"The Mystery" in Disguise

Well I’ve just finished carving the pumpkin and the pumpkin seeds are roasting in the oven. The smell is delightful wafting through the house. Soon I’ll be making a pot of homemade chicken soup that will fill the air with more wonderful smells of Fall, although we just had a 2 day snow storm that made everything look like the middle of winter. Today, however, is a balmy 55 degrees, enough to melt the snow left from that wicked witch storm that blew through here.

I love this time of year, and I love Halloween. It is my favorite holiday actually. I look forward to seeing the kids come to the door tonight dressed in their costumes, especially the little ones, who really have no clue why they are dressing up and trudging through the neighborhood, arriving at each door with parent in tow, coaching them on what to say. It gives my Heart delight to experience the children in disguise – hiding behind their masks – pretending I don’t know who they are. Kind of like me. I’m really a child disguised as an adult – but maybe you knew that :)

Thursday while sitting with “The Wizard” I had several realizations actually. One of which was that life is really a dance *with* this Divine Mystery as *It* manifests Itself in form, everywhere, in & as everything. “The Mystery” is right here – revealing Itself – right here, speaking to us in & through others, through art, through words, through music, through humor, through movement, through nature – through all of “Its” disguises. It is all right here waiting to be recognized, seen and acknowledged. *Everything* that is expressed is “It”, in disguise, even the drama, the pain – physical and emotional – the intellect, thought, the feelings, the emotions. It speaks in whatever form we can hear or see or experience “It”: Buddha, Christ, The Divine Mother, difficult mothers, Drama Queens, Spirit, Being, all the forms of “God” – including an old lady at the grocery store, Consciousness, “The Wizard”, The Great Pumpkin. Even sickness, suffering and sorrow are “It, allowing us to *see* how The Mystery works through it. Even anger is “The Mystery” in disguise, like a child in a scary Halloween costume.

Another realization from my time with “The Wizard” is that this “Mystery” *wants* to be discovered, to be seen, to be known, to be communed with, and has manifested Itself in form – in *all* forms - so that it *can* be seen and known and experienced. The Mystery *wants* to commune with Itself – Its manifested Self; to dance with life, to play in life. It is The Mystery that *wants* to express here – through and as “the me.” The Mystery *wants* to express Itself in and through Its manifestations – Its disguises. It is the force of Life, the “primal scream” that wants to break through the disguise, express Itself and be *recognized.* It delights in being seen through Its disguise. Have you ever noticed that when you look into someone’s eyes and actually *see* The Mystery, there is a flash of recognition and their eyes light up? “It” wants to be found out! This realization excites me for some reason. My Heart is singing, can you tell! :)

WE are “The Mystery” in disguise, in costume, wearing masks – pretending we don’t know who we are. It seems I’ve known this and yet I am rediscovering it again as if for the first time. I’m still wearing my costume and mask, *believing* it is “me”! Halloween all year long! Although I’m beginning to really get a clue here that they’re just a disguise. I like playing dress up, don’t you? :) It doesn’t mean I’m not being authentic. I’m just playing “Life.” And what rises up again and again from within the disguise is “The Mystery” to be seen, heard, expressed, communed with - and lived – passionately and creatively in and *as* all of Its many disguises – meeting Itself *in* the disguise.

Weds night I listened to Adyashanti’s web broadcast on “Café Dharma.” At one point he said: “The presence that you are is a transparency. We are a living transparency. See yourself as transparent…”

And so, Charlie Brown, I said to myself - maybe “awakening” is really not about removing the disguise, or getting rid of the mask - but about not *believing* that we are the disguise, seeing beyond the mask to the “The Mystery” that is there shining through…

Peek-a-Boo… MeANderi – The Mystery in disguise :)

The Wizard Speaks - "Resolute"

I hope you all understand my humor here when I say "The Wizard Speaks." Just in case, I’ll clarify here a little with a word glossary. In my previous blog post I talked about needing to “enter” the womb of Stillness again, to just listen. (see Primal Scream). “The Stillness” to me is synonymous with Being, Presence, Awareness, Spirit, Consciousness, the Universe, Universal Intelligence, Universal Truth, The Divine, The Mystery, This, “God”, and many other “titles.” It is whatever name *we* give “It.” It is that which we know in ourselves to be the Truth of who we are. Some call it our “inner guru.” And “That,” however we refer to it, “speaks” in our Heart when we are listening, when we are “practicing” awareness, especially in the space of stillness, but not necessarily. It can speak anywhere, through anything. AND – what I have also discovered is that it helps me to give “It” a visual image - like "The Wizard." It’s all a projection anyway, so why not make it fun – right :).

Several years ago the “image” that “worked” for me was of the “Divine Mother.” It was a combination of the Virgin Mother figure from the Christian tradition AND the more metaphysical Goddess image. Lately it’s been just “Spirit” – a kind of nebulous, all encompassing Presence that just IS – no image really – just Isness - Beingness. This is the one I seem to fall back on most of the time. A couple of years ago it was the image of a Buddhist monk who just showed up one day in the Stillness, as an inner teacher. So I played with that for a while. But for the purpose of this post I’ll call it “The Wizard.” I hope this doesn’t sound to woo-woo, or less than sacred, or offend anyone. It’s just Being being playful with me - especially when I begin to take myself too seriously. And besides, Mystics like all this different imagery stuff. :) It helps keep the Divine spark alive, and draws me in to the Flame.

So – now that we’re on the same page – I think, or at least in the same ballpark – I wanted to share what I heard “The Wizard” say. I told you I would… :)

Weds afternoon I just stopped all activity, all the inner churning, and just sat, in stillness with Stillness. And I asked: What is this “primal scream” that I am experiencing? *What* is this? There was no answer. It has been quite a while since I sat inquiring in this way, so my hearing is a little rusty. And, sometimes when there is no answer, it means that it’s not the right question. And I’m not talking about “channeling” here. I’m talking about using inquiry to find the inner answers – consulting with that Inner Knowing Awareness. I waited in silence, and then asked to just be shown the Truth of what was happening – still nothing. Okay – so I sat some more in silence… following the breath, sinking deeper into Stillness - waiting… And then I asked: What is needed here? And two words arose from/in the Stillness. Poised, pen in hand, I wrote them in my journal:

“Resolute patience”

Now, I know when something arises from the Stillness and not just my mind because often it will be a word that is not in my everyday vocabulary. “Resolute” is one of those words (as is patience for that matter!) I don’t have a ready definition in my head. So I had to look it up - after I was done sitting with “The Wizard.” (And, for those inquiring minds like mine, it means – characterized by firmness or determination; unwavering.) I continued to just sit in Silence, *experiencing* the word (before definition) and the *sense* that I got was “staying power”, “seeing things through.” Intuitively I was understanding the meaning.

And so it didn’t seem to matter what this “primal scream” was all about, whether it was the “me” or “Being,” or what was causing it, because the “answer” seemed to be that no matter what was happening or why, to be patiently “resolute” – to be unwavering in seeing “it” through (the life circumstances) - to be firm in my determination to return to Stillness, to Presence, and just BE there… Just BE “That”… Just BE…

Heart Smiles – MeANderi :)