"All We Are, we are..."

I realized yesterday that the second layer of this “resistance” that I have been experiencing comes from a contracted sense of “self”, a sense of separateness – which comes from fear. It is the mind fixating on the little things, resisting them – forgetting its True Nature and the simplicity of just being – just living. I tell myself that I “shouldn’t” feel this resistance. I shouldn’t be resistant to life as it is – after all, Life moves the way it moves – right? I feel badly that I still resist, despite this awareness, knowing that there’s really nothing to resist! So I resist the resistance.

On the way to the grocery store yesterday I asked to be shown what I needed to see here. The grocery store offered up its wisdom. :)

Walking through the isles, I listened and watched for what might be revealed, but nothing was apparent. And then waiting in line at the check-out, I heard the words of a song being played on the PA system. The words I kept hearing were: “All we are, we are…” lyrically repeated over and over again. I couldn’t make out the other words in the other verses, only the chorus: “All we are, we are…” And for some reason the rhythm of the words drew me in: “All we are, we are” – of course! How could we be anything else? As I stood listening to the words, I was looking around, in a relaxed state of waiting, and my eyes suddenly landed on a word over in the far corner from where I was standing that was printed on the side of a display shelf. It said: “Inclusive.” I just stopped – eyes glued to the word.

And I realized - there it was:

All we are, we are…

Inclusive…

Nothing is excluded – no thought, no feeling, no emotion – even resistance. We can’t be anything other than what we are. We are who we are… All of it – not just the parts we like, but even our hidden parts, the “darker” parts; the depression, the anger, the anxiety, the restlessness, the doubts, the uncertainties, the insecurities, the resistances… All of it is the Self – being who we are– expressing ItSelf as us – authentically.

I could feel tears welling up with this recognition – with the acceptance that everything is included – life as it is – me exactly as I am. There is nothing “wrong” with any of it! It’s all embraced as an experience of Being. It is all expressions of the Self – the waves of the Ocean rising and falling back into ItSelf – over and over again. It’s inclusive of the hard times and easy times, not separating out the good and bad experiences or emotions, as I tend to do – still – *believing* the distinctions in my mind, “complexifying” (I love this word!) my life, creating stories. Being sees everything inclusively – expressing this “me” *as* ItSelf – all of me; not the perfection of me. Being embraces everything – enfolds everything to ItSelf - our pain, our stories, our drama – as it is – without hesitation – without resistance. Everything is allowed. I know this, and I forget this. Everything unfolds the way it does, including this “resistance.” And so I continue to whisper softly in its ear, as if to a frightened child: “No resistance – all is well…"

All we are, we are

Inclusive…

Humbly

~*~

GSW - The Season of Chaos

Christmas trees and bell ringers greeted me at the grocery store today, as well as larger throngs of people. After all – “Tis the Season.” As I made my way through the grove of trees in front of the entrance and entered the store, there was an immediate sense of chaos. Children were crying and screaming. Most shoppers had that frazzled, bewildered, almost confused look on their faces, as if they were unprepared for another Holiday season already. My how the year has flown. Elderly, white haired, bedraggled looking women were shuffling along as they pushed their grocery carts, many of them with their elderly husbands in tow – obviously bushwhacked into making the trip in preparation for the annual Thanksgiving food fest…

By the time I got done I felt shell shocked, as if *I* had been bushwhacked – or is that ambushed. I was significantly over stimulated by all the noise, people and chaos. I was in dire need of Silence ~~~~. Maybe Sunday’s post arose because I would need to remember what I wrote! That in the midst of chaos, there *is* inner peace - down there somewhere. In the midst of complexity there is simply awareness – if I just notice. And in the midst of confusion there is an innate sense of stability – if I stand still long enough to feel it. Although, what I feel in the moment is a sense of dread. My heels are already beginning to dig in like a child’s first visit to Santa… What do you mean I need to go sit on that big fat man’s lap in the red suit!! No Mom, please!

Sad but true. The Holidays for me hold a lot of memories that feel like finger nails on a chalk board. You know – that edgy feeling. It’s the usual family memories of unresolved, ready to wear, emotional baggage lurking just beneath the surface. I may be the official Scrooge or Gratitude Grinch here, but “The Season” does not fill me with “good cheer”, and Ho-Ho-Ho’s… And as far as I could tell today, it doesn’t for a lot of other people either. It seems for most of us the stocking stuffers this year are stress, tension, confusion, and chaos – you know the little gifts you get to open *before* the big packages.

So – how to maintain equanimity in the Season of Chaos… Today I decided it would be lots and lots of down time, seriously taking care of myself… Now this may sound selfish, but it’s true. The best way for me to get through this is to seriously nurture myself and do things that nurture my body and feed my spirit. Today’s grocery store wisdom reminded me that I haven’t been doing enough of that! Life has been very intense lately and I have not been taking time to just rest in Awareness – to just Be - to deeply relax, let alone do the things I really enjoy. So this is the prescription I’m writing for myself as we enter the marathon season of chaos:

Do only what needs to be done, and don’t let others determine what that is.

Listen to soothing music.

Cloister myself and spend time in silence at least once a day.

Try to be around people who comfort my heart when it is weary.

Limit time with those who don’t.

Relax as much as possible and don’t take anything too seriously.

Accept my feelings, especially scrooge and grinch.

Practice radical non-resistance to what is.

Be authentic.

Stay lighthearted and apply generous doses of humor.

Carry awareness and a heart of wonder in my pocket at all times.

Look for forgotten joys.

Keep perspective.

Remember that even in the chaos “The Mystery” is still there - expressing Itself…

What about you? What is your recipe for getting through “The Season”?

GSW - Living the Rhythm

There didn’t appear to be any specific grocery store wisdom today, except for this nagging awareness that I am not living in rhythm with “The Rhythm” – the felt sense of the Inner Rhythm that animates my being. So maybe this doesn’t qualify as “Grocery Store Wisdom”, but this is what emerged today, that evidently wants to be written. I felt strangely out of sync with the Self today, out of sync with Life. The requirements of living seem to be taking over and taking me out of rhythm with “The Rhythm” – if that’s even possible. I ended up feeling like I was schlogging through the grocery store with someone else’s goulashes on – at least two sizes too big and very heavy – like schlepping through mashed potatoes and gravy… Clean up on the Deli isle please…

As I schlogged through the store I felt only vaguely aware, as if the glow from Saturday’s realizations had dimmed. Where was the excitement about living “The Mystery?” I had hoped to see how “The Mystery” would reveal Itself today, instead I kept getting tripped up on the stories I tell myself about the way life is going, and how I’m tired of schlogging through life, having to be so focused on the mundane, rather than riding the rhythmic waves of Oceanic Awareness. But I told myself that it’s okay, life continues as it does – chop wood, carry water – keep going. We can’t always be floating in the ecstasy of “awakenings.” Things need to be done. And so I do them. Like we all do…

As I went from isle to isle in my mud sucking boots I pondered: How do I *live* “The Rhythm” when the mundane seemingly weighs me down, taking me in directions my Heart doesn’t want to go, out of the necessity of survival. My Heart wants to create, flow, rest, but I get caught in the mundance - the dance of the mundane. This is not to say that the mundane *isn’t* “The Mystery”, but how do I honor “The Rhythm of The Mystery”, that internal Rhythm that wants to be expressed in and through me… How can I be true to That - *living* “The Rhythm”…

While I realize now that *everything* is “The Mystery,” that there is no separation between the mundane and “the Mystery” - that it is only the *thought* that they are separate that makes it so – my experience of it feels different. It’s as if my whole being is trying to free itself from the confines and constraints that it is experiencing – the roles, the identities – and just BE, fluidly living. But this mundance that I’m caught in seems to suck the heat from the embers of the creative fire that wants to burn…

So - How does one “live life as it is” with its domestic demands and still find the energy to also do the life affirming, creative activities, when ones body lacks the stamina to do it all... I know a lot of you are doing this out there – you who are artists, mothers, writers, contemplatives, caregivers & working women… How do you *live* the excitement of “The Rhythm," of “The Mystery” that rises up from within? Seriously, I want to know! Some days I find it hard to just sit in open-ended meditation without thinking about what needs to be done, or to focus enough to get any creative momentum going, while still keeping the home fires burning – like Hestia, goddess of Home and Hearth: keeping the meals made, the laundry done, the general upkeep, the lists of things to do, and still fully engage in creative, life affirming endeavors. Where do we find time to just BE? Is it just me, or have you noticed that most “gurus” are men?! :) Is there a reason for that? Maybe they have the uninterrupted time to devote to a more contemplative life, to living a mystic’s life in sync with “The Mystery.” I don’t know. And I don’t mean to sound whiney here… but… something is pulling me to live differently, to express in a different way, to see in a different way… And yet, the tune of the mundane keeps pulling me back into the same old dance – the mundance…

And so as I did my domestic duties today, I reminded myself that it’s all “The Mystery” here, breathing me, living me, dancing me through the mundane duties and obligations… I reminded myself to rest in the Embrace of “The Mystery,” that the “mundane” is merely the surface movement that I *identify* with as a problem, an obstacle to the flow. I reminded myself that beyond the roles and identities of “self” we *are* abiding Presence, “The Mystery” – “The Rhythm” - experiencing life.

Shall we dance? Can you hear “The Rhythm?” You take the broom and I’ll grab the duster…

GSW - Cranky On Sale, Limited Time Offer

Welcome to another edition of Grocery Store Wisdom :) I haven’t written one for the last couple of weeks because there wasn’t anything that arose, or emerged, or made itself known to me.

And no, “Cranky” is not a new product that they are offering at the grocery store these days :) It’s actually how I felt when I awoke this morning. Well, that’s not exactly true. I awoke in my usual way, which is to lay there for a few minutes, consciously resting in a felt sense of Awareness, Being, feeling the pulse of Being run through my body, which allows me to feel the Spacious sense of Presence before rising. However, as I lay there this morning “Cranky” came for a visit and decided to stay… She is kin to “Froggy” here. I was not happy that “Cranky” showed up, in fact it made me cranky :) I really didn’t want to feel this way, but there it was. So I cranked my body self out of bed, did the usual routine and went to the kitchen for breakfast, showered, and then was off to the grocery store wondering if I would receive some wisdom, or insight on what to do with my friend “Cranky.”

I was curious as to what I would experience with “Cranky” as my companion – hoping she wouldn’t make a scene. The day was overcast, but I like this kind of weather, so it didn’t make me cranky. In fact, I don’t know why “Cranky” crept in and hung around. Like the foggy weather, it was just there, hanging around me. But I managed to stay open enough to try to *see* what needed to be seen beyond the frog – er fog. And maybe that’s one too many “crankies” for you :) Is for me too…

As I made my way through the produce section, I brought my awareness to my surroundings. As I observed, I saw a woman coming through with a huge bouquet of colorful balloons. We made eye contact and I couldn’t help but grin, and she grinned back, then spirited away with the balloons floating out behind her. Somebody was going to be surprised today, gifted with joy maybe, I thought… My heart sighed and lightened a bit to see that Joy was in fact still there too, along with you know who… And so I continued, thinking, well this may not be all that bad after all, and wondered what else there was for me to see…

As I turned down one of the isles there was a very frail, elderly woman standing at her cart with a box of rice in her hand, studying it. I wasn’t able to get around her in the isle, so I calmly waited a little. “Cranky” didn’t get cranky, which surprised me. Within seconds the woman realized she was in the way and excused herself in a very fragile sounding voice, and I was able to move through. Feeling concern for this obviously frail woman, I turned to look at her and couldn’t help notice how utterly frightened she looked. The look in her eyes was one of sheer panic, although she wasn’t making eye contact. I wanted to reach out to her and ask if she needed help – but it didn’t appear that she was in trouble… Her eyes belied that fact, and I could see that on the inside she must have *felt* like she was in trouble. I wondered if there was no daughter who called on her to help if she needed it, or did she have mother/daughter issues too – creating distance. Compassion welled up inside for this woman who appeared to be struggling with life. And then I realized she was the same woman I wrote about in a previous blog post Grocery Store Wisdom – Tomatoes. She had the same ghastly look on her face, as if life had just overwhelmed her one too many times and she was just hanging on for dear life. I can relate. She touched my heart so much I nearly cried… As she didn’t appear to be in any kind of distress, I moved on – haunted. My heart had broken open, I could barely hold back the tears… “Cranky” was no where to be found.

As I moved further down the isle I could hear the music playing in the background. They were playing country-western today. It was an old Kenny Rogers song, called The Gambler. I began humming along with it, as if Innocence had just shown up – like a child humming a delightful tune – feeling playful all of a sudden. My steps lightened.

It seemed my friend “Cranky” dissolved somewhere along the way as The Mystery played itself out today. I didn’t choose for “Cranky” to come, neither did I choose Joy, Compassion or Innocence. They just showed up, rising and falling in the Greater Spaciousness of Being as life was lived, all bringing their own gifts for softening the heart and seeing with new eyes… And oh yes, now Gratitude has awakened and is making her appearance…

With Heart Smiles….

GSW - S & M vs. Comic Relief

I have become aware that I might be a tad too serious about too many things lately, always trying to find the Significance and Meaning in everything that happens. And you thought I meant something else right?! :) So today I’m writing about something humorous - the lighter side of life. And what better place to find it than in the grocery store! I have "enjoyed" - well almost - my grocery store days since I’ve been writing a blog post about them, because it brings me to a place of greater awareness, and gives me perspective, which I see as a good thing. Yet, sometimes I think I’m too engaged in trying to find the meaning, the wisdom in it.

Today was no different. Instead of just being *aware*, as usual I started *looking* for Significance and Meaning as soon as I walked in the door. Yet they were nowhere to be found. It was as if they got lost in the *looking*, in the seeking for them. Like we were playing hide and seek in some kind of existential way. They weren’t really there anyway, but I was looking for them just in case. It’s like what I’ve heard some spiritual teachers say about seeking – as soon as you start seeking for the proverbial “It”, “It” is not to be found. It’s lost to *you* because of the seeking, and the trying. It’s as if life needs a softer gaze to be fully seen – fully experienced – because nothing’s really hidden. “IT” reveals itself in every experience.

Anyway, as I kept watching for S&M to show up the thought occurred to me that maybe there really *isn’t* any significance and meaning to what occurs except for what I project onto it, except for what I *want* to see… hmmm. So I relaxed the mind a bit to not be *looking* for anything. I let go of the *needing* for there to be a wisdom, or meaning in what I was experiencing, and just went on my way, *in* the experience - not trying to make something of it.

When I got to the check out stand the young woman ahead of me (I was old enough to be her mother) had just a handful of items, one of which was a 32 oz container of yogurt. She decided she didn’t need a bag, and hadn’t brought her own. She instead tried to carry her “handful” of 5-6 items. She picked them all up and cradled them in her arms. Just as she got to the end of the check out counter I heard a loud – WHAP. I looked up and saw that the 32oz plastic container of yogurt had hit the floor, hitting straight up on its bottom, forcing the lid off, and yogurt splayed everywhere: hitting the man behind us at the opposite check out stand, as well as the counter, the bagger at the end of the counter, and across much of the floor - oops.

The young woman appeared dumb struck that this could have happened, and stated it had never happened to her before, as she nervously laughed. I just watched as it all unfolded. The clerks scrambled to clean it up – and she tried to help. The man tried to wipe the goopy stuff off his bare legs and clothes – while she apologized profusely, and tried to help him wipe it off. I’m sure he was thinking – I can do it myself lady, thanks anyway. In the middle of all this the girl and I looked at each other and broke into laughter. I mean, it really *was* comical, although nobody else was laughing. The sight of this in my head still makes me laugh out loud.

Whap – splat – yogurt everywhere.

No significance, no meaning really – just pure experience…

Life unfolds before our eyes…

Whap – splat – comic relief… :)

Heart Smiles…

Grocery Store Wisdom - Prunes Anyone?

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but lately I’m seeing a lot of contraction in the faces I see at the grocery store. There have only been a handful of truly radiant faces. Some conceal themselves behind a pleasant mask, or appear numb, but you can see the contraction in their eyes. Now maybe it’s just me, projecting my own contraction, my own sometimes dour puss, out onto the “other” faces that are looking back at me. But in general people appear “troubled” to me - worried, conflicted, irritated, etc. All the things I’m experiencing as well. Collectively it seems as if we are in pain – and not just because of the economy - but it seems we are going through some kind of birthing process, experiencing the contractions of labor. Or maybe it’s just that we need to eat more prunes… :) I’m not an seer here – just making observations…

I have been experiencing a deep unsettledness and restlessness myself all through the Summer and even now, as if something is trying to be birthed, but holding back – constrained somehow. Yet the contractions keep coming. Old unresolved issues have surfaced, old memories, old thoughts, old feelings, old patterns, as if trying to release.

And so I ask, what wants to be birthed here? What *is* being birthed here – that feels like pushing a square peg through a round hole, contracting facial expressions?

Something feels like it’s being birthed from the Primordial Womb of Stillness… It’s as if “Spirit” (aka – Awareness, Consciousness, Being) is birthing Itself “again.” It’s as if it’s rebirthing itself into a new cycle of existence – morphing into new forms. It feels like “we” (the collective we) are at the edge of a new cycle, the birthing of a new cycle, and therefore experiencing birth pangs – laboring.

While I understand the so-called “remedy” for this angst, this contracting, is to recognize who we truly are and “just rest in That” – “abide in That” - hearing the *words* - “just rest in/as Awareness” doesn’t stop the contraction necessarily. It doesn’t soothe the angst. Even though I *know* they are true, it has to be a *felt experience.* Hearing the *words* that I’m identifying with the mind and emotions, that it’s all just a contraction of thought, and all there is, is Awareness/Consciousness, and all I need do is just let the thought flow through and rest in Awareness somehow doesn’t help. It’s like telling a woman in stage two labor to just relax, to just let go, while she’s on her knees on the birthing bed beating her husband on his chest calling him all kinds of names because of the very real pain of birth that she’s experiencing. And honestly I’d rather have the pain killer. Morphine drip please. :) Sometimes you just have to go *through* whatever it is you’re going through… And yet, there is always the invitation to rest, to rest back into the Embrace that holds everything… I can feel it in the background, inviting me to rest. And still, the contractions keep coming, distracting me.

And interestingly - at the same time - I’m okay with all this laboring, as intense as it sounds as I tell it here, because even through all this contracting I *know* that there is nothing other than okay. What could be other than okay… There is no “other” that is somehow different than okay. Everything is always okay, even the struggles, the labor of birth, and the grief of death. There can’t be anything else but okay. But these are just words too, are just another version of “everything is just Awareness…”, just the One expressing Itself as everything, but it’s the version that resonates with me right now in the trenches of life being lived here, as it is – as whatever this birthing is unfolds.

And so what about these faces that I see looking back at me - as I meandered the isles at the grocery store – with sadness, and stress, and conflict, and exhaustion? – reflections of myself. To me they are the faces of The Mystery living Itself, birthing Itself – dare I say awakening Itself – morphing Itself. And in this process of life being lived *everything* is allowed – these contractions of birth that we are experiencing. And sometimes it appears that this birthing (awakening) can be a messy process… The bliss of “awakening” appears to be a fleeting moment, the honeymoon experience ends – and life is lived – the joy and the pain together. It’s all fluid. It all morphs back into Being Itself really, in a fluid movement – the Self returning to Itself.

And maybe this all sounds like gibberish… Would you like prunes on that? :)

Heart Smiles – MeANderi

www.ASerenitySanctuary.com

ps – the picture is yours truly having a moment evidently.

Grocery Store Wisdom - Mindful Awareness

I thought maybe I’d be writing about loss today, in light of the recent loss of our cat, and the loss of a blog friend’s mother. But I returned to the necessary mundane activities, life continued in its usual way, and the grocery store offered yet another wisdom. So here I am with another edition of Grocery Store Wisdom…

I forgot to take my grocery list with me today. I’ve been in kind of a fog the last few days, as the emotions have rolled in and out. So standing in the produce section, realizing I didn’t have my list, I came into the present moment and started moving through the store, trying to remember what was on the list. I did pretty good actually. I only forgot 4 things! Not bad from a list of 35 items, especially when in the last few years I’ve found myself in the middle of a room wondering the existential question - what am I doing here? I guess I’d pass a memory test, at least for now…

Anyway, what I noticed in this losing of the list was that I became more mindful – more aware. As I made my way through the store, I had to slow down, look, pay attention and be mindful – pulling on those memory cells, triggering them with the visuals of the products on the shelves, or the directory signs hanging above each isle. Nope, not this one. Ah – yes – toilet paper. Wouldn’t want to forget that! I felt myself becoming more internally still, less mind chatter, more innately *aware*, more in tune with my surroundings. I was more acutely sensitive to what I was experiencing in the moment.

This happened to me several years ago as well. It was a Sunday afternoon. I had been reading a novel on the couch while a large turkey breast was cooking in the oven. For some unknown reason sometimes when I read novels I become more mindful. Maybe it’s because I get completely drawn into the story – forgetting my self. When I went into the kitchen the *sound* of the turkey fat spitting in the pan as it drizzled off the skin became an intense, delightful noise that enamored me for several minutes as I stood there – just listening – just aware of every delightful sound.

In my usual blind-folders-on approach to grocery shopping, and life in general sometimes, it’s kinda like being a little mole, blind to everything else except the items right in front of my nose on my list, or in my life. Just digging my little holes and burrowing in. In the ‘forgot-my-list’ mode my awareness expanded out to a more inclusive view of the whole environment that I was in, taking it all in, experiencing everything – willingly – even with a sense of curiosity as it all unfolded before me – as if it was something new. My field of vision became wider… Maybe I should leave my list home more often! I might experience something that I wouldn’t otherwise.

It appears that in mindful awareness life opens up, things slow down, and I actually *experience* life more fully, more completely. I feel more drawn in by life – like being drawn in to a good novel. I am captured by the story of life that is being lived in the moment, instead of just trying to get through it, or resisting where it is going. I seem to *see* more. It’s like awareness looks directly at the way things are and just *sees* - acutely sees everything as it is. I’ve never really experienced this so intensely before. Today I was made *aware* of how *awareness* can shift the experience. If you live life without a list – an agenda – you actually open more to life with whatever it has for you. You actually *see* life – moment by moment. Hmmm… No list, no agenda - just experiencing life with mindful awareness – the totality of the experience – the loss, the contraction of grief, and the mundane.

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
www.ASerenitySanctuary.com

Grocery Store Wisdom - Heart Smiles

Today while doing the routine grocery shopping I wasn’t *looking* for any wisdom to pop out at me and interestingly 3 delightful experiences emerged that put a smile in my heart, and so wanted to share them with you.

I wound my way through the produce section and then to the fish counter. The “young kid” that I like to wait on me was busy waiting on another woman, so I hung back, circling, waiting. It appeared that she was going to take a while, so I went on to the meat counter. While there, the “young kid” from the fish department found his way to me through a back walkway between the two departments. He poked his head out from behind the wall and asked if I wanted my usual… I had intended to go back to the fish counter after I got my poultry. I lit up like a Christmas tree. The fact that he would remember “my usual” and make an effort to find me was such an exquisite delight. This simple act of genuine friendliness put a smile in my heart and on my face, and shifted my whole perspective. It opened me up, took the focus off my blind-folders-on approach to grocery shopping and made me aware of the “others” that I was encountering.

Then at my next grocery venue, I was getting some Taco Bowls from the bakery department for our Friday Summer dinner – a big Taco Salad. The girl behind the counter was new. She was most mindful in trying not to break the delicate taco shells as she stacked them in a sturdy plastic container for the ride home. I always buy a couple extra, just in case. The other woman there was just getting off duty – at 12noon. For some unknown reason she struck up a conversation with me as she rounded the bakery counter, coffee mug in hand, coat draped over her arm. She had the most lovely German accent. And I listened amusingly as she explained that she was just getting off work, because she comes in at 3am to bake all the baked goods for the next day. And that on Saturday she comes in at 2am because there is more to bake because of the Sunday crowds. We engaged for only a brief moment, and she was off. And hear came that smile in my heart again that just delighted me.

My steps were getting lighter, my outlook brighter – needing sunglasses now instead of those blinders.

Finishing up I went to the check out stand. There was only one cashier open and there was a line… While waiting, a woman appeared and stepped in between me and the woman waiting in front of me… Hey – no cutting in line lady… (No I didn’t actually say it, but I was thinking it – my little kid “dibs first” nature takes over in these situations sometimes). She then “realized” I was standing there and made a face and started to go to the back of the line, which was me, when the woman in front of me said to her, with a full faced smile, wearing a big straw hat: Since you only have one item would you like to go in front of me? Oh gosh, I was feeling just a tad embarrassed at my thought that she needed to wait just like the rest of us… Then the woman in line in front of me turned to me and said: You don’t mind do you? (Maybe she had been reading my mind!) And so of course I said, no not at all with a smile – and by this time meant it.

The other woman, who cut in, beamed from ear to ear. She was obviously in a hurry. She thanked the first woman profusely, and then thanked me as well. We were all bowing and thanking. The kind woman in front of me turned to me and exuberantly went on about how there’s only one way out of life – we’re all going to die eventually – so why not be kind. Interestingly my heart opened just a little more with a smile at this woman’s obviously genuine offer of kindness. Although, her exuberance about explaining it was a little over the top, it still put an amused smile on my face. And as she left, she turned to me and said – thank you for your kindness. Okay, now this nearly did me in folks. It was totally unexpected, and a bit undeserved. And I responded, well actually you started it, I was just passing it on. With that she was off… In her kindness and, yes, even in her over-exuberance she managed to light up two hearts today. That’s more than I can say for myself most days.

I wasn’t *trying* to be present, or focusing on being particularly *aware* today, and 3 “strangers” unexpectedly emerged and made a difference in my life today. Three strangers lifted my heart and made me smile… Wow – “The Mystery” in disguise, touching hearts in the everydayness of life…

So what lights up your heart? What puts a smile in your heart? What hearts are you lighting up?

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
www.ASerenitySanctuary.com

GSW - What Are We Buying Into?

Actually, this particular Grocery Store Wisdom story comes from my husband. He shared it with me a couple of days ago. So I thought I’d write about it here. I know you won’t mind a borrowed story. :)

In the grocery store you expect to buy things – food and assorted other products. You expect to see ads nearly everywhere. They are hanging from the ceiling, in the store windows, affixed to the shelves. The shopping carts are adorned with ads, not all related to food, but for Insurance salesmen and Realtors. And over the last few years I’ve seen ads adhered to or painted on the floor, all in an attempt to get our attention and get us to buy a particular brand or product. For the most part I have been able to actually look past them. They are just there. But it’s getting to be a little more ‘in your face’ lately. The cashiers in the larger chain stores are asking if you want any ice or cigarettes, as well as soliciting a donation for the current charity that the grocery store is sponsoring. For the most part I ignore those too, except to donate the paltry bag refund to a local school for bringing my own bags.

Anyway, my husband made the usual weekly trip to the small chain health food store where we buy our water and other hard to find grocery items. He related to me that when he got to the check out stand the conveyor belt had actually been turned into one huge rolling ad. The ad was for our local energy company that supplies our gas and electric. The ad was a large picture of a woman holding her hand over her nose and mouth, looking startled. He said the ad was supposed to be some kind of PSA to warn people of the poisonous gases escaping into our environment. This is the same place where people place their food items, and supplements! I mean really folks. What are we buying into here?! It appears we are buying into the collective fear. Both he and I were actually surprised that this small grocery chain had bought into this kind of fear-based advertising. Yes, it’s important to be aware. It’s important to be informed. But this, for us, is a little too much ‘in your face’ already. Evidently several customers have made negative comments about the ad, and the cashiers don’t like it either. So what were the owners of this chain thinking when they agreed to do this? Implanting fear in the psyche is not really a commodity I want to be reminded of every time I go to the grocery store… Being faced with this image of a fearful woman covering her face does not promote health and well being. But there it is – in your face…

And now for another PSA - from the ridiculous to the ridiculous.

While we were talking about the above story, my husband also related this story from a trip he made to visit his mother in a small town in New Mexico a couple of months ago. He said that while they were in the grocery store he noticed that there was a continuous announcement being played over the store loud speaker the whole time he was there, which was about 20 mins. He said the ads were for local realtors and businesses that just played over and over and over. In a 20 min time period he said he heard the same ad for the same realtor 4 times! I mean, Muzak is less offensive than this! Or am I just being cranky today? :) Not enough inner Stillness in my diet lately…

So in my crankiness I ask: What is this need for constant, deadening stimulation? What is the need for fear-based selling? Something tells me it’s corporate greed actually. CEO’s keeping us hooked on stimulation like a caffeine fix, feeding the compulsive, fear-based nature of the conditioned mind to want, want, want. And so collectively we buy into it – evidently. When we are entangled in the mind with its wanting, needing, having to have, we pay attention to the externals that are telling us what we need in order to live ‘the good life’ – or what we need to fear that might keep us from “the good life.” It doesn’t feed the corporate coffers to sell Stillness or Serenity aka: Presence – Awareness - Beingness… (Well on second thought, maybe it does!) Can you imagine your shopping experience if the CEO’s ran their businesses from a place of inner Stillness, aka - the space of Knowing Awareness – awakened Consciousness? Just imagine your favorite spiritual teacher as a CEO of your grocery store. That would be a whole different experience…

What are we buying into and why…? From the everyday experiences to the spiritual path, what are we paying attention to? Are we buying from the fearful mind, or from the Heart of Stillness? As for me, it’s still some and some as I continue to steep in this pot called Life…

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
www.ASerenitySanctuary.com

Grocery Store Wisdom - Noticing

What if all the vegetables in the produce section had eyes? What if they could see? What would they notice? I know, I know – I ask these kinds of silly questions… It’s the mystic in me coming out again… When I was a child I thought I could hear the water singing as it ran through the gutter in the street, after a rain storm. Okay I can hear your eyes rolling now too. :)

Anyway, as I roamed the isles of my 3 grocery store venues today I was waiting for something to pop out at me, something I could go, ah-ha, there it is, the wisdom for today – something profound of course. But all there was, was noticing – simple awareness. And then I got it, that’s the wisdom! It seems it’s a continuation from the post-it note theme from yesterday. I usually get to work with a theme for a while, so it pops up in everything – including the vegetable bin.

And so we’re back to the vegetables with eyes. What if they could see? What would they notice? Would they be saying: Oh, no here comes that goofy lady again. Or, oh no, watch out, here they come, the tomato squeezers, the watermelon thumpers, and cantaloupe sniffers. Yes, I know – two of those are fruits :) Or maybe they’re just aware – not making judgments about what they are “seeing,” or interpreting, or making assumptions, or coming to conclusions – but just *seeing* - just noticing life as it is being lived, without the need to evaluate how it is being lived; the fact that they ended up in the produce section, feeding humans…

Now this doesn’t suggest that we should just turn into seeing vegetables, after all we were given a mind to think with. But there is something about abiding in simple awareness, and just Seeing how things are, that caught my attention today. Not using the mind to interpret what was being seen – making things right or wrong – but just allowing everything to be seen as it is – all flowing together in seemingly different streams of existence, yet somehow flowing in fluidity. You know, like mixing the vegetables together to make a nice salad. Maybe add a loaf of bread, some spaghetti with pasta sauce, a few oriental noodles - a little wine… Somehow it all flows together into a nice experience to be enjoyed – when experienced from simple awareness.

And so this seems to be my “practice” lately – just noticing – just seeing – life as it is. Noticing the obstacles – but not reacting. Noticing the changes – but not reacting. There’s just awareness without the need to react, to make it all into a big story, without trying to control how it flows, or where it goes. It all just flows as it flows. Life being lived in each moment.

By the way, the next time you’re at the grocery store, notice that I’m the goofy looking tomato peaking out over the Cute Cuke and Mr. Potatoe :)

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
www.ASerenitySanctuary.com

Grocery Store Wisdom - Connection

I’ve been thinking a lot about connections lately, as in how people connect, and where, and why – or why not. It seems I am a “connector” of sorts. I like connecting with people, yet I don’t *need* to be connected. Maybe you have experienced this too…

In our fast-paced society it seems it is more difficult to find real connection. More and more people are turning to the Internet for connection, with Twitter and Facebook – for the 30 second sound bite connection. I was invited to join a Twitter this weekend. My husband has a Twitter page, so I had him log on as a follower so I could just see how this works. Interesting. The Twitter owner puts out some kind of statement that the “followers” read, and maybe offer a comment of their own. But where is the *connection*? There’s no real dialogue, it seems. I don’t Twitter, or is that Tweet, and I don’t have a Facebook page, or a My Space page, but I have enjoyed blogging. Blogging seems to have more depth to it. I love reading other people’s blogs, and writing my own, and knocking on someone else’s door to leave a comment, and inviting them over for a visit. There is an element of mystery in its ability to connect us, as you never *really* know whether you’ve really “connected” with anyone “out there.” It’s like writing into the Nothingness never knowing whether some planet out there is picking up your signal. Maybe it just goes zooming past Pluto out into deep space – the blogosphere – located in cyberspace... Sorry I don’t have directions for that, just follow everybody else as that seems to be where we’re all going anyway. :)

The grocery store is another kind of “space” that offers interesting connections. Kind of like the blogosphere. And so the noticing today while at the grocery store was about – you guessed it – connections! :)

I like the grocery store kind of connection. I can be personal, engaging, interactive, and I can go home. :) It’s connection without *connection* - as a Buddhist therapist once told me. It’s a place to go to feel connected with people, without the commitment of connection. In other words there’s no expectations and no *need* driven connection. It’s just connecting. You don’t have to commit to a long term friendship, try to make anything work, worry about hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and all the ups and downs of more connected kinds of connections, if that makes sense. Which is not to say that I don’t like deeper connections as well, I do. But in the connection without *connection* space I enjoy being present to people, engaging with them. The grocery store connection gives me a good opportunity to practice Presence – to step back from self and be aware, to notice and respond – to see the Beingness in others. Sometimes the connecting is instant and natural – not intentional – more spontaneous. There’s eye to eye contact with the clerks behind department counters with light banter and pleasant interaction. You *feel* a connection. You get to peer into their eyes and *see* who’s behind the persona. And others are just walking through the store with a veil over their eyes, not wanting to make connection. I’ve been one of those myself - especially today. After 3 grocery stores I still had an errand to do at the local department store, which took me longer than I had anticipated. The veil came down over my eyes, the blinders went on, and the do not disturb sign went up. I had had enough connections for the day and I just wanted to dis-connect. So I did. It was more of a protective mechanism than anything else; a response to the over stimulation, and a resulting retreat into inner Being connectedness.

And so it seems the little moments of connection are just as important as the deeper kind. We connect and then we’re gone - never knowing who we’ve touched, or how we’ve been touched by others in the moment. Some connections touch our hearts, others challenge our thinking, others open a door into seeing the larger Reality. Making little points of connection here and there through cyberspace, or in the grocery store, is a part of living - the interconnectedness of a collective shared experience on the spiral of life. And the ultimate grocery store wisdom is that all connections converge into One.

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
www.ASerenitySanctuary.com

Grocery Store Wisdom - Obstacles

Welcome to my third “grocery store wisdom” blog post – where I get to notice Life living Itself! I am actually looking forward to going grocery shopping every week now, as it gives me the opportunity to just be aware, to just notice… And I am discovering that something as mundane as grocery shopping can be quite enlightening!

Today’s noticing seemed to be about obstacles. It’s a theme that I’ve been noticing for a week now.

Almost immediately upon entering the grocery store I noticed obstacles: people blocking isles with their carriages, shelf stockers with their carts, little yellow the “floor is wet” signs in the middle of the isles in the produce section where water covered a portion of the tile floor, a man on a very tall ladder in the middle of one isle in the frozen foods section, and longer lines at the check out stands. I noticed irritation arising as well, and the sudden insight – ah - something needs to be seen here. So I jotted down the word “obstacle” on my grocery list; not as something to buy, but something noticed, like finding clues to a mystery.

As I continued through the store, it seemed like everywhere I turned there was an obstacle requiring me to maneuver a different way, to stop and navigate differently in order to get around the obstacle, which I found annoying, because, after all, the obstacle shouldn’t have been there – or so I *thought.* And that, I discovered, was the source of the irritation – the *thought* that the obstacle shouldn’t have been there, to divert me from *my* path – to get what *I* needed. Sounds arrogant I know… another noticing…. Hmmm. I added “irritation” and “thought” to my grocery list of clues.

It was as if Life was trying to get my attention by having me experience this – these “obstacles” that I interpreted to be “in the way.” It was my *perception* that saw them as obstacles – the perception of the “me” – the mind. But they were just *things* on my “path.” I believe there’s a Zen saying that goes something like, just keep stepping back until you step back into the Looking itself. When I step back from this mind perception I can see that Beingness/Awareness/Presence (however you refer to “It”) doesn’t *perceive* things as “obstacles”, but like a river flows around them, navigates around them. *Nothing* is perceived as an obstacle, or a problem from the standpoint of Pure Seeing. It’s just *seen.* It’s only the mind that interprets and perceives a problem that needs to be dealt with. Aha – like a specialty chef combing the shelves for particular ingredients, the clues just came popping out at me. And so I added “perception of a problem” to my list. By this time my curiosity was really peeked and I was actually looking for clues – spy glass and all! :)

What I also began to see in this clue shopping – ah-ur – grocery shopping, is that life is not always a straight path, but it winds and turns around so-called obstacles giving us a different view of things. By having to go around obstacles it slows us down, makes us *aware*, to *see* rather than being on automatic mode all the time, *expecting* life to go the way we want it to. Instead, I had to slow down, watch where I was going and maneuver *through* the obstacle, or even find another way. And in that seeing was the final clue – “awareness.”

In the awareness of it I noticed how often I let the so-called obstacles in every day life determine how I experience life, allowing the external life circumstances, and my thoughts about them, determine my perception of the way things are, instead of experiencing life from Presence, from Awareness – what I call “the Stillness.”

And so I came away with my “grocery list” of clues to ponder: obstacles, thought, irritation, perception, awareness, Stillness. And from the clues the wisdom emerged: Obstacles are just thought perceptions in the mind that create irritation. They dissolve when seen from Awareness – from just Seeing…

I want to leave you this inspiring quote:

“There is a new way of operating… It is more like navigating a flow. You feel where events are moving, and you feel the right thing to do. It’s like a river that knows which way to turn around a rock… It’s an intuitive and innate sense of knowing. This flow is always available to us, underneath the turmoil of thought and emotions… There is indeed a flow. There is a simple movement of life.” Adyashanti

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
www.ASerenitySanctuary.com

Grocery Store Wisdom - Tomatoes

Welcome to another Tuesday edition of “Grocery Store Wisdom” – a musing about noticing Life living Itself in form. You may want to read my blog from last week (June 30th) to get a little background, if you’ve not already read it.

Today I was in the second grocery store on my list of the three that I visit. I pulled the carriage up to the checkout stand. The clerk started checking me out as we made light conversation. For some unknown reason I just happened to look to my left, and since there was no one in line behind me I could see directly down one of the isles – which happened to be the light bulb isle. Just as l looked, a rather teeny tiny, frail looking elderly woman, started to turn her carriage around in the middle of the isle. She suddenly had a look of panic on her face, although it wasn’t immediately apparent why. I knew something was wrong, just by the look on her face. And then her little legs and feet just started backing up *really* quickly in very little steps. Her eyes grew wider. In that same instant in time I suddenly realized that she was off balance and was trying to hang on to the carriage, but the grocery cart had wheels, of course, so she was actually pulling the cart backwards *with* her. In an instant she slammed backwards into the wall of shelves behind her and then quickly slid down the face of the shelves and landed *hard* on her little butt. She looked panicked and quickly scurried to get up at the same time that I said to the cashier that someone had fallen and headed up the isle to make sure she was okay.

By the time I got to her, she had already stood back up and was hanging onto the carriage again. She looked shaken and stunned. I asked her if she was all right and she *said* she was, but I asked her again, just to be sure, cause *I* wasn’t. She still said yes, although she *appeared* confused and shaken. The cashier came up behind me and tended to the woman. I went back to the check out stand where I had left my purse and wallet out, wide open on the stand. Ooops… I waited there as he tended to her. She seemed to be asking him about the light bulbs on the shelf… as if trying to divert the attention from what had just happened. She was embarrassed I’m sure. Other store employees came to assist. The clerk eventually returned to the check out stand and finished checking me out. I turned again to look down the isle. The little woman had disappeared, seemingly vanished.

I then wondered if she had driven herself, as she certainly shouldn’t be driving! My goodness she can’t even drive a grocery cart, let alone a powerful car! What if she lost control of the car!? I hated to even think about that…

On the way home I was reflecting on this incident and I became a little teary thinking about it. The grocery store wisdom began to emerge. She seemed so fragile and so scared. And it touched me because it reminded me of how fragile I feel sometimes too, how frightened when life goes in directions that I can’t anticipate or control - not just physically, but psychologically and emotionally, financially and even spiritually. In her moment of fragility I was also reminded of others in my family who are also fragile in one way or another. Others who at times I have judged, or felt impatient with because they just couldn’t get their life together… Like I should talk! :) Collectively we’re really all so very fragile, in so many ways, and yet we live as though we aren’t – hiding behind a façade of achievement and accomplishment, or toughness and violence, judgment and criticism, or even a mask of spirituality. But really we’re just like little tomatoes in the produce department that ripen differently, and when squeezed too tightly, say by life circumstances for instance, we can burst – squish. Or with just one slip we may fall off the shelf and roll across the floor, feeling injured… Vulnerability is humbling. It’s also an equalizer when we let it touch us, when we can acknowledge our own vulnerability in life. Compassion arises with a shared vulnerability, when we see that we’re all in the same tomato bin together, some more fragile than others…

Handle with care…

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
www.ASerenitySanctuary.com