Love Letter to my Body...

Dear Body,

After 75 years I am aware of your fragility and impermanence,
and yet you still struggle to remain -
as difficult as that has become...

I know this life experience has been very hard for you...
I will do my best to take care of you - to comfort you...
Body, just rest now; allow yourself to sink down
and relax - sleep...

You don't have to keep it all together...

(deep breath and body releases its tensions)

I know you suffer - and I'm sorry for
how you labor and struggle.

You have done well to house me here with all that
you have been through - and I have taken you for
granted.

I will help you as much as I can while you still continue
to support me here...

I am sad that you are declining - my companion.

I don't know how much longer you can sustain me here.
I am sorry that I haven't always treated you well;
not eating the right foods; indulging in what *tastes* good
to the palate - and gave me comfort.

Needing care for yourself - you help me to caregive another -
draining your life energy...
But you just keep going as best you can...

I will give you rest and comfort now...
In the elder years...

With deep gratitude...

Your Indweller...

Mystic Meandering
Jan 25, 2025

~

Photo - moi 
1949

 

The "Caregiver"...

I have to find a way through this...

I am missing quiet times in the Silence;
- writing; poems, if they arise;
and emails to friends; or chapters 
for future books - never to be published -
ghost stories
about a life unlived...

I am missing the life I had -
or rather - the rhythm with the Life I lived:
quiet, slow, restful - a contemplative's elder years;
that allowed me to spontaneously express from the deeper,
quieter space of Being - now frozen in an emotionally
draining time-bound reality,
that at times feels unreal, unfamiliar.

I got caught in a time warp somewhere
by someone else's dreamscape...

I am paralyzed, unexpressive in many ways,
flatlined by my life experience;
choked on life's challenges big enough to kill one's spirit;
trying to be kind, compassionate and caring,
and somehow magically pulling it off,
with a little humor at times,
while my own life slowly wanes into non-existence.

I need my Life back - although it will never be the same
again...  The Life energy drains from the body - physically
flattened and barely functioning, becoming mechanical,
trying to hold onto my Heart,
through barrages of blame,
and arrows of long held hatred
from a troubled soul...

I have to find myself again -
before it's too late...

Mystic Meandering
Nov. 4, 2023
1 am
(the quiet hour)

This just happens to be the anniversary of my
father's death 38 years ago - at age 61...
It seems like a lifetime ago in another reality -
and of course it was...  He has missed so much,
but maybe that's a good thing...

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering