Drama at my door...

Just when I’ve declared that I want less drama in my life and am just about ready to cut all ties with drama queens and drama-making aspects of my life – drama comes for another visit and lowers a one-tow punch that leaves me stunned. I won’t go into the details, but involves my sister-in-law, formerly referred to as DQ, my husband’s family dynamics, his mother with Alzheimer’s, and family money. That should give you a good clue, any time there’s money involved (and a bunch of unconscious people) there’s drama. And what DQ was able to do was to get her mother to sign my husband out of his mother’s Trust. And DQ just happened to deliver the news on – Mother’s Day at 7:30pm in a very emotional phone conversation that lasted two hours with lots of drama...

For the life of me I don’t understand how this family functions – or dysfunctions. I don’t understand the need to be so crisis and drama oriented. It is soooo bloody disruptive. But it seems the world functions on crisis and drama – have you noticed? :)

I create enough drama of my own that I often get stuck in it, forgetting to consciously check it at the door. It usually gets stuck to my shoe or my leg – like toilet paper. I hardly know it’s there until I embarrass myself. Drama is very sticky stuff. For some reason we love it. It can be addicting, giving that adrenaline rush, feeding the ego’s sense of self-importance. I have been noticing these things lately in my involvement with my sister and her issues, and how drama is soooo easy to do. It’s the path of least resistance actually. I’ve been watching and noticing how I create my own drama, and how I give in so easily to other people’s dramas. I certainly didn’t want to let this new visitor in – but she somehow slipped through the door. My husband was essentially blindsided and so is stunned himself. And in just a few short hours we have gone through the shock and awe of what happens when people are only interested in the bottom line – not the well-being of others – to anger, to numbness, to peace, then back to shock, anger and... in cycles of emotion and the resurrection of buried feelings and family baggage.

So – how to stay conscious when you’ve been lobbed a bomb over the back fence with a great deal of planning and forethought evidently on their part… It was intentional. Like the surgeon with a surgeon’s knife. In one fell swoop of a pen of a confused woman, the heart of her son has been cut out. Assisted no doubt by the master surgeon DQ herself. And I wonder what lawyer in his right mind would allow a woman diagnosed with Alzheimer’s to make that kind of a decision, unless of course he was bamboozled by a certain DQ who is known in the family as a troublemaker, stirring up chaos with her drama – oops, am I lobbing a grenade here :)

So how *does* one stay conscious, awake, open and not retaliate with another bomb… With a great deal of precision it seems to me, skillfully. But the mind wants to run with the drama! To be impulsive. Those thought juices are just flowing like crazy in a feeding frenzy of fight or flight neurons – mostly fight - and warrior synapses that want to defend “the territory” and prevent the “enemy” from pillaging and plundering in the name of the “estate.” But what about his mother! What about the fact that she is being manipulated in the name of protecting her money in a flurry of false accusations against her son, in an attempt by DQ to get back at him for past transgressions… You see how sticky this is…

It seems to me this situation requires a rational response: calling the Trust lawyer to see if he can be trusted :) and how this could have happened and why he allowed it; seeking legal counsel here for some advice on what to do about it, if anything. Or are we just up shitz creek…

For me it is about not perpetuating the drama by constantly talking about it, or allowing it to dominate my mind and getting worked up about it, spewing out my own venom, venting to soothe my offended ego that wants to let my family know how bad his family is, or giving my husband unwanted advice on how to handle the situation in an attempt to control. It requires some serious change in my behavior patterns in order to deal with this with equanimity, with an inner resolve to act with integrity and authenticity. And maybe even fierce presence in the face of those who would malign and wish harm. And certainly some serious cushion time is in order as well, sitting with The Buddha within, asking: what *is* this? And what is needed here? What do I need to see here?

It also means remembering that staying conscious and awake is through awareness. And not just awareness of the situation, the dynamics involved, the thoughts, or the feelings in the body, or my emotional responses, but aware of Awareness itSelf – the Buddha Nature – of what is underlying all this. To constantly bring my awareness back to this essential Awareness – to sit with The Buddha – Being – Presence (however one calls it) and *abiding* there – allowing - not fighting and resisting, as in Aikido where one goes with the movement of the aggressor, not against them. Allowing the aggressor to aggress and seeing where they go, moving with their movement, essentially disarming the aggressor without a fight. Skillfully.

So that’s where I am tonight at 4:45 am – listening to the birds chirping in the pre-dawn darkness - feeling a little punchy - needing sleep... Yesterday’s drama is already today’s present moment…

DQ w/ Hot Fudge & Nuts - The Draw of Drama

Well I’m back from the fluidity of the “reality peel” in the sanctuary of Primordial Presence. The re-entry has left me slightly frazzled as the landing was a little harsh. I actually re-entered the dream world last week to yet another family drama. But of course we *live* in the dream world. Duality and Drama happen here. It’s all a story in one form or another. It appears that unconsciousness has run amuck while I was away. That’s the problem with excursions to outer space (or Inner Space actually) the gravitational pull of the unconscious (as Adyashanti calls it) eventually pulls me back into dualistic reality again and again. I am told that the effects of the unconscious gravitational pull become less and less over time, as one gets acclimated to non-dual existence, or at least the dramas, the stories, aren’t supposed to be as magnetic. In this instance it’s the stories of a Drama Queen – a drama that has continued for years and years in my husband’s family, covered with layers of ooey-gooey, densely thick chocolate and driving my husband and I nuts. :) I ponder how one interacts with people who are so deeply unconscious that they don’t even *want* to *see*?

Last week there was a volley of flaming emails between my husband and his sister, dredging up old unconscious issues on both ends, and some new accusations about his supposed lack of understanding, caring, and involvement with what is happening with his mother who has mild Alzheimer's, whom she is caring for… There are always accusations that arise about what “we” have done or are not doing, or the problems that “we” have caused for “them.” Evidently my husband is supposed to have telepathy and just “know” what’s going on, or how difficult it is for his sister, as she decided to withhold all communication more than 6 weeks ago because of some supposed offense that angered her, even though he continually tries to communicate with her about his mother. You’re getting the picture I think. So – in this latest volley all his sister had to do was throw a temper tantrum and her little brother made the 500 mile trip to try to find out what’s really going on and why his sister won’t communicate with him, except for this latest attack. And of course, the unconscious blame game continues as according to DQ, I am to blame for my husband’s *supposed* lack of involvement with his mother and DQ’s family… I am just so tired of hearing this same story after 30 years.

This unconscious activity seems to be very passive-aggressive, and filled with self-importance. It goes silent for long periods of time and then it rears up and spits in your face. So what to do… I will admit I easily get drawn into this drama. My unconscious stuff gets triggered. My own crown from my own reign as DQ is a little tarnished, sitting slightly askew, but - there’s a storyteller still alive inside here. Obviously, I’m writing a story-like blog here! :) As my husband reiterates to me their 6 hour marathon heated discussion, as we talk over the phone in the evening, I try to be supportive without using a dismissive statement like: “I know you can handle it dear” – patting him on the head and sending him off into the fray again. Or, without being reactive or offering explanations about not getting involved in the drama, since that has already happened. Like a good novel, I start to get into it myself and my tarnished crown begins to shine a little. I try to ignore the excitement of the drama, to see from the place of Self/Presence – because I *know* that Self doesn’t get drawn into drama, doesn’t care about the drama, only the dream self, the mind, is attracted to the drama of struggle and emotional pain and hurt feelings, the need for control and blame and all of that… But the spark has been lit with the statement: “Ever since you married Christine you’ve been different with the family.” Translated: I haven’t been able to control and manipulate my little brother ever since you got married – the themes of the dream world. I can feel the reactive response rising within as the dream self buys into the story being told. The dream self *believes* the story and doesn’t like being maligned and wants to defend itself. Caught in the story I can’t even muster any compassion for DQ and her need for constant chaos and addiction to drama & deception. This is such a very old game and I *am* really getting tired of playing it. And maybe that’s a good sign. Maybe that means the draw of drama is losing its pull. Say yeay!

But then there’s this issue about not *feeling* compassion for DQ who is obviously steeped in the unconscious, and who seems to do such a good job at triggering it in both my husband and me. I wish I could ooze compassion from my heart, but it’s not something that’s manufactured from the dream self. How is it that I can feel such deep compassion for an elderly lady in a grocery store – a stranger – and feel *nothing* here…. Once while sitting in meditation, in a deep place of still Presence, I was able to meet her and did feel a sense of compassionate love for her. I could see that there is only Love here. Yet - the drama of the dream continues.

It seems that the key to compassionate living is abiding in Presence, not short excursions, but living *as* Being; stepping back from the drama and resting in pure, awake Awareness. So the challenge for me then is to stay clear, clean and *conscious* - to stay awake. But I’d have to give up all that ooey-gooey sweet, dark unconscious chocolate that is oh so tempting living in the nutty dream world… Decisions, decisions… :) A no-brainer really….

No folks that's not me with the pot on her head, it's i-stock photo :)