Hey God - John Roedel

John: Hey God.

God: Hey John

John: Grief keeps sneaking up on me.

God: That's because grief is like a ninja.

John: When will it leave me alone?

God: Hopefully never.

John: Um. What?!

God: To grieve means that you have loved.
Grieving is one of the truest human experiences
that you will ever participate in.  It often arrives
without warning - like a late day summer storm -
obscuring the sun and drenching you in a downpour.
It is a gift, isn't it?

John: Uh, no.

God: Grab a pen and write the following four things down.

1) Grief can come and go as it pleases.
You gave it a key to your house at the exact moment you
gave your heart to somebody else.

2) Bereavement is the debt you must pay for having loved.
There is no getting over the loss of a beloved who is now
resting in the arms of endless love.  Grief has no expectation
date.  Despite the passing time, the phantom pain of mourning
is always one memory away from returning.

3) Of all the emotions you face, grief is the by-far stickiest.
It gets all over everything.  Like peanut butter, grief sticks
to the roof of your soul.

4) Grief is like an
afternoon thunderstorm
in late July.

It's the storm
that's always waiting
on the edges
of your most sunny
days to roll
across the horizon
and right over you.

The ghosts of your loved
ones who have died
are the clouds.

The webbed lighting

illuminating the
dark canvas sky is
their reminder to you
that life is just a
brilliant temporary flash
of time.

It's a reminder
to live now.
to be bold.
to be electric.

The pounding rain isn't your tears.
It's the hope of eternal life that
falls on you.

It's that downpour of hope that will
help you grow deep roots in love...

The gale winds
of these storms are
the messages from
those you have
lost to death that
are whispering
to you through the pines
the following psalm:

"It's okay, my love.  Eternity is holding  me.
Death isn't an end.  Death is a threshold.
I'm still here.  I never left.  Love doesn't die.
I remain.  There is no afterlife.  There is only life.
I'm here with you.  Love doesn't die."

It's all such an adventure!

John Roedel
from: Hey God, Hey John
a book about John's simple conversations with God...

with thanks to Death Deconstructed

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

Grief is Sacred - Francis Weller

No one escapes suffering in this life.
None of us is exempt from loss, pain, illness and death.
How is it that we have so little understanding of these
essential experiences?  How is it that we have attempted to
keep grief separated from our lives and only begrudgingly
acknowledge its presence at the most obvious times, such
as a funeral?

'If sequestered pain made a sound,' Stephen Levine says,
'the atmosphere would be humming all the time.'

It is the accumulated losses of a lifetime that slowly weigh
us down - the times of rejection, the moments of isolation
when we felt cut off from the sustaining touch of comfort
and love.  It is an ache that resides in the heart, the faint echo
calling us back to the times of loss.  We are called back, not
so much to make things right, but to acknowledge what
happened to us.

Grief asks that we honor the loss and, in doing so, deepen
our capacity for compassion.  When grief remains unexpected,
however, it hardens, becomes as solid as stone.  We, in turn,
become rigid and stop moving in rhythm with the soul...

When our grief stagnates, we become fixed in place, unable
to move and dance with the flow of life.  Grief is part of
the dance.

As we begin to pay attention, we notice that grief is never 
far from our awareness.  We become aware of the many ways
it arrives in our daily lives.  It is the blue mood that greets us
upon waking.  It is the melancholy that shades the day in
muted tones.  It is the recognition of time's passing, the slow
emptying of our days.  It is the searing pain that erupts when
someone close to us dies....  It is the confounding grief when
our life circumstances are shattered by the unexpected.....

It is essential for us to welcome our grief, whatever form it
takes. When we do, we open ourselves to our shared
experiences in life. Opening to our sorrow connects us with
everyone, everywhere.  There is no gesture of kindness that is
wasted, no offering of compassion that is useless. 
We can be generous to every sorrow we see.
It is sacred work.

Francis Weller
from - The Wild Edge of Sorrow

with thanks to The Beauty We Love

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

The Wildest Comfort - Kathleen Dean Moore

 I don't know what despair is, if it's something or nothing, a kind
of filling up or an emptying out.  I don't know what sorrow does
to the world, what it adds or takes away.  What I think I do
know now is that sorrow is part of the Earth's great cycles,
flowing into the night like cool air sinking down a river course.
To feel sorrow is to float on the pulse of the Earth, the surge from
living to dying, from coming into being to ceasing to exist.
Maybe this is why the Earth has the power over time to wash
sorrow into a deeper pool....  And maybe this is why, even though
 sorrow never disappears, it can make a deeper connection to the
 currents of life and so connect, somehow, to sources of
wonder and solace...

...I don't know what gladness is or where it comes from,
this splitting open of the self.  It takes me by surprise.
Not an answer of beauty and mystery, but beauty and
mystery themselves, flooding into a mind suddenly
without boundaries.  Can this be gladness, to be lifted
by that flood?

...The Earth holds every possibility inside it, and the mystery
of transformation, one thing into another.

This is the wildest comfort.

Kathleen Dean Moore
Excerpts from - Wild Comfort - The Solace of Nature

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Embracing the Reality of Sorrow - Adyashanti

Sooner or later we will all experience the tragic quality of life.
Perhaps this quality of life is brought to us through illness, or
the death of a loved one, or losing a job, or an unexpected
accident, or having your heart broken.  But we will all
experience this tragic quality of life in both small and
overwhelmingly large ways over the span of our lives.
Whether we want to face it or not, life, with all of its beauty,
joy, and majesty, also has a tragic element to it.  This is
exactly what the Buddha saw, and it inspired his entire
spiritual search.

It seems that most people look for various ways to escape
from this tragic quality of life, but ultimately to no avail.
There is no escaping it.  And it must be faced sooner or
later.  The question is, when we are faced with this aspect
of life, how do we respond?  Surely, to avoid it only leads to
denial, fantasy, life-numbing withdrawal, cynicism, and fear.
It takes great courage to face the totality of life without
withdrawing from it or trying to protect ourselves from it.

Paradoxically, to face the totality of life we must face the

reality of death, sorrow, and loss as well.  We must face them
as unavoidable aspects of life.  The question is, can we face
them directly without getting lost in the stories that our mind
weaves about them?  Because if we can, we will find a
tremendous affirmation of life, an affirmation that is forged
in the fierce embrace of tragedy.

At the very heart and core of our being, there exists an
overwhelming 'yes' to existence.  This yes is discovered by
those who have the courage to open their hearts to the
totality of life. This yes is found only by
embracing the reality of sorrow and going beyond it. 

Adyashanti

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Loss after Loss - Mark Nepo

...Somehow we go on
loss after loss, like seeds
drowning in their possibilities
under all that snow.

From a distance, stars
are pins of light
pushing back the dark. 

But inside, each
is a world of light.

And the Spirit we carry -
that carries us - flares like a
star, everywhere we go pushing
back the pain and loss.

Still, a star can't be seen
without its covering of night,
nor a soul without its
human skin.

I don't know why -
It has nothing to do with
optimism or pessimism
or with triumph and defeat.

More, the impressible reach
of a beam of light entering the
darkest place it can find,
because that is how it
fulfills itself.

Mark Nepo
Excerpt from "Still"
From: Inside the Miracle

~

...[when the heart] is ripped apart
nothing makes sense while
in this re-arranging pain.
Nothing.
No matter what others say,
nothing is of comfort while
the heart is reforged in
the furnace no one asks for.

...Against our will, our heart
is remade by the angel of grief
who grips the center of our life,
shaking everything dead within us
from our branches, until
the heart condenses into a diamond.

Hard as this is to endure,
this too is a miracle.

Mark Nepo

Excerpts from: "After Mira"

From: Inside the Miracle.

~

Photo: Mystic Meandering

For Grief - John O'Donohue

When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you gets fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence
Your heart has grown heavy with loss;
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.

Flickers of guilt kindle regret
For all that was left unsaid and undone.

There are days when you wake up happy;
Again inside the fullness of life,
Until the moment breaks
And you are thrown back
Onto the black tide of loss.

Days when you have your heart back,
You are able to function well
Until the middle of work or encounter,
Suddenly with no warning,
You are ambushed by grief.

It becomes hard to trust yourself.
All you can depend on now is that
Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.
More than you, it knows its way
And will find the right time
To pull and pull the rope of grief
Until that coiled hill of tears
Has reduced to its last drop.

Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And, when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From the gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
in your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return...

John O'Donohue

from: To Bless the Space Between Us

~

Photo - from Keukenhof Tulip Garden in Holland
by Ellen Ratmeyer

~

The world still grieves its losses...
And the hatred and tragedies that keep occurring...

Briefly Here - Jim Wilson

Briefly
We walk this earth.
We have
But a short time.
We resemble grasses;
Green in the spring,
Brown in the summer heart,
Withering in the winter wind.
Those who understand this
Put aside their useless quarrels.
The cosmos is unfathomably vast.
The human mind is very small.
An act of kindness is never wasted;
it is the gateway to the deathless and unborn,
it is the exultation of the heart.

Jim Wilson

with thanks to The Beauty We Love

Photo via No Mind's Land

Kindness and Sorrow - Naomi Shihab Nye

[.....]

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.

You must speak it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters
and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crown of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.

Naomi Shihab Nye

from: Words Under the Words: Selected Poems

[this is only an excerpt from one of the poems
in that collection].

Photo from the Internet

Moment to Moment - Etty Hillesum

...every moment gives birth to a new moment...

Life courses through one as a constant current in a great
series of moments, each having its own place in the day.

...whenever suffering thrusts itself upon us we must not
avoid it - but accept it.
Does that mean I am never sad, that I never rebel, always
acquiesce, and love life no matter what the circumstances?
No, far from it.  I believe that I know and share the many
sorrows and sad circumstances that a human being
experiences, but.....they pass through me, like life itself;
as a broad, eternal stream, they become part of that stream,
and life continues...

...ought we not, from time to time, open ourselves up to
cosmic sadness?

Your sorrow must become an integral part of yourself.
You mustn't run away from it, but bear it like an adult.
Do not relieve your feelings through hatred, do not seek
to be avenged on all German mothers, for they, too,
sorrow at this very moment for their slain and murdered
sons.  Give your sorrow all the space and shelter in yourself
that is its due, for if everyone bears his grief honestly and
courageously, the sorrow that now fills the world will abate.
But if you do not clear a decent shelter for your sorrow,
and instead reserve most of the space inside you for hatred
and thoughts of revenge - then sorrow will never cease in
this world and will multiply...

Etty Hillesum

From: Etty Hillesum - Essential Writings

by Annemarie S. Kidder

Etty was living in Nazi occupied Netherlands during
the Holocaust, and died in Aushwitz at the age of
28 or 29.  Her writings were taken from her journals.

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
"walking in another's shoes"

Beyond Death - Eckhart Tolle

The natural way of being after death of a loved one is suffering
at first, then there is a deepening.  In that deepening, you go to
a place where there is no death.  And the fact that you felt that
means you went deep enough, to the place where there is no
death.  Conditioned as your mind is by society, the contemporary
world that you live in, which knows nothing about that dimension
- your mind then tells you that there is something wrong with this.
Your mind says "I should not be feeling peace."

But that's a conditioned thought by the culture that you  live in.
So instead we can recognize when this happens, when that
thought comes - recognize it as a conditioned thought
that is not true.

It doesn't mean that the waves of sadness don't come back
from time to time.  But in between the waves of sadness, you
sense there is peace.

When you go deep enough to the formless, the dreadful is no
longer dreadful, it's sacred.

When somebody dies who is close to you, it [feels] dreadful
on the level of form.  It's sacred on the deeper level.
Death can enable you to find that dimension in yourself - the
sacred dimension of life, where life is indestructible.

There is always the window into the formless.  It's not through
an explanation that says, well, he or she will move on or
reincarnate, or go to some place of rest.  That can be comforting,
but you can go to a deeper place than that, where you don't need
any explanations, because what opens up when the form
dissolves is life beyond form.  That is the sacred dimension.

Eckhart Tolle

via The Beauty We Love

~

Photo taken by my husband
at the Butterfly Pavilion

Personal Note:  While I understand and have experienced what Eckhart says here, I have also experienced that grief is a very organic process and sometimes we just have to sit with the feelings of sadness and sorrow, embrace them while we go through the grief, and not try to "spiritualize it, but allow the feelings to be what they are...

Farewell Letter - David Whyte

She wrote me a letter
after her death
and I remember
a kind of happy light
falling on the envelope
as I sat by the rose tree
on her old bench
at the back door,
so surprised by its arrival
wondering what she would say,
looking up before I could open it
and laughing to myself
in silent expectation.

Dear son, it is time
for me to leave you.

I am afraid that the words
you are used to hearing
are no longer mine to give.
They are gone and mingled
back in the world
where it is no longer
in my power
to be their first
original author
not their last loving bearer.
You can hear
motherly affection now
only from your own mouth
and only
when you speak them
to those
who stand
motherless
before you.

As for me I must forsake
adulthood
and be bound gladly
to a new childhood.
You must understand
this apprenticeship
demands of me
an elemental innocence
from everything
I ever held in my hands.

I know your generous soul
is well able to let me go...

[.....]

I find myself
after loving you all so long,
in the wide
infinite mercy
of being mothered myself.


P.S. All your intuitions are true.

David Whyte

Thank you to - The Beauty We Love

Haunted...

A kind of 'grief' has hit me again...
I'm beginning to feel haunted with memories of my mother's death,
how she looked the last few days, with eyes glazed over, struggling,
unable to make a connection.  I wasn't there to see her the last
morning when "she" died...  the person, the persona, the body...

But the "pictures" of the days before that I hold in my mind are
beginning to flash back.

I don't understand why she didn't go peacefully, even before
those last few days, when she lost her ability to speak,
her tongue swollen, unable to eat or drink without choking;
she had lost her ability to swallow.
She couldn't move her arms or turn in bed - as if paralyzed.
It must have been scary for her.

In those last few days I couldn't offer any solace or comfort.
It frightened me to see her this way,
because I felt helpless to do anything for her...
The body mechanism was dying...
The circuits of her brain were shutting down.

All we could do was wait, and watch over a period of days
as she slowly passed - still conscious, then semi-conscious,
then unconscious, then gone...

She would look up at the ceiling as if there was something
there, but she could not communicate what she saw.
And she'd look out the window as if to look for something
'out there.'  Maybe the beautiful woman that she said she
saw on the fence, when she could speak, who told her that
she was going to help her on her "Journey."

"Journey" well Mom...

So those are the memories I have of Mom on this
Memorial Day, trying to find better memories
in my mind.

Strange how the grief comes back to haunt you...

I can't overlay it with some nice "spiritual" belief;
It is what it is.  I feel what I feel.
Accepting everything as it is...

~

Photo - Mom in the hospital Dec. 27, 2018
less than 3 months before she passed at home
on March 21, 2019

Peace Bell - The Great Bell Chant

May the Sound of this Bell
Penetrate deep into the Cosmos.
Even in the darkest spots
Living Beings are able to hear it clearly
So that all suffering in them ceases.
Understanding comes to their hearts
And they transcend the path
of Sorrow and Death.

The Universal Dharma Door
Is already open.
The Sound of the Rising Tide is heard clearly.
The miracle happens.
A beautiful child appears in the heart of the Lotus flower.
One single drop of this Compassionate Water
is enough to bring back the refreshing Spring
To our mountains and Rivers.

Listening to the Bell
I feel the afflictions in me begin to dissolve.
My mind calm, my body relaxed
A smile is born on my lips.
Following the Sound of the Bell
My breath brings me back to the safe Island of Mindfulness.
In the Garden of my Heart
the flowers of Peace
Bloom beautifully.

via - Love Is A Place