"Spiritual Teachers" - Jeff Foster

'Spiritual teachers' [of certain traditions] often talk of pure
Awareness that doesn't suffer, a formless consciousness
untouched by form...

They speak of a state in which anger, fear, confusion and doubt
do not arise.  Or if they do it's a 'sign' that we are 'not there yet.'

How ironic, a non-dual teaching that is deeply dualistic at its core,
and deeply shaming of our vulnerable humanity,
and deeply, deeply unconscious of this.

What kind of 'Oneness' does not radically include all of her forms?
What kind of ocean does not embrace, and infuse, every single one
of its precious waves?

'Spiritual teachers' tell us that there is no goal, nothing to attain,
and they are not special in any way.

Yet - in the same breath, they speak of the 'falling away' of the
'separate self'', the sudden or gradual 'death of the ego', the
silencing of their mind, and how they achieved states of
permanent bliss, peace and equanimity.

They speak of non-judgmental love, yet judge and guilt-trip
and correct their students for having fears, doubts, annoying
questions and... resistance!  They make their students doubt
their own experience.  They claim to be 'enlightened', yet
judge others as not being 'enlightened.'

They identify themselves as having lost their separate self,

yet speak of having no identity at all....

The mind is an addict.  It is desperate for somewhere to land.
Some certainty. Some dogma. Some 'true teaching'.  The mind
will addict itself to even the most beautiful, refined,
spiritual concepts:
'I am pure Awareness.'
'I am not the body.'
'There is no separate self.'
'It's all an illusion.'

Avoiding the tender, moment-by-moment embrace of our
fragile, fleshy, muddy, messy humanness.

Our confusion is clearly lovable.Our doubts are certainly sacred.
Our longings, aches and wounds are not signs that we haven't
 reached the correct state, or that we are far from the Promised Land.
They are holy sites in us themselves, expressions of the
One Life that cannot be uttered.

There are no experts, no 'enlightened' ones,
no authorities...

Just willingness to not know.
To begin again.  And again.
To soften into the grieving heart...

The broken heart is holy.

I reject any spirituality that cannot see the grace in that.

I reject any spirituality that doesn't allow us to be fully human.

If "spiritual teacher" means someone who sees the 'fierce grace'
in the pits of suffering, and the unspeakable beauty in our
wounded and tender places, and the non-duality shining brightly
in the damn chaos, and the ever-present existence of a Love so
vast, it cannot be understood by mind - a Love that loves our
imperfections and mistakes, and embraces them in loving
awareness in each and every moment of our lives -
then sign me up!

Jeff Foster
Former Non-Dual "Spiritual Teacher"
Excerpt from - "Why I Resigned As A "Spiritual Teacher"

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

"twisting reality into words"

You know there is something that you must pay attention to when the words “pop” for you, such as the title of this post did for me. I read these words while perusing some blogs that I don’t follow, finding the links on other blogs that I do follow. This particular quote comes from a blog called: The Dalai Grandma. If I understood the context in which she was writing this she was saying that she felt like she kept “twisting reality into words” instead of just living reality.

I’ve been feeling this lately myself, although not for the same reasons. I have noticed that almost everything I experience I reference back to writing a blog post. In the middle of the experience I am thinking about how I’m going to write the post! The experience immediately becomes words, and I fall out of the experience itself. I fall out of being in the moment, not giving myself the time to just settle and be *in* the experience. I immediately reach for the pen and paper, trying to twist reality into words, instead of just being in the reality of the immediate experience. I love to write, but it seems the words might be getting in the way of fully experiencing Life directly!

In the ‘non-dual/advaita community’ there also seems to be this “twisting [R]eality into words”, in a little different context. When I read the plethora of the non-dual blogs that are out there, there seems to be a conundrum of words being used in trying to express the Wordless… And I have noticed that some of these die-hard non-dual folk also have a need to correct other people’s words; questioning other people’s direct experience of the Wordless and Inexpressible – as if some of us aren’t using the “right” words. Instead of seeing the *essence* of the words being used, the heart of what is being expressed, the words themselves are focused on. Since when do words become the indicators of so-called “enlightenment” – or measurements of one’s level of “non-dual awareness.” Now there’s another twisting of Reality into words. What *is* “non-dual awareness” anyway? Is there such a thing as “dual awareness”? Just asking… I thought there was just Awareness – just BEingness. And isn’t this creating duality by “twisting Reality into words”? - creating distinctions, differences - creating “other” (which of course I realize I’m doing here. :) And isn’t this need for word games, and to correct others’ words, the “me” that they claim does not exist? Oh dear… You can see the rabbit holes that we can fall into with words…

Rupert Spira, a well known non-dual teacher, added some clarity for me when I read an excerpt of his book on line, called The Transparency of Things: “Do the words themselves affect [Awareness]? Does it matter to [Awareness] what is said in the words? Does the content of each experience affect the awareness in which it appears? Every experience only expresses Awareness… Awareness is the open Unknowingness on which every experience is written. This open Unknowningness, the source, the substance and destiny of all experience is" [all there is.] Yes!

And then I came across this wonderful quote, which seems to sum it all up. It is from a blog called The Vibrant Heart.

“Spiritual concepts and non-dual language cannot…penetrate the protective walls around the heart. [Words] are like mental arrows storming the castle walls of the ego-mind that just bounce back. Love is the great dissolving agent... It breaks the trance of the mind…”

And so, I’m going to be more aware of how I twist reality/Reality into words, of how I jump into words to describe my experience, reaching for the pen, instead of deeply listening to, and sitting with Reality, the Essence of Life… And when my mind moves to correct someone else’s expression, I will try to remember that every expression is Love expressing ItSelf in all ITs forms of expression… Love just living reality…

~*~

Heart Rupture...

This is a story about a woman with a ruptured heart. Sometimes telling someone’s story and the impact it has allows the Light of Awareness in.

Last week we got an email from a former business associate, and current friend of my husband’s who had been admitted to a local hospital psyche unit. I have only met T (not her real initial) a couple of times, so I do not consider myself a “friend.” Most of what I know of her is through my husband. She is in her early 40’s, has been going through a nasty divorce over the past year, has a 14 month old baby, and a sick mother whom she has been taking care of for the past several years, who now resides in a Nursing Home. She was also being evicted from the townhouse that she just moved into in October because the neighbors complained about her dog, and sundry other “infractions.” Overwhelmed with life as it is, her heart ruptured…

It has been years since I visited a psyche unit. In fact, it’s been since I was doing a 3 month Psyche rotation in Nursing School, at the ripe age of 18 or 19 as I recall, when I thought I could save people from their pain. Back then it was a state run institution – more like a jail. This one is run by a private hospital. Basically there doesn’t seem to be much difference, the environment just *looks* nicer – less institutionalized. Some of the patients (and staff) roamed the unit with blank stares. Sometimes you couldn’t tell the difference, except for an ID card hung around the necks of the “professionals.” You can tell the patients that still have light in their eyes; T was one of them, thankfully. Some of the others were like empty ghosts wandering. Even the mask of persona was blank. Evidently there are a lot of heart ruptures occurring.

When we went to visit T she couldn’t think, couldn’t function. She groped to *feel* organized – shuffling through her papers. She couldn’t make the *required* connections, in her head or practically, in order to be able to “get out” of there, which meant, finding a new place to live, finding a therapist and a support group. She was worried that her exhusband would try to gain sole custody of her baby. Now how does one find a new place to live while sitting in a psyche ward! How does one find a therapist, or support group! And why weren’t *they* providing her these resources! So of course we offered to help. We loaned her my husband’s laptop; gave her the name of two therapists; found a local “divorce support group” on the Internet; and told her she could call us any time.

Now I was not the image of glowing, open Presence, meeting her with stillness of Heart and Being. Oh no. This mini-me was anxious about what it is getting into - wanting to just walk away and go back to “the Cave.” I could hear mini-me in my head saying: I’m *not* getting involved in this! I will be swallowed up by her web of needs. And I *do not* babysit! (Baby and I will be having a meet and greet. I see where this is going.) Don’t get me wrong, I love babies, but I’ve never had any of my own. And mini-me doesn’t want to become entangled in T’s psychological web. (Another lesson from Spider). Mini-me wants to “help” of course, but the mini-me wants to help on its own terms. It’s hard to let go, trust, and just leap into unknown territory – spider woman or not. So I agreed on something safe, I and another woman would pack up T’s kitchen. I’m good at practical in a crisis.( I’ve been doing practical this past year with my family.) And it gave T the sense that people were helping her so she could move forward.

Visiting with T at the hospital was a personal eye-opener – third eye that is. A huge rush of awareness/insight flooded in as I sat there. I realized how ridiculous it was to even think of using non-dual “spiritual” language. You know - telling her that there is really no “me,” that all there is, is Awareness; just be in the present moment; accept life as it is; that this is all a dream, a product of her mind; and that all she needed to do was “rest in Awareness.” Now that would have been way too abstract, totally insensitive, and too dismissive for a woman in pain – especially for one not on an intentional “spiritual path.” I’ve discovered many times that sometimes *saying* “truthisms” is not appropriate. What she needed was stability, acceptance, encouragement, not to feel alone, abandoned or rejected, and practical help. Her heart had been ruptured so many times, it was almost incomprehensible the amount of pain that had ruptured this being. I felt her pain too, when mini-me wasn’t trying to keep a nice emotional distance between us. In sitting with her, in her pain, it opened deeper layers of my own that have been hidden away – my own ruptured heart. That was a surprise as well – the awareness of how deep my own wounds still are.

What I *clearly* saw was that she needed to be met *where she is* - *in her story* of how life is at the moment. Lofty, detached, spiritual, non-dual language and ideals do not meet people in their hearts – they separate us. I know this from experience. So “I” listened to her story, without needing to dismiss it (her) as “story,” without offering empty encouragements, or false fixes, and tried to hear the real need behind the story. I did notice, however, that mini-me felt awkward and uncomfortable, and started groping for those familiar empty words. It was clear that I couldn’t rely on the “self-mechanism.”

I actually like meeting people where they are, story and all – without judgment, without pretense, without prescribed resolutions, or fixes – without agenda; not *trying* to be “present”, and not using spiritual platitudes and clichés. It feels natural and authentic. I do this automatically a lot of times. But somehow on this “spiritual path” in “non-duality teachings” I have gotten the impression that one is not supposed to do that – to meet someone in their story of suffering… But isn’t this what “I” (The Beloved, The Mystery, True Self) does: meet us in our stories, our illusions, our pain and suffering – until we see the “truth” for ourselves, and let them go?

Recently Jeff Foster, a well-known “non-dual” teacher posted a statement about a shift he recently went through. In part he said: “…gone is the need to use Advaita-speak (non-dual language) to avoid real, authentic human engagement… to avoid meeting you in the play, to stop listening to you because I see you as ‘still stuck in the dream’ or ‘still a person…’ The message is about love.” Amen!

This is Freedom – opening the Heart and being authentically ourselves, engaging, meeting people where they are, from the Heart; recognizing that our hearts are all the same – they are real – and sometimes they rupture…

~*~

Picture circa 2004
the wounded heart...