Living "Sabbatically"...

Over the last several years I've lamented about wanting
to carve out a "sabbatical life" - you know, living a monk's
life :) - spending my days in Silence and Solitude, meditating,
continuously aware of the Divine Presence; living life from
the deep Inner Rhythm within; from the Silence of Being;
not *in* silence, necessarily, but living from the deep pool
of Stillness within and not be driven by the requirements
of daily living.

And yet, in reality, I am continually pulled outward into
the requirements of daily living with its ups and downs;
preoccupations with family and relationship, including
helping to care for my mother for 8 1/2 years, until her death
this March;  and then the practical aftermath of settling her
affairs, which still isn't over; many times not meditating at all
due to exhaustion, as well as dealing with my own health.
I am often weary of existence...

But - that's just how life is...  It's like that for a lot of us;
dealing with what we have to deal with...

Sometimes I think I must be delusional to think that it is
possible to live according to the Inner Rhythm, focusing on
the Inner Life.  I am just an ordinary person wanting to know
the Truth of Existence in the waning years of my existence here...

It's not so much that I want to "take" a "sabbatical" *from*

life - well maybe sometimes - :) as I want to find a way to *live*

"sabbatically" - living a quiet life, unencumbered, according to
my own natural rhythms, and the deeper Rhythm within.  I don't
see it as an escape from life, but a call to a way of being in the
world, and yet it eludes me most of the time...

When I ride the waves of this Inner Rhythm in meditative Silence,
I can feel the chaotic surface waves dissipate as I fall into
Sacred Silence - and rest.  At times it is easy to make the distinction
between life as it is and the *idea* of "sabbatical life" - creating a
separation between the two where there is none.  In fact, it is more
one's orientation to life and living that matters - one's relationship
with life as it is - and with "The Ineffable Mystery"...
I'm still working on that balance...

I know that ultimately it's not either/or, but both/and:
living in acceptance of life as it is - surrendering to where Life
wants to flow - reflecting the wholeness of Being that we are,
and living fully from a deep, abiding *awareness* of the Sacred
Silence that perpetually flows through us - and - the awareness
that it's really all "The Mystery" living ItSelf out here anyway...

So I may have romanticized the "sabbatical life", but it still
calls to me.  Silence and Solitude feel like a very deep and
vital need - like breathing.
The Silence is Home.

The "key" seems to be - to be willing to face into the realities
of living life as it is, the requirements of daily living - while
at the same time being deeply *aware* of the deeper Rhythm
within; not having any preconceived ideas of what "sabbatical
life" should look like, but being open to The Flow of the Inner
Life - while learning to ride the waves of daily life as they come.
They are not in opposition to each other, but flow together.

~

Mystics are people who quest for wisdom or for God,
[or for the Truth of Existence, etc.], not in the world of
externals but in the microcosm of their own soul.  There
they allow themselves to be fully present to the experiences
of a deep-felt joy or sorrow, or beauty or suffering, of gain
or loss, so that these opposing poles might in time reconcile
and grow and ripen into a harmonious whole - which wells
up as peace that defies all rational explanation...

Anne Mari Kidder, Editor of
Etty Hillesum: Essential Writings

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering