Inward Turning...

Turn
inward
towards ME,
”The Beloved;”
the Face of your Self;
the Light in your Heart;
the space of Pure Awareness…

Turn from the voices of the unconscious,
- the land of the living dead -
the voices of confusion, hatred, violence;
the ones who distract
you from *knowing*
the Truth…

~ Turn ~

~

~ Turn ~

Turn and Listen

in
deep
Silence,

in
the
Chalice
of the Heart

until you hear
what needs
to be heard
in your
Heart.

~

Turn inward from the stimulation
of life being “sold” to the masses;
with its false delusions of the Real;
including the “spirituality” vendors,
who sell you their “frameworks”
to keep you seeking, striving,
believing you need more,
leaving you empty…

Come – sit with ME.

Sit in solitude
with ME…
Hearing,
Seeing,
Aware-ing,
Knowing ME.

Silently
Listening
within

where
“I”
thrive
in
the

S
i
l
e
n
c
e


~ Turn ~


“I” (The Beloved) am Here…

~

Mystic Meandering
Oct. 16, 2011

~

Photo ~

In looking for a photo for this post, I found this one in my files.
It is a picture of the September Full Moon (2011)
through the skylight.
What captured my attention when I saw the photo
was the reflection of what appears to be an “inner window” 
or door.  You can see a square like image to the right of the
ball of light. 
I did not notice this when I took the photo,
but only saw this afterward, and after turning the photo :)
In a sense it is what this poem is about –
 turning and going inward,
metaphorically through the inner window/door.
Just sitting, turning inward to the Sanctuary of Silence,
and meeting that spacious Awareness
that is always there…

Just Breathing...

I am soothed by the sound of my husband’s rhythmic breathing
while I lay next to him at the edge of sleep,
waiting to slip off…

I feel gratitude for this moment,
this breathing,
this man,
his being,
the sheets,
the pillow,
the bed…
the silence,
the awareness,
just Being…

and fall into rhythm with my own breath…

Just breathing…

The silence outside the window late at night
is pungent,
leaving me rapt,
sinking more deeply
into timelessness beyond time,
letting go of thought,
just awareing the night,
being breathed by the Silence of the Unknown…

I hear the sound of the ceiling fan
breathing its own whirling rhythm…
feeling the breeze of its breath
gently move the strands of my hair…

Just breathing…

And I am suddenly gone…
slipped off the edge
into slumber
until
just
before
rising
the
next
morning

Again finding myself
at the space at the edge,
before awakening,
before rising…

Aware of just Being…
Conscious of
the Stillness
before thought

Just Breathing…

Mystic Meandering
© July 15, 2012

Photo
Inside a Sea Shell

Listening to Life...

Sitting at the open window of Life,
wide open Awareness,
listening to Life’s Symphony
on a raw, cold, wet day
in May…

The chill in the air
touches my skin
caressing me,
 welcoming me,
allowing me to feel Life’s
Presence…

A canopy of lush green leaves
holds a chorus of birds
chattering and chirping.
Mourning Doves coo.
Blue Jays screech,
warning of impending rain…

The sound of rain hits
the leaves
in sharp pitts and dull plops
and splashy splatts
that barely rustle
in the light wind

The sound of cars pass on the street
leaving the crackle
of wetness as tires ride
over rain-soaked pavement -
which I find strangely comforting…

The brilliant blue, white and black markings
on the wings
of a Blue Jay

capture Awareness
as the Jay swoops
from fence line to fence line,
swiftly cocking its head around
looking sharply with each landing,
then moving beyond view...

Being takes it all in,
through these eyes…

A rabbit sits in the rain,
as if sitting vigil…
Big, black-pooled eyes
stare - watching…
ears cocked,
listening…
Being content to Be…

Beneath the “human noise”
of cars, and planes, and engines
There is just Life’s Presence,
Its inherent Aliveness
Its Awakeness…

Buds and Blossoms
bounced about
by rain and wind
nod - whispwering yes...

I exhale,
and mind lets go,
deeply listening
to Life;
deeply aware of
Life’s Presence;
communing
with the
Essence of Nature
deeply living…

Life living ItSelf…

Despite our busyness,
our harriedness,
our distractions,
LIFE lives…
holding it all,
allowing it all,
awareing it all.

Window sitting is my favorite meditation.
Aliveness flourishes in the deep silence of
listening…

Life watches ItSelf play ItSelf out
through my eyes...

silently gazing through
the open window,
while the music of Life
plays ITs own Symphony.

How intimately magical Life is…
How whimsically Life plays…

How do we miss such an enchanting spectacle…
How did we forget,
become blind and deaf,
to Life living ItSelf;
needing the kiss of a
”Prince Charming”
of Truth
to awaken to Life’s
beauty once again.

Life calls:

Are you awake?
Or are you still asleep -
pricked by the poison of ignorance -
waiting to be kissed…
to be enlivened…

Thunder rolls in,
louder and sharper.
The wind picks up,
blowing rain
 through the screen.
The chill is chillier,
coursing a deep shiver

through this body.

Life’s lusciousness
runs through the veins
and beats the heart…

Be kissed…

Awaken…

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
May 23, 2012

Heart Stones...

Some of you may remember that I am doing a month of
“small stones.”
It’s a practice in awareness, noticing life,
both inner and outer,
as it happens…
Click here to read more about it.

~~

The homey smell of
a cooked meal
that lingers
in the house,
smelled again
upon entering…

Memories of the smell of
my grandmother’s home…

The smell of love and warmth…

Warm fuzzies…

Snowing like soft white rain
melting as it hits the ground,
leaving shiny black pavement
and the swish sound of wetness
from the tires..

Lovely lyrical violin music
on the car radio

The Heart’s delights…

Loving the sounds of the house
the sounds of a day…

The washing machine
the dryer
the furnace
the creaking

A plane overhead
A dog barking

The sound of peace
The sound of silence
behind the noise

Contentment…

Experiencing the gap
of twilight

a transition…

an opening of the heart…

an awareness
of life
so complete
my heart quakes
like the leaves
with its sweetness…

A Gathering of "Small Stones"...

From what I can gather :) the practice of writing “Small Stones” is a way of being mindful, aware, noticing, seeing the world, our environment, both inner and outer, with new eyes. It is about noticing and writing down these little stones of awareness on a daily basis for the month of January. I was first introduced to “Small Stones” by Hilaire over at Storing Magic. To find out how it all began on the original site Click here. And here are a few “stones” I have gathered in my “noticing” this month with some photos that seemed to fit… Enjoy!

Waking Up - again...

After what feels like *months* of contraction around “family tending”, family dysfunction, and the resurrection of unconscious emotional baggage, I woke up yesterday morning to Awareness again… Meaning – I became aware of that vast field of spacious Awareness that is the ground and function of our Being; a spacious stillness that is just there/here, aware-ing life, *being* life… It was like realizing something I already knew, as new – and my body-mind relaxed. Interesting. I felt the weight of the present circumstances lift. I felt lighter, fuller, taller, thinner (heh-heh) and Aware… The energy of Beingness hummed through my body like a familiar pulse. One could also call it Chi, the Life Force, Buddha Nature, Christ Consciousness, God-Consciousness, Supreme Intelligence, Inner Being, Nowness, Presence, Awareness, whatever your particular frame of reference is. The awareness of ‘This’ that we know as our Being is a very grounding feeling; a feeling of “connection” – of knowing that Life is being lived through the body.

When I physically woke up yesterday morning, I felt the usual angst about, and chaffing against, the day. I also had the thought – I’m tired of waking up like this, of going through life like this… I then remembered a breathing practice I used to do each morning before getting out of bed and started breathing into the Lower Dantien, (or Hara). As I did, my angst settled, and the internal Life energy started to move. Beingness “woke up” inside. Something inside was aware of every sound, feeling, sensation and thought, *without* immediately contracting around it in some kind of reactive response of judgment, or dislike. Even thoughts about family were just noticed to be thoughts. Awareness of this inner awake, aware Presence became my “goal” for the day. Part way through the day I lost “consciousness” :) (lost the felt sense of awareness of this ever-present field of Awareness) but - the awareness of un-awareness was just noticed too. I was just being/doing what was called for in each moment and being okay with whatever arose. It was a totally different orientation than the last several months – and totally welcome – finally…. Something so simple as awareness can seem so difficult when one is entrapped in the chaotic mind.

I also realized that this was probably one of the “gifts” of the Owl that had shown up for 3 days last month – the reminder to be still and aware – just being aware of the presence of Life flowing within, the presence of Presence, etc…

I recognized that my Inner Being/Spirit thrives through awareness of this field of Awareness that we all are: The awareness of our True Nature – the awareness of the Silent, Still, Awake, Aware Presence within - our Divinity, our Aliveness, however you know that to be. I rediscovered again that ‘This’ is where I really thrive – in the Breath and Pulse of Awareness.

~ ~ ~ ~

There are so many ways to wake up to and thrive in our Beingness. I so appreciate all of my blogger friends who shared how their Inner Being/Spirit thrives in the previous post. It helped bring me back to awareness of that Beingness, and how we nurture That. Here are highlights of the “thrivers” that I put together from everyone’s comments:

Time in places of Natural Beauty and quiet…
~
Listening to Dharma talks
(satsang/spiritual teachers)
~
Time to contemplate, be still and listen…
~
Connection with, and supporting others…
~
Love
~
Kindness and Compassion
~
Being authentic
~
Being in touch with ones wild nature
~
Paying attention to the senses
~
Lots of free time
~
Meditation
~
Exercise and Music
~
Cappuccinno - really? ;)
~
Creating/Creativity
~
Following the Breath
~
Awareness of Beingness
~


May we all sense our Inner Being thriving!

~ ~ ~

Photo: Last night’s Full Moon
as seen through a dirty skylight window
creating a “moon shadow.”

Nice effect – eh? :)

Shadowy Caverns

“Window Sitting”/Meditating is not just about floating around in the ethers, as I think I read one blogger refer to it recently – or some version of that. It’s about sitting with whatever shows up at “the window” – the inner window of awareness. It’s about sitting in our shadowy caverns with/as our True Nature – Eternal Beingness. This week I’ve been exploring those shadowy caverns again. It was the impetus for the piece of art above, the piece of prose poetry in the previous post, and, where the word “collapse” showed up.

Some have experienced that when they have had that wonderful moment of “awakening” to the Truth of Who they really are – Eternal Beingness - all their shadowy aspects melt away, dissolve, dissipate, collapse, and they are forever gone. That has not been my experience. I still visit the “shadowy caverns” on a regular basis. And I sit with the shadows at "the window" in the space of Silent Awareness…

One night this week, as I settled in to the deeper place of Silence, I became aware of the pain of a very deep sadness within. The sadness about the way life is, and the way life isn’t. She had been beckoning me all day to enter her cavern, but I had held her off. And here she was – waiting for me again at the window; waiting to be acknowledged, listened to, heard, felt, experienced authentically. So I peered in to her gaping wound. I saw lots of other shadowy figures there too - angst, grief, anger, frustration, resentment, anxiety and worries of daily life. They’re all related, but sadness wanted my attention that night. Sitting at the window I felt her heavy pain, so I began to explore her shadowy haunts in the body; how she moved through this body, the places she liked to hide – my solar plexus and chest - and the pressure she creates in my throat when I try to resist her, to hold back the tears, pretending she’s not there.

As I explored her, I heard the word “collapse” arise. As I heard this word internally I felt a release in the self-body-mind structure. I then consciously repeated the word to myself, and I felt the scaffolding begin to melt – the scaffolding of the sad self – the constriction of the sadness released. Amazed – I felt myself sink. The body-mind sank into the liquid state of Being, if only just briefly. Whoa – really? Amazing! Let’s try this again!

I noticed that every time I said the word “collapse” to myself I felt this sense of relief, and the self-body-mind structure relaxed – collapsed – and sank. I became curious and started playing with the word. Sadness arose and collapsed like the rise and fall of the waves back into the ocean. What was left behind was a sense of liquid relaxation. Sadness has not gone for good, she rises again and again, but this week it’s been an exercise in awareness and collapse. Kind of takes the whammy out of those shadowy figures… No more boogey men lurking in the cavern… Only the realization that when sitting in the space of deep Stillness of Being even those dark caverns are just places for feelings to rise and fall, to come and go.

A sense of deep compassion arose for this sadness. It was seen that the *recognition* of this sadness was actually what allowed the “collapsing” to occur. That is, *feeling* it, awareing it, allows it to collapse. This “collapsing” was also felt as an organic unraveling, or unwinding on a cellular level. And in the “collapse” a sense of openness and fluidity returned. No “floating in the ethers” but a simple sense of flow, of openness and groundedness in Beingness ItSelf.

It was also seen that by sitting with the *awareness* of Eternal Beingness, the scaffolding of self and its shadows collapse. And beneath the scaffolding there is a deeper Cavern of Stillness, the stillness of Eternal Beingness that is Alive with Life and fills every crevice with its Liquid Light.

Really… Imagine That…

~ ♥ ~

Art: Shadow Cavern

What Happened to "window sitting..."

Since my announcement in May that “window sitting” had resumed, there’s not been much window sitting. And I miss it. My husband’s new job requires that we get to bed earlier. We were both night owls before his job started, I would often window sit from mid-night to 1am, after he had gone to bed, when the house is completely quiet. Out of necessity we must follow a different pattern now. But the other night I was unable to sleep, and my restlessness was keeping him up. So I came to the window. It was like coming to an old familiar friend, just to sit and listen, just to be there in silence – at 3:44am…

This late night, early morning, window sitting affords me a quiet respite of awareness, just awareness, just noticing the utter stillness – probably why I like coming to the window in the middle of the night.

I notice that in this wondrous Silence that suffuses everything, thinking subsides, becomes background noise, and Awareness takes over – That in us which is Aware – the essential Self - or however you name ‘This” that IS you.

So what is noticed that this Awareness is awareing? The soft sound of dogs barking in the distance, and maybe the yip of a coyote; the sound of a plane overhead; the smell of night; the physical sensation of sitting at a window – seeing; the headlights of a car on the distant road – and I remark to myself – who is out at 3:45am!?

A car stops at a neighbor’s house across the street, a man gets out and walks to their front door. Awareness watches curiously. The man walks back to his car and drives off. I cannot see, but I assume he delivered a newspaper… The event, simply Silence in a lovely ballet of movement.

Another car passes on the street. I had no idea that so many people were up at this time.

This Silence is so *full.* And I don’t mean full of things or activities – but the Silence embodies Fullness. It is Full of ItSelf, expansive and open. It is untouched by extraneous noises. It suffuses me and makes me *aware* of ItSelf – awareness aware of Awareness… It feels like “home.”

I notice that there are other neighbors up as well, lights blaring bright in their houses – have been all night – night owls like me maybe… Not sitting at their windows necessarily, but I wonder what keeps them up – these fellow insomniacs. Do they know the Silence? Do they know Its touch, Its breath, Its movement? Do they know IT is who they are? Do they even want to know? And does it really matter if they don't?

I don’t want to be so preoccupied with the extraneous structures of living that I don’t continuously, intimately experience this Silence, this Stillness that is the foundation of all being, all life – the awareness of which occurs for me at the window. Some call it impersonal Emptiness, Vastness, a Void. But I feel Its Fullness, Its Aliveness, Its Vibrancy, Its Intimacy, especially at the window when I can really listen, really hear it, really feel it.

I need to find a way to continue to come to the window, to experience the depth of Stillness that resonates here in this Heart… Because I’m not just coming to a window, just an object in Awareness – but to the vortex of Reality ItSelf; the Aliveness of Life – that just happens to be experienced at a window – a symbol of an opening. It’s all happening inside anyway – inside the window of my Heart. It could just as easily be my meditation chair, or in a bath tub. *Knowing* this Reality is the passion that enlivens this being – propels this being through existence – what animates this ‘me’ here and now. I can’t help it. It’s what’s in my Heart. I would actually stay up all night if I could, if this body didn’t need to function during the day…

Is this selfish, wanting to steal away to the window, to bask in this wondrous Silence, to want to *know* It, to experience This Silence that we are – that Aware, Awake, Alive space within that enlivens… I can’t imagine *not* wanting to *know* “This.” Is it selfish to want to hear and enjoy the music of this Divine Symphony and dance – like a mad woman dancing, moving breathing in unison with the Divine…? Is it delusional to not want to sleep-walk through life, only focused on what’s in front of my nose every day – not SEEing the Reality that is living this life with wide awake eyes? I think not…

The Silence draws everything into Its loving embrace, enfolding everything, wanting to be recognized – to be known. Once known, once felt, the personal and worldly concerns are seen in context as part of ever unfolding Life; Life expressing ItSelf, Being ItSelf.

Tree branches begin to sway in Its gentle breeze. Life dances in Its own music. Life sings to Its own Silence.

I hear the first bird waking up. It is 4:24 am. Others soon join in. I am up with the birds! They are so happy to be awake, chirping their melodious songs to each other, calling out their morning calls, waking each other up. Life waking up to ItSelf again, except that It’s been awake all night long! I would not have heard this wondrous morning oblation, this ode to Joy, if I hadn’t been awake at the window.

~ ♥ ~


There is a wondrous video posted over on 'this unlit light'

The Space of Grace Window...

Sinking into stillness comes easier now
as I feel the closeness of Beloved Awareness ~
waiting…

The rhythm of Awareness is like a lullaby,
holding me in the splendor of Grace…

Awareness awareing me ~
me awarening Awareness…
The River of Awareness flowing as One…

Not two ~ just Awareness,
awareing ItSelf sitting at the window…
An embrace of One…

Awareness, The Beloved, is right here,
right now,
always;
as close as the breath.

The pure open space of Grace
allows everything, welcomes everything;
Awareness ItSelf inviting ITself to Be…

The purity of this
vast space
is clean and clear,
drawing me in;
inviting me to surrender;
to
dive
into
the
depths
of
wide-awake
Awareness

Pure Grace…


~*~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
May 2011

The Womb of the Beloved

Every sound is Your vibration…
Every heart is Yours beating…
Every experience is Your experience,

felt in the Womb of Your Heart…

Every heartache is Your heartache…
Every pain is Your pain,

felt intimately in the Womb of Your Heart…

Every gesture of kindness and compassion
is Yours as well…

Every awareness is Your Awareing
from the Womb of Your Heart…

The Womb of Your Heart
is the liquid pool of Life
from which you
morph YourSelf
into form…

Liquid
Life



Mystic Meandering
copyright
Feb. 17, 2011


~*~

Photo – a clear glass sphere
sitting in a bed of glass pebbles


~*~

“The Beloved” that I speak of is not an “It”,
not an object, a persona, or
some-thing to be objectified,
achieved, grasped or owned.
It could also be called:
The Unknown, The Mystery, Emptiness,
Isness, Beingness, Formlessness,
True Nature, True Mind, Deep Mind,
Awareness,
The Heart,
Life ItSelf,
That which lives this body,
the Nameless “I”


~*~

An Owl Story...

There’s something about hearing the hoo of an owl at night that makes my heart coo…

Around 5pm on Thanksgiving evening I was sitting at my desk, reading blogs :), when I heard the gentle, rhythmic hoo-ing sound of an owl. I could tell it was close. My curiosity got the better of me and I went from window to window to see if I could find where the sound was coming from. I thought for sure it must have been on the roof. B thought it was in one of the neighbor’s trees. We felt like we at least located the general direction it was coming from, so like a couple of kids, we decided to go looking. We went around to the side of the house where the hoos echoed between our house and the neighbor’s like an echo in a canyon. As we walked, the dry leaves cracked under our feet. We were afraid we’d scare it away, so we stopped and just listened. Again we heard the strong, rhythmic hoo-ing sounds. In the distance we also heard the faint hoo-ing of 2 other owls. All three calling out to each other in the darkness… Magic was underfoot… Well that and the cracking leaves… We tried again to move closer to the sound…

I’m sure the owl spotted us, even though we couldn’t spot it, because the hoo-ing stopped. Darn…

In our curiosity and need to pursue it, we evidently scared it off. If I had just stayed “inside”, silent and listening, I could have enjoyed the mysterious sounds a little longer – but the innocent desire to attain the *experience* called me out of stillness… Hmmm – interesting…

Pondering the experience in “The Cave” last night produced this…

Song of night,
the mysterious owl’s gentle hoo,
echoes its call:
pay attention,
listen,
don’t move…

In stillness
the owl *sees*,
acutely aware of
the slightest move,
the faintest sound;
everything perceived…

Silent in its night flight,
only the sound of its call,
dissolving in thin air -
appearing and disappearing…

Awareness, awareing it all…

This morning at breakfast, B said what he heard was a pattern in the hoos of the owl. Morse code to be exact… Yes, the Mystic and the Analyst – both poetry in motion, heard differently. He said in the rhythm of the owl’s hoo-ing he heard the Morse code sounds for the letters: E-U-T-T, which he translated for himself to mean: Experience Ultimate Transformational Tranquility… In other words, he said:

Be at Peace…

The call of Nature…

~~~~~~

Noticing Thoughts Window

Every night at the Window is a different noticing it seems. Lately I’ve been noticing the movement of thoughts.

Initially when I sit I usually notice a tangible sense of Calm and Peace, as was the case a couple of nights ago. Then I noticed that “I” was being distracted by thought, accompanied by a subtle visceral sense of contraction in different places in the body – fear thoughts here, anger thoughts there. When I became aware of this, I would bring my awareness back to the space of Calm and Peace and then once again notice that over a matter of a few minutes thought had somehow pulled my awareness away again. This happened several times in a slow rhythm of awareness from one to the other. This was even noticed in the movement of the eyes as I sat with eyes closed. When I was *resting* in Calm and Peace the gaze was inward. Sometimes it was towards the window to my left, as if listening to the Calm at the window – “out there” – external. When I became aware of thought, it was noticed that my eyes were directed upward and to the right – as if thinking was “up there” somewhere.

A thought became a chain of thoughts, which then became a “swarm” of thoughts (this word borrowed from a friend, but is also what I experienced.) And it was noticed that I had no control over these thoughts. I could not stop thinking, as some teachings suggest. This is what the mind does. It thinks. All I could do was bring my awareness back to the Space of inner Peace and Calm.

It was experienced that there is a pull of Consciousness, the *Space* of Calm and Peace, and a pull of thought in a subtle rhythmic movement as awareness seemingly shifts between the two. Attention gets focused on thought, then, with awareness of that, there is a shift in awareness to Calm and Peace. But I had to consciously keep bringing the focus to the space of Calm – and not get entangled with thought.

In this *natural* movement it was realized once again that thought cannot be stopped, or controlled. I had to consciously choose not to follow thoughts out into infinity, to not indulge in speculation about the future, or resentment and regret about the past. I had to continually bring awareness to the inner space of Calm – the only Now there is. Some nights were more successful than others.

The “trick”, if there is one, seems to be to learn to rest the awareness in the internal Space of Calm (or however you want to call it). Just be there - *aware* of the movement of thoughts and feelings; aware of what is awareing this; allowing - not trying to wrestle oneself from the mind, but gently bringing awareness to this aware space of Eternal Rest again and again - entraining with this Still Space that is only Now…

~*~

“By ‘Here’ I don’t mean this present space.
Here is somewhere within where mind cannot reach.
Presence is always here and you are always That.
Here is not the opposite of there.
This here is nowhere.
It is your Heart.
…it all comes back to the Heart.”
Papaji

Abandon Everything Window

Abandon everything for ‘This’

Abandon
all ideas, thoughts, opinions,
concepts, stories,
judgments, resistances,
relationships…

You are not obligated to anyone, or any thing…

Abandon every thing for ‘This’ –
for the truth of ‘This’…

Abandon everything for intimacy with ‘This’:
That which is Aware…
That which is Awareness ItSelf…
That which just Is – just ‘This’…

Abandon everything and just be ‘This’ -
’This’ that is your True Nature…

Abandon the concepts of ‘self’ for ‘This’ -

Abandon all false ideas and strategies -
all attachments of the ‘self’…

Abandon self-imposed constraints
of the ‘self’ – of living from the ‘self.’

Abandon reliance on ‘self’ –
the construct of ‘self.’

Abandon the sense of ‘self’
and open to the Vastness of the pure Awareness of
just ‘This’…

Everything that exists, exists within the Vastness
of ‘This’

Succumb to ‘This’ –
the pure Awareness awareing…

Everything is held in ‘This’ -

Just ‘This’…

Live with abandon to ‘This’

~*~


Mystic Meandering
copyright
Oct. 11, 2010

Multi-view Window

“Window sitting” calms me. It seems I am more aware, not only of what is happening all around me, but there’s more awareness of what is Aware within me, of what is seeing through these eyes with night vision – and day vision…

“Window sitting” keeps me “sane” – meaning - it enables me to meet the day with equanimity. It allows me to see life through a different lens – the lens of awareness; a multifaceted lens, like the fresnal lens of a lighthouse that allows for limitless light reflection over greater distances. And – it allows me to see through multiple windows as well, like a lighthouse with a 360 degree view through different panes of glass. This multi-view window of awareness keeps me sane in the sense that it seems to be keeping me from being swallowed up by story, by drama, by others, by thinking, by life circumstances… This window of awareness gives me a broader view, one in which the story of a separate “me” is beginning not to matter anymore…

Listening

inwardly and outwardly,

simultaneously.

Awareness

within and without,

simultaneously.

Just sitting

Just listening

Just aware-ing

Just Seeing…

New portals of awareness open up…

~*~

The picture is from a calendar we once had.

The photographer is unknown.

It is the Haceta Head Lighthouse in Oregon.

Silent Window...

Last night I found myself feeling disappointed during “window sitting” because nothing was “happening” – no great insight, or wisdom – just Silence. As I discovered, sometimes Silence is truly silent… Imagine that! I was hoping for the bells and whistles – a juicy story *about* the Silence. However, as It showed me last night, It cannot be contrived, or demanded – only met, on its own terms… And last night It appeared to be hiding behind a veil – or was that me….

And of course the “Silence” that I speak of is not an “It’ – an object, a persona, a “something” to be objectified, achieved, grasped, owned, something to be made into an experience. It just is… So I’m trying to be conscious of not creating “story” around the experience, and focus on just be-ing there (here) – aware - *allowing* the experience to be what it is each night – learning to *rest* in this silent Stillness that cannot be named – except I do try to name it by using allegories and metaphors. I try to give it substance and meaning. Like this: By Stillness/Silence, with a capital “S”, I mean the inner alive Stillness/Silence that is our true Nature, which of course is also found in Nature, because it is LIFE Itself. This “essence” of Life is pure Aware Stillness/Silence. It is what animates everything and what everything arises in and from – like thought, feeling, story, creativity, mind… They all find their origins in the Aware Stillness/Silence that just IS. They all fold back into that as well… And – that’s also not IT. Like the Tao says: “The Tao that can be named is not the Tao…” It’s just our *idea* of it… It’s my *idea* of Silence/Stillness – and so my *idea* didn’t show up last night. You get the idea. :) After an hour I schlepped to bed feeling a bit like a five year old who didn’t get her bedtime story… I was a bit pouty…

As I’m discovering, my “window sitting experience” sometimes brings a deeper awareness of THE Stillness that permeates everything, that connects everything through the energetic “thread” of Silent Awareness that is aware - and evidently sometimes it doesn’t! Kind of like any meditation - sometimes there are deep, profound insights and sometimes the mind fidgets the whole time… One of my challenges is not to get caught in anticipating an “exquisite experience”, or a consistent experience. The other is to not judge the experience because I couldn’t feel it, or experience it the way “I” wanted to, because there were no “goodies” for my mind to wrap itself around. Sitting with Stillness is not about entertaining the mind- or satisfying the ego’s need for experience. It’s about just being with what IS…

THE Stillness just IS. It is what the stillness of the night exudes, what Nature dances to. It is the Sacred Silence that sings… And so I sit in the window each night to remember this – even when it appears to be absent – which of course I know it isn’t… How could that which IS be absent… I just sometimes don’t see beyond the veil of my own expectations…

I still look forward to coming to the window. It humbles me, makes me aware, and continues to show me a new way of being, even when it is silent: being still and just listening; not projecting my ideas of what the experience is supposed to look or feel like - just allowing the Silence of Life to come to me in its own way – simply sitting…

~*~

“Are we willing to be still, go deep, and listen to the Silence… The eternal is indeed at home within us. Wisdom is not acquired through learning about ideas – but arises from the depth of Silence. Being awake means being here for what is here, not there for what we *hope* to experience… As soon as we stop struggling against…we discover the Stillness that is perpetually present. It is the Timeless dancing *as* time…”

Dorothy Hunt.

~*~

“There is a field beyond ideas….. I’ll meet you there…” Rumi

~*~

Trusting in the simplicity of Stillness

let Life come to you…

Resting in the simplicity of Silence

Life will find you…

MeANderi

~*~

photo - Christine

Open Window Meditation...

After my 3 am rendezvous with the deep Silence of the Night last week, I decided I wanted to try this as a meditation every night, just before bed. So I moved a bookcase and placed this chair at my window. Monday night, at about midnight, I came to sit, after the house was quiet and there would be no interruptions.

I turned to face out the window, leaning on the window sill, pressing as close to the screen as possible, breathing in the night air and the silence. What a delightful experiment this has turned out to be! Gazing out the window into the night is calming and soothing, heightening awareness of the Stillness, the Silence that permeates everything. It opens me, expands me. Of course there are street lights, and distant building lights and backyard lights and lights in neighboring windows, and the sound of occasional car that passes on the street – but there’s Stillness in a way that is tangible – almost magical.

In the faint light I tried to make a few notes on a scratch piece of paper of what I was aware-ing.

Nothing in nature is struggling…

Everything is at peace…

Everything in nature is the Silent stream of Peace –

the Eternal Stillness…

The trees are peaceful.

The plants in the neighbor’s garden are peaceful.

The grass is peaceful.

Everything is exquisitely peaceful…

I feel myself returning to what I know to be true –

to the authentic Stillness within,

allowing myself to be touched by the Stillness…

Befriending Silence…

Recognizing this deep space of Silence within.

There is a feeling of intimacy,

as this still Silence wraps itself around me,
embracing everything that it is,

infusing everything…

It is so palpable, so real…

Basking in the Pure Silence of the night –

just listening,

just experiencing,

just Be-ing - Stillness…

~*~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
Aug. 4, 2010