which will have to be gone through at a later time -
another "postmortem" activity...

I don't foresee this "experience" ending any time soon.  It will probably
last through the Summer, although I know this too shall pass, and
there will be another, hopefully brighter, postmortem...

I realize I am on the edge of a new journey, a new chapter in this
story that is playing itself out in my life at the moment - waiting
for the page to turn.  I know it's all just a story in the context of a
larger Story - but still...  It is being lived in "real" time... condensed
from somewhere out of time...

And so it goes...

Namaste

~

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another
human being.  We should all be thankful for those people
who rekindle the inner spirit.

Albert Schweitzer

Inner Rhythms

"A balanced life is based on its own rhythm.  If you don't set your
own rhythm, and have the discipline to follow it, your life will
move at the speed of the culture around [you], which moves too
fast.  The space we make for quiet time affects our thought patterns
and, in turn, the quality of our lives.  To what extent is the rhythm
of your life a result of.....adapting.....to the flow that surrounds you?"
Rod McIver - Artist

I feel a resonance with his words, knowing that I need to find that
sense of my own rhythm.  But I also want to find the deeper
 Rhythm of Life; not just my own personal daily rhythm with life, but
 the Flow of the Inner Being, also called the Tao, the undercurrent flow
of Life within - from which all movement arises.

The only way I know to do this is to turn within to The Silence within
where The Rhythm of the Inner Being is felt - the Rhythm of Silence.
Finding that deeper Inner Rhythm is, for me, the Rhythm of Pure
Being ItSelf - the deeper Rhythm that animates all life... 
 But the "externals" of life distract me and distort the felt sense
 of this Inner Rhythm.

The hypnosis of the world keeps me/us magnetized to the ways of the
world, and pulls me/us out of this deeper way of living and knowing.
We are conditioned to be drawn to the external drama of the world, to
chew on it, teethe on it...  I recently started using my husband's FB
account, just to see what it would be like...  I was hooked within a
couple of days.  It sucks you in, and displaces all other attention... I
have since tried to wean myself off of this "obsessive attention
disorder." It's the pablum of the matrix we live in. 
But no one trains us, when we're young, to turn within to the
 Quiet Inner Presence of Silence.
And so we follow the rhythm of the world, the civilized, political,
chaotic world, with its hypnosis of separation from our Inner Being,
instead of turning to that interior space of The Rhythm that pulsates
Its Aliveness within us, and does not depend on a
 name, label, or identity - or the world's rhythms... 
I'm still using training wheels...

Before your innocent Heart was hypnotized by the rhythms of the
world, what did you want deep in your Heart?  Not what you wanted
 to be when you grew up, but what did you really long for?  What
 called to you?  Do you remember?  Do you know now?

~

Photo - Bliss Lotus Mandala
digitally blurred

2013

~

Personal Note: I am aware that there are FB pages out there that are not part of the manipulative matrix of superficial social media - that offer substantive and inspiring writings.  For them I am grateful...

Ending Suffering - Joan Tollifson

If we truly want to end suffering, we must move from our self-centered drama and story line, to the open surrender of "Thy will be done."  It involves a shift in attention - a shift out of the entanglement in and identification with the thought-stream - and open into awareness of Presence - a shift from thinking to sensing and awaring.  It involves a surrender, or opening, into the whole body-mind, a dissolving of the felt sense of separation, and duality, a melting into the spacious undivided, luminous and inseparable; noticing what is ever-present regardless of the experience that is arising.  

Surrendering is an opening of the whole body-mind, a dissolving of the solidity of the body-mind, a letting go into boundlessness, [realizing] that it is all appearing in a larger context - the open space of awareness.  The true "I" to which we all refer is ultimately this unbound awareness that is being and beholding everything.  We are not limited to the body-mind, and the body-mind is not really a separate, solid, autonomous "thing."  In fact there is no real boundary between "awareness" and "the body."  The words seem to divide what is actually seamless and whole.  So we don't need to deny the body or the person or relative reality, because all of that is appearing in a much larger context, and all of that is really very ephemeral and fluid and ungraspable...

There are many words for surrender: dissolving, opening, relaxing, softening, melting, letting go, resting, allowing, welcoming.  What matters is not the word or some idea of this, but discovering this for oneself experientially.  Surrender is a discovery that we each have to make for ourself.

In surrendering there is a letting go, an opening - allowing everything to be as it is, not resisting anything, and not trying to get anything.  Simply stay with the living reality itself, just as it is.  Awareness always allows everything to be as it is.  It never rejects or hates anything.  It is never really harmed or destroyed by anything that appears to happen in waking life.  All the apparent darkness and getting lost is always happening in this bigger, vaster context.  To realize this is to be free from suffering...

Joan Tollifson

Struggle...

Is there a threshold to cross over?

What is the threshold that takes us into
a deeper Reality?

Can we cross it…
or are we forever imprisoned
in the cocoon of time,
when we know there is something more,
because we have seen it, felt it, intuited it;
something timeless beyond human existence
with its pain, sorrow and suffering;
even beyond fleeting happiness;
even beyond what some call
”the awakened life” –
if we are fortunate enough to
experience whatever that is …

How can “i” continue on “here” – “i” wonder daily,
struggling…
immersed in the “i” dramas;
grasping, clinging,

wanting something,
something that would forever awaken this Heart
to the Bliss of Eternal Reality…

The Eternal Vastness beckons…

But “i” continue to struggle;
the body struggles to relax and live,
the mind struggles to be at peace,
the heart struggles to stay open and Love,
the “i” struggles within
to sustain its identity,
still attached to the idea
of itself,
of its importance…

How can it be so…
If all there is, is “God”,
that is – Pure Consciousness, Pure Awareness,
Pure Beingness…
Then why does this “i” struggle
in ignorance,
keeping itself trapped in time,
and in the mind…

Am “i” forever cowled to the Truth,
unable to pierce the veil,
or find the Holy Grail…?

If “i” already have,
”i” keep forgetting,
and struggle to remember…

Maybe it will never happen -
the “awakening.”
And the glimpses i’ve had
will only remain a forgotten memory,
like a dream…

I am so ready to leave the struggles behind
for the privilege of experiencing
the Unknown,
The Mystery that waits
in the Depths of Silence…

Mystic Meandering
April 22, 2015

~~~Post Script~~~

Having said all that, written one morning in a period of struggle,
dealing with intense physical issues,

 and extremely dysfunctional family issues,

I know that the “Threshold” is through the inner

 Sanctuary Door of Silence…

 In the depths of Silence
we become aware of the Intimacy with Infinite Silence -
the Pure Primal Existence,
the Realm of “the Beloved”– if you will –
The Primordial Womb of Stillnes;
not “out there” somewhere, but “in here”

where there is only The Rhythm of Sacred Silence,
as I have so often written about here in this blog…

In the deep fluid flow of Silence
there is no struggle...
because there is no little “i”
with its issues,

only the Ineffable Mystery
that infuses everything,
and lives everything
in Silence…

~~

Photo/Art: Loon Morning
Artist: Rod MacIver
 from: Heron Dance Art Studio

www.herondance.org

The Eternal Story...

Everything is Eternal Being, Eternal Consciousness, Eternal Awareness that just IS.  Plug in whatever word works for you.  “IT” is ubiquitous = everywhere at the same time, aware of everything that is occurring all at once.

The mind really can’t fathom this, so it creates words, stories, and images, like “God”, which personifies (person-ifies) what cannot be person-ified, to try to explain what cannot be explained – including words like Beingness, Consciousness, and Awareness… :)

There is just the Pure Space of Awareness – everywhere!  It is an alive Space appearing “empty” – like the sky, or space itself.  Yet, everything is suspended in this Space, as if by “magic.”  Everything is “held” in that Space of Emptiness, exists in that Space – including you and I…  A mystery.

The “trick” is to see from the perspective of this Eternal Space, from the Space of Infinite Beingness, rather than from the place of “Earth mind” that only sees the “Earth mind” as real; does not see the bigger picture of being suspended in this Space, but only thinks its immediate reality is real – when in fact it is only part of a much larger Reality that lives and breathes this reality into existence.

How would life change if we started to see our lives in this way, from the perspective of Eternal Awareness – Ubiquitous Awareness – Omniscient Awareness…  From this place of Space…  What would happen if we started viewing each other from this perspective?  Something I fail at miserably...

This is the dis-entanglement from the matrix of our personal life dramas – to see all of it differently – to see the Eternal Infiniteness of all things.

We are being breathed by this Space of Infinite Awareness, by the Cosmic “Spirit” – if you will.  I feel IT when sitting in the space of Silence – the Still Point - being Aware.  This is intimacy with Eternal Being – this sense of intimate connection through the breath of Silence.  It runs through the whole body, is in every cell: the energy of Eternal Being…

This is what we abide in already and don’t even realize it.  It is a natural abidance in this Space of Eternal Beingness.  We abide in the Infinite naturally.  We are just not always aware of it, don’t have a felt sense of it… And so we constantly look for/seek what we call “God” or “The Divine” when it is already what is always right here as Pure Spacious Awareness; is what we breath, and breathes us, is what bathes the cells, and permeates “our” world.  This Divine Energy of life continues on after death, but we focus on the physicality and not the “spirit energy”, that sustains and animates the body – that which never dies.  We only see personalities and not the Beingness of the person.  I know this is true for me.  But if we really look, what is really there…

We try to wrap our minds around the concepts of “God” or “The Divine”, “Emptiness”, “The Infinite”, etc., but the mind cannot really fathom what that really is…  We must let go of our thoughts about “God”/Awareness/Consciousness, and just experience being suspended in “IT.”

It seems so esoteric and yet we can feel the realness of it – experientially, through awareness, direct awareness, direct experience when we don’t overlay it with the minds images – imposing labels, names, stories and images on it, which only hides the Truth of It - deceives us and deludes us – because we believe the mind’s version. 

Everything is ultimately a story – my life is a story, your life is a story.  In reality the “eternal story” is about "returning" to/recognizing who we really are underneath the personal story – our Eternal Beingness.  Ultimately it is the Eternal Story being lived here.  If I don’t see myself as a separate person from Eternal Beingness: a separate person having a personal life, then I can feel this Infinite Space coursing through my body – and know that THAT is the Truth of who I am.  That frees me from all entanglements and dramas that have been created by the story of “me” that I have believed in my mind…

My journal notes
Nov. 11, 2014

"Every thread of us is a vibration of God-Consciousness,
resonating at a frequency beyond light."

Fred LaMotte


Alan Watts YouTube Link:
http://youtu.be/5FELdBsixGg

Please see these other wonderful related posts:

No One Remembers the Past

Fred LaMotte

Non-identification
Jack Kornfield

Job/No-Job Roulette...

Yes folks the wheel has turned again and we are in a “no-job” transition once more - after a mere 5 days! J  I won’t dwell on the drama of the details, except for the following brief paragraph – and then shift the paradigm. J

“They” said they really liked B, that he fit the culture there, and had the technical expertise that they needed.  The first day there he solved two technical problems that they had been unable to solve, and was gaining a reputation as the “go to guy” – but by the 4^th day upper level management (whom he had never met) had made “a business decision” (on paper) and decided they wanted a “credentialed scrum master” to run the team’s multiple daily meetings.  Whoa…  That was never mentioned in the job description, or the interview.  He thought he was hired for his technical expertise… Instead they wanted a *certified* meeting leader…  (A “scrum master” is a term used in the Agile system of project management for conducting meetings.)  He did find out that three people had given notice within the last two weeks, one being the hiring manager who interviewed him, and told him on the outtake on the 5^th day, that this might all be a blessing!  Evidently it was a company in chaos.  She also mentioned that they hired him quickly because they “needed to fill a quota” – what kind of quota she didn’t say – maybe for elderly employees. J lol

And so here we are…

Shifting Paradigms…

 Not surprisingly we were stunned and have been in shock – trying to maintain an “awakened” view of “reality”, recognizing that every experience is an *invitation* to see reality differently.  No matter what the circumstances what is important is to constantly return one’s awareness to the inner space of Beingness, the ever-present Awareness that is our True State – that which is right here *in* this moment.  And - to recognize THAT which is within us that is Aware, untouched and non-reactive to life events….   It’s not even about being in the present moment, as there really is no “present moment” because that is merely a construct of time. (A paradox, I know :) There is only the continuous Flow and ongoing unfolding of the Stream of Life – the Eternal NOW - undivided.  It’s about bringing our awareness to THAT - that which is truly Present in the moment – that which is our Eternal Presence that transcends the “present moment” - THAT which is looking through our eyes, and experiencing our experiences.

All of life events and all of our experiences are just occurring in the Stream of Life; are waves in the greater Ocean of Consciousness; ripples on the Primordial pond of Ultimate Reality.  The mind wants to grab for “answers” and explanations, to make sense of it, to interpret the event and try to give it special meaning and significance, based on our cultural and spiritual influences, but life is just happening, playing itself out.  How that plays out doesn’t really matter to the greater Reality – to Consciousness ItSelf.  The Universe is completely neutral and impartial.  We are not “entitled” to have life work out the way we had envisioned, or “intended” –  just because we have worked hard, or because we believe a certain way, or practice certain practices.  As B said - this “job event” is a mere stick in the stream of Ultimate Reality floating by…  It’s all a drama being played out for the ultimate purpose of our awakening, for remembering that Awakened Eternal Essence within…  And so we move on and refocus, continuing to flow in that Stream of Life – remembering Who/What we really are – beyond job, beyond role, beyond identity…

I know that none of what I just said is “new.” J I am just reiterating what the wisdom sages and contemporary spiritual teachers teach.  I just wasn’t able to recall it at the time.   It emerged once again through my discussions with B over the weekend.   It evolved as I moved through the feelings and stages of shock, denial, anger, and acceptance, and a few glasses of wine. J lol…  And – through time in Silence today – remembering…

~

“You don’t play the game,
the game plays you…

The answer is not always
what you think it is…”

Author Unkown

~

Top Photo: Water dish for birds

zoom blurred

Sabbatical Window...

Silence at the Window
opens a portal to the Sacred,

allowing me to *feel* the Sacred in life
and the Sacred Life within…

Enables me to breathe deeply again,
dissolved from the day,
and to be breathed…
to relax, let go, soften;
to be at ease with life
through deep Silence,
in the inbetween spaces
of the night…

At the window
Silence surrounds me, embraces me,
calming my resistances to life,
dropping me into the deep Silence
of acceptance;
not a volitional “acceptance” of the mind,
but a deep, internal allowing from
the depths of Being…

The Ocean allowing ITs waves…

Every resistance recedes of its own accord
without effort
embraced in Silence…

At the window I quiet into the night
and listen…
waitng for the movement of Silence
that inhabits the breeze,
breathing the night,
and commune with the Cosmos without filters…

Discursive thought slows,
awareness heightens…

Life just plays ItSelf out here,
outside my window,

in natural Rhythms…

My dramas are just a minute
story of life,
just waves in the Ocean of Consciousness,
in the Flow of
Life just Being…

Enveloped in the Silence that is my “Beloved…”

I remember the Essence of Life within,
the vast space of Aware Conscious Silence…

We are One…
in congruent Rhythm…

Sabbatical

Meditative Writings
Mystic Meandering
July 14, 2013

~*~

I started a practice called “window sitting” several years ago, where I just sit in the Silence of Life at an open window late at night.  I become aware of the sounds and smells of the night, deeply listening to and experiencing the Silence that pervades everything.  I haven’t practiced this for several months, but I just recently realized that the window *is* my “sabbatical spot.”  It is a sanctuary of Silence that fills, and fulfills me…

Please see this post from 2011 and enjoy the Silence at the Window. J

Please see Life As "Sabbatical" for my definition of "sabbatical."

~*~

Photo:  Rain on window capturing light from
the street light.
This is not the window I sit at...


THIS IS A COMMENT FREE POST
Thank you for your Presence here...
May you experience Sacred Silence
Love and Peace to all...

Do What You Need To Do...

“One day you finally knew
what you had to do,
and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice;
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles…

“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.

It was already late enough,
and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life you could save.”

The Journey
by Mary Oliver

Photo: Shadow of knive handles in a knife block holder.
To me it gives the appearance of an outstretched hand,
as if inviting me to follow…

PS: I am not suggesting anything morbid here!
Just thought the shadow was interesting...

*

I love this poem, and am letting it speak for me.
I know I have posted it before,
in fact in August of last year
when faced with family drama.
I’m apparently going in circles. :)
It seems appropriate to post it again
 for where I am now
and the pull I feel on my life -
as I go through another cycle of letting go
of the ego-centric dramas of my life
and fully awaken to the True Self…
Maybe this year… :)

Stopping the Madness...

Just within the past few days I had a simple awareness that gave me an Ah-ha moment.  I realized that my anger and frustration towards my family dynamic has a lot to do with my being too emotionally invested in wanting to fix it/them – to make life better *for* them, to rescue them from their life situation – feeling responsible to *do* something about their situation – and feeling helpless to do so; wanting both my mother and sister to *see* their wounds and the dynamic of their situation, to get help so they don’t have to wallow in their pain and dysfunction - AND so that I don’t have to feel responsible *for* them.  But the “madness” (anger) that I feel is really because I cannot *control* the situation, the outcome, their unwillingness to take action to alleviate their own pain.  And - because I don’t want to have to pay the consequences for *their* choices.  There are always consequences for the unconscious choices of others…  In essence I can’t get them to *want* to change the way they are doing life.  So I realized I just had to stop the madness for *myself* - to not sacrifice myself to their madness, as they unconsciously choose to live it.  I realized that I just had to let them live it in their own way, and focus on what is really important – stopping the madness in my own mind.

Still entangled in the family drama that had become a veil, blinding me from seeing clearly, from seeing the larger context in which the whole drama of life is played out – the space of Silent Aware Consciousness - it took 3 days of confusion, floundering, anger, sadness and Silent Meditation to clearly experience the clear, clean, open space of Aware Conscious within again.  It meant getting my self out of the way – letting go of the need to be on top of things, vigilant, alert, prepared – extricating myself emotionally from my role in the family drama that I have entrained with, and listening for the internal Rhythm of Being once again.  It also meant not allowing myself to be distracted by the family drama that keeps me living on the surface, but returning again and again to the Silent space and fluidity of True Beingness.

This little piece of writing below reflects (for me anyway) – that inner yearning to live authentically from that place of Truth – the greater context of Aware Consciousness. Of course each of us would define what that would look like differently, as each of us is a unique expression of Truth - but maybe you’ll find yourself in it too.  This was a journal entry from January 1, 2011 that I found with a “Post-It” note attached to it (see below).  I have put it in poem form.

I want to walk through life
truly *seeing* - truly Aware…
 *Awake* to the Truth of Eternal Being…

Open to Life –
 not with mental judgments, opinions, and interpretations
 of what is happening,
 or what should be happening,
 or what I wish would happen,
  but with receptivity,
 openness,
 acceptance,
 allowing.

I want to See *everything* as Living Beingness;
 every leaf that drops,
 or snowflake that falls,
every being -
 with the same innocent wonder and amazement as I did as a child
as if seeing Life living for the first time…

  I want to be in Love with Life again –
 if I ever was…
  Maybe Loving Life in new ways –

I want to Hear
the laughter
in my
Heart

I want to Experience
everything
with curiosity
and equanimity

I want to Notice…
every thought,

expression,
and feeling
as it arises
without
trying to confine it,
or suppress it
before it is expressed;
or correct others
in their expression.

Save me from the arrogance of
thinking that I know what others need,
or how to “help” or “fix” them;
allowing others to be who they are,
trusting that Life is taking
them where they need to go,
just as It is me…

Let me be free from the entanglements
of the mind
that keep me compliant,
and complicit,
with the world’s ways…

Life is a paradigm of endless pathways,
and I want to risk not following the rules,
the well-worn paths.
Instead - rising above
the familiarity
of “the path”
to see what’s *really* here…

I want to live
in
the simplicity
of
the
ever-unfolding
luminosity
of

Truth.

And may I have the courage
to speak with fierce grace
to those who would try to
quell this passion,
to strip this enthusiasm,
and suffocate this spontaneity
for
the radiance
and
clarity
of

Truth

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
January 1, 2011

And here is that quote that was stuck onto the journal page with a sticky note – which I also put in the form of a poem…

“If you want to see what’s behind the curtain of reality,
to take the red pill
and discover what the matrix really is,
you have to have a yearning for Absolute Truth.

You have to be willing to give up everything.
The cost is literally all of you -
to leave ‘everything’
to know and experience
the Truth:
your materialism,
your psychological addictions,
your identity,
your life-long programming,
even family
and
friends…”

Author Unknown

And I would assume this also means blogging… :)

Please Note:  This does not mean I intend to walk out
the front door and abandon my family :)
They know I am always available to them.
  Any of you who have known the
deep yearning for Truth will understand...
Essentially what I am saying and feeling
 is not allowing myself to be distracted
from this passion for Truth that I feel...

And - it's about seeing the difference between having
compassion for others
and being co-dependent -
not rescuing people from the consequences
of their own choices and their life's path...

~

Photos

Top – Reflections of light through stained glass window.

#2 – I experimented with a function called Inversion,
making the photo look like a negative,
only with color.  Amazing how that works!
I love this affect!

#3 – Reflection in the window

 

Fall is Coming... Or is "The Fall" Coming...?

There are tell-tale signs in the air that Fall is coming. The date on the calendar no longer seems to coincide with what’s happening outside. There are a few leaves turning, and there is the smoky, woodsy-earthy smell of Fall in the evening air. Crickets are chirping less. The clouds are looking more like Fall clouds – that winter gray - as if readying themselves for the snows to come. But it’s still Summer here. Temps will reach into the high 80’s this coming week – actually nearing 90 they say. Summer is hanging on. The first week in October, according to the weatherman, the highs for the day will be 70 degrees across the board. Ahhhh – that’s what I’m waiting for – the chilly days of Fall, especially chilly, rainy, damp days… But so far, no rain in sight.

Internally Fall hasn’t arrived yet either – and I eagerly await its coming. Usually there is a feeling of inspiration, and a sense of clarity, of being energized from within. That hasn’t happened, as this body appears to be waning under the load of “family tending.” I no longer refer to it as “care giving” – but just tending what needs to be tended to. Friday I spent 7+ hours in the ER with my sister who was severely dehydrated. Her kidneys were failing. All because she had decided not to eat or drink for nearly 2 weeks – she *says* because of the severity of her back pain and the pain medication she was on that took her appetite away. And then she admitted to me, that it was also because the more that we encouraged her to eat, or asked about food, the more she shut down in order to gain control, until she finally put herself in such a weakened state that her poor body could not function. And I wonder, why one would want control so badly that they are willing to starve themselves for it – but obviously they do – they have medical names for it. Obviously there is a deeply unconscious mind at work here. And sometimes I feel like I am at the end of its emotional leash – and my rope, physically.

Fall reminds me of a threshold time, an in between place, a place of transitions, of liminal light, where the mantle of The Mystery wraps ItSelf closer around us – so IT can be felt, so we can notice its Presence. But the unconscious family dynamic here seems to muffle the awareness, dull the senses, and dampen the inspiration. The pull of the unconscious, and deeply latent emotional baggage, seems stronger than the pull to more quiet, sacred, untouched places within where inspiration of The Mystery lives.

I am certainly learning to surrender to “what is” – in ways I hadn’t anticipated. What else is there to do but surrender – to let go of my own unconscious need for control... I am learning a lot about choice, control and consequences of those choices. And yes, I do believe now that there are choices that have serious consequences being made by unconscious choosers. This does not mean that this “unconscious chooser” is in any way “separate” from The Mystery. It just hasn’t been noticed yet by the unconscious. But that’s another post. I’m supposed to be talking about the Fall that is coming :) – in terms of weather that is.

When one must be preoccupied with “family tending” somehow the seasons just meld into one another, awareness of what is Aware seems clouded, noticing the change of seasons with delight is less colorful, because the pull is towards the magnetism of the unconscious family dynamic. The ones who are most unconscious seem to have the most pull: the ones who do not act on their own behalf, who feel victimized and wronged by life, who reject any form of assistance, suggestion, or encouragement because it is seen as control. And control, for the unconscious mind, must be maintained at all costs, even by trying to kill the body – unconsciously of course. And "we" (the supposed enemy of the unconscious one) suffer the consequences of the unconscious right along with them – and maybe that’s part of the manipulation – to get us to pay for their self-imposed suffering. This may seem like a lot of drama – it is – but it is also life as it is – unfolding as it does. And I write about it because this *is* the reality at the moment. Life is not always “held together” by “spiritual glue.” Life falls apart and comes back together again all on its own, and you just learn to ride the waves…

So here we are in the sea of unconsciousness again – where the suffering of the unconscious takes place – waiting for “The Fall” of the unconscious; the demise of this bastioned inner sanctum of lost luggage. And it is seen that there is no intention or interest to claim its luggage by those who remain unconscious.

I truly look forward to the cool, clean, crisp air of clarity. It may be a long time coming…

Here are a few pictures reminding me that Fall is coming…

Oak Leaf and Acorns
collected on a walk...

~

I happened to step out our back door
one evening recently to this
beautiful sight of Fall clouds -
noticing the Fall air that
settles around everything
in the quiet of the night that
settles over the land..

"Step away from the story..."

There are phrases that create openings into greater Awareness. “Step away from the story” was one such phrase for me recently. It was said as part of a comment left by a fellow blogger commenting on the issue of drama that has been showing up at my door on regular basis. And for some reason when I read this phrase, something clicked. She said: “I've been working with the phrase ‘drop the content.’ It seems to help me step away from the story machine that feeds the drama and stay with the sensations and whatever emotions the sensations represent.”

Ah-ha – a light bulb went on about how the story machine runs: by focusing on the content and not seeing the *context* of the experience; running with the experience and not being present *to* the experience – allowing myself to be drawn into the machine.

I will admit I keep getting sucked back into the story machine with ongoing family drama issues. It’s taking quite a bit of awareness to remember the Greater Context in which this drama is playing itself out, to remember it’s all just life as it is. Life is story. Life is drama… There is greater awareness that comes in this “stepping away”, in seeing the Context, seeing and experiencing the Spaciousness that these stories appear in…

From a non-dual fellow blogger, to whom I posed the question about story and drama, came this response: “There is indeed no escape from drama, if by the word “drama” we simply refer to the constantly changing appearance of this life where we are all (as it appears) playing our separate parts. There is no escape from THIS, as it IS. There is, in other words, no escape from the appearance of the story of “my life” unfolding, as there exists no “my life” without a “me”, and there exists no “me” without the story/drama of “my life…. The idea that there actually exists a separate someone (“me”) to be walking [away] is intrinsic to the story or drama itself…” Hmmm… light bulb…

As I sat out under the “Buddha Tree” Saturday evening, I heard the sounds of nature, people, and things around me. My *mind* fixated on the sound of a dog barking. It managed to block out all other noise and I just fixated on “dog barking.” It was as if the backdrop in which the sound occurred was lost and all I heard was *noise.* And then judgment about noise, wishing someone would do something about their dog barking noise, disturbing my stillness! Ah! Story! Light bulb again.

So of course it occurred to me that I had become fixated on the story – to the exclusion of anything else. It’s like getting fixated on the clouds in the sky, but not being *aware* of the sky in the background. (Except it’s not really the “background” – it’s the space in which the clouds appear – the Greater Context). And sometimes it’s overcast. All you can see/experience is story, and you have to stay with it until the clouds either move on or dissipate – or – until you become aware that you are focused on the dramas occurring *in* the larger Context – not the larger Context itSelf. Ah-ha….

I know I create stories around life events, about whether it should be happening or not, and how it is affecting me, or disturbing me, or interfering with me, or how it makes me feel. It’s all a story about a separate sense of self *feeling* something about some *thing*; a separate sense of me feeling inadequate, angst, anger, irritated, or overwhelmed about a life event.

Clouds are inevitable. Noise is inevitable. So too it seems are stories and dramas. But they require a willing participant. When I *internally* “step away”, I am able to *see* more clearly that they are just clouds, just stories – just fluff floating through space with no *real* substance. In the spaciousness of the “Greater Context” there is no story. It’s just whatever is happening is happening with no conclusions, no judgments, no dramas about what is happening – just acceptance – “stepping away from the story” and opening to spacious Awareness…

~*~