Welcome to another edition of Grocery Store Wisdom :) I haven’t written one for the last couple of weeks because there wasn’t anything that arose, or emerged, or made itself known to me.
And no, “Cranky” is not a new product that they are offering at the grocery store these days :) It’s actually how I felt when I awoke this morning. Well, that’s not exactly true. I awoke in my usual way, which is to lay there for a few minutes, consciously resting in a felt sense of Awareness, Being, feeling the pulse of Being run through my body, which allows me to feel the Spacious sense of Presence before rising. However, as I lay there this morning “Cranky” came for a visit and decided to stay… She is kin to “Froggy” here. I was not happy that “Cranky” showed up, in fact it made me cranky :) I really didn’t want to feel this way, but there it was. So I cranked my body self out of bed, did the usual routine and went to the kitchen for breakfast, showered, and then was off to the grocery store wondering if I would receive some wisdom, or insight on what to do with my friend “Cranky.”
I was curious as to what I would experience with “Cranky” as my companion – hoping she wouldn’t make a scene. The day was overcast, but I like this kind of weather, so it didn’t make me cranky. In fact, I don’t know why “Cranky” crept in and hung around. Like the foggy weather, it was just there, hanging around me. But I managed to stay open enough to try to *see* what needed to be seen beyond the frog – er fog. And maybe that’s one too many “crankies” for you :) Is for me too…
As I made my way through the produce section, I brought my awareness to my surroundings. As I observed, I saw a woman coming through with a huge bouquet of colorful balloons. We made eye contact and I couldn’t help but grin, and she grinned back, then spirited away with the balloons floating out behind her. Somebody was going to be surprised today, gifted with joy maybe, I thought… My heart sighed and lightened a bit to see that Joy was in fact still there too, along with you know who… And so I continued, thinking, well this may not be all that bad after all, and wondered what else there was for me to see…
As I turned down one of the isles there was a very frail, elderly woman standing at her cart with a box of rice in her hand, studying it. I wasn’t able to get around her in the isle, so I calmly waited a little. “Cranky” didn’t get cranky, which surprised me. Within seconds the woman realized she was in the way and excused herself in a very fragile sounding voice, and I was able to move through. Feeling concern for this obviously frail woman, I turned to look at her and couldn’t help notice how utterly frightened she looked. The look in her eyes was one of sheer panic, although she wasn’t making eye contact. I wanted to reach out to her and ask if she needed help – but it didn’t appear that she was in trouble… Her eyes belied that fact, and I could see that on the inside she must have *felt* like she was in trouble. I wondered if there was no daughter who called on her to help if she needed it, or did she have mother/daughter issues too – creating distance. Compassion welled up inside for this woman who appeared to be struggling with life. And then I realized she was the same woman I wrote about in a previous blog post Grocery Store Wisdom – Tomatoes. She had the same ghastly look on her face, as if life had just overwhelmed her one too many times and she was just hanging on for dear life. I can relate. She touched my heart so much I nearly cried… As she didn’t appear to be in any kind of distress, I moved on – haunted. My heart had broken open, I could barely hold back the tears… “Cranky” was no where to be found.
As I moved further down the isle I could hear the music playing in the background. They were playing country-western today. It was an old Kenny Rogers song, called The Gambler. I began humming along with it, as if Innocence had just shown up – like a child humming a delightful tune – feeling playful all of a sudden. My steps lightened.
It seemed my friend “Cranky” dissolved somewhere along the way as The Mystery played itself out today. I didn’t choose for “Cranky” to come, neither did I choose Joy, Compassion or Innocence. They just showed up, rising and falling in the Greater Spaciousness of Being as life was lived, all bringing their own gifts for softening the heart and seeing with new eyes… And oh yes, now Gratitude has awakened and is making her appearance…
With Heart Smiles….
