Gearing Up to Gear Down...

My inner Spirit calls me to a quiet life, to long periods of Silence, wants hibernation and repose.  Evidently it doesn’t know that it is “Spring” on the calendar and I must “gear up.”  My “surface life” requires me to “gear up.”  And I am having trouble reconciling the two; being faithful to one and responsible to the other.  Sounds dualistic I know, but it is the way of things here, trying to find the balance and flow, the Yin and Yang of life – the harmony between doing and being…

There is “Spring” cleaning and repairs that have been long needed on the house – like roof and soffit repairs, requiring researching roofers on line, making phone calls, leaving messages for call backs that keep me tethered to the phone, and being available for on-sight estimates.  And then there’s yard work - repainting garden chairs and planter tubs.  I think a nice Red Salmon color, or Cinnamon, or Terra Cotta would be a nice change. J   And then weeding out winter’s waste – and pruning trees – and….. and….. and….

And yet, the chamomile is blooming already

 and the tarragon and catnip are rising, despite the fact that the tubs have not been painted.

 But there is no thyme growing this year – interesting play on words, don’t you think… J

The lovage replanted itself over here by the fence in the rocks.

But “Spring” is not the only reason we are “gearing up.”  We are “gearing up” because we want to “gear down” – to simplify our lives, to rid ourselves of the physical clutter that has accumulated over 35+ years of marriage and 17+ years of living in this house.   And so I have to start somewhere!  And this seems like the best place – in the basement - often likened to the sub-conscious where our inner clutter lies… J  This should be fun…

There is a neighborhood garage sale mid-May where we will try to sell a lot of this “clutter” stuff, which means cleaning out the garage.  Then we will start an e-bay store to try to sell the more “valuable” clutter. J  In the mean time it means several rounds of decluttering - deciding what to throw out, what to give away, what goes to garage sale, and what goes to ebay. It’s a daunting task – at least from my current perspective.  When I *think* about it all I start to feel overwhelmed.  So much for meeting life events as they come – they are coming too fast, and I am feeling a little out of control. J  So as you may have gathered I am resisting.  Like writing this blog post instead of digging into the rubble of my life J 

I discovered that the mind loves the “busyness,” finds it soothing, because it has a focus, “to do” lists, going from one thing to the next on the list, which doesn’t leave much time for meditative Silence and time for just Being – which I need a lot of.  I’ve not had a quiet day yet this week – and I can feel a case of the crankies coming on. J  But I took some time perusing what needs to be done in the back “garden” today, snapping photos, and felt the Presence of Silence in the solitude there.  I’m thinking this is where I’ll start – scraping planter tubs and chairs, and weeding out the detritus…  Very therapeutic… J

Part of the reason I want to gear down is to have more time for living what truly matters, not burdened with house and chores, which means letting go of the clutter that tends to take up the time - and dam the Life Flow... This requires listening to a deeper Flow - the deeper internal, intuitive Flow of Inner Being that runs through me, and through life; paying attention to the Spirit of Life within – to what *feels* right and what doesn’t; getting the priorities straight – waiting for the “yes” – putting the Inner Flow first.  Letting myself sink into those Silent depths within for only a few minutes a day reminds me of the deeper Flow that remains undisturbed by the chaos of life events, the Flow that actually carries me through the day…

~

“We are all innately aware that
 a deeper truth exists within us
than our day-to-day existence
and mundane concerns…
We must live life from
this more encompassing
state of Being -
and understand our
divine nature -
giving us
a means
to
enliven
a
truer identification
with
 the
 stunning
 beauty
 of our
    Being.”

Dennis Holtje

Just Stop

Yesterday I kept hearing this little phrase in my head: Just Stop. I have heard this many times in the past. I know when I hear this it is wise to follow, so I don’t end up in the middle of an intersection broad-sided by an event. But, as usual, the day was filled with “doing,” so the little voice was a faint echo in the back of my head. I was busy catching up on things, as life has been hectic here lately, intensely working over the last several weeks to get the Serenity website up and published. I have been letting other things slide – including meditation time. (But at last the website has arrived for all the world to see… Drum roll please… Just kidding.)

Yesterday I kept thinking, well if I can just catch up on all this other “stuff” now, then I can designate tomorrow as my “stopping” day. I would be able to have leisurely time in stillness, meditating, journaling, possibly time outside laying in the hammock, and just BE-ing - in whatever form that took… Heh, heh, heh… Instead I once again managed to fill the space of today with “doing.” I was irritated with myself that I hadn’t allowed myself this “stopping” time – this time to reconnect with inner Stillness, with a sense of just BEing, with just resting in Awareness – a kind of inner retreat from the momentum of doing. Then after a late lunch I just conked out on the couch from exhaustion – finally giving in to the call to stop… But not consciously. It was a stop or else kind of thing…

Interestingly this morning I received a forwarded mailing from one of many “spiritual” web sites that I get… And the phrase that caught my eye was: “We need to just stop…” Gee, imagine that. Something was once again trying to get through to me… But I wasn’t paying attention – enough - wasn’t listening deeply enough to this inner knowing. Instead I was allowing the mind to drive – that pesky, impulsive teenager. And it seemed my mind was on some kind of excursion, looking for something else to wrap itself around – no not a tree - another doing, another thought, idea, feeling – grasping after more excitement. The mind didn’t want to settle. It likes busyness – to keep the engine revving. It likes to go from one project to the next, unconsciously – without awareness.

Was this busyness just another form of avoiding for some reason, resisting the very thing I wanted most – time for some inner Quiet…? Who knows. Consciously stopping finally occurred this evening, when the day energy quietly settled and I was able to temporarily park the mind-car in the garage. The stopping allowed me to reconnect with inner Awareness, to repose in inner Stillness and gain perspective. Now, we’ll see if the mind-car returns to the souped up hot rod version in the morning, or if it has transformed into a more reliable sedan model, as tomorrow I spend the day with my mother and I need a more reliable vehicle with which to maneuver the curves. Wish me luck!

Honk, Honk…

Heart Smiles – MeANderi
http://www.aserenitysanctuary.com/