I will not hear my mother's voice again...

I will not hear my mother's voice again - or see the recognition
in her eyes when she was surprised to see me at her bedside;
or see her lift her head up from the pillow, her index finger
pointed into the air, as I was on my way out her bedroom door,
saying "I love you" - as if to remind me for the last time.
And my reply: "I love you too!" - pausing to look back...

I will not "know" my mother anymore - in form - although her
Spirit Essence lives on somewhere now; a comforting feeling,
no matter what one's beliefs are about what happens after death.

That's the thing I learned through my mother's 3 month "death
experience" - only Love remains - not your spiritual beliefs, or
ideologies, or philosophies about life; your pain or childhood
wounds.  Only Love...  All the left-over parent/child issues
dissolved as I watched her lay vulnerable and weak, speaking in
whispers as her body declined; eventually unable to speak, or
eat, or drink...  Only compassion and sorrow arose as her body
struggled to let go of, or hang on to, life - and she became fearful.
It was not an easy death the last few days.  It became more like
hard labor, giving birth to something unseen...

In the weeks before her passing, as she deteriorated, she saw
things in the invisible world: elves outside her window in the
trees, and people from the spirit world she did not know standing
near her bed.  And what she called a "beautiful woman" whom
she said had come to "help her on her journey."  I surely hope so...

There were no "religious" or "spiritual" overtones to any of it.
No talk of "God", which surprised me from what I knew of my
mother; a sometimes very pious Christian.  There was only this
idea of a playful fantasy of going on a "journey" with "spirit
people" to help her.  Maybe life isn't as serious as we think,
maybe life is a playful journey.

Mom, you are safe now.
May you feel the Love on the other side of the veil...
For there is only Love and Grace at the end of the "journey."

I love you again and again - we all do...

~

Mom breathed her last breath this morning
March 21, 2019
at 10:21 am

6 days before her 91st birthday

~

Written March 10, 2019