DQ w/ Hot Fudge & Nuts - The Draw of Drama

Well I’m back from the fluidity of the “reality peel” in the sanctuary of Primordial Presence. The re-entry has left me slightly frazzled as the landing was a little harsh. I actually re-entered the dream world last week to yet another family drama. But of course we *live* in the dream world. Duality and Drama happen here. It’s all a story in one form or another. It appears that unconsciousness has run amuck while I was away. That’s the problem with excursions to outer space (or Inner Space actually) the gravitational pull of the unconscious (as Adyashanti calls it) eventually pulls me back into dualistic reality again and again. I am told that the effects of the unconscious gravitational pull become less and less over time, as one gets acclimated to non-dual existence, or at least the dramas, the stories, aren’t supposed to be as magnetic. In this instance it’s the stories of a Drama Queen – a drama that has continued for years and years in my husband’s family, covered with layers of ooey-gooey, densely thick chocolate and driving my husband and I nuts. :) I ponder how one interacts with people who are so deeply unconscious that they don’t even *want* to *see*?

Last week there was a volley of flaming emails between my husband and his sister, dredging up old unconscious issues on both ends, and some new accusations about his supposed lack of understanding, caring, and involvement with what is happening with his mother who has mild Alzheimer's, whom she is caring for… There are always accusations that arise about what “we” have done or are not doing, or the problems that “we” have caused for “them.” Evidently my husband is supposed to have telepathy and just “know” what’s going on, or how difficult it is for his sister, as she decided to withhold all communication more than 6 weeks ago because of some supposed offense that angered her, even though he continually tries to communicate with her about his mother. You’re getting the picture I think. So – in this latest volley all his sister had to do was throw a temper tantrum and her little brother made the 500 mile trip to try to find out what’s really going on and why his sister won’t communicate with him, except for this latest attack. And of course, the unconscious blame game continues as according to DQ, I am to blame for my husband’s *supposed* lack of involvement with his mother and DQ’s family… I am just so tired of hearing this same story after 30 years.

This unconscious activity seems to be very passive-aggressive, and filled with self-importance. It goes silent for long periods of time and then it rears up and spits in your face. So what to do… I will admit I easily get drawn into this drama. My unconscious stuff gets triggered. My own crown from my own reign as DQ is a little tarnished, sitting slightly askew, but - there’s a storyteller still alive inside here. Obviously, I’m writing a story-like blog here! :) As my husband reiterates to me their 6 hour marathon heated discussion, as we talk over the phone in the evening, I try to be supportive without using a dismissive statement like: “I know you can handle it dear” – patting him on the head and sending him off into the fray again. Or, without being reactive or offering explanations about not getting involved in the drama, since that has already happened. Like a good novel, I start to get into it myself and my tarnished crown begins to shine a little. I try to ignore the excitement of the drama, to see from the place of Self/Presence – because I *know* that Self doesn’t get drawn into drama, doesn’t care about the drama, only the dream self, the mind, is attracted to the drama of struggle and emotional pain and hurt feelings, the need for control and blame and all of that… But the spark has been lit with the statement: “Ever since you married Christine you’ve been different with the family.” Translated: I haven’t been able to control and manipulate my little brother ever since you got married – the themes of the dream world. I can feel the reactive response rising within as the dream self buys into the story being told. The dream self *believes* the story and doesn’t like being maligned and wants to defend itself. Caught in the story I can’t even muster any compassion for DQ and her need for constant chaos and addiction to drama & deception. This is such a very old game and I *am* really getting tired of playing it. And maybe that’s a good sign. Maybe that means the draw of drama is losing its pull. Say yeay!

But then there’s this issue about not *feeling* compassion for DQ who is obviously steeped in the unconscious, and who seems to do such a good job at triggering it in both my husband and me. I wish I could ooze compassion from my heart, but it’s not something that’s manufactured from the dream self. How is it that I can feel such deep compassion for an elderly lady in a grocery store – a stranger – and feel *nothing* here…. Once while sitting in meditation, in a deep place of still Presence, I was able to meet her and did feel a sense of compassionate love for her. I could see that there is only Love here. Yet - the drama of the dream continues.

It seems that the key to compassionate living is abiding in Presence, not short excursions, but living *as* Being; stepping back from the drama and resting in pure, awake Awareness. So the challenge for me then is to stay clear, clean and *conscious* - to stay awake. But I’d have to give up all that ooey-gooey sweet, dark unconscious chocolate that is oh so tempting living in the nutty dream world… Decisions, decisions… :) A no-brainer really….

No folks that's not me with the pot on her head, it's i-stock photo :)