Trust - Truthless Truth

Underneath the surface,
deep inside the dugout,
a place of low light,
but sheltered from pain,
lies the hell of commonplaceness,
the wasteland of self-deception and struggle.

Above the surface,
out in the open,
a place of wonder and awe,
where the sun equally shines on joy and pain,
lies the promised land of unknowing,
the kingdom of self-acceptance and peace.

Allow vulnerability,
surrender your armor,
drop your mask,
come out into the world,
naked,
as you were born,
and every butterfly,
will awaken your inner child.

Trust...

at Truthless Truth

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

What is your Script? - Adyashanti

 You [have to be willing] to ask "Who am I" or "What am I"

without any script or role, without the story, about who or what
you are, releasing the script of what you think your life is about.
Every sense of identity has its script.

...what am I, and who am I without my story, without my
demands upon the moment, without any hope of this
moment, without my script?

The mind would answer, "I don't know", because the mind
does not know when it is disarmed, it doesn't know who or what
it is without its role or its character to play.

The actor who is acting this all out is named "me."
The actor keeps maintaining itself. It will do whatever it takes
to keep the ball called "me" rolling.

When this disarming happens you are allowing the wordless
experience to present itself.  This is the wordless experience of
being.  You realize it's not a script or role, it carries no agenda,
and has no demand upon the moment.  It's also not  the actor.
What you are is prior to your idea of you.

What you are without your role [identity] is often assumed to
be hidden somewhere.  And so when you let go of your role
[identity], when you look past the character called "me" for the
truth of your being, you may look for the Self, the Truth, the
"enlightened me."  Looking for the "enlightened self" is just
another role, another script.  It's part of the spiritual seekers
script.  If you drop the script - now what are you?

Of course the reason I ask you to inquire into what you are is
because, at this moment, you are living the answer.  Nothing I
would tell you is a substitute for that Aliveness, for that living 
of the answer.  That is why it has been said many times that
only the people who don't know who they are, are "awake."
Everyone else knows who they are - because they are their
script, whatever their script is, [which includes their  "spiritual"
script], or "I'm not awake" script.  Awakeness is to have no
script, to know that ultimately a script is just a script, and a
story just a story.

There is a state of mind in which the mind says, "I have no
idea who I am," because it can't find the right script. 
Awakening is the realization that happens after the mind says,

"I give up.  I just have no idea who I am."  When you start to
understand this, you realize that if you put down your script of
being someone listening, and if you put down your script of
someone saying something, [or being a "spiritual" someone]
and you just drop these roles for a moment, you realize you are
not who you have taken yourself to be; this idea of a "me" that
thinks it's going to get its happiness through changing the script,
its role, its identity - even if its identity is to have no identity
[no-self]....

Adyashanti
From: Emptiness Dancing

~

Play life intuitively
not pre-scripted

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

The Madman - Kahlil Gibran & Balthazar

And when I reached the market place, a youth standing on a
house-top cried, "He is a madman."  I looked up to behold
him; the sun kissed my own naked face for the first time.
For the first time the sun kissed my own naked face and my
soul was inflamed with love for the sun, and I wanted my
masks no more.  And as if in a trance I cried,"Blessed,
blessed are the thieves who stole my masks."

Thus I became a madman.

Kahlil Gibran

~

In an insane world you must be mad to be sane.  In an
upside down world true sanity appears as strange and
dangerous.  Things are so backwards that it seems impossible
to be happy, that it seems dangerous to love, that it seems as
madness to be honest and authentic.

In this absurd world the only thing that makes any sense is to
be radically authentic to ones self - even if it is the opposite
of society.

The Madman

The one who unquestioningly follows their heart is a madman.
The one who unfailing listens to the soul and heeds its urgings
is the madman.

The madman is dangerous - not that he will physically hurt you,
but he will shatter your illusions.  He is unpredictable, wild and
untamed.  You will feel uneasy around him because he does not
prop up your house of lies.

She cannot be contained or influenced.  You cannot bribe her
with money or status.  You cannot control her through fear or
desire.

The madman loves his madness, he does not reject it.  For he
knows that his madness is his treasure, is his very life-force
itself.  Only the twinkle in his eye betrays the chaotic
kosmos within.

He is mad precisely because he is not mad.
She is utterly natural, spontaneous, unburdened, innocent.

The mind is insane.  Society is insane.  And the mind is
society's conditioning in you.

"Normal" is to be profoundly inwardly sick.  Beneath nearly
everyone's smiley mask is a mount of pain, fear, sorrow anger,
anxiety, neuroticism, and insanity.  Everyone you see is a
dormant walking volcano that only doesn't erupt because
they have learned to suppress their inner energies.

It is the mind which is truly insane - the mind acting without
the lead of the heart and soul.

The Freedom of Madness

A man needs a healthy dose of madness, else he will never
do anything.....real.  If you want to be truly alive and truly
free you must be mad.

Mad to be oneself,
And mad enough to lose oneself.

Mad enough to risk everything for freedom, for truth,
for the heart, for love.

Mad enough to lose all respectability if it means staying
true to life and oneself.

Learn to love your madness, your primordial chaos.
Dare to be ecstatic, dare to be untamed.

Dare to be the Madman.

Excerpts from "The Madman"
Seth Balthazar

via - No Mind's Land

~

Art - "The Mask"
Mystic Meandering
Craypas oils
2009

True Identity - Seth Balthazar

True Identity cannot be lost.
No matter how many masks you wear
the unique face underneath cannot be lost.

It cannot be lost, but it can be forgotten.
The "I" cannot be lost, but it can be blinded.
To find it again is only to remember that which
you already knew.
It is the remembrance of your true identity.

The search is for one's true identity.
For who you ultimately are,
and what is your essential source.
To know through and through the Essence
of your being.

And to live that, to express that in the world.

Seth Balthazar
Philosopher and Poet
Excerpt from - "True Identity"

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
Shadows of Bamboo leaves
against rainbow colors on a wall
forming a face/mask...

Precipice - Fred LaMotte

The bold become themselves.  There is a point in meditation,
if it is true meditation, when you fall off the precipice of practice
into groundlessness...  You can no longer resist the subtle sorrow
in your flesh, that which the Buddha called Dukkha...

You've been carrying it for years, for centuries, the stuff made of
stories about a suffering 'me.'  It is buried deep in the rind of your
body, but neatly packaged in the sterile cellophane called 'spirituality.'

Now the time has come to let the wrapping go.  Be vulnerable to
yourself.  Allow your every distant ache, the brittle anguish of a
 trillion nerves, the  secrets of grief, the worms of rage, the clogging
 undigested waste of blame, this whole discomfort you are, to erupt
 in one magnificent purple blossom of pain, fragrant with the gift
 of tears. Let it flower from the subtle into the gross, gushing
 without name, and without distinction between good and bad,
beautiful or ugly.

It is just Dark Energy, percolating wordlessly out of your molecules,
yet pulsing with photons of fire and swirling suns.  It is holy
destruction and healing, cosmic in scale yet intimate with every
cell of your body.  It is the chaos of possibility.  It is the cleansing
smile of...No Secret Me Any More...
It is pure love, the stuff of your bones.

Be bold.  Let your edges dissolve.  There is no one else in all
the universe for you to become.

Fred LaMotte

Uradiance

The Prison of Certainty - John O'Donohue

When we domesticate our minds and hearts, we reduce our lives.
We disinherit ourselves as children of the universe.  Almost
without knowing it, we slip inside ready-made roles and
routines which then set the frames of our possibilities.  We
acquire sets of convictions in relation to politics, religion and
work. We parrot these back and forth to each other, as if they
 were absolute insights.  Yet for the most part these frames of
belief function as self-constructed barriers, fragile cliches pulled
around our lives to keep out the mystery.  The game of society
helps us to forget the unknown...  The control and ordering of
society is amazing: we comply so totally with its unwritten
rules.  In a city at morning, you see the lines of traffic and the
rows of faces all on their way to work.  We show up.  We
behave ourselves.  We obey fashion and taste.

We have a deadening desire to reduce the mystery...
We bind our lives up in solid chains of forced connections
that block and fixate us.  This silences the voices within us
that are always urging us to change and become free.  Our
sense of uncertainty and our need for security nail our world
down.  We confine mystery within the prison of routine and
repetition.  Your response to the invitation at the edge of your
life becomes reduced to a series of automatic reflexes.  We
live so much of our one life with the same automatic blindness
of adaptation.  After a while, unknown to you, a wall has
grown between you and the native forces of your experiences.
You go through life only half aware...  This subtle conditioning
becomes so effortless that you are only half present in your life.

[But] Everywhere around us mystery never sleeps.  The same
deep nature is within us.  Each person is an incredibly
sophisticated, subtle, and open-ended work of art.  We live at
the heart of our own intimacy, yet we are strangers to its endless
nature.  Each of us needs to travel inwards from the surface
constraints and visit the wild places within us and answer the
question:  Who are you?  Who are you behind your role?  Who
are you behind your words?  Who are you when you are alone
with yourself?  Who are you before you slip back safely behind
the mask and the name by which you are known during the day?

If you can awaken the eternal beauty and light of your soul
you will break through the prison of certainty
and bring light wherever you go.

John O'Donohue
From: Eternal Echoes 

"Knowing"

"You have no regard for stature"

someone once told me...

It's true - title, position,
knowledge, wealth and status
do not impress me,

because we really are all
the same fabric of Reality,

weaving our way through life,
given what we've been given,
each playing a different role;
each a different thread,
each carrying a different burden;
most of us running through life
with blinders on,
only seeing our self-importance,
or our suffering, our struggle -
waiting for others to see it too...
But "we" are mere facades,
masks in a sea of masks -
most of us not really seeing the Being
we truly are behind the mask,
within the shell we call ourselves;
stature or not...

No one really knows more "truth"
than you do, if you really look
inside yourself.
And yet we flock to and believe
the self-professed gurus of the day -
the vendors of "truth" -
and read their books, inhale their words
spoken into the air,
as if they have acquired something
that we have not...  something that we don't "know."

Speaking their clever philosophies about
"truth", "reality", existence;
walls of empty words...
How do they really "Know?"

Turning inward we realize that we also "Know",

because the same "truth" Lives within all...
Is that arrogant to say ;)

This does not mean that I don't respect those
who truly Know - from their own direct experience;
not just regurgitating what they think they "know"
from other gurus and books;
other cosmologies and theologies...

We may all use a different language, or different words
- but still -

deep inside we intuitively Know.
if we allow ourselves to "know",
knowing that "knowing" changes,
through the fluidity of ever-expanding awareness.

Sometimes we know that we "know" with clarity.
And sometimes we are muddled with uncertainty and
 "not-knowing."
And perhaps the truth is that we really don't know the "truth."

So we keep searching for just the right teacher, or teaching,

the resonant words, longing to fill the "gap" we feel;
although "they" will tell us there is no "gap."
Or we fall back into old beliefs, grabbing for the familiar
paradigms of reality that will give our minds
a sense of certainty of "knowing" once again.

I know, I've done it 100's of times...

But these scaffoldings must collapse...

"Knowing" is really about being comfortable with, and trusting
 our own Inner Life, our own Inner Being,
that holds the Inner Knowing, rising within from a
Greater universal Knowing - the Sacred Silence -
from which Knowing comes...

Listening inwardly, not mentally,
not *acquiring* knowledge,
but letting the timeless innate Knowing
teach us, infuse us...

In time emerging into true Self-awareness -
as the Pure Light of Knowing
lights us from within...

Mystic Meandering
Aug. 22, 2018

Namaste

_/\_

~

Photo via No Mind's Land

digitally altered

"I sense there is this Mystery" - Rilke

No one lives life...

Disguised since childhood
haphazardly assembled
from voice and fears,
and little pleasures,
we come of age
as masks...

~

And though we strain against
the deadening grip of daily necessity,
I sense there is this mystery.

All life is being lived.

Who is living it then?
Is it the things themselves,
or something waiting inside them,
like an unplayed melody in a flute?

Is it the winds blowing over the water?
Is it the branches that signal
to each other?

Is it the flowers
interweaving their fragrances
or streets, as they wind through time?

Is it animals, warmly moving,
or the birds that suddenly rise up?

Who lives it, then?

God, are you the one
who is living life?

Rainer Maria Rilke

~~~~

Life is the movement of "The Mystery"
Life is the manifestation of "The Mystery."
Life ItSelf is "The Mystery" in movement
with ItSelf in form.

The Formless *is* Form...

We are held in the embrace of "The Mystery."
*It* wants to be known and seen.

*It* wants to play in the seeing of ItSelf.

In looking into "The Mystery" there is a
sense of intimacy.
And there is only deep, deep Love looking back.

We are held in the intimate gaze of
"The Mystery",
like the intimate gaze of lovers seeing
 *into* each other,
seeing *beyond* each other,
seeing beyond the persona, the mask,
into the depths of Pure Being.

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
January 2009

~

Photo - Shadow of Bamboo leaves
creating a face against a reflection
of a rainbow crystal on the wall...

Bare Awareness - Danna Faulds

Bare awareness
awake to its
true nature -
limitless and
vast, nothing to
grasp, no masks
or name tag.

What am I beyond
the answers of the
mind, outside
anything I can
find by seeking?

What is true
right now, and
what is transitory?

The witness watches
thoughts spin their
convincing stories
out of thin air and
doesn't care how
often I forget
that freedom is
the truth of being,
and no part of truth
is ever separate
from what is.

Danna Faulds
from: Limitless: 2009

~

Golden Sunset

The "Good Dark" - Ivan Granger

What is the "Good Dark"?
The Light is so often considered one of the attributes of the Divine,
but we forget that dark too is also a metaphor...  The Eternal is
sometimes called dark because IT is beyond the ability of the limited
intellect to see.  It is the realm where there is no longer separation;
nothing is seen as separate from That [the Eternal].  It can feel like
a shining darkness.  So the Sacred Dark, the Good Dark, is God,
the Eternal, that exists in its mysterious, invisible, indefinable form.
Vast beyond comprehension.  [It is the Eternal] that gathers
everything, even light, into ItSelf.  This is the darkness where
there is great joy,  This is the immense Mystery...

If we understand the Divine to be that living, mysterious darkness,
then we finally recognize ourselves as the same as that darkness.
[The light and dark being the same - think Yin-Yang, where the
light is contained within the dark and the dark within the light.]
In the 'half-light' [partial understanding] we are still distracted by
our own faces, we are confused, more aware of ourselves than the
holy mystery we touch.  We become like a young lover, too
self-conscious to simply lose oneself in the embrace of the Beloved.

...[when] we have no face of our own *separate* from That [our face
before we were born], then we can melt silently into the Good Dark,
into the mystery of the Divine.  Your face gets erased [the persona, or
mask] - the false self, the little me, the ego.  This is the place where
concepts fail, where reality is no longer parceled out into dichotomies
of good and bad, right and wrong, (no division of opposites)...  There
is nothing (except the Divine Wholeness that is all things). The ego-
mind is no longer able to segment reality.  Underlying the complex
 diversity of creation is a single Unity.  And within that Unity, the
 individual is not separate or different from the vast Divine.
  There is no separation between individual self and the center of all
selves...  Just Pure Being...

If you can settle deeply into this awareness [that there is nothing
except Divine Wholeness, beyond the mask], then you will find
yourself drinking the ecstasy of true love-wisdom!

Ivan Granger, Poetry Chaikhana
[brackets mine] (parentheses his)

~

We are from the fathomless depths,
the "darkness" of "The Deep"
*before* Light began...
*from* which Light emerged...
We *are* the Deep Ananda of
The Divine...

without knowing how or why...
without the need for certainties,
for *answers*; only the
ever-available Presence of
Divine Love...Pure Bliss
Pure Blessing

Mystic Meandering
January 30, 2017

An Unfinished Song - Mark Nepo

The more we surrender the more we are touched by
the life around us...

In our journey, when.....driven by experience
we spiral through a stripping of our will,
reduced to an unfinished song.....into
a place of increasing surrender
that always brings us closer
to the essence of
life.

It is often when in need -
when too sad to keep the mask in place,
too tired to keep the wall propped up,
too wounded to lift the sword -
often it is then that we glimpse
each other as we really are,
stripped of all things we think
we need to protect ourselves.

When we are humbled to surrender
our claims of control and mastery,
we are invited into a space where
we are both completely ourselves
and completely beyond ourselves.

In moments of total surrender
we become the song
that brings us and others alive.

Surrendering control, letting go
and accepting,
opens a small
doorway
back
to life;
to being present
and staying open...
to the mystery of Being,
living in Wholeness...


Mark Nepo
From: The Exquisite Risk:
Daring To Live An Authentic Life

(Mark's words, my compilation)

Photo - Mandala Art digitally altered

Reflections on a Mother...

After a rather poignant moment at Christmas, when my mother squeezed my hand after we hugged good-bye, an unheard language was transmitted through the hands: Love – something not easily expressed between us - and I had these reflections…

I wish I could have had a different relationship with my mother – more open, authentic, and loving…  I feel sad that it couldn't have been different.  Because of our personalities and the dynamic in the relationship from the beginning – an unseen dynamic unfolded between the two of us; which has now softened as she becomes more fragile.  She is losing more and more of her vision, her abilities and faculties.  There is less cognizant ability to understand what is being asked of her.  Her brain cannot handle too much information or stimulation.  But maybe love is emerging…  Maybe that is what is left when the body-mind mechanism begins to fail…

She covers it well, talking mostly in clichés – turning the personality on – speaking from the face – the mask.  But don’t ask her what she had for breakfast, or what she did yesterday, or what the doctor told her – it will scatter and scramble her brain.  And she will hide from you…  and turn the conversation back to you and ask:  And how are YOU doing? – just to avoid the difficulty of holding a conversation…

Sometimes she gets frustrated and angry because she is losing her abilities.  I feel the frustration too, as well as sadness and compassion for her fragility, vulnerability and woundedness – and the relationship we never had, but which now seems to be emerging in an unexpected way.  There is a softness between us now – sometimes - a caring, a loosening of defense mechanisms that served to protect each other from each other - sometimes.

And now in her “failing” years I wish it could have been different – that I could have been more present and more open to her, to not have closed off my own heart, but to have really seen the illumined heart of love that was really there, in both of us, behind the dynamic without the mask that veiled that Love.  I know that when she dies I will grieve that, and the relationship we never had – and maybe even the one we lost – and the one we might have had. 

In some ways my heart has already started to grieve the love we missed: a  genuinely loving mother-daughter connection; and yet it is not over…   Maybe, just maybe, our hearts will open to each other.  It seems they are beginning to...

Photo:
 a picture of my sister-in-law’s and mother-in-law’s hands…
My mother-in-law is in a Nursing Home with Alzheimer’s,
and yet there is still a “connection” through touch…

I made comment to my sister-in-law that it was interesting that
in some cases we can’t really connect with our mothers
until they are fragile and vulnerable,
and become like children again…

Blessings to Mothers and Daughters

"I sense this Mystery" - Rilke & MM

“No one lives his life…

Disguised since childhood,

haphazardly assembled
from voices and fears
and little pleasures,
we come of age
as masks…

~

And though we strain against the deadening grip
of daily necessity…
I sense there is this mystery.

All life is being lived.

Who is living it then?

Is it the things themselves,
or something waiting inside them,
like an unplayed melody in a flute?

Is it the winds blowing over the waters?

Is it the branches that signal to each other?

Is it the flowers
interweaving their fragrances,
or streets, as they wind through time?

Is it animals, warmly moving,
or the birds that suddenly rise up?

Who lives it, then?

God, are you the one
who is living life?”

Rainer Maria Rilke

~*~

Life is the movement of “The Mystery.”

Life is the manifestation of “The Mystery.”

Life itself is “The Mystery” in movement with Itself,
 as Itself in form.

We are held in the embrace of “The Mystery.”

It wants to be known and seen.

It wants to play in the seeing of Itself.

In looking into “The Mystery” there is a sense of intimacy.

There is only deep, deep Love looking back.

We are held in the intimate gaze of “The Mystery”,

like the intimate gaze of lovers seeing into each other,

seeing beyond each other, seeing beyond the persona,
the mask, into the depths of Pure Being...

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings

January 2009

Behind the Mask - "The Good Dark"

The above piece is a work in progress, except that I *love* this piece the way it *is*!  It speaks to me so deeply about what is behind the masks we wear: the Infinite Spaciousness of Eternal Beingness.  Even though the masks we wear themselves may be beautiful, what is behind them is the Infinite Spacious Cosmos ItSelf – represented here by “the dark” canvas behind the mask.   And so I left this sitting on an easel in my creative space to inspire me.  I see it every time I walk by the room, which is several times daily – admiring its simplicity, and its subtle message – that who we *think* we are (our egos, our personalities, our minds, our bodies) is only a mask that arises out of Infinite Cosmic Beingness.  Eventually this piece may be “finished” as I envisioned it – but I am waiting, listening for it to call to me…

Several weeks ago in meditation I got the image of a mask lifting off what in my mind was an outline of a “meditating face”, an “empty” face against a black background, that I crudely drew with ink pen, in my journal notes, so is a bit messy…  This inspired me to go out and try to find a mask, which obviously I did, at a local craft store, and basically just hung it over the black canvas; an old canvas that I had previously painted over several times…  After I hung it I was hesitant to draw the outline of the “meditating face” in – but wanted to just sit with it.  I was drawn to the very visceral sense of the mask *emerging* out of the darkness – which soothed something within me – as if a recognition was occurring.

This piece speaks to me in so many ways, one being the Zen saying:  Keep stepping back until you step into That which is looking through your eyes – seeing through the mask you wear - pointing to what we really are as Infinite Space, Infinite Beingness, Infinite Spirit.  That is what is looking through the mask – our Eternal Being.   I find that inspiring – that who we are *is* the Infinite Cosmos ItSelf – our True Being, which is of course Internal.  It is not “out there” somewhere in space :) – but right Here in the very Heart of our Being – and yet – we ARE that Cosmic Spaciousness as well – our Home, our Cosmic Mother so-to-speak…  We ARE the stuff of stars… 

So often we view the darkness in our lives as “bad”, something to avoid, to not allow into our experience because we have labeled it as being the opposite of light, or something “evil” – a dark, foreboding abyss.  When in fact, according to some traditions, it is the light that emerged out of Infinite Darkness – out of the Cosmic Womb – the Primordial Stillness, if you will – out of which our planet, solar system and galaxy emerged…  Fascinating!

About two weeks after putting this “piece” together on the easel I received an on-line newsletter called NonDuality Highlights.  It featured an article written by Ivan Granger from Poetry Chaikhana giving his interpretation of a poem called “The Good Darkness” by Hakim Sanai, a Sufi poet. (You can view the poem and entire article HERE).  As I read through it I thought, what timing!  It all came together for me.  I have only printed an excerpt here, because it is those parts that say what I wanted to say about “The Good Dark” but couldn’t articulate.

He says:

“What is this “Good Dark”?  Light is so often considered one of the attributes of the Divine, but we forget that dark too is also a metaphor...  The Eternal is sometimes called dark because IT is beyond the ability of the limited intellect to see.  It is the realm where there is no longer separations; nothing is seen as separate from That [the Eternal].  It can feel like a shining darkness.

So the Sacred Dark, the Good Dark, is God [the Eternal] vast beyond comprehension, [it is] Being that gathers everything, even light, into ItSelf.  This is the darkness where there is great joy.  This is the immense Mystery…

If we understand the Divine to be that living, mysterious darkness, then we finally recognize ourselves as the same as that darkness. [the light and dark being the same – think Yin-Yang where the light is contained within the dark and dark within the light – as a symbol of oneness].   In the ‘half-light’ [partial understanding] we are still distracted by our own faces, we are confused, more aware of ourselves than the holy mystery we touch.  We become like a young lover, too self-conscious to simply lose oneself in the embrace of the Beloved.

…[when] we have no face of our own *separate* from That [our face before we were born – maybe my “meditating face”?], then we can melt silently into the Good Dark, into the mystery of the Divine.  Your face gets erased – the false self, the little me, the ego [the mask - your sense of separateness *from* the You that is Divine].  This is the place where concepts fail, where reality is no longer parceled out into dichotomies of good and bad, right and wrong (no division of opposites)...  There is nothing (except the Divine Wholeness that is all things, emptying individual things of their substance.) The ego-mind is no longer able to say ‘this is separate from that.’

In the mind’s deep stillness, reality is perceived as one, whole, unsegmented, pure – beyond the ego’s attempts to segment reality.

If you can settle deeply into this awareness [that there is nothing except Divine Wholeness, beyond the mask], then you will find yourself drinking the ecstasy of true love-wisdom!”

Ivan Granger, Poetry Chaikhana…
[brackets are mine] (parentheses his)

~

For a more humorous look at this topic
see my post:
Who would you be if you weren’t who you THINK you are…

The Somber Tones Of Winter...

Sometimes my Heart sings the somber tones

that have lain dormant

needing expression…

An Adagio emerges

as if someone has died;

maybe that someone is “me,”

the false me… the mask of “me”

that keeps falling off,

leaving something more real exposed…

The grief begins

to sing, to play her strings,

feeling the loss.

I have heard her tune before.

I allow her to play her strings,

until she is played out,

listening to her deeply…

I know that

even the Somber tones are

an expression of the One.

There is no separateness,

no good or bad tones,

just the authentic expression

of what Lives here…

The Somber tones and shades are

Life ItSelf,

inviting me to look deeper,

to find the richness that lives within them…

Their song has to be sung as well.

Even they are the Heart’s language of Love,

calling me to more authentic Living...

©Mystic Meandering

January 27, 2011

Who Would You Be If You Weren't Who You Think You Are...?

Okay, so maybe I’m taking the “spiritual path” a little too seriously…  I don’t know.  It seems all the sages and “spiritual teachers” that I read and listen to have taken their path very seriously, which is why they are where they are – and why we follow them, emulating them.  But, am I being too serious...

Over at ZenDotStudio, Carole is following the path of Joy, which sounds a whole lot more fun than the one I’ve been on lately.  :)  I mean she is really enjoying life!   In my last post I didn’t mean to imply that the “spiritual path” could not be “fun” when I said there’s no getting comfortable on the “spiritual path” because it seems there’s always some issue to attend to, to look at, that needs pruning, etc..  Or that we need to constantly be working on our issues…    It’s just that some of us seem to have a harder time accessing Joy.

I commented on a friend’s blog post yesterday, who was dealing with feeling stagnant, in a kind of off-hand humorous way, that sometimes it helps me to see things differently when I use my imagination, to be playful, to take on a different role, or persona, say of someone I admire – like snoopy the dog for example in his scarf, goggles and flying cap.  You may remember that image. :)  Just the mere act of wrapping a scarf around my neck makes me feel more lighthearted and free.  Or, as my blogger friend suggested, wearing long, striped socks like Pippi Longstocking!  Yes!  I remember how much fun and freeing it was to play dress up as a kid.  Wearing a mixed match of clothes somehow put me into a different, more playful place, an imaginative place.  As a kid I didn’t think about it, it was just spontaneous and authentic fun.  There was no rightness or wrongness to it…  It was just innocent child’s play…

I had a Buddhist therapist one time who asked me about the people I admired and why, and then had me pretend to be them talking to me to find out what they would say to me.  Interesting exercise actually – although awkward – but it made the point.   Pretending to use the qualities that I admired in them, only to discover that I had those same qualities too…   And another therapist said that the clothes we wear make a difference in how we feel about ourselves.  So – maybe I need a change of costume…  Where did I put those goggles and flying cap…

And interestingly I had a conversation this morning with my husband about how we see our selves is only a glimpse of a larger story; how we limit ourselves by how we perceive ourselves, and not seeing the bigger picture.  And how we can use our imagination, play, roles and personas to go beyond who we think we are.  “Christine” is a persona, a fabrication of the self, a mental construct based on upbringing, conditioning, and who I have come to believe myself to be.  So why not use my imagination to play different aspects of the self – as children do – without constraining myself to an idea of who I think I am.  If self is just a mask for the pure Beingness that we are, then Beingness is free to take on any persona, mask, self, role, personality that it chooses, right?  And since there are so many aspects to this self that we have come to believe in, then why not use one that reflects more clearly, more transparently the essence of our Being.   Even “spirituality” can become a mask we hide behind… 

When Byron Katie asks, “who would you be without that thought?” we think in terms of – being happier, being calmer, more accepting, being freer.   But to put a humorous twist on it, why not think in terms of personas!  Who would I be without my thoughts that life is hard, stressful, lifeless, directionless, that I’m a failure, etc.   Of course the answer is supposed to point you to your True Self, and not another character, or persona.  So what would my True Self/Beingness look like without these thoughts, or these personas?  Or better still – how would I see life differently if I pretended to be who I really am - Beingness ItSelf…  I think I’ll try that one on for size and see how it fits.

WHO am I when Beingness is seen and recognized to be what is looking through these eyes?   I feel lighter already… :)

Photo

I couldn’t sleep one night
and did this piece at 2am.
I call it The Blue Cocoon :)

The Somber Tones of Winter...

Sometimes my Heart sings the somber tones
that have lain dormant
needing expression…

An Adagio emerges
as if someone has died;
maybe that someone is “me,”
the false me… the mask of “me”
that keeps falling off,
leaving something more real exposed…

The grief begins
to sing, to play her strings,
feeling the loss.
I have heard her tune before.
I allow her to play her strings,
until she is played out,
listening to her deeply…

I know that
even the Somber tones are
an expression of the One.
There is no separateness,
no good or bad tones,
just the authentic expression
of what Lives here…

The Somber tones and shades are
Life ItSelf,
inviting me to look deeper,
to find the richness that lives within them…

Their song has to be sung as well.
Even they are the Heart’s language of Love,
calling me to more authentic Living...



Mystic Meandering
copyright
January 27, 2011


~*~

"The Mystery" in Disguise

Well I’ve just finished carving the pumpkin and the pumpkin seeds are roasting in the oven. The smell is delightful wafting through the house. Soon I’ll be making a pot of homemade chicken soup that will fill the air with more wonderful smells of Fall, although we just had a 2 day snow storm that made everything look like the middle of winter. Today, however, is a balmy 55 degrees, enough to melt the snow left from that wicked witch storm that blew through here.

I love this time of year, and I love Halloween. It is my favorite holiday actually. I look forward to seeing the kids come to the door tonight dressed in their costumes, especially the little ones, who really have no clue why they are dressing up and trudging through the neighborhood, arriving at each door with parent in tow, coaching them on what to say. It gives my Heart delight to experience the children in disguise – hiding behind their masks – pretending I don’t know who they are. Kind of like me. I’m really a child disguised as an adult – but maybe you knew that :)

Thursday while sitting with “The Wizard” I had several realizations actually. One of which was that life is really a dance *with* this Divine Mystery as *It* manifests Itself in form, everywhere, in & as everything. “The Mystery” is right here – revealing Itself – right here, speaking to us in & through others, through art, through words, through music, through humor, through movement, through nature – through all of “Its” disguises. It is all right here waiting to be recognized, seen and acknowledged. *Everything* that is expressed is “It”, in disguise, even the drama, the pain – physical and emotional – the intellect, thought, the feelings, the emotions. It speaks in whatever form we can hear or see or experience “It”: Buddha, Christ, The Divine Mother, difficult mothers, Drama Queens, Spirit, Being, all the forms of “God” – including an old lady at the grocery store, Consciousness, “The Wizard”, The Great Pumpkin. Even sickness, suffering and sorrow are “It, allowing us to *see* how The Mystery works through it. Even anger is “The Mystery” in disguise, like a child in a scary Halloween costume.

Another realization from my time with “The Wizard” is that this “Mystery” *wants* to be discovered, to be seen, to be known, to be communed with, and has manifested Itself in form – in *all* forms - so that it *can* be seen and known and experienced. The Mystery *wants* to commune with Itself – Its manifested Self; to dance with life, to play in life. It is The Mystery that *wants* to express here – through and as “the me.” The Mystery *wants* to express Itself in and through Its manifestations – Its disguises. It is the force of Life, the “primal scream” that wants to break through the disguise, express Itself and be *recognized.* It delights in being seen through Its disguise. Have you ever noticed that when you look into someone’s eyes and actually *see* The Mystery, there is a flash of recognition and their eyes light up? “It” wants to be found out! This realization excites me for some reason. My Heart is singing, can you tell! :)

WE are “The Mystery” in disguise, in costume, wearing masks – pretending we don’t know who we are. It seems I’ve known this and yet I am rediscovering it again as if for the first time. I’m still wearing my costume and mask, *believing* it is “me”! Halloween all year long! Although I’m beginning to really get a clue here that they’re just a disguise. I like playing dress up, don’t you? :) It doesn’t mean I’m not being authentic. I’m just playing “Life.” And what rises up again and again from within the disguise is “The Mystery” to be seen, heard, expressed, communed with - and lived – passionately and creatively in and *as* all of Its many disguises – meeting Itself *in* the disguise.

Weds night I listened to Adyashanti’s web broadcast on “Café Dharma.” At one point he said: “The presence that you are is a transparency. We are a living transparency. See yourself as transparent…”

And so, Charlie Brown, I said to myself - maybe “awakening” is really not about removing the disguise, or getting rid of the mask - but about not *believing* that we are the disguise, seeing beyond the mask to the “The Mystery” that is there shining through…

Peek-a-Boo… MeANderi – The Mystery in disguise :)