Silence Lost?...

Entering "The Silence"
the place of deep inner Silence and Stillness...

Relaxing...

Listening deeply for the Inner Voice.
Following its sound.
Finding its Rhythm in the fluid, instinctive
inner River...

It is the space of The Sacred...

This aware, awake space is curious and unafraid,
wants to engage, to see, to know,
to experience ~

...and be experienced...

This space is deeply compassionate,
deeply open.

...and is waiting to be known...

Pure Awareness
flows through here ~

the life blood of The Sacred.
It flows around the obstacles of my mind,
and moves toward every disturbance,

filling every mind-made crack and crevice,
wanting to meet, soothe, comfort, and embrace.

In "The Silence"
there is only patience, listening
and deep rest...

It is a gentle refuge
that feels like Home...

Mystic Meandering
Nov. 2010

~

Vortex Art - Mystic Meandering
Craypas Oils with fingers
March 2024

~

Personal Note:

In 2010, and for many years, encountering the deep
Silence of Being for me felt like encountering "God",
"The Beloved", "The Sacred", "The Ineffable."

I basked in The Sacred Silence, absorbed, feeling the
sense of Presence, of something vaster than an image of
"God" that I hold in my mind; something which is
ever-present and personal...  The Deep Silence within
is the Heart of Being, "The Mystery" - my refuge.

Over the last 17 months I have "lost" the "sense" of
Intimacy with The Deep Silence within, getting
consumed by the *content* of my current life
experience...

The Great Silence has been my Companion, my Helper,
my Sanctuary, my "Teacher" for many years, and I hope
to regain that inner sense of Communion, to be able to
access the Deeper Dimension of The Silence again,
as this is the only way I will get through this period
in time, with its struggles and challenges...

Intellectually/conceptually I understand that "The Silence"
- however one calls it - "God", "The Beloved", "The Divine",

"Awareness" is always here - never "lost."
What is "lost" is the felt sense of intimacy with "The Silence
of the Sacred", my "Source."
I miss it - like a dear Friend...

But as of this post I do feel it slowly returning...
Or is it me that is returning to the Source :)

MM

March 2024

 

Soaking in Being - John Scott

Ananda has been an ongoing exploration and inquiry for
me for several years.  My morning practice has gradually
become what I call "soaking in Being."  Shortly after waking
up and brushing my teeth, I sit in a favorite chair that fits
me particularly well.  The deep sweet, physical relaxation of
sleep is still present and readily available for me to "soak" in.
I simply turn attention gently toward this felt sense of Being.
The body responds.  It seems that Being loves it when the
light of Awareness shines upon it.  The feeling of well-being
shines brighter when attention turns toward it.  Waves of
well-being wash over and through the body.  Breathing slows
and almost stops.  The felt-sense of well-being or bliss seems
centered within the belly as it ebbs and flows throughout the
body.  Sometimes it almost tickles and makes me want to laugh.
Eyes are usually open and maybe even looking around the
room, watching the morning sunlight stream in through the
blinds.  Thoughts may be coming and going, no problem.
Meanwhile the body soaks.  I feel it now as I type this.

Over the years, I've come to understand this as what is
described in the Upanishads as Sat-Chit-Ananda, or
"Awareness of Being is Bliss," as Nisargadatta put it.  When
Awareness becomes aware of Being, bliss shines forth just
as light and heat emanate from the sun.  The light and heat are
not separate from the sun.  They're all one thing.  And 
Awareness-Being-Bliss are all one "thing":  True Nature.

Just as the sun may be obscured by clouds or may even seem
to disappear at night, so it is with the radiance of Ananda.  But
the sun never really stops shining.  It's just that our perspective
is constantly changing, and we have to remind ourselves of that
and come back to the felt-sense of Being, over and over again.
It seems that this is the kernel of all spiritual practices, this
remembering who we are and Knowing it even through changing
circumstances - feeling it at all times and Knowing it as ourselves.

John Scott is a project manager for a university health science center
and a Certified iRest Yoga Nidra Teacher living in Austin, Texas

~

with thanks to Kathleen Knipp
at Pathless Yoga

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

To Let the Light In - James George

What I'm coming to lately is an end-of-life conviction that
there is more to consciousness than what is produced in my
little head, or yours.  Both of us have the capacity, at times,
mysteriously, to get beyond whatever this small
consciousness is doing and telling us.  When we are able,
when we are sufficiently still and relaxed - letting it happen,
not doing it - we can receive a resonance from a greater
Consciousness.

...am I open to something that could be quite new, that is not
really coming so much from me as from this 'source consciousness'
that many traditions have called "I"?

I'm referring to the consciousness that manages to see what
things are, what I am, and to not get caught in the next reaction
or judgment or association - because all of these are functions;
and Consciousness is not a function.

Interviewer: When I experience an echo or hint of that
Consciousness, there's a distinct experience that something can
move through me.  And I even begin to feel impotent without
that sense of connection to a greater knowing.

JG: I think our entire culture has been rendered impotent by its
disconnection from that Consciousness, from anything that
we could really call sacred.

Without being in love with Consciousness, we can't reach it.
and it can't reach us while we're preoccupied with all that is
going on in our ordinary thought, our ordinary bodily habits,
sensations, movements, and our ordinary emotional reactions.
These are what I am calling functions.

It's as if we have two natures: a functional nature and what
many people have been calling a "spiritual nature" or soul.
But the language is suspect these days because we have been
so careful the last couple of centuries to separate from the
superstitions of the past that we have involuntarily cut
ourselves off from the sacred...

Like you, I am searching for who I am, and by now I know I am
not going to find an answer in my functional machinery, ticking
away automatically, but in my essential mind, just aware attention...

It is so important to understand awareness as a connector to
something greater than me, to my source, really.  My presence
is the doorway to that, even at the moment that I acknowledge that
I don't know who I am and see I my lack of presence.  But that is the
beginning of a real wish for it, a wish to Be...

And when I have that wish, then maybe something can reach me
that is of an absolutely different quality.  I may perceive it as an
axis of Light running down my physical body, which has a
different origin.

We have such resistance to even the theoretical idea that we
could, right now, be breathing an air charged with omnipresence
of Consciousness, the omniscience of Consciousness.  We've all
had, perhaps rarely, a direct experience of a moment when I knew
everything at once and I was aware, not just of what I'm calling
this present moment, but of past, present, future as one eternity.

These are just words at this moment.  But I remember it wasn't
just a word, it was a flash of light, of electricity from the top of
my head to my toes.  And it changed something in my cellular
structure that persists today.  I feel that now.

We really need to see ourselves as we are - not trying to change
anything...  How do I include all of me: mind, body, feeling?  All
the functions have to be integrated.  It's not a search to escape
from this altogether wonderful system of functions...

For a moment, stop thinking, start sensing and feeling, so as to
integrate all the parts.

When the mind becomes aware, there is clarity,  When the body
becomes aware, there is the sensation of life.  And when the
feelings become aware, there is the presence of Love.

So I let go, sense and listen, until something relaxes enough to
let the light in from a crack in my shell...

It's not a mental conception, but a deeper conviction that could
draw everything and everyone together...

James George
Excerpts from: To Let the Light In, A Conversation with
James George
in Parabola Magazine
To read the whole article click here.

James George is a retired Canadian Diplomat who served as
High Commissioner to India, and Ambassador to Nepal and Iran.
He has known many important spiritual teachers of the 20th century.

~

Photo - Light coming through the fingers of my hands
held together.  Photo turned on its side.

I'm still here... :)

There have been several people who thought that my last post,
"Good-bye Yellow Brick Road" was about, among other things,
saying goodbye to this blog...

There are no plans to quit the blog...
or take it down...

Just opening another chapter...

It may take on a different flavor,
challenging my own fantasies about "spirituality."

I still have things I want to post which reflect where I am
in my "evolution of awareness", which may be of interest.
I will still post what inspires me and hopefully you as well...
I may re-post some of my earlier writings if it reflects where
I am now.

I humbly thank you for reading here,
and thank the handful of those who have encouraged me
to keep posting, both in private and in public.  I am glad that
you find what is posted here inspiring and thought provoking...

Namaste

_/\_

As a friend recently wrote to me:

"The mind continues to Wonder.
but without struggle or need."

And another wonderful quote from a blogger friend - by Rumi

"I have been a seeker, and I still am.
But I stopped asking the books and the stars,
I started listening to the teachings of my soul."

goosebumps!

The Whole of the Soul - Ralph Waldo Emerson

...We live in succession, in division, in parts and particles.
Meantime, within man is the soul of the whole; the wise
silence; the universal beauty, to which every part and particle is
equally related; the eternal one.  And this deep power in which
we exist, and whose beatitude is all accessible to us, is not only
animal, the tree; but the whole, of which these are shining parts,
is the soul...

...All goes to show, that the soul of man is not an organ, but animates
and exercises all the organs; is not a function, like the power of
memory, of calculation, of comparison, but uses these as hands and
feet; is not a faculty, but a light; is not the intellect or the will, but the
master of the intellect and the will; is the background of our being, in
self-sufficing and perfect in every hour, but the act of seeing and 
the thing seen, the seer and the spectacle, the subject and the object
are one.  We see the world piece by piece, as the sun, the moon, the
which they lie - an immensity not possessed and that cannot be
possessed.  From within or from behind, a light shines through us
upon things, and makes us aware that we are nothing,
but the light is all...

A man is a facade of a temple wherein all wisdom and good abide.
What we commonly call man, the eating, drinking, planting, counting
man, does not, as we know him, represent himself, but misrepresents
himself.  Him we do not respect, but the soul, whose organ he is,
would he let it appear through his action, would make your knees bend.
When it breathes through his intellect, it is genius; when it breathes
through his will, it is virtue; when it flows through his affection,
it is love...

...The soul circumscribes all things.  As I have said, it contradicts all
experience.  In like manner it abolishes time and space.  The influence
of the senses has, in most men, overpowered the mind to that degree,
that the walls of time and space have come to look real and
insurmountable; and to speak with levity of these limits is, in the world,
a sign of insanity.  Yet time and space are but inverse measures of the
force of the soul...

Ralph Waldo Emerson
From: Essay IX The Over-Soul
1841

~

Photo - South Pole Aurora

Bare Awareness - Danna Faulds

Bare awareness
awake to its
true nature -
limitless and
vast, nothing to
grasp, no masks
or name tag.

What am I beyond
the answers of the
mind, outside
anything I can
find by seeking?

What is true
right now, and
what is transitory?

The witness watches
thoughts spin their
convincing stories
out of thin air and
doesn't care how
often I forget
that freedom is
the truth of being,
and no part of truth
is ever separate
from what is.

Danna Faulds
from: Limitless: 2009

~

Golden Sunset

Hold The Silence - Danna Faulds

Hold the silence like
a mother holds her child.

Focus on the still point
…until you are filled with light,

 until

Spirit speaks to you in
words you understand,

until

 the love in your
heart grows…

Excerpt From the poem: “Instructions”

From the book: Prayers to the Infinite
Danna Faulds
Copyright 2004
No website found

~*~

Technically I know “we” do not literally “hold” the Silence,
as it cannot be grasped…
It would be like trying to hold air...
We are, in essence, held in the Vastness of “Silence.”
But I liked Danna’s imagery and where she was taking the poem:
that, in essence, we are in tender relationship with The Silence
at the “still point” of our Being, and that to “hold” the Silence means, for me,
to bring my awareness to that Ineffable Silence.
And, by “holding” (being aware) of the Sacred Silence,
we are in essence deeply listening to that Silence,
until we hear what we need to hear, and
 experience an opening of the Heart.

My interpretation of course…

"No More!"...

I heard a voice of a young child as I was waking from sleep yesterday morning.  It yelled “No More!”  The voice came from *inside* - How strange I thought.  I wondered if this was a message for me, or, if it was me screaming from the inside – “No More!” – enduring a particularly stressful time at this moment in life. Or was it my inner psyche calling out to a world gone mad; witnessing a species apparently turning against itself, apparently trying to destroy itself in so many different ways – or so it seems.  And the rest of us – onlookers – enduring the dance of darkness that plays itself out – forced to face the darkness within and without.  I pondered this all day, turning my awareness inward to the fear inside – repeating the phrase internally – “No More!”  At the end of the day’s reflection was the sense that sometimes all we can do is endure the way life is – day to day.  And I wondered why - why that is true, why is it that we must “endure” such pain, such suffering, both within and without…  But there was no answer….

 Maybe the voice was from a dream I didn’t realize I was having.  And maybe that really is what life is – a dream we don’t realize we’re having – that we must endure for as long as the dream lasts, until we are awakened from the dream by a voice saying “No More!”…  I don’t know…  I cannot presume to know anything anymore…

~

Below is a “poem” I wrote from my meditative writings
sometime between 2004 and 2006 that gives a
different perspective.

Entropy

The shadows have come to roost

and

 *everything*

 is

 collapsing

~

~

~

~

The tides and ripples of entropy will continue

until all is returned to Source again ~

the Primordial State:

Pure Life Energy…

Entropy is not necessarily a bad thing.

It is the way of Existence.

It is a

T

E

L

E

S

C

O

P

I

N

G

 of everything that is,

back to its original Source/State;

a re-homing of all that was created in form,

the conceptual structures,

so that only

the Eternal

Essence

 remains

Do not be alarmed by the seeming destruction

of what you have *believed* to be real.

The false must be released, shed – like dross.

In this there is a sense of chaos, destruction, loss, and death;

the crucible affect;

a state of alchemy,

the refinement of all things in existence

to its Original Nature.

Nothing is lost in the process.

All is coming Home.

The

Divine

 Outbreath

Has

 Been

 Re-called.

Bring your awareness to the place of Stillness within.

Don’t try to create order in the chaos.

But be still and let the chaos pass.

”Order” is found in the Stillness,

in returning to deep Stillness

The healing of mankind

is

 in

 the

 *recognition*

 Of

 The

 Truth

 of its Eternal Essence -

Infinite Beingness…

Entropy is the crucible of that healing…

Allow it…

~

The invitation

 is to expand our view of reality

and return to the *awareness* of

our Eternal Being…

Mystic Meandering

taken from my

Meditative Writings

written between

 2004 and 2006

On The Threshold of a "New" Journey...

Here we are again, at the turning of yet another wheel! J B started a new job in November - just 3 days before Thanksgiving!  Woo-Hoo!J  We were/are relieved and grateful, with a tinge of tentativeness; despite which I was doing my happy dance.  I *wanted* to share it here immediately, but felt it was too soon to announce it publicly, although I have already told some of you privately.  Of course we know that nothing is permanent, that life is always in flux, ebbing and flowing continually, but – he was hired as a “permanent” employee, not a “contract-to-hire” position.  So we breathe now with a little more “certainty” – knowing that even that is illusive.   And even though it still feels a little “new”, I felt that the Winter Solstice was an excellent time to bring it to Light… J  …the Solstice being symbolic of Light “returning” out of darkness, of new beginnings, and the turning of the wheel once again… 

As B embarks on this new stage in his career with confidence, passion and enthusiasm, we sense that we are on a threshold of a “new” journey…   After only 4 weeks he feels he has found his “dream job”, where he can shine and feel fulfilled.  Good thing at almost 62. J  And so we are settling into his work schedule, and I have been trying to use the last few weeks to find the internal Rhythm with Life once again, and gain some clarity on my life direction.  That is partly why such a deep need for solitude and silence – to get clear, to simplify internally, to become single-minded, although that is not quite working out as I intended, as there are still so many distractions pulling at me. But, I am managing each week to carve out blocks of time in silence and solitude, and beginning to feel The Rhythm of Silence within again, as I have been writing about recently.

I have known for a long time now that there is something innate within that compels me to explore and discover deeper layers of Truth, and Intimacy with the “Divine Nature” within - however one defines that for themselves.  And with that there is a sense of being at a threshold spiritually.  In many ways I feel like I am on the threshold of a “new” Light of Awareness, a “new” way of seeing and being; coming out of the *illusion* of separation *from* this “Infinite Nature” that we are.   These are only words, and they cannot accurately convey what I’m really experiencing.  All I can say is that it is profound.  And sometimes the less said the better - for the time being. J

I feel this new threshold calling me into even more solitude, and deeper layers of Silence, like the Christian “Desert Fathers”, or Buddhist Monks who went to live in the forests, and Hindu Sadhus who went to live in caves.  Except that I would need lots of windows in that cave! Lol…  It is in the metaphorical sense that I use these terms and images.  In reality it is more a turning inward, and entering the cave of the Spiritual Heart, withdrawing the mind from the world’s rhythms – not as an escape, but to become more deeply *Aware* of the Voice of “The Infinite” – that’s what Mystics do. J  I am neither a renunciate nor an ascetic.  I am still very much engaged in the requirements of daily living and family.  I simply want more time to sit in Infinite Silence – listening - finding the intuitive Rhythm of the Heart again – dropping the false veil of separation from the Ultimate Reality that we are.   It’s not really even about seeking “enlightenment” anymore, but a deep recognition that we are already lit from within.  Liberation…

At this new threshold, and after 4 1/2 years of blogging, I have no idea what direction this blog may take, or how often I will be blogging, as that too will be part of the new Flow.  The “blogging” experience has been an ever-evolving process reflecting my own spiritual unfolding.  I have lost some readers along the way, and gained some friends as well; the ebb and flow of relationships, touching each others lives – even momentarily.  For those who are still with me I have enjoyed your loving, supportive, and encouraging company on the road…  And if you are unknown to me out there reading this in cyberspace somewhere J I appreciate your silent Presence as well.  The invitation is always open to come along on this next phase of Life’s journey with me and see where I land.   I enjoy the company of Friends who help light the way… J

~♥~

“A baby pigeon on the edge of the nest hears the call
and begins her flight…

How can the soul/Heart
not fly
when a message arrives saying,
’…come, come back to me!’

What is the secret that opens the door?

The key is the flutter of the hearts wings
and its endless longing.

When the door opens,
walk on the path…
where everything old becomes new,
and never look back…”

Rumi

~

A warm and Light-filled Yuletide Season
to all…

~

Photo: Sunset from B’s building

Whispers of Light...

“There is a whisper,
but it’s louder than the wind.
It calls to us, ‘Come Home.
The story is over,
the pages are worn thin,
Come Home.’

It’s like a chant
a sacred OM
underlying all else.

It requires not doing anything,
or going anywhere,
or becoming anything.

If only we see that we are this
whispering sound,
all else will dissolve
into peace…”

Raphael Stoneman
Advaita Poet

~

"Make everything in you an ear,
each atom of your being
and you will hear
at every moment
what the Source
is whispering
to you...

'You are the beloved of
The Beloved...'

and
in every moment
in every event of your life,
The Beloved
is whispering to you
exactly what you need
to hear and know..." 

Rumi

~

“In reality only the Ultimate is…
What is real is nameless and formless,
just pure energy of life and light,
of Consciousness…”

Nisargadatta
Advaita Vedanta Teacher


~

"The eternal is indeed at home within us;
arises from the depths of Silence...
As soon as we stop struggling
 against life
we discover the stillness that is
perpetually present.
It is the Timeless
 dancing as time..."

Dorothy Hunt
Zen Buddhist Teacher

Cosmic Love...

I have conversed with the Universe,
contemplated and cogitated,

ascended and descended,
polarized, conceptualized and spiritualized;
dis-membered and re-membered -
and still, I find no -

 “plan.”

Only vastness and immensity,
beyond theory, framework and perception.
The Greatest, Grandest Mystery
in an ever unfolding nebula,
procreating itself in billowy clouds
and golden streams of stardust
in an endless infinity.

A golden thread weaves through space
without beginning or end, through
the Silence beyond creation, through
Sound beyond sound, and
Light beyond light…

Matchlessly weaving its Eternal vibration
through timelessness,
into time and times beyond time,
with one theme braided into its
unending spiral
through dimensions,
distortions, and
dysfunctions

~ Love~

From this divine, mysterious weave
we dance the dance of duality,
complete in our light and our dark
 within a vast Cosmic Love

of Divine Embrace…

Mystic Meandering
Winter Solstice 1999

Revised Sept 2013

~

Photo: Shadow on a wall
digitally colored…

Spring Buds Mandala...

This is my latest mandala creation, using both compass and free form, expanding into something colorful for the Spring Equinox… I did not make a final circle around this one, but simply left it unconfined, leaving little openings for emergence and expansion – like Spring!   I will admit I am more of a monochromatic type person – liking to use different shades and gradients of the same color.  But hey, one needs to expand their horizons right! :)  I am experimenting with color and light, and some new techniques - feeling a bit stuck in the design process; probably due to a lack of imagination. :)  I feel like I have reached a "dead end" of sorts already, although I’m just beginning, not knowing where to go next, needing a cartographer/teacher to help fill in the gaps of my unknowing.  So I am attempting to learn from the many masters of mandalas by osmosis. :)  

Speaking of which, there is a wonderful website page of *beautifully* designed luminous mandalas by Prema.  Her work is a wonderful inspiration.  Another luminous mandala master is Judith Cornell – now deceased – relating mandalas to our spiritual path of awakening.  Her book, Mandala, arrived Monday – loaded with luminous mandalas.  I need to spend some time reading, and experimenting!   

Through this creative experience so far I am reminded that life, art, and the “spiritual path” are an ever unfolding awareness and expression of our Infinite Being within, only needing our willingness to be open - without preconception of where it “should” lead, or what it “should” look like.  That’s a hard one!  I have all kinds of ideas and images of what life and “the path” – and my art is *supposed*  to look like, and of course it doesn’t always turn out the way I had in mind. :) It’s more like the cycles of nature, we continuously rebirth a new consciousness, a new way of being, seeing, and creating - awakening to the Life *in* everything; allowing that bud of Light within to blossom and express its Aliveness…

”Now is the time
for you to compute the impossibility
that there is anything but Grace.

Now is the season to know
that everything…
is sacred.”

Hafiz

~

Other luminous masters of mandalas :)

Stacy Wills – A Magic Mom and Her Mandalas

The Illuminated Mandala

Guada’s Circle

Dancing With Shadow and Light...

I’ve been reading The Practice of Contemplative Photography: Seeing the World with Fresh Eyes.  It has inspired me to be more aware of the world around me, to pay attention to what I am actually seeing, whether through the lens of my own eyes, or through the lens of the camera.  According to the authors, Andy Karr and Michael Wood, contemplative photography is about the immediate direct experience of pure seeing without the overlay of conceptual thinking – without labeling what we are seeing.  They say that “labeling things as beautiful or ugly masks what they really look like.”  According to them, “artistic living” – or living artistically - has more to do with HOW we see than trying to be creative.   It has to do with “resting in an innate intelligence, that some call Awareness, and allowing the basic qualities of form to be recognized by this innate, nonconceptual intelligence…..allowing things to emerge, rather than trying to interpret the nature of the perception…”    Seems this applies to our spiritual practice, and life, as well!  Are we seeing with the HEART of Awareness, or with the conceptual mind that wants to figure things out, to analyze and interpret…  So I am experimenting with “seeing” and how I see what I see – and from where am I really seeing - WHO/WHAT is really seeing…  In most non-dual spiritual practices, this is really what it all comes down to – seeing WHO is really seeing…  Abstract, I know :)

One morning I became aware of the dance of shadow and light that was going on in the den, as the morning sun managed to find its way through the slits in the closed blinds that let the light in anyway.  I snapped the photos below that show this interplay of light and dark – the interplay of life really.  The shadow does not obscure what is really there.  It’s all a matter of how we see it.

I also included some meditative writings under the photos that I wrote several years ago (2004) while meditating that have to do with the dance of shadow and light that we participate in every day in our minds – some know it as the shadow self.

 

It’s all just a dance,
a playful dance of light and dark.
Allow the dance of shadow to play itself out in your life,
and be grateful for the dance.

  

The shadow self is just a consciousness.

It is the consciousness spawned by the *belief* in separation from Infinite Consciousness…

A *belief* in separateness creates a consciousness of darkness and fear…

For the most part humanity functions from this consciousness.

A consciousness of separation dominates the mind – creating suffering.

The fear feeds on fear, creating more darkness.

It manifests a consciousness of darkness
that you *believe* to be real.

But the shadow self is just a mist, an illusion…
It is not “darkness” in the negative sense…
The consciousness of darkness is only a thin layer, a thin veil.
It creates much dysfunction, but really has no power to sustain.
It gives the illusion of power to seemingly rob you of your
True Consciousness…

You have become caught in the net of fear,
*thinking* it is real.

You can emerge through this layer of darkness by becoming aware of the
Consciousness of Infinite Beingness/Awareness.

This creates a new reality,
a new consciousness.
Whatever your consciousness is,

that is your reality.
Shift the *identity* with the consciousness of shadow self
and you create a whole new reality…

The gift of the shadow is the Light of Awareness,
the call to awareness of the Light
that we are...