The Longing - a meandering...

Since I was a young child I longed to know "God" -
the "God' of my childhood religion...

~

Recently longing has arisen again...

I long to know "God" still,
even though that longing has been covered over by layers of
different beliefs and stances - all veils...  And my idea of, and
names for "God" have changed; like "The Mystery", The Beloved,
The Great Silence...

It's time to part the veils so that I may truly know the "God" of my
longing; not the "God" of my childhood religion - not a man-made
"God" - but "The Source" Itself...  The Primordial, Nameless "God"...
Some have called it the Primal Energy, or even the Divine Breath...
But I long for something more personal...

I sense that all our longings and sorrows come from this longing for
"Source"; to know who/what that truly is - our origin, and if we are
that - as the many spiritual teachings say.

So I turn to look for the Source of my longing, that I wish to know 
intimately - again - as in the beginning - before birth.  All others
have been only names, personas, maybe even "lesser gods."

The longing is not for a distant "God - but the "God" who
resides within - the Source or Essence of myself.

Whoa - What?

As those words slipped out onto the page, they caught my attention:
"the 'God' who resides within -
the Source or Essence of myself."

The "Source" is within!
What I long for is in myself! 

This hit me as if this was a "new" revelation,
with a feeling of relaxed awe and wonder...

And yet, I know I know this! - intellectually, in my head.
"God - aka the Primal Source of all that is resides in everyone and
everything...  But I want to know it experientially...
to feel it intimately...

I am not ashamed to feel that longing again; that was hidden by
the veils of the intellect, the intellectualized, conceptualized, and
abstract stances, and belief systems...

It is the Heart longing that will bring me to "the Source" of my
longing; not stances and belief systems, but the innocent, child-like
longing from the Heart - the direct experience that the "God" I long
for resides within myself.

I am finally allowing myself to feel that fire of longing
again...

My child-heart has opened once more...

Mystic Meandering
Dec. 8, 2023

from my journal

After this "revelation" I felt a Presence behind my heart and with it
a deep Quiet came over me internally...

the "God" of my longing dwells within!

Amazing!

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
Sunset Heart Leaves