"Edgewalkers" - Elias Amidon

"Edgewalkers" are drawn to boundaries, to the edges that
define their existence, curious about what lies beyond.
They actively seek out these edges and surf them for
openings into vistas or larger possibilities.  So for
edgewalkers, "self" is a continual inquiry into what lies
beyond these edges, while at the same time acknowledging
and honoring what is inside them.  These edges we walk
are not just the perimeters delineating our "territories,"
they are dimensions in which we can live in an awakened
state while being engaged in the requirements of the
conditional, phenomenal world.

Elias Amidon

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
spindles of a railing

Vulnerability - Rumi and Wilber

I was going to tell you my story...
but waves of pain drowned my voice.
I tried to utter a word but my thoughts
became fragile and shattered like glass.
Even the largest ship can capsize
in the stormy sea...

let alone my feeble boat,
which shattered to pieces leaving me nothing
but a strip of wood to hold on to.

Small and helpless, rising to heaven
on one wave of love and falling with the next.
I don't even know if I am or I am not.
When I think I am, I find myself worthless,
when I think I am not, I find my value.
Like my thoughts, I die and rise again each day...
at last I surrender...

Rumi

~

Authentic spirituality is revolutionary.
It does not legitimate the world,
it breaks the world;
it does not console the world,
it shatters it.  And it does not render
the self content, it renders it undone.

Ken Wilber

Multiplicity and Oneness - Kripal and Licata

Each human being is two, that is, each person is simultaneously
a conscious constructed self or socialized ego and a much larger
complexly conscious field that normally manifests only in
non-ordinary states of consciousness and energy, which the
religious traditions have historically objectified, mythologized,
and projected outward into the sky as divine, as "God", or
introjected inward into the human being as nirvana, brahman, or
located in some sort of experienced paradoxical state that is
neither inside or outside, as in the Chinese Dao...

Jeffrey J. Kripal
Professor of Philosophy and Religious Thought

via - Markings

~

We are neither "separate" nor "one", but the erupting holding
field in which the energies of "separate" and "one" interpenetrate
and dance the relative into being.  The allies of multiplicity are not
at war with oneness, but fellow travelers with them on a journey of
wholeness. While we may have a bias for oneness over multiplicity,
it would appear that Love does not share this bias and is ready at all
times to employ either equally as its envoy here.  The freedom we
 are longing for will never be found in the eradication of the
unwanted, but only in attunement to the Love
and the information it carries.

The goal is not to eliminate multiplicity and scramble to replace it
with oneness, but something a bit messier, more creative, more fertile,
more earthy.  A bit more risky, not as clean, white, solar, or safe.

When we become too literalized in our fantasies of unity and oneness
 - and also in those of multiplicity and separation - we lose touch with
the mystery that these concepts can only point to...

We can play in the mountain peaks of unity and oneness, and also
in the rich, lush generative meadows of separation and multiplicity,
without taking sides.  Willing to fully participate in each,
as equal expressions of the Beloved.

Matt Licata

~
photo - Face Reflection Mandala
2013

Simply Living...

I've been basking in a "new", and not so new, "revelation" that
life is a story being lived by Life ItSelf'; that *I* am being lived:
that we *are* the living story of Life.

Life lives the story of "me" that I've identified with all these years,
and believed, for a while at least, that "I" needed to be
"enlightened" - and have once again returned to the sense that
"I" am "simply living."

In this "revelation" there is an internal "letting go" - or
"giving up" - or some would say "surrender"...
And as a wise friend recently explained:
"In that, an ancient tension and stress is released.  And in the
deepest instance of 'giving up', even the somatic aspect of
our being feels a tremendous relief, and a Serene Emptiness
where that contraction had formerly been felt; as much in
our physical body as in our subtle energetic nature.
Struggle ceases, no longer driven by the engine of
dissatisfaction with 'what is', with 'how we are.'  No longer
driven by the engine of self-judgment and self-qualification,
by the desire to be better or worthy, or finally 'understanding'
or 'apperceiving' by the desire for 'enlightenment.'"

This articulates my current experience perfectly...

~

And I wrote this back in 2011

There is only the immediacy of the current moment -
just living that experience, whatever that experience is,
however it unfolds, without the sense of a separate "self"
striving for something "better", or to *do* anything to
improve it, or become "enlightened."

"We", the "Beingness" that we are, just experiences
whatever is occurring without a framework or reference
point, or concept...
It's just Life being life!

It is Existence experiencing ItSelf as "me", or "you" -
as an occurrence within ItSelf...
Simply Living...

We, as waves on the Ocean of Existence, are continually
occurring - unfolding fluidly, seamlessly,  Yet, a
"construct" of "self" can emerge *if/when* there is a belief
in a "self" that can hold onto the present moment - trying
to grasp what cannot be grasped.  But the current experience
cannot be grasped, for as soon as we try to capture it we
re-enter the struggle of "self"...

The present moment is unending, constantly reverberating
through the *concept* of time, and is what the wrinkle of
time happens *in* -
the Timeless Ocean of Existence.

And so the realization seems to be that we simply recognize
Life living ItSelf  as us - seeing the Luminous in everything -
recognizing that we ARE that
Luminosity of Life...

...simply living.

Namaste

_/\_

photo - from a greeting card

The Shape of "self" - MM

The Infinite Beingness that we are
takes the shape of
"self" - "you"...

- like contained water -

The Source of our Essential Beingness,
whether we call it God,
Buddha Nature, Consciousness,
Non-Dual Awareness,
Great Spirit, or
Infinite Being
is like fluid light;
refracting ItSelf
in order to make ItSelf
appear in form -
as "self"...

Our Being
takes the form of matter reality;
a modulation of Its Pure Beingness,
vibrating ItSelf uniquely into
the shape of "self."

Don't be deluded by prescriptive dogmas and
doctrines of hierarchies
selling you the steps to "enlightenment."
Instead, unshape your "self" from
the conceptual overlays
that man's finite mind devised
to try to explain what IS...

And fall into the Grace of Silence...

~

Don't entrap your "self" in intellectual argumentation,
and interpretations of
Self/No-self, Duality/Non-Duality, Just This/only Now;
frameworks of distortion; 

words that tickle the mind...

Instead, let the Shapelessness of your Eternal Being
take shape within you,
let It shape you -
and feel the authentic Being that you are.
Let It form and inform your
"self"...

The "self" cannot be discarded.
It is part of the whole
of who we are.
There can be no "separation"
or denial of who we are
as the wholeness of Being,
including the "self"...

Feel into the fluidity of
your Whole Being;
the essential feeling of Being.
Let your "self" be
the Luminous Infiniteness
with its myriad expressions,
its multiplicity and diversity...

~

If only for a moment...

Love your "self"...

Be yourself - as you are

Embrace all of "you"...

As the Infinite Whole...

Mystic Meandering
Feb/Mar/Apr 2018

This poem percolated over a period of 3 months

Namaste
_/\_

Meditation and the self - Shinzen Young

...you can think of enlightenment as a kind of permanent shift
in perspective that comes about through direct realization
that there is no thing called "self" inside you.

Notice that I'm not saying that there is no self, but rather
no thing called a self.

Of course. there is certainly an activity inside you called
personality, and activity of the self.  But that is different
from a thing called the self.

Meditation changes your relationship to sensory experience,
including your thoughts and body sensations.  It allows you
to experience thoughts and body sensations in a clear
and unblocked way.  When the sensory experience of the
mind-body becomes sufficiently clear and uninhibited,
it ceases to be a rigid thing that imprisons your identity.

The sensory self becomes a comfortable home, not a jail cell.
That's why enlightenment is sometimes referred to as liberation.

You realize that the thingness of self is an artifact caused by
habitual nebulosity (cloudiness, haziness) and viscosity (density)
around your mind-body experience...

Shinzen Young
The Science of Enlightenment:
How Meditation Works

via: Markings

~

Photo - Amitabha
Buddha of Infinite Light,.
also called The Eternal Buddha

Darth Vader Strikes Again...

Today I came crashing back to Earth, and in a flash I experienced “the dark side” again. I discovered just how much anger is still here. Whoa. Get ready for the laser show folks. It was triggered in a flash by ignorant words spoken from frustration. This I know in my Being, but my reaction came from my own old wounded heart. I saw exactly how it gets triggered in me, and how it spreads like wild fire when unchecked. It’s a little embarrassing, but thought it would be therapeutic for me to blog about it here… And maybe you can relate too. And just when I thought the non-duality cosmic light show was getting pretty spectacular too… Darn… Anything to keep me humble. So it’s story time… Oh c’mon, you know you still like a good story! :)

I called my sister today, as it is her birthday tomorrow and we were planning a little get together for her to help celebrate how far she’s come since her “accident” March 3rd when she broke her back and injured her neck. I called to make sure that everything was still on for tomorrow and to find out what else, if anything, she wanted for her birthday dinner, (which is take out btw. Short order cook I’m not. My family doesn’t like the kinds of foods I prepare. You know, the “good” stuff. So take out it is!) Anyway, it was clear that my sister was not in a good space, so I did my usual song and dance routine about look how far you’ve come – trying to encourage. But that wasn’t good enough. I maintained my composure as she went on about how bad everything was for her: the heat, the air-conditioning that wasn’t working right, her life that isn’t going the way she wants it, etc. Still, I was trying to put a good face on it. (Maybe that was my problem.) I tried more encouraging words, and empathy. I asked if there was anything in particular that was causing her to feel this way. It was met with the statement: It’s just my whole f-ing life in general. Where have you been for the last three months!? (Said sarcastically, as if I didn’t know how hard her life has been – and not just for the last 3 months.) And of course I was the one who was there for her, who kept her secrets, her lies. I was there for her physically and emotionally, despite my own physical and health difficulties, for 6 straight weeks, until she was more capable and independent enough to be on her own. And I’ve still been available to her as needed for the last 6 weeks as well. I mean, last I checked I was there. Maybe she just didn’t *see* me… But maybe that’s the issue – it’s all about “me.” Ooops.

Her words cut deep. Her excuse was that she was hot and cranky. I got off the phone as quickly as I could, before the eruption - ready for a rant.

It surprised me the level of anger her insult brought; the level of hurt. That’s where the anger comes from – being hurt - wanting to protect against the pain that only family can inflict. And it’s not about being appreciated. But I certainly didn’t anticipate being insulted either, even if I know that she acted in ignorance. Evidently there’s still a strong sense of “self” here. The “me” was offended. The mind kicked in – creating a story: How dare she, after all I’ve done for her… I reached for my laser gun under my cape. I made a phone call – no chanting or meditating here – oh no. It was time for the light show! I sputtered and fumed, waving the laser wand in huge sweeps of angry reactivity, wiping out those little birthday candles on the cake with a few choice words of my own. It still didn’t make me feel better. In fact, the amount of reactivity surprised me – as I indulged. I could not muster compassion. I could not step away from the story, the hurt, the emotion. I just had to allow the anger to run its course… However, I don’t recommend venting. It involves people you don’t really want to involve and it doesn’t really solve anything constructively. It relieves a little steam, but then there’s still the gaping wound. Even if I rationalize that she acted in ignorance, from a place of unconsciousness, and she can’t help herself – the wound is still there. And just because I may be on a “spiritual path” doesn’t mean I have to accept rudeness and insult, especially from someone who has a history of mowing people down verbally when things don’t go her way. Or so the “me” tells itself.

Interesting emotion Anger is. It has been a life long companion of mine; the twin of Anxiety. I *know* what triggers it: the “self” feeling slighted, insulted, misunderstood, abused, not heard, dismissed, disrespected, disregarded, unattended to by significant others in my life; fear, frustration and pain. Shall I go on… :) Yes, this is a familiar “friend”, and I don’t expect she will be leaving any time soon. So little Darthie still has a place at the table, except, I didn’t expect her to show up unexpectedly today. Like she was going to notify me first!?

So here I sit with “anger” – the Mystery as Darth Vader playing itself out in the shadow side of life. Little Darthie has tucked the laser gun under her cape – for now. It is safe to approach.

~*~