In times of stillness I can often internally feel myself “step back” into the larger inner Stillness, or Silence,” in a *conscious* movement of awareness going inward, settling in. I become aware of Awareness Itself – the vast, alive Field of Awareness within – or Beingness – or Buddha Nature… It is an experience of fullness – not a dead zone. The other morning I experienced it as a wave receding back into the Ocean – as if “I” was just gently rolling back into the vast depths of the Ocean: the wave receding back into Itself essentially – or curling back on itself… It’s like the wave of “self” falling back into Self – never separate entities in the first place – only a *movement* of the Ocean of Self/Awareness/Stillness/Consciousness – rising up to meet life and then receding back into pure Essence. You could say it’s a movement of Self-Awareness; Awareness becoming aware of ItSelf – over and over again…
In “meditation,” which for me is a deep communing with this vast Oceanic “Stillness” – the Aware Awake Presence of Being - there is the awareness of the movement of receding into the depths of Stillness; not as a separate “self/me” receding into anything – but as the Ocean Itself receding back into Itself, folding back on Itself - recognizing ItSelf. It seems the waves of the Ocean are a *natural movement of the Ocean.* What we call the “me” or the “self” is really just the wave of the Ocean rising and falling within Itself… Consciousness rising and falling within Itself. Except that *as* the “me” Being seems to have forgotten that, only focusing on Itself as the “me”-wave…
To say that there is no “me to step back” – as some do - is only partially true – in my experience. There is no *separate* “entity” of a “me” *from* the Ocean itself . The “me” is actually a movement *within* the Ocean that creates a wave of Itself that rises from (not out of) the Ocean to dance, to experience, to play with the wind and the shore - with life. So to focus attention on whether there is a “me” that exists or not is to become focused on only a small part of the movement of Consciousness, and not recognize that the underlying movement *is* Consciousness Itself – the Ocean-Self. There is no distinction. It’s just the rising and falling of the Self *as* Its “self” (as its wave-self.) Or, said differently – Being gives rise to the “self” to interface with life.
To espouse that the “me” is only an appearance *in* Awareness *assumes* the appearance of the object is somehow different from the field of Awareness that it’s supposedly appearing in. This just creates more separation. So to state that there is nothing but appearances is just word games. There is nothing but the movement of Consciousness *in and as* all appearances! The wave is the Ocean as well as the wave… It’s all Itself…
To say that everything is “just an appearance”, or that nothing exists except appearances, doesn’t mean that the “appearances” aren’t *real*, which seems to be implied in this kind of supposedly non-dual lingo. They (the appearances) are all the *substance* of Awareness/Consciousness being Itself… It doesn’t mean those things don’t exist, and should not be dismissed as not being real. It’s just *seeing* that the form is *really* the manifest Stillness, Emptiness dancing – the field of Awareness *appearing as form * - not *separate* from form. Emptiness is form and form Emptiness.
A “person” is a wave of the Self – living, moving, as the “me.” When it is said that there is no person, that there is nothing but appearances, that creates distinctions in Awareness. It’s the mind still trying to explain Reality by breaking it into pieces of this and not this – creating separation that isn’t there in the first place.
To say that there is no “me” is to say there is no wave – but there is. To say “we” do not exist, that there is no “me” is like Being denying the Existence of Itself. And I don’t think that’s what Existence had in “mind.” :) Don’t ask me how I *know* this, I just meditated and this is the wave of awareness that arose…
So all the wranglings with words in a lot of the contemporary (non-Buddhist) “non-dual” blogs seems like a lot of mumbo-jumbo to me. It sounds impressive to those who are “seeking” – but it’s just a play of words. I like the direct experience myself… Or, is it that Being likes the direct experience of Itself appearing in form… :) So “I” just “step back” into the Stillness of Awareness and *experience* It: the movement of Consciousness… Consciousness experiencing Consciousness; the Self seeing ItSelf; Awareness aware of ItSelf - awareing… :)
~*~
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