I still feel at a loss for words lately. Although I seem to have found some here. :) But there is a kind of dormancy of articulation as well as a sense of internal eruption and disruption going on at deeper levels that defies articulation. Turning on the right brain, seems to have turned off the left... The art experience seems to be a catalyst for this - which has nothing to do with the above video. :)
Ironically, the art experience is also taking me out of my comfort zone. There’s a lot of confusion and frustration, tapping into old insecurities because of a disparity between how the instructor does things, her style, which is wonderful! (see her art here) - and my own spontaneous, intuitive creative style that wants to emerge, creating a sense of inner conflict for me – like I’m not doing it “right” -*trying* to “get it” right… She assures me there is no right and wrong, and that it is about finding our own style, our own way, our own creative expression. It turns out that that this art experience is not so much a heart opening experience into a warm, fuzzy place of love, rather it is an awakening to those things that block the Heart’s true expression – becoming aware of the veils that keep me from the Heart’s true journey… In that sense it has been an experience in awareness and holding the heart open as things are revealed through the creative process, which I did not expect, but which seems to be taking me where I *need* to go, not necessarily where I anticipated going. Like life…
The same day that I started the on line art class I received a book by Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee, a Sufi Mystic, (video above) called Fragments of a Love Story, about his own journey of the Heart. When I opened it and read the inside flap and introduction I knew I had found what I needed to hear. It was as if opening a “Holy” book that would show me the way Home again – into the depths of the Heart. Vaughan-Lee calls it – the journey of the *Heart’s* awakening. He says The “spiritual path/journey” is really the journey of the Heart’s awakening, not the personal awakening of the ego-self, but dissolving the personal “I” into the Ocean of the Heart and opening to the Rhythm of the Heart… It is “The Beloved” that wakes up in us, he says - and we are absorbed by Love… I haven’t gotten beyond the introduction yet – obsessed by painting :) - waiting to lose my mind - er - be absorbed by Love...
And how interesting when the Heart has felt particularly empty these last few weeks, that love should arrive at my door in the disguise of an e-course and a book… One I signed up for back in July, and the book I ordered more than a week before the class started, but they both “arrived” on the same day… Granted I chose them, but had no idea they would come together as they did – nor what the theme of either one would be: Holding the Heart open and going into the depths, following the Heart’s Rhythm and seeing what wants to emerge, what wants to be discovered and expressed…
“Everything,
every particle in creation
is surrounded by
and infused with divine light.
We do not see it because we
are veiled by our own
darkness and forgetfulness,
but it is the light of creation
remembering
the light of the [Absolute’s]
own self-expression -
the brush stroke of the Great Artist…”
~
“It is our own unique journey,
our heart that is being broken by love,
our own sorrow and bliss.
It is called the journey
”from the alone to the Alone,”
because we are left alone
with the cry of our heart
and the places it takes us,
both terrible and beautiful -
places where there are no books,
or stories,
no words to comfort us,
except the story of
our own heart,
our confusion, longing and love…”
~
”Love’s journey brings
many scars,
often scars of the heart,
and they do not all fade away,
even if their drama has lessened.
They tell us something about
what it means to be human,
to stand at the place where
the two seas meet…
And yet,
because in the moments of real
experience there is no time,
just the instant that is,
these stories do not belong
to any past;
they are simply
a part of what is…
a part of the deepest
knowing of our self.”
~
”Why can I not allow this
unending love to
live within me?”
Llwellyn Vaughan-Lee
Quotes from: Fragments of a Love Story
following the heart's rhythm is a task we humans have made so difficult, right? even when we think we're finally following it, in steps all this crud - perfectionism, self-doubt.... i know myself that art has the potential to free as well as to bring up all the shadows.
ReplyDeletewe seem at such similar places... words are elusive, art calls... i think that i'm emerging.
Yes, so true, art does seem to have that power to free as well as bring up all the shadows. Right now I'm dancing with my shadows :) Yes, I was thinking that too, that we are in a similar space... Glad to have your company... Loved your post this morning...
DeleteThis heart-infuse video and and your own experience touch our hearts, Christine. The Sufi practice interests me, I should investigate it more. Of course the Sufi poets pluck the heart. It seems like it should be so easy to follow the heart, but we make it harder for ourselves then needs be sometimes, I think. The more we trust, the easier it becomes. Like painting. Follow your heart there, too, Christine. I found the Bloom True art experience really brought up a lot of emotions. For me it was a lot of positive response and action though, so it felt very flowing. My inner critic took a lunch break on that course--it was wonderful. ;o) Just play, have fun, be yourself. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI know, we all have different experiences of the course. Am glad it was positive for you. Right now I'm just dancing with my shadows :) Which is a good thing too, allowing me to see where I am still caught by old patterns - allowing revelation to occur. It sometimes is a good thing to experience the shadow :) To just dance with it all! Embrace it all... :)
DeleteDear Christine, I read your post earlier, but had to come back to absorb, so much going on for you, as with many of us! We seem to recognise the same things here in this space, and to understand each other, this is a wonderful thing. With regard to ' the shadows' I have recently read through Erin Faith Allen's 'About', her epiphany, which I found very interesting: http://www.erinfaithallenart.com/ Erin teaches intuitive art and is instrumental in the 'Call of the Wild' retreat that takes place here soon including Flora's workshop.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sue. Yeah, lots going on under the surface here, which the painting is helping to reveal, which I see as a good thing! I will check out the link you sent. Glad to have you sharing the same space :) Dance on! :)
Delete" - waiting to lose my mind - er - be absorbed by Love..." : Thanks for the chuckle!
ReplyDeleteheh,heh,heh... :)
Deletewell you describe the art experience so well. I have spent so many hours in these sticky spots of "not getting what I want". There is a wonderful Ira Glass quote you may have seen on my blog where he talks about "our good taste" creating the disparity between our vision and what comes out of our hand. It is such an interesting journey and I find it mirrors so much of how I deal with the other difficult aspects of life. Yes this is not a party or a picnic and yet so worth while. It is the hard part of the path through the woods and impermanence offers us hope for varied experience.
ReplyDeleteYes, like others I need to come back and read this post again and listen to the video.
Happy trails... or at least painty trails!
Thanks Carole for your insight... For me the disparity was between what the instructor was doing and what my own intuitive process is, finding it more natural to rely on my own intuition, which we are supposed to do. And yet, I was missing some of her steps in doing that. Hard to explain unless you know her process... And of course we are not supposed to make it *look* like hers, and we are not to have a vision of what it is supposed to look like. It's all abstract, putting paints on canvas in different layers and just see what emerges. But somehow I end up missing a layer and a few steps in the process and feel like I'm not getting it. I actually love the way some of the paintings are coming out! It is a work in progress, as you know art is :) - like life. :) I'm only starting week 2, so who knows what comes next! lol
Deletehave been away from blogging for awhile partly due to a difficult internet connection and partly needing a rest but i return to read of all the wonderful work you are doing, both inner and outer. taking this class, finding this book. both seem like wonderful journeys to enter the change of seasons on.
ReplyDeleteHello Suki! So glad you came by! Well, the art experience is an interesting "journey" to say the least! Much more than I "bargained" for - but hey - when you want the "Truth" who knows where you'll end up! lol. Art as a way... But it is bringing up a lot of stuff I wasn't anticipating. And Llewellyn's book is music to my Heart-ears... Yes, definitely a time of transitions, and Heart openings! Am glad you got your needed rest.
DeleteYes - the awakening of the heart. I think that's the most important thing. Sure, awakening the mind is important, but if we don't awaken the heart, we won't do anything. Wisdom lets us see our interconnectedness and guides our actions to be skillful, but compassion gives us courage and motivates us to acts of kindness. The art course and the Sufi book - what a great double whammy and a beautiful post!
ReplyDeleteSo true... It really is about the Heart. And what I loved about what he says is that it is not the personal self that "awakens" through effort, but the True Heart within us awakens/opens, and we are absorbed by Love. I can hardly wait! :)
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