Your Story's Value - Janet Conner

There are many spiritual traditions which teach that you must
dissolve your personal story; drop the story, in order to attain
"enlightenment", "awakening."  While I understand the need
not to become entangled in the content of our personal stories,
as I have done several times over the past couple of years, :)
there is still value in our stories...

MM

~

Your story is you healer.  In every story is conflict,
and within the conflict is the chance for change.  The story
is what happened; it is what is.  The value is in what the story
is telling you.  It's your guidance from Spirit, who wants to
bring you to a new place.....  Listen beyond the details of the
story you are telling yourself, for the core identity, and deeper
needs.  You can even ask:  What is the deeper need here?  If
you journal you can write your story in all its fullness and as
you do, begin to listen to hear yourself.  And as you hear yourself,
you begin to discern the needs hidden behind the details of your
story.  And behind those needs, you begin to hear the sound of
your Essence, your Core, your Soul.  This kind of listening
reaches far beyond the physical act of hearing to a spiritual act of
perceiving the essence within the words.

Gene Knudsen Hoffman says:  I am not talking about listening
with the human ear.  I am talking about perceiving what's hidden
and obscure.  We must listen with our spiritual ear, the one inside....
We must literally suspend our beliefs and listen to learn whether
what we hear expands or diminishes our sense of Truth.

Brian and Lisa Burman say: The challenge is when people are
so embedded in the character in the story [and the content of
the story] that they don't connect that they are the container for the
whole thing.  Within you is everything.  Your job is to connect with
that innate wisdom so you can have a deep connection with the
heart of what really happened, and move on.

Listen to your sorrows, joys, fears, frustrations....
To listen deeply you must open your innermost spiritual ear.
Listen beyond the story to the story behind the story...

Listen for what motivates you, what inspires you, what
frightens you, what stops you in your tracks.  Listen for what
keeps happening over and over again - the patterns...

You will learn much about yourself...

Janet Conner
Brian and Lisa Burman
Gene Knudsen Hoffman

excerpts from the book: Writing Down Your Soul
by Janet Conner

~

Your story has value.
it can reflect back to you something you need to see,
or know about a situation, or yourself, if you listen,
observe, and find what's beneath the story you
keep telling yourself...

MM

~

Photo - taken by my brother at Plum Island, MA

 

The "Real Journey"? - a meandering...

It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,
and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.

Wendell Berry

I find myself facing major life changes these days, in my 70's,
living with the questions, waiting for the way to become clear.
Watching the mysterious signposts along the way.  It's not a
crossroads exactly, nor a threshold.  It's more like limbo: all
questions, few clues, no answers.  With a timing all its own.

Berry's quote is a reminder for me in this busy-ness, work-identified
realm we live in - living under pressure to "produce", to get things
done, to "fix" yourself, physically, spiritually, psychologically,
that it takes courage to not have answers, to just slow down, to
set out on an inner journey I cannot see...

In my elder years perspectives have changed, the body has less
stamina and endurance to live the way the world lives: the hurried,
cacophony of living.  And so a "new journey" has begun, both
spiritually and physically - a slower paced interior journey -
and not necessarily meditation, but just more silence and solitude
and inner listening, when I can.  Maybe this *is* the "real journey" 
that Berry speaks of.  I'll let you know :)

~

I was journaling about this "shift" I seem to be going through
when the Inner Voice whispered:

"It's all a story" -

"You're a story within the 'Greater Story' of Existence."

I somehow felt relieved to hear this - and the recognition
that I am (my life is) only a story - as if I hadn't heard this before,
in different, more "spiritualized" words :)

Life is like a novel, the main story is your entire life,
with different chapters in it - different stories,
within a larger Story - a larger Reality.

The Inner Voice went on to say: Most people think they are in
control of their lives.  They don't realize they're just living a
story.  And the story doesn't dissolve until we die.  We are all
living the stories of our lives within a bigger context.  We are
all unique stories/expressions of the "Greater Story of Existence."
Which doesn't mean that we aren't "real", but like the wave of
the Ocean, we are each a unique expression of a greater Reality.
(And I like to think of it as a Cosmic Ocean - we are waves,
vibrations of a Cosmic Ocean that we can't see.  We are infinite
beings living a story.)

It kinda took the air out of the "self-importance" balloon; nothing
special, just a story, like everyone else, a blip in the ocean of
eternity...  It was like a burden had been lifted...  I could just
relax, internally, with no more striving after "enlightenment", or
perfection, or identifying with the "I Am"...  The story of "me" dies 
with us at death, unless "the story" is written down somewhere,
in a time bound obituary: a story of my life story...

Sigh - such relief to know I'm only a story...

BTW - if this perspective changes I'll be sure to 
write about it :) LOLOL

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

Inner Myth - MacIver & Campbell

We each have an inner myth guiding our lives.  That
myth guides us without us knowing it.  It grows out of
all the things we've learned, the things we've failed at,
out of our insecurities, out of the triumphs we
experienced.  It is also affected by the spiritual current
that underlies our lives - the mythical journey that is seeking
to manifest in our outer life if we'll only pay attention to it.
It is the seed that is wanting to grow into a tree, the call 
waiting to be answered, but risky.  That path is risky.

What is the inner myth guiding your life, unknown to you?
What mysterious figure, what spirit entity of wisdom and
kindness might you invite to accompany you, guide you,
on your journey?

Rod MacIver
Heron Dance

~

Joseph Campbell says myth opens the heart and the imagination
to the wonders of the universe and the mystery of existence.
He says myths are clues to the spiritual potentialities of the
human life.  He says that myths can teach us how to live a 
human lifetime, not grounded in ancient religions, that support
our personal quests for wisdom and happiness.

From the 4 Ways that Myth Can Change Your Life,
According to Joseph Campbell.

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering
Mysterious Man with the flat hat
and long robe in the curtain... :)

~

What stories do we tell ourselves,
and what beliefs do we live by
that may be outdated now?

 

Realer than real - Nancy Neithercut

There is a common misconception that enlightenment happens
*to* the person.  And somehow this imaginary character becomes
a no-self.  And obviously anyone who thinks that they are
enlightened also believes that there was a path or method that
they used to get there or to attain that, where there's nothing
to attain and no "person" to get it.

People long to escape their humanness.  As you grow up you
learn morals, you learn what to be like, how to act in society.
These morals generally come from some religion originating
from some God or giant authority keeping society together.
And one of the first ones they try to teach you is how to try to
be selfless.  So they tell you to give some of your candy to
Marianne.  And Marianne is happy to get it and your parents
or caregivers are happy that you've done it and so you feel
good about yourself.  So this seemingly selfless act was very
selfish wasn't it.  Lol

So the goal of many of these religions and societies is to become
a selfless person.  That sounds good to so many because they
can't stand the pain that they feel, the loneliness they feel
inside.  They have been taught that anger and jealousy are bad,
so they are trying to have only nice happy thoughts and nice
happy emotions and act selflessly, but this simply cannot be done.
And it is quite understandable that some people would be 
trying to erase or change themselves, their thought and emotion
in order to feel better.  However, I do think that unless they had
heard of it [as some teach it] they would not be trying to get
rid of the self.

So there are people who claim they have reached this rarefied
atmosphere.  And often they are revered and people imitate their
actions and language they use.  And they give instructions on how
to reach this unreachable place.  And seekers love this stuff because
 it gives them a path and it solidifies the Belief in [a separate] self.

And these "teachers" are revered and given a lot of flattery.  And
the authority hierarchy power driven cult is born.  I knew one
woman who said that there's nothing that you can do or not do 
[to attain enlightenment].  A few years later she was giving
instructions.  Other prominent "teachers" and "teachings" tell
 people to "drop the story" [of me], obviously not realizing that
there is no one who can drop,or not drop anything as we only
exist as a story...

It's all simultaneously dream-like and realer than real...

Nancy Neithercut
Facebook

 With thanks to No Mind's Land

~  

There is no "better" version of the self;
no "enlightened" version of the self.
You don't become your big "S" Self...
We are all "The Mystery" in funky clothes :)

MM

_/\_

~

Photo - Nancy Neithercut
via No Mind's Land

Love those funky clothes!  :)

Life Postmortem...

It's been six weeks since my mother passed...  My grieving has ended.
I did most of my grieving over the 3 months she was home on
"Hospice Care", waiting to die; which was really her children taking
care of her 24/7, watching her deteriorate; although, because of her
dementia, she forgot that's what was happening to her - until about
a week before she passed, making it all the more sad...
She struggled so hard to hang on to life...

But my mother's passing was not the worst part actually.
I am at peace with that and my "spiritual" beliefs have seen
me through.  It's the "postmortem..."

Now my days are dominated with going through her 90 years of
life's belongings at her house with my sister.  Mom was a bit of a
pack rat/hoarder, so we are trying to clear things out so we can
put the house up for sale, which also means trying to find a place
for my sister to live, as she has lived with my mother for 8 1/2 years.

But she doesn't want to move.  That is not an option - she can't pay
the mortgage or the bills...  My brother returned to his home early
in April after staying with Mom for 3 months until the week after
she died, and tried to set things in motion for my sister and I to
follow through in processing the "postmortem" experience.

The process itself is difficult, even demanding, but with my siblings
has been especially challenging.  We are all so very different;
different values, different priorities, different perceptions, and we've
 all taken different paths, and made different life choices for ourselves
 and how we choose to live...  And they don't mix well.  But we manage
most of the time to treat each other kindly...  Unfortunately there has
 also been a lot of drama, which I really can't expand upon here... 
But will be glad when everything is finally settled, and I can "move on",
 as they say, and have some space to breathe again, and hopefully
 rekindle  the Spark within, as I am feeling rather uninspired lately
 - lackluster;  out of sync with the rhythms of Life.
 Like an automaton going through  the motions to get things done,
 yet surprisingly "present" as well.

But nothing speaks to me anymore - well almost nothing.
Feeling trapped in the particulars of my moment-to-moment
experience. It is what it is, and I am where I am...  No pretense here...
The stress of the family dysfunction and the grind of being
 immersed in the mundane has made me weary of life - and placed a
 heavy burden on my heart...

I have had little time for Solitude and deep Meditation - feeling rather
distracted by the externals of living, creating a feeling of "separation"
from the Alive Presence within...
My meditation space has now become storage space for some of my
 mother's things, which will have to be gone through at a later time -
another "postmortem" activity...

I don't foresee this "experience" ending any time soon.  It will probably
last through the Summer, although I know this too shall pass, and
there will be another, hopefully brighter, postmortem...

I realize I am on the edge of a new journey, a new chapter in this
story that is playing itself out in my life at the moment - waiting
for the page to turn.  I know it's all just a story in the context of a
larger Story - but still...  It is being lived in "real" time... condensed
from somewhere out of time...

And so it goes...

Namaste

~

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.
It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another
human being.  We should all be thankful for those people
who rekindle the inner spirit.

Albert Schweitzer

Perspective - Carse, Lin Chi, Kastrup & Bailey

How we perceive things, and therefore what we call
'real,' or 'true,' or 'right,' has to do with our perspective
from where we sit in the overall continuum.

The tendency is to absolutize one's own perspective,
to make everything relative to that, when in fact our
perspective is what is relative...

David Carse
Advaita
Perfect Brilliant Stillness

~

If you want to perceive and understand objectively, just don't
allow yourself to be confused by people.  Detach from whatever
you find inside or outside yourself - detach from religion, tradition,
and society, and only then will you attain liberation. When you're
not entangled in things, you pass through freely...

Lin Chi
Buddhist

~

All explanations are myths whose truth-value we assign
subjectively.  They are true only insofar as we say that they are
true.  They are stories we conjure up and tell ourselves in order
to make sense of the disconnected, context-free phantasmagoria of
present perception.  It makes no sense to proclaim any explanation
for the present to be objectively true...

Bernardo Kastrup
Philosopher
More Than Allegory

~

Stories about existence can't be fact.
What is your actual experience?
What has life been presenting all along?
Don't deny your day-to-day experience.

We are the dance of the universe.
All the story lines are a legitimate
expression of Existence...

The Formless is form...

Darryl Bailey

unaffiliated

~

Photo - shadow of the spindles in the back of a chair
on a wall...

Whispers of the Heart - Stoneman, Rumi, Barrett

There is a whisper,
but it's louder than the wind.
It calls to us, "Come Home.
The story is over,
the pages are worn thin.
Come Home."

It's like a chant,
a sacred OM
underlying all else.

It requires not doing anything,
or going anywhere,
or becoming anything.

If only we see that we are this
whispering sound,
all else will dissolve
into peace.

Rafael Stoneman

~

Make everything in you an ear,
each atom of being,
and you will hear
at every moment
what the Source
is whispering
to you...

You are the beloved
of The Beloved...

and in every moment,
in every event of your life,
The Beloved
is whispering to you
exactly what you need
to hear and know...

Rumi

~

Put your ear to the wall of your heart...
Listen to the whisper of knowing there.
Love will touch you if you are
very still...

Tom Barrett

Ending Suffering - Joan Tollifson

If we truly want to end suffering, we must move from our self-centered drama and story line, to the open surrender of "Thy will be done."  It involves a shift in attention - a shift out of the entanglement in and identification with the thought-stream - and open into awareness of Presence - a shift from thinking to sensing and awaring.  It involves a surrender, or opening, into the whole body-mind, a dissolving of the felt sense of separation, and duality, a melting into the spacious undivided, luminous and inseparable; noticing what is ever-present regardless of the experience that is arising.  

Surrendering is an opening of the whole body-mind, a dissolving of the solidity of the body-mind, a letting go into boundlessness, [realizing] that it is all appearing in a larger context - the open space of awareness.  The true "I" to which we all refer is ultimately this unbound awareness that is being and beholding everything.  We are not limited to the body-mind, and the body-mind is not really a separate, solid, autonomous "thing."  In fact there is no real boundary between "awareness" and "the body."  The words seem to divide what is actually seamless and whole.  So we don't need to deny the body or the person or relative reality, because all of that is appearing in a much larger context, and all of that is really very ephemeral and fluid and ungraspable...

There are many words for surrender: dissolving, opening, relaxing, softening, melting, letting go, resting, allowing, welcoming.  What matters is not the word or some idea of this, but discovering this for oneself experientially.  Surrender is a discovery that we each have to make for ourself.

In surrendering there is a letting go, an opening - allowing everything to be as it is, not resisting anything, and not trying to get anything.  Simply stay with the living reality itself, just as it is.  Awareness always allows everything to be as it is.  It never rejects or hates anything.  It is never really harmed or destroyed by anything that appears to happen in waking life.  All the apparent darkness and getting lost is always happening in this bigger, vaster context.  To realize this is to be free from suffering...

Joan Tollifson

Melted - Mary McGovern

Something just melted in the story of me.

Like a warm balm, the softness spread

over muscles and bone and fascia.

Whispering - "It's okay, it's okay..."

The mantle of knowing slipping

off shoulders, the sweet relief

of no judgment, no opinion, no idea.

What is good or wrong?

I cannot say, not even for "me."

And this is the deep solace of emptiness.

Full of tender sigh, deep breath,

grateful tear.

I cannot know.

 I cannot know. 

And gratitude explodes silently again...

Mary Mc Govern

Grace Is Now

The Eternal Story...

Everything is Eternal Being, Eternal Consciousness, Eternal Awareness that just IS.  Plug in whatever word works for you.  “IT” is ubiquitous = everywhere at the same time, aware of everything that is occurring all at once.

The mind really can’t fathom this, so it creates words, stories, and images, like “God”, which personifies (person-ifies) what cannot be person-ified, to try to explain what cannot be explained – including words like Beingness, Consciousness, and Awareness… :)

There is just the Pure Space of Awareness – everywhere!  It is an alive Space appearing “empty” – like the sky, or space itself.  Yet, everything is suspended in this Space, as if by “magic.”  Everything is “held” in that Space of Emptiness, exists in that Space – including you and I…  A mystery.

The “trick” is to see from the perspective of this Eternal Space, from the Space of Infinite Beingness, rather than from the place of “Earth mind” that only sees the “Earth mind” as real; does not see the bigger picture of being suspended in this Space, but only thinks its immediate reality is real – when in fact it is only part of a much larger Reality that lives and breathes this reality into existence.

How would life change if we started to see our lives in this way, from the perspective of Eternal Awareness – Ubiquitous Awareness – Omniscient Awareness…  From this place of Space…  What would happen if we started viewing each other from this perspective?  Something I fail at miserably...

This is the dis-entanglement from the matrix of our personal life dramas – to see all of it differently – to see the Eternal Infiniteness of all things.

We are being breathed by this Space of Infinite Awareness, by the Cosmic “Spirit” – if you will.  I feel IT when sitting in the space of Silence – the Still Point - being Aware.  This is intimacy with Eternal Being – this sense of intimate connection through the breath of Silence.  It runs through the whole body, is in every cell: the energy of Eternal Being…

This is what we abide in already and don’t even realize it.  It is a natural abidance in this Space of Eternal Beingness.  We abide in the Infinite naturally.  We are just not always aware of it, don’t have a felt sense of it… And so we constantly look for/seek what we call “God” or “The Divine” when it is already what is always right here as Pure Spacious Awareness; is what we breath, and breathes us, is what bathes the cells, and permeates “our” world.  This Divine Energy of life continues on after death, but we focus on the physicality and not the “spirit energy”, that sustains and animates the body – that which never dies.  We only see personalities and not the Beingness of the person.  I know this is true for me.  But if we really look, what is really there…

We try to wrap our minds around the concepts of “God” or “The Divine”, “Emptiness”, “The Infinite”, etc., but the mind cannot really fathom what that really is…  We must let go of our thoughts about “God”/Awareness/Consciousness, and just experience being suspended in “IT.”

It seems so esoteric and yet we can feel the realness of it – experientially, through awareness, direct awareness, direct experience when we don’t overlay it with the minds images – imposing labels, names, stories and images on it, which only hides the Truth of It - deceives us and deludes us – because we believe the mind’s version. 

Everything is ultimately a story – my life is a story, your life is a story.  In reality the “eternal story” is about "returning" to/recognizing who we really are underneath the personal story – our Eternal Beingness.  Ultimately it is the Eternal Story being lived here.  If I don’t see myself as a separate person from Eternal Beingness: a separate person having a personal life, then I can feel this Infinite Space coursing through my body – and know that THAT is the Truth of who I am.  That frees me from all entanglements and dramas that have been created by the story of “me” that I have believed in my mind…

My journal notes
Nov. 11, 2014

"Every thread of us is a vibration of God-Consciousness,
resonating at a frequency beyond light."

Fred LaMotte


Alan Watts YouTube Link:
http://youtu.be/5FELdBsixGg

Please see these other wonderful related posts:

No One Remembers the Past

Fred LaMotte

Non-identification
Jack Kornfield

Anticipation Part 1 and 2...

August is looking to be a busy and challenging month, which actually started already in July…  With my last few posts on “sabbatical” life you might think my absence here has been because I have been blissfully raptured in Silence.  Not so… J   Instead I have been attending to the requirements of daily living, and tense family issues – feeling more like an automaton in “The Matrix” – distracted from the deeper Life within…

Hubby is winging his way south again on the long 525 mile ride to visit his mother in NM for a few days, which will finally give me some days to settle into meditative Silence, living “sabbatically” – meditating, journaling, reading, painting, or however Being moves within – finding The Rhythm again - moving intuitively and fluidly *with* the day – like spontaneously writing this post… J  Although I love my “alone time” I am already reminded how much I miss him when he’s not here – anticipating his safe return…

Also anticipating Mother’s eye surgery, scheduled for Aug 14^th, requiring several appointments before and after.  We already had one 3 hour appointment in the surgeon’s office.  It’s been frustrating with her dementia to get everything coordinated, and everyone on the same page.  My mother’s confusion is getting worse, although she is able to hide it quite well when we go to for her appointments.  I didn’t realize how serious it was until I discovered that she couldn’t answer my questions about when her appointments were, and what they were for, as she had managed to get it all confused, even though she had written it all down.  You see, I made the mistake of letting her make her own appointments, not wanting to “take over”, not realizing just how serious her dementia was getting.  I wanted to let her still feel like she was in control of her own life -  as if any of us really are – and yet she believes she is – and is not giving up easily.  She insists that she’s not confused, and is feeling like we are making her look that way.  And yet, clearly, there is confusion, loss of memory from one moment to the next, and a strong willed stubbornness that doesn’t want to admit that she needs help keeping track of things – like a bill that didn’t get paid for 3 months!  Oh dear…

And of course, there is the anticipation of how things will go the day of surgery and the day after. Like will she be able to see…  Last time she could not see out of her eye the day after surgery.  No one had told her that that was a possibility. She had gone into the surgery anticipating that her eyesight would immediately improve.  Instead, she  needed a corneal transplant 4 months later.  And with my own health issues I wonder if I will have the stamina to to stand up under the physical and emotional strain with little sleep – anticipating an early morning surgery time – like 6:30am, check in up to two hour before.  Are you kidding me!  I don’t even know how my mother will be able to do that!  So I commandeered my husband to go with me for support. J  Everythying is done outpatient now, requiring family to be the primary caretakers. Thankfully, at home, my sister has that duty of eye drops every two hours.

Added to this we were anticipating the possibility of my Mother-in-law having to be transferred to a Care Facility here near us from NM in August.  We checked into local facilities with Alzheimer’s units.  Her coming here would mean I would be actively engaged in her care - being on top of things with the care facility, and several daily visits to help feed her.  Gratefully that is not going to happen.  But needless to say with the uncertainty and anticipation I have been feeling a little overwhelmed - knowing that I need “sabbatical.” 

All this anticipation is based on the story of what *might* happen, I know…  But sometimes life is lived that way – with anticipation.  It’s not that one is not in the moment as it is, but it also unfolds with anticipation.  At least that *is* how Life is unfolding here at the moment.  I need to remember that it’s all just waves on the great Ocean of Consciousness, and turn towards the Inner Abiding Self – and abide there; not getting overwhelmed by the requirements of life at the moment - although at times I feel like I’m climbing Mt. Everest without air – but lean into the mountain/moment and keep going.

Window sitting, meditiating, and Silence are my ways of leaning into life, maintaining the awareness of, communing with, and deepening into the Divine Presence within, the vast Cosmic Ocean in which this life, this story, is all happening.  This is not my “escape” but my Life-line, so that I might fully function and be present in the midst of challenging times…  Looking “forward” to the present moment of “sabbatical” J

Anticipation Part 2

How quickly life changes… J

4 hours after B’s departure he called to say he was having car trouble.  He had stopped at a “garage” off the highway to see if they could tell what was wrong.  They couldn’t.  Told him he needed to find a dealership; they suggested he go back to Colorado Springs, more than two hours away.  He hoped he could make it all the way back home.  I am not sure I could even drive our 23 year old little Honda Civic anymore to go get him, as it is stick shift with a difficult clutch. 

So I waited - moment to moment – filled with anticipation – what ifs – hoping the car didn’t completely break down - waiting for the next phone call, indicating the next milestone.

I would like to believe that I could just step back into a wonderful place of peace and presence and deep acceptance of what is, but I was on edge – with anticipation – for nearly 4 hours.  So this is living in the moment, which in the moment was anticipation…  And even in that there is “acceptance” because what else can one do, but wait and anticipate…  Life is what it is from moment to moment. 

He arrived safely home at 6:45pm….

Ahhhh – life… J

Keeping Perspective...

My husband and I had an interesting conversation last weekend that I thought I’d share, as it gives perspective to the craziness that I wrote about in my previous post on “The Crazy Season” that I wished I had remembered this week.

This is the part that I remember he said: We have to recognize that life is all a game of personalities, and not get ensnarled in it.  We are just players in “the game” and everyone has their role to play.   And sometimes we feel we are constrained by “the game”, by life circumstances in the moment, even though we know on some level that we are not “the game” – we are not “the story” that is occurring, or the role we are playing at any given moment.  But we must always use our awareness to remember this – and see that it’s just a game – a story; to see that Beingness (Consciousness) takes a journey through the game of life (as us, as personalities.)  It’s all about the awareness of that…  Keeping perspective depends on how you *see* things. 

Also see these related posts - Divine Drama and, Life is a Sand Fantasy

Photo: Shadow on the wall,
but if you look at it with soft eyes
you can see an elongated face
with a feather on its head,
or a candle with a flame...
Perspective is always changing...

"The Situation"

No, I’m not talking about “Jersey Shore” here.  And some of you probably don’t even know what that is.  I barely do.  Evidently it is a controversial TV program about a group of twenty-somethings gone wild in New Jersey.  The people playing the parts actually have real names like “Snooki” and “The Situation.”  Thus this title, and story here.

We have a “situation” next door that I have no idea how to handle.  Our neighbor’s son has entered puberty and there has been a spiraling increase in wildness.  Some say he’s just being a teen - but it is creating a “situation.”  Did I already say that?  You see I’m beginning to get absorbed by “the situation.”  My life is being disrupted on a regular basis by “the situation”, which is a 13 year old and a single parent who evidently doesn’t think there *is* a “situation.”

About a year ago the then tween decided he wanted to be Daniel Boone and his mother (ex-wife of single parent next door) decided to buy him a bow and arrow.  He, unbeknownst to us, but with his father’s knowledge, had target practice in his back yard – aimed at our fence – which means he was aiming into our backyard.  Well, of course, Daniel Boone he is not, so one errant arrow flew over the fence, *across* our yard, and into the neighbor’s fence on the other side - who has two toddlers.  Some of you may remember that post – here.  When I discovered the arrow I was pretty sure where it had come from, but waited to see if the owner would come a knocking to claim it…  Nope.  Several days later an opportunity presented itself for a conversation with his dad.  I waited for him to broach the subject – nada. So I asked him if he would happen to know anything about the arrow in the fence. “Why yes I would” he said – and proceeded to give me the story of the bow and arrow.  But – no apology – like gee, I’m sorry, my son could have killed you…    Says a lot about a man’s character, don’t you think…

Wellllll – then tween turned into teen last Summer and was given a Pellet Rifle – evidently for “target practice” - but the targets are rabbits and squirrels.  Daddy evidently said it was okay to shoot rabbits and squirrels – for fun. We found three dead in our yard last year – one on the patio and one rotting with maggots under a bush; which of course means he was shooting in our direction.  Hubby had a talk with Daddy and Daddy evidently thinks killing innocent animals for fun is “sport” – does not see them as living beings to be respected.  I actually saw him shoot a rabbit from out his back door.  I think he heard me gasp and pulled the rifle back in.  I have checked with the police and *if* the rifle is a certain caliber it is considered a “firearm” which is illegal to have in the city where we live.  I have no idea what caliber it is.  And even if I knew, and reported it, they would know it was me who reported them – and then what – fear or retribution.  I told you I was getting absorbed by the story :)  I’m a character playing out a role in this ridiculous, attention consuming, anxiety provoking story that I had no intention of getting into – at least consciously.

Interestingly, a paper target that they sometimes actually use for practice, flew into our back yard with the wind and landed on the patio a few weeks ago.  Divine intervention or what?!  I am thinking of taking it to the police station to see if they can determine by the size of the hole that if left in the paper what caliber it is.  But still – there’s that sticky “situation” of actually filing a complaint and having the sheriff show up at their house and take the gun away.  The kid is a very angry teen and already dislikes me, because I watch him, from the window when I’m working at my desk.  Now he watches to see if I’m sitting there watching him.  I figure it’s a good deterrent if he thinks I might be watching.  But, I also think it has only created animosity and sneakiness.  In other words, I think I’ve already blown it.  I was never a parent, so I have no clue about “handling” teens – especially angry ones.

Last Fall we discovered he liked setting fires with an acetylene torch – evidently with his father’s knowledge – or so I was told, rather surly.  I watched one day as he and a friend set fire to dead pine needles *under* a pine tree, and various other dead objects of nature around his yard.  They enjoyed it way too much – laughing and dancing into a frenzy.  Pyromaniac came to mind.  Finally I opened the window and said something when they were lighting dead tall grass on fire at the corner of their garage, and not 5 feet from a huge 50 foot spruce tree that overhangs the corner of our property!  I was told, as if I was beneath him, that his father was aware that they were doing it, and they were “handling it.”  Being reactive, head sticking out second floor window, I replied that if I had to call the fire department there would be a big problem.   I got the basic ignore from an angry teen with a weapon of mass destruction who is learning to kill for fun.  And we wonder why there is no peace on the planet.   

I hope this is not too much story, or that you are expecting some wondrous “spiritual” insight to come at the end :)  Walking a “spiritual path” does not make us immune to “the human story.”  It’s all story – even “the spiritual path.”  If anything this story points out how, in general, we don’t realize the impact our actions have on each other – the ripple effect.

Oh and one more part of the story. :)  Yesterday we were eating dinner and suddenly we saw the kid jumping back and forth from the top of his tool shed onto the top of our tool shed – over the 6 foot fence, and probably 6 feet of space between the two, while dear daddy is lying in the hammock hidden behind the fence.  They were evidently playing Pirates of the Caribbean, as he was brandishing a sword – the father that is!  Hopefully a play one, but who knows.  I opened the window to say something – but he heard the noise of the window and jumped off the roof to hide – behind the fence.  But I went to my tower window, of course, and saw him hiding there, and then he saw me watching him.   Awkward…

I am at a loss about “the situation.”  I have no rapport with this kid.   He hasn’t been able to make eye contact with me since they moved in 6-7 years ago.  And I have probably made an enemy in the last year playing the grumpy old lady next door, watching from her tower.  Not a good thing with a kid with a gun and a torch.  Even so, I feel the need to be watchful.  It is apparent to me that “the situation” – as it is – requires vigilance and appropriate action. And speaking to the father?  Well – we tried that with the arrow and squirrel incident. Like father like son, as they say… 

S0 - I am waiting for the “right way” to reveal itself – for the “right” opportunity and timing…  I know he will continue to challenge us, to test the boundaries to see how far he can go and how much he can get away with.  And it’s only just beginning!

If anyone has any suggestions on how to handle “the situation”, or can offer a little perspective here, I’m open to hearing it! :)

Photo
That is not fire coming out his
ear and butt,
although I wonder…
It’s something red on the ground :)
And he does not have tattoos.
Those spots showed up when
I digitally altered the photo…

'THIS' is enough...

When the story melts away,
and the stories always melt away,
all that’s left is:


~ ‘This’ ~

~ The Flame ~

The Light that is beyond light,
The Love that is beyond love,
The Life that is beyond life,

‘This’ that LIVES it all…

where all thought
and language
does not
need
to
exist


Where ideas & stories

of
I/me
I-ness
Oneness
I Am-ness
or
I-I
don’t
exist.

They
don’t
need
to
.
.
.


There is only

'This’

revealing
ItSelf

in every moment,
however that moment is,
being whatever It Be-e-s

And you know
in your Heart that

’This’
is
all
there
ever
Is

Just ‘This’

And
’This’
is
always
enough
.

Mystic Meandering
copyright
April 2011


~*~


“Once your awareness becomes a flame,
it burns up the identification
with the mind.”


Osho

Melt the Story...

If I melt the story off
the post I posted yesterday -
what’s left is
this weave of words
woven
through the actual post:



‘Something’ deep inside calls me to Live:

The inner Silence and Stillness
that opens the way for
everything to flow…

The natural, internal Rhythm
that nourishes me…


The rhythm of contentment
when one deeply rests in
the “lap” of the Beloved;
where everything
unfolds
naturally
in
its
own
time


The wisdom of the Heart

The depths of Being

The realm of the Beloved


It is ‘This’ that calls to me,
time and time again ~
to kindle the flame of Life within
remembering who “I” really am:

The flow and rhythm of the Beloved…

Simply Living...



Mystic Meandering
copyright
March 2011



~*~



I also extracted this golden weave of wisdoms
fr0m all your wonderful comments:



It is the whisper
of a heart’s longing,
aching to be heard.

Listen to it…

It IS the Beloved…



Just accept life,
not wanting it to be different.
Embrace it
and
let go.

There is never anything wrong.

You is perfect the way you are…



Walk into the unknown
into the Arms of the Beloved…



Live in the moment,
day by day.

Breathe

We are the Beloved…

That is the simplicity…


~*~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
March 2011


With much love to you all
for such wonderful wisdom!

Fixated on Form

This week I have been fixated on the body, which has been in pain. Last week it was emotional pain. As I discovered there’s no difference really. Both are very visceral experiences actually.

I tweaked my back on Sunday and by Wednesday I was unable to find a comfortable position. Laying on my left side for 24 hours seemed to bring the most temporary relief. I felt like a wounded animal in survival mode, needing to find a safe place to heal. In the pain it was noticed that both emotionally and physically I felt a sense of “disconnect” from my “core” – by that I mean that I felt unable to be in the “core” of Self. I became fixated on the pain – both emotionally and physically. Although I was conscious that I didn’t want to wallow in the experience of pain, admittedly I got sucked in by the vortex of pain and there was “suffering.” No real drama, no spiraling out of control, just an experience of pain and suffering – in form.

Yesterday I found respite sitting in my “meditation chair” in “the Cave” (my meditation space). It is a small, old swivel-rocker chair that I can tilt back with the help of a foot stool, which allows my back to be fully supported so that the muscles can relax. Ahhhh – sweet relief. This became my healing space yesterday and today – my “womb cave” while I was held captive by my predicament of pain.

As I deeply relaxed, an “opening” occurred in body, mind and spirit, and it became apparent that in both cases – with emotional pain and physical pain – there was a fixation on form; especially with physical pain. The emotional pain was able to slip through this realization last week. But they are both the same really. When there is pain of any kind it is difficult to be aware of anything else. The mind fixates, awareness fixates on the pain, the discomfort, and needs to find relief, which is obviously part of the body-mind mechanism. But I was surprised at how quickly I lost awareness of the context of Spaciousness and became narrowly fixated on form; how easily I began to feel separate from the Space of Awareness (the “core”). And in *feeling* separate I fixated more on the pain, the body, the feeling, etc., which kept me solidified in a separate sense of self – hurt and wounded.

As I sat there, my back fully supported by the chair, hot pack at my back, I found myself experiencing a sense of fluidity, a sense of the “liquidity” of Life: every sound I heard was liquid, every thought and feeling were liquid-like vibrations – ripples of liquid; even the pain and the body had become quivery liquid gel. And no, I was not taking pain medication. :) In a sense, once the *fixation* with pain, with form, had subsided, I could remember that this life, this experience of pain is just an occurrence *within* the Liquid Pool of Existence; that Liquid Life morphs itself into these forms we call body-minds with its pains and frustrations, physically, mentally and emotionally. This sense of me is really Liquid Life from which I cannot separate. This “me” arises as a liquid story that occurs in the Liquid Womb of The Beloved. We arise, have form, and melt back into Liquid Life again and again… Our thoughts and feelings and pain are liquid as well – gelatinous “mutations” if you will, suspended in a Womb of Living Liquid… Yet we take ownership of the thoughts, the feelings, the lives that we live and fixate on them as if they exist independently of the Liquid Life from which they arise – but from which they can never be “disconnected…”

And in this liquid story the pain becomes a messenger. Like the little brown duck in the photo above, pain comes and disturbs our idea of what form is supposed to look like and how we are supposed to experience it, reminding us not to fall back to sleep in form. In her own way, pain wakes us up from our fixations on form and calls us back to the fluid liquidness of Life…

In deep gratitude to the “pain ducks"…

~*~