Missed Moment - a meandering...

I stepped outside one morning in May recently
to put cracker crumbs under the bird feeder,
for the birds, squirrels or whatever would eat them.

Upon stepping out the door,
I immediately felt the cool morning breeze
on my face...

I stopped in my tracks,
lifted my face to the breeze in silence,

and was stunned by the aliveness of the greenery
of everything, through the dappled light of
the morning sun;
like a blind person seeing for the first time...

Everything went still - for about 5 seconds.
I didn't take it in, didn't linger longer to feel
the moment, but stepped out of the moment to
finish my task and went back inside to continue
my care-giver routine.

I had missed an opportunity, and I knew it,
to be in the quietness of Nature, my backyard
version of Nature, with its beautiful trees,
gentle breezes. and filtered sunlight;
recently seen only through windows - until this
one moment.  I had just one moment - and I 
missed it.

I realized how much I have missed the quiet connection
with Nature over the past couple of years, not even
going out into my backyard; a prisoner in my own home,
missing the quietness of Nature, the comfort of Nature.

I actually miss quietness in my life! BC
Before Caregiving- the role I took on nearly 20 months ago.
So many losses of quiet moments and personal freedoms
over that time.

That's a story I need to explore...

So what does *this* story that I tell myself
 about feeling imprisoned,
and missing moments
 trying to tell me...

That I need to find and savor quiet alone moments
like these - and stay there - allowing myself to connect
with a much needed deeper Quiet within...

Mystic Meandering

May 2024

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
watching for the mailman :)

 

Open the Window to Your Soul...

Open the window to your Soul..

Let your Soul breathe;
enclosed and encrusted too long
in the musty air
of an unlived life...

Listen to the birds calling to you,
just outside the window of your Soul.
Hear the sounds of Nature thriving with Life!
And the silent steps of the neighbor's cat
walking the fence - stopping to peer in at you -
through the window...

Open your eyes to the magic of Life being lived,
just outside the window to your Soul...

Breathe in the Living Cosmos that enfolds you here...
Feel the Soul wind caressing you - vibrating your Heart.
Hear the voice of "The Mystery" whispering -

Come - Play!

Open your window!

Come alive again!

Mystic Meandering
May 6, 2022

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

Here is There - Fred LaMotte

 Spend thousands for enlightenment at the Ashram of Tantric Wine
Tasting?  Advanced flow-yoga at a seaside resort in Bali?  Or that
Advaita in a Tuscan Villa.  At this Saturday's workshop, the spiritual
teacher will teach us that there is no teaching and no one here to teach.
The $1200 course fee includes a complimentary green smoothie.

No thanks.

I must be getting lazy.  I've lost my longing for exotic spiritual 
destinations.  I just want to wander in the woods now, beyond my
dilapidated fence, listening to raindrops on ferns, no dakinis sculpted
on the entrance of my mind cave, no Tibetan runes on the limestone
walls of my emptiness, no echoes of vanilla dharma talks.....

Guess I'm getting old.  I just want to sing about the vastness of what
I don't know.  I want to open my eye - not the eye in my forehead but
the eye in the callous of my sole, pressing dark loam with a barefoot
kiss.  From where I stand on the slow turning earth, I can see that this
wheel rolls nowhere.  "Here" is already "there"...

I want to walk more gently over the planet, sighing without words,
and call it prayer.  And I won't turn gratitude into a technique,
because gratitude is simply me, breathing.  Me, honoring the moss-
bearded cedars.  They are very great gurus who give their priceless
teaching for free; a mist-green stillness.

The roots of their lineage truffle dirtward down to the first moment
of creation, entangled in the fungi of the void, close to the fountain
of wonder that gushes up from the center of every Now.

At midnight, soundless owl wings slice through the glory of night,
bright knives of Unknowing. Starlight seeps out of the wound, and
I am awakened.  I am thrice-awakened - here, there, and in each
particle of dust.  Parasam Gateh, beyond the beyond, right where

I am.  Coyote howl will be my song.

Fred LaMotte
Uradiance

~

Photo - Fred LaMotte

Forest on Mt. Rainier

Letter to a New Born Girl - Elias Amidon

me - 1949

You come fresh from the place where names are not needed.
In that place there's a blissful secret most of us can no
longer remember.  We have forgotten.  But soon you
will start to learn words.  You will learn to say what you
feel and want, and with that saying you too will forget
what is so natural to you now.  Or perhaps you will be
lucky, and a current of the bliss you came from will
continue to stream through your heart...remembering
the beauty of your origin.

.....each of us is unique, and each of us has to find
our own way.  I suppose it's only natural that I
should want to give you some advice...

Know you are safe...

Everything is all right forever.
We are made out of light.
One day you may doubt it -
that's part of the drama...
Just remember - you are safe...

Walk in the open air.
Spend as much time as you can
in nature, in places that humans
have not built on and paved over.
The natural world will teach you,
heal you, and replenish your soul
with its beauty.  It is, like you are now,
fresh from the generosity of the
Unamable.

Be interested in everything.
Be a generalist.
Be curious and amazed by things.
Listen to others.
Welcome new ways of seeing, but
always think for yourself.

Follow your love.
Do what you love.
Love what you love.
I'm not talking simply
about love that's affection
or passion - but love that
continually moves to heal...

Little one, you are about to start
a great adventure.
Follow your love.
Be interested in everything.
Walk in the open air.
Know you are safe.

Elias Amidon

age 2 or 3

Trust Your Solitude - Rainer Rilke

.....in the great silence of these distances, I am touched by your
beautiful anxiety about life...  Here, where I am surrounded by
an enormous landscape, which the winds move across as they
come from the seas, here I feel that there is no one anywhere
who can answer for you those questions and feelings which,
in their depths, have a life of their own; for even the most
articulate people are unable to help, since what words point
to is so very delicate, is almost unsayable.  But even so, I
think that you will not have to remain without a solution if
you trust in Nature, in what is simple in Nature, in the small
Things; if you have this love for what is humble, then everything
will become easier for you, more coherent and somehow more
reconciling, not in your conscious mind perhaps, which stays
behind, astonished, but in your innermost awareness,
awakeness, and knowledge.

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and
try to love the questions themselves, as if they were locked
rooms or books written in a very foreign language.  Don't
search for the answers, which could not be given to you now,
because you would not be able to live them.  And the point is,
to live everything.  Live the questions now.  Perhaps then,
someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even
noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Your solitude will be a support and a home for you, even in
the midst of very unfamiliar circumstances, and from it you
will find all your paths...

Rainer Maria Rilke
Excerpt from: Letters to a Young Poet #1

Resilience - Nepo and Tesla

Some days I wake with a cloud around my heart,
and it dulls everything except the weight I carry deep inside.
Yet, just because I can't make it to the light today doesn't mean
that the light has vanished...

Mark Nepo

In the first hours post dawn,
at the edge of a dark night,
I awake,..

breathing labored,
fever peaked,
sweat running down my spine...

Inexplicable dread overtakes me...

But somehow the Light finds me
and I rise again to a new day,
facing the merry-go-round of life,
as we all do...
Needing a dose of inspiration,
and a bit of wisdom...

Here is my inspiration for the day.
Once again recognizing the larger context
in which we exist...

If you want to find the secrets of the universe,
think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.

Nikola Tesla

Transcription of Narrative:

Like a wave in the physical world, in the Infinite Ocean of the medium which pervades all,so in the world of organisms, in life, an impulse started proceeds onward, at times, maybe, with the speed of light, at times, again, so slowly that for ages it seems to stay, passing through processes of complexity inconceivable to men, but in all its forms, in all its stages, its energy ever and ever integrally present.

A single ray of light from a distant star falling upon the eye of a tyrant in bygone times may have altered the course of his life, may have changed the destiny of nations, may have transformed the surface of the globe, so intricate, so inconceivably complex are the processes of Nature.

In no way can we get such an overwhelming idea of the grandeur of Nature than when we consider that in accordance with the law of conservation of energy, throughout the Infinite, the forces are in perfect balance, and hence the energy of a single thought may determine the motion of a universe.

Nikola Tesla
The Electrical Review, 1893

via: Love is a Place
Thank you Alixe!

Whirlwind Trip...

We went on a whirlwind trip this past weekend to Ruidoso, New Mexico.  The photo is a “Dust Devil”  that we saw on the way.  Actually there were two of them combined in this one.  And there were several other smaller, less dramatic dust devils all in the same area.

We went to see my husband’s mother who turned 90.

  She recently entered a Care Center for Alzheimer's in a neighboring town.

I wanted to share these few snapshots that I took from the car window as we traveled.  Most of the 525 mile (9 hour) trip was through barren grass land and desert.   Like this…

Wind Turbines

(sorry the photo isn’t good, but they were really impressive)

And there was more desert

 And an endless road with buttes

And more buttes

This photo was taken from a scenic overlook near Carrizozo, NM.
  It is part of the Capitan Mountain Range that runs East and West.

Golf anyone?

There were herds and herds of deer in town.

There were clouds in our rear view mirror leaving New Mexico…

 Returning to our beautiful Colorado country…

Home Sweet Home – Good to be back :)

Nature's Balance...

Monday I was startled out of meditation by a loud BANG against the house or window.  I wasn’t sure which.  So I came out of meditation and hollered up to my husband to see if it had been him.  He replied: No, I thought it was you!  In my head I responded - and you didn’t come running!? lol J

Upon investigation I spotted the Hawk outside, just under a window, standing on its dead prey – a Morning Dove.  It sat there and sat there looking around for several minutes with its intense eyes, as if vigilantly watching for a way of escape.  And then it took off with its prey, landing only a few feet away on the patio, and then hopped its way under some big juniper bushes with its catch in its talons.  It was there nearly an hour before it took off again, leaving behind a pile of feathers. 

 Our initial response was one of shock and sadness.  Nature’s way seems cruel at times, from our limited human perspective.  It was a startling sight to see for sure, as well as sobering.  We romanticize about nature and animals being so innocent, so pure, giving them human-like qualities.  But they are only being true to their nature, their inherent survival nature.  We were reminded that what we witnessed *is* the balance of Nature – life and death – the natural cycle of life.  Of course.  It is the way of things…  DH and I had been reflecting on the need for acceptance of the way of things over the weekend.  That through acceptance of what is, we can come into an inner space of peace and balance with life.   It is so easy to come out of this balance with life, to resist the way of things, and consequently suffer – emotionally and otherwise.  The Hawk and Dove incident was just a small reminder of the precarious balance between life and death, as well as the relationship between acceptance and suffering.  I found the symbolism quite interesting as well – a Hawk and a Dove – a bird of peace and a bird of prey...   The balance of Nature.

 It’s the paradox of fragility and stability,

vulnerability and power,
form and formless,
and learning to live

the fragile nature of the balance…

~

Photo of Hawk and Dove taken through the window
by DH

~

The stone balance on the pedestal is the
same one I did on Feb. 8th.
Amazingly it's still standing,
after a couple of good snowfalls
and wind -
except for the "bird's" topknot...

Back To The Garden...

"And we've got to get ourselves back to the garden..."

lyric from "Woodstock"

I took a little trip “back to the garden” last week to relieve my myopic view of life, to feel a little spaciousness and gain clearer perspective; to “slow down to the pace of my soul”/spirit/Being. (A phrase coined by Ruth at Washed Stones).  I hadn’t been back to the Garden since May - a public garden, like a botanical garden…  This time it was a delightful damp Fall day.  We haven’t had many of those here this Summer/Fall.  I thrive in the damp coolness of wet earth, subdued skies, and the quiet aloneness with Nature under a still lush canopy of trees that have not yet displayed their colors.   I wandered, through this partially man-made “forest”, meandered down different roads, and paths, listening to silent Intuition lead, waiting for the Voice to speak, to draw my attention to what it wanted me to see - following It’s path…   This is what Intuition found…  Enjoy the view!

Coming around a bend, down a slight hill, I came upon a gaggle of women delighting over Dahlias, which for some reason moved me to tears, internally, to see such joy and excitement being expressed in adults, who were just as excited as children discovering something for the first time!  They spontaneously let their inner spirit come out to play.  Something I needed to do as well, after being bogged down in the bogs of the mind.  I had actually never seen Dahlias before. They *were* wondrously, magically HUGE, as if from Alice’s Wonderland – and their multiplicity of color I had never seen in flowers before!  Only got this one picture though, because the gaggling women were hovering over each long stemmed bloom with a camera, and I had to wait my turn, trying to be obscure– slipping in and slipping away – so as not to intrude… J

Moving on I came across the Pumpkin Patch, as if abandoned to some forlorn landscape away from the Garden… They were HUGE pumpkins – obviously well fed and watered…  I wondered, what do pumpkins think, Charlie Brown… Can they hear the trees talking across the path…  Are they *aware*…  Ah, here it comes, the playful spirit. There was a break in the mental fog…

Intuition led me away to the serenity, silence and stillness of the Lily ponds.  Those big round pads that look like large pizza pies fascinated me (photo below), how they effortlessly just sat on top of the water – tethered somewhere deep beneath the surface, waiting for who knows what – just open and waiting, in silence…  receptive…  Which is what I was trying to be in that moment – listening, awareing with my whole Being…

I passed by this sculpture nestled amongst the evergreens that reminded me of two monks bowing in deep regard for each other, a deep acknowledgment for the *Life* in each other.  Even the statues exuded a certain silent reverence, held in the embrace of the Spruce, and sung to by the whispers of the Pines…

I continued on the winding trails, taking in the smell of the dampness of earth and dying leaves – the smell of change and transition; hearing the gravelly sound as my feet walked on minute crushed rock.  Letting go of mental obsessions, I noticed the sound of rushing water, and followed…  It took me into an enclave of bushes and trees with benches and a lovely little cascade of water over rocks.  Pure, clear fluidity…  The water cascades over the rocks to the right. Wish I had remembered to turn the video on instead…  But you get the idea…  Maybe next time… Gives me a reason to go back, to let my spirit out to play again…

There now, doesn’t that feel better J 

Walk Slowly

“It only takes a reminder to breathe,
a moment to be still, and just like that,
something in me settles, softens, makes
space for imperfection.  The harsh voice
of judgment drops to a whisper and I
remember again that life isn’t a relay
race; that we will all cross the finish
line; that waking up to life is what we
are born for.  As many times as I
forget, catch myself charging forward
without even knowing where I’m going,
that many times I can make the choice
to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk
slowly into the mystery.”

DannaFaulds
From: Go In and In

Coon Capers...

Time to lighten up!

While visiting with my mother and sister on Saturday
for dinner and a movie
we were pleasantly surprised when a family of
Raccoons showed up right on schedule
for our amusement – of course.  :)

Raccoons have family dynamics too :)

My sister leaves food and water (big green dish) out for them
which is why they come back.

DH - with me telling him where to edit :)
 put this funny video together.
He sped it up so that you wouldn’t
be bored out of your gourd,
which makes for some silly antics.
The chipmunk-like voices are
my sister and me
talking in the background,
making it sound like the Raccoons
are talking to one another. :) 

Nature always has a way of
taking us into the innocence and joy
of the present moment…

Laugh and Enjoy!
or maybe just smile in amusement…

Meandering Nature's Sanctuaries...

Saturday my husband and I went on an “outing” and discovered a new place for me to meander…  We found this wonderful Eden about 20 mins from here.  It has gardens and ponds tucked away along nature paths with wetlands and waterfalls, and - well just about everything one could want in nature to meander in.  We left realizing we didn’t get to see the cascading waterfalls.  I intend to make this my new sanctuary  – a place to wander – to take photos – to sit and commune – to be in silence, yet not isolated – just being…  Here’s a first pass look at our meanderings in nature’s sanctuary…  There will be more… :)

The goose in the following video was snoozing as we walked up.  The other geese went into the water.  He woke up and suddenly realized he had been left behind.  It made for a rather comical moment.  Wait for me!

Companions on the Road...

I took you all on an “expotition” with me today, as Pooh Bear calls it. You were my companions on the road, not looking for anything in particular – just exploring nature. I thought you’d like to see where you had been :)

We arrived at one of my favorite places along an old agricultural irrigation canal.

We saw the majestic cottonwoods bared by winter and the stately evergreens lining the path, as we crossed the walking bridge over the frozen canal onto the path, knowing we were entering Sacred space, the realm of Nature. We noticed a single hawk silently spiraling overhead, and a flock of Canadian Geese called out as they made their way over the field for several passes before they landed, winding lower and lower until final touch down. (Unfortunately we couldn’t capture those pictures ;)

The dirt path, about 12 feet wide, was snow covered and muddy in places, giving off the wonderful pungent odor of wet earth that says Spring is not far off. As we walked in the slippery mud it made that funny gushy, sticky, sucking sound under our feet. So we hugged the edge of the path to keep from slipping in the muck…

The ponds and canal were still frozen, or partly frozen – waiting for the thaw; the frosted ice on this one slowly melting away from the edges, returning to its liquid form, as the canal waited for flow to return.

A multitude of birds where enthusiastically chittering and chattering in the low branches at the edges of the pond as we walked by…. Chickadees, Red Wing Black Birds, Magpies, Finches. I wished I had brought the tape recorder… Fletchers and Woodpeckers made their hollow pecking sounds on old dead trees – all in a magically syncopated chorus. We stood silent, watched and listened, aware of the sound and movement of Life, breathing in its Aliveness. Then someone spotted a tree with 3 large nests.

We were excited to find this old cottonwood fallen across the canal, bottom exposed. And like curious children we all wanted to clamor on it to get a better view inside – but there wasn’t enough room for us all to fit – no shoving please… So we just peeked in the hollow to see what we could see – one at a time.

We gathered around this bench by the trees to take a break, the eldest ones sitting, of course. :)

We listened to the Silence of Nature and its Rhythms. Then meandered on again, taking more pictures of the partially thawed ice on the canal, and a bridge that crosses over to a small private farm.

We had a good ‘expotition’, we field explorers of Life, companions on “the Road,” having a shared experience called "life", discovering the ease of simply being and the Mystery of Life living through us all. Thanks for coming along. I was, and am, graced by your Presence - in spirit…

“We shall not cease from exploration.
And the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive
where we started
and know the place
for the first time…”

TS Elliot

Oh Deer! Oh Deer!

Last night we were at my Mother’s and Sister’s for late dinner and a movie… I went prepared for the unexpected – meaning I took my camera hoping that we would see the herd of deer that have been showing up almost every night since last Summer. We have never been there to witness this beautiful spectacle showing up in the small backyard. They evidently stroll through this densely packed residential neighborhood looking for food – eating whatever is available – usually birdseed, if my sister has forgotten to bring the bird feeder in, or at times carrots or bread that have been left out for them. They enter the backyard through one side yard, and exit through the other.

Last night we were gifted with a visit by these skittish, gentle beings at about 7:10pm. They were only about 10 feet away. They have been known to also show up at all hours of the night in herds of 3-7.

I am sorry that the photos aren’t clearer. I took them through the sliding glass door that had the screen in it – with only the back flood light on. Plus they move their heads so quickly, and my little Kodak doesn’t have one of those rapid shutter functions. But I wanted to share this magical moment with you, so I sharpened them up as much as possible. There were only 3 in this herd; a mother and her 2 little ones, who managed to stay out of camera range. So these are photos of the mother. As they passed out of the back yard, around the side, I went out on the front porch to watch them pass by, talking to them gently as the two fawns stood behind the bare branches of a lilac bush watching me, while the mother continued on, briefly pausing and looking over her shoulder…

Huh?

Who me?!

You want what?

I'm all ears...

Really? Are you sure?

Could you repeat that...

Shocking...