I am feeling the need to settle deeper into the interior, and
rediscover a sense of the inner Truth of Myself; not by following
a particular external path - but by intuitively listening to the
Inner Voice; by spending time in Quietude, and "The Silence"
(which I crave, but so easily avoid by getting distracted on
non-essential things.).
"The Quest" - for me then - is to discover the Deeper Reality of
Myself. I have forgotten how to be ME! In a sense, what I was
"designed" for; one could say my Soul's "calling"... Some call it
the Self (or Higher Self), but I get hung up on those words, because
the big "S" Self is not another self hidden somewhere inside us with
a big S on it that we have to "become"/discover. But it's the discovery
of, a remembering of, having a felt sense of, the authentic, natural
self, beyond mind, beyond religion, beyond "spirituality." Who are
we really? What is the "Deeper Reality"? I thought maybe I knew,
but I haven't really met Her - yet... Hopefully I will find the Deep
Quiet of the Heart, and the Illuminating Light of the Soul.
The path of "Enlightenment"/"Awakening"/"Self-Realization",
particularly what is popularly known as "Non-Duality, wasn't
IT for me, with its attraction to the mind and its abstractions and
mind games. It is just another construct, a belief system. I found
out that the "Emperor has no clothes! And I'd rather not describe
Truth by a negative - with no-me, no-self, no other, no world - as
Truth is all inclusive - including duality, me, self, other, humanity,
and the world.
Even if one follows a "spiritual path" (which can be any path), life
will not suddenly become easy or flowing with bliss, although there
may be little epiphanies and "awakenings" here and there. We won't
necessarily lose our personality with its quirks, and become an
emotionless automaton. We won't lose our conditioning, or our
neuroses. Our thoughts will not stop, neither will our surface
struggles, or our pain, or our stories. Walking "a path" doesn't even
guarantee that we will actually *see* life differently, or suddenly
find our "purpose" - as if there is only one. But no one tells you
this about "the path." It has to be a self-discovery, even if we have
a "Teacher", a "Path", or use a "Teaching" to help point the way.
It is different for everyone, of course. I'm only reflecting on my
own experience here...
Years of seeking, realization, recognition, and then forgetting, and
then seeking again, then remembering, and then forgetting again, etc.,
brought me to the realization that discovering (or rediscovering) the
Essence of who I am is, for me, through awareness of and deep
intimacy with "The Silence" within; through continually coming
back to "The Silence of Source" - the space of Stillness, and
innate Wisdom - which of course is wherever we are at the
moment, not off in the distance somewhere. It's not a place.
"The path" doesn't *go* anywhere. There is no reward at the end.
It's an inner pathless path... And that's my "path" - again :)
rediscovering the inner Silent Truth of Myself, directly;
experiencing the underlying Rhythm of Existence Itself, and
within that the Truth of Myself...
Mystic Meandering
April 2024
~
Wanderer, your footsteps are the road,
and nothing more;
Wanderer, there is no road.
The road is made by walking...
By walking one makes the road,
and upon glancing behind
one sees the path that will
never be trod again...
Wanderer, there is no road -
only wakes upon the sea..."
Antonio Machado
~
Empty yourself of everything.
Let the mind rest in peace.
The ten thousand things rise and fall
while the [inner] self watches their return.
They grow and flourish and then
return to the source.
Returning to the source is stillness,
which is the way of nature...
Returning is the motion of the Tao.
Lao Tzu
~~
Photo - Mystic Meandering
taken at the Denver Botanical Gardens
