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Friday, March 21, 2014

Pneumonia...

A week of Pneumonia has brought me to my knees – only to find a grey emptiness and lifelessness, finding myself to be an empty shell of a woman.  Just a body in pain, discomfort and very aware of the absence of spirit.  I can’t even “spiritualize” it, or make it sound “spiritual.”  No words of wisdom rise to the surface.  I have never experienced anything like it before.  I am entirely focused on the body mechanism itself and my inability to function.  Just making it through each day.   I am unable to read or meditate, only pray…

Twice to the doctors this week.  Throwing up the antibiotics he prescribed, being told I may have to go to the hospital.  Loss of appetite – two days of bread and water.  Seemingly robbed of health and a sense of Divine Spirit that supposedly animates this body, that I have so come to rely on, yet can’t seem to locate.  Only grey emptiness…

To make matters worse B has been away for 4 days on a business trip.  He will thankfully be home tonight. 

Today I just sat and cried – thinking of all the people in the world who are truly suffering from illness and disease, especially in poverty stricken countries – with no one to truly love them, or care for them. Feeling a bit "abandoned" myself...  How they suffer for lack of love…


May we all know deep love in our lives – the love that heals, that sustains and gives us breath…  I've come to the conclusion that this is really the only thing that heals - Divine Love



10 comments:

  1. oh dear! sending love and healing ... alixe

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    1. Thank you Dear Alixe. Your love is appreciated, and healing :) This is why I haven't been over to see you. But hopefully I am at the end of this now...

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  2. Oh no!! I thought you were enjoying your silent time and here you were horribly sick. And alone and sick is truly horrible, you can't even cook for yourself! I'm so glad B is coming home tonight. Sending some healing distance Reiki and love to you...

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    1. Thanks Uma :) Much appreciated! Bummer huh... Yeah, B landed about 45 mins ago and is on his way home :) Will email you this weekend some time! Looks like you enjoyed your break!

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  3. Ouch! Wishing you a speedy recovery Christine. Bummer when the spiritual is disguised as the unpleasant :/

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    1. Thanks David... Yeah, I know what you mean - it's all "spiritual." Amazing how one *loses* perspective when one's body is ill. The *mind* identifies with the *form* of things, losing sight of the formless *in* the form... Like only focusing on the storm cloud instead of seeing that the storm is just an occurrence, suspended *in* the formless spaciousness of the sky (Existence itself.) That was the perspective I lost and became very *attached* to the "occurrence" and the "little me" who was ill and suffering... sigh...

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  4. I am so sorry to hear of your illness. Sending you warm wishes and comforting thoughts.

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    1. Thank you Patricia. Your warm thoughts are much appreciated...

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  5. Hope you are feeling better now B has returned. this sounds awful. Not fun to be ill. Hugs, Suki ps you dont have to be spiritual when ill. on the other hand i have had numerous spiritual insights when lying in bed ill, unalbe to do anything but moan.

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    1. Today seemed to show the most improvement, although still coughing and hacking :( Thanks for the hugs :)

      I know! I've had amazing moments of just being able to rest in the Stillness while sick. Not so this time. Interesting.

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