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sometimes inspiring, sometimes personal meanderings of the Heart's opening in the every-day-ness of Life...

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Just Stop

Yesterday I kept hearing this little phrase in my head: Just Stop. I have heard this many times in the past. I know when I hear this it is wise to follow, so I don’t end up in the middle of an intersection broad-sided by an event. But, as usual, the day was filled with “doing,” so the little voice was a faint echo in the back of my head. I was busy catching up on things, as life has been hectic here lately, intensely working over the last several weeks to get the Serenity website up and published. I have been letting other things slide – including meditation time. (But at last the website has arrived for all the world to see… Drum roll please… Just kidding.)

Yesterday I kept thinking, well if I can just catch up on all this other “stuff” now, then I can designate tomorrow as my “stopping” day. I would be able to have leisurely time in stillness, meditating, journaling, possibly time outside laying in the hammock, and just BE-ing - in whatever form that took… Heh, heh, heh… Instead I once again managed to fill the space of today with “doing.” I was irritated with myself that I hadn’t allowed myself this “stopping” time – this time to reconnect with inner Stillness, with a sense of just BEing, with just resting in Awareness – a kind of inner retreat from the momentum of doing. Then after a late lunch I just conked out on the couch from exhaustion – finally giving in to the call to stop… But not consciously. It was a stop or else kind of thing…

Interestingly this morning I received a forwarded mailing from one of many “spiritual” web sites that I get… And the phrase that caught my eye was: “We need to just stop…” Gee, imagine that. Something was once again trying to get through to me… But I wasn’t paying attention – enough - wasn’t listening deeply enough to this inner knowing. Instead I was allowing the mind to drive – that pesky, impulsive teenager. And it seemed my mind was on some kind of excursion, looking for something else to wrap itself around – no not a tree - another doing, another thought, idea, feeling – grasping after more excitement. The mind didn’t want to settle. It likes busyness – to keep the engine revving. It likes to go from one project to the next, unconsciously – without awareness.

Was this busyness just another form of avoiding for some reason, resisting the very thing I wanted most – time for some inner Quiet…? Who knows. Consciously stopping finally occurred this evening, when the day energy quietly settled and I was able to temporarily park the mind-car in the garage. The stopping allowed me to reconnect with inner Awareness, to repose in inner Stillness and gain perspective. Now, we’ll see if the mind-car returns to the souped up hot rod version in the morning, or if it has transformed into a more reliable sedan model, as tomorrow I spend the day with my mother and I need a more reliable vehicle with which to maneuver the curves. Wish me luck!

Honk, Honk…

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
http://www.aserenitysanctuary.com/

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