Squirrel Energy

There is a new portal of awareness opening up here with the experience of assisting my sister after her accident in March. Well, there are many “new awarenesses” actually but the one I want to tell about is “squirrel energy”, as I thought it would offer a moment of amusement…

It occurred to me a couple of weeks ago that I have squirrel energy. If you’ve ever watched a squirrel you know what I mean. They’re a bit neurotic actually, a bit antsy and very vigilant – constantly looking for something – maybe the supposed nuts that they evidently believe they have buried in things – like the lawn, pots of dirt, under a tree – anywhere – they just evidently can’t seem to remember where, and evidently it drives them nuts! They jump from spot to spot on the lawn feverishly focused on the ground, looking, digging, doing, busy, busy, busy – gotta find those nuts! And then, being so preoccupied with what they’re fervently focused on, they suddenly jump and twirl in the air, like a whirling dervish, as if some ghost has bit them in the butt. And then just as frantically scurry up the tree for safety, and then get caught in pursuit of some distraction. Ah yes – squirrel energy – I know it well…

I have come to accept that life for me the last few weeks is just this way – squirrelly.

I enter my sister’s apartment fervently focused on helping and doing, checking this, checking that, doing what comes into my field of awareness in the moment: dishes, sweeping, cat box, refill the cat’s watering holes, trash out, vacuuming, change the sheets, general pickup, grocery, and “helping” my sister shower… Basically hovering while she showers, like a vigilant, antsy squirrel – hoping she doesn’t fall off her shower seat – like that could really happen...

I was worried that I wasn’t being “present” in this squirrel energy; that I’ve just been on automatic, being an automaton – only focused on what’s in front of me. But I realized that even in my squirrel energy I show up *in* the present moment - sharing the present moment *with* her. I *am* always present *with* her, not wishing it were different, but just doing what life asks of me in the moment… It was only afterwards that I would start to think that I wasn’t being present, or that my “squirrel energy” meant I was not being “present”; that somehow it had a detrimental effect on my sister, because it wasn’t necessarily calm – contained – but not calm. So I raised the issue with her about my squirrel energy and how I was concerned that it was not good for her. She surprised me with her humorous answer: “Not at all! I just sit back and watch you – amused and entertained” – she said laughing… Maybe squirrel energy *was* what was needed in the moment – not pious Christine trying to be “present” offering platitudes or prescriptions (which I have done btw) – but an amusing diversion in an otherwise difficult situation. It’s kind of like watching the squirrels out your window. They don’t change your reality, but they offer an amusing diversion.

My other discovery in all this: When you’re *in* the moment you don’t *think* about being *in* the moment - you’re just there – however you show up. You just do what has to be done. It seems to me that this is Presence too – even squirrelly Presence doing what it does…

I think I thought that practicing being in the “present moment” – aka: Presence - would feel more “spiritual,” but it’s really just being who you are with what is - with no “spiritual” overtones. Just Presence doing what is needed – whether it’s cleaning the bathroom, feeding the cat, emptying the trash, sweeping the floor. Presence is there exactly in that moment, doing what is called for, whether the “me” is actually *aware* of that or not – whether I’m feeling particularly “spiritual” about it or not…

My experience has also been that there’s no room for thought in *being* in the present moment. Every moment is the present moment. Life is a series of present moments. Life, as it is, is being lived in each moment - everything being just as it is… even the squirrels… They don’t *think* about being present to the moment – they just are!

I’m still steeping on this - the seeing and the *acceptance* of my squirrel energy as Presence itself – of being present in the moment… Of course I’d rather it was soft, cuddly Bunny energy, or strong, courageous Lion energy, but no – it’s just squirrel energy doing what it naturally does…

Now on to the next present moment :)