Today while cleaning I became acutely aware of this inner, fluid space of Silence. It was so palpable. It is similar to that inward “sensing of Being” that I felt last week – yet slightly different in quality. I stopped what I was doing, and paused to listen, to *feel* it - to acknowledge the Quiet Presence within. I felt as if I was being drawn in by the Absolute Stillness of a reflecting pool. I wanted to wade in, to experience it, to immerse in it – to bathe in the clarity of this fluid Silence. I acknowledged Silence’s Presence, as one does in a moment of silence for those passed on, and continued with my cleaning, checking in from time to time to see if it was still there, hoping it would wait for me to finish and be still - which never happened. A lost moment. And yet, it was still there, offering its invitation in muffled tones – come be with me, come and be still.
It’s the feel of the Eternal Pull of Presence within… This “pull” or “longing”, I realized, is really just an invitation to what is already there – waiting; what Colleen Loehr over at A Window is Where the Wall is Absent calls being “reeled in by the attraction of the invisible heart.” Yes, that’s it! It is the invitation of the Eternal Silence, like a homing call.
It’s the feeling of something unborn, yet making Itself known - in little whispers – letting me know It’s there... This whisper of this still, silent Beingness within - calls for our attention even in the midst of “noise”. This space of Silence is not the *lack* of sound, but the absence of external stimulation - or “noise:” thought, emotional agitation, mental restlessness, as well as the interruptions of external influences that bind my mind to them and redirect the flow… It wants to be met. It wants to express, to feel, to BE… But “I” have become entangled in the externals of life - the surface clutter – and find excuses to avoid surrendering completely into the space of Silent reverie of complete and utter Stillness.
In this invitation today I was reminded once again that this space of awake, aware, enlivened Silence is the Primordial Womb of Being from which all things are birthed. It is what everything rests in, what everything is made of: the song of the bird, the noise of the traffic, the buzz of the weed-whacker, the hum of the plane, the rustling of the leaves, the rippling of water. It’s where everything rises from and falls back into. It is the ground of Being ItSelf… It is Pure Awareness that just IS. The boxcar named “Emptiness.” The No-thing-ness. And the “train” to “nowhere.” It is the felt experience of our very Beingness. The Silence that isn’t silent. And yet, even with this knowing, this seeing, it seems – well, unavailable at times – like a child playing hide and seek, hiding behind trees and rocks, yet you know they’re right there in front of your face… And maybe it’s me who’s hiding, playing hard to find! Ah-HA! :) I also realized that this longing of the Heart doesn’t mean that there’s anything really missing. It’s just the Silence revealing ItSelf, reminding me of Its Presence, like an old friend that shows up and says – hey, I’m still here. Come sit with me, come and be still. Or, wanna go to lunch? How bout’ weeding the garden? What about organizing that closet, painting that picture… You get the idea… It’s always there - inviting.
So this longing for “Home” – the longing of the Heart that I’ve been experiencing – is really an invitation from this primordial space of Silence to follow Its whisper back to ItSelf - the Silence of the Heart…
“…all moving is from the mover. Every pull draws us to the ocean.”
“There is the Pure Awareness that is with you all the time,
just waiting for your recognition.
The Self will pull your ego into the Heart.”
Robert Adams – Silence of the Heart
photo - Christine