Shadowy Caverns

“Window Sitting”/Meditating is not just about floating around in the ethers, as I think I read one blogger refer to it recently – or some version of that. It’s about sitting with whatever shows up at “the window” – the inner window of awareness. It’s about sitting in our shadowy caverns with/as our True Nature – Eternal Beingness. This week I’ve been exploring those shadowy caverns again. It was the impetus for the piece of art above, the piece of prose poetry in the previous post, and, where the word “collapse” showed up.

Some have experienced that when they have had that wonderful moment of “awakening” to the Truth of Who they really are – Eternal Beingness - all their shadowy aspects melt away, dissolve, dissipate, collapse, and they are forever gone. That has not been my experience. I still visit the “shadowy caverns” on a regular basis. And I sit with the shadows at "the window" in the space of Silent Awareness…

One night this week, as I settled in to the deeper place of Silence, I became aware of the pain of a very deep sadness within. The sadness about the way life is, and the way life isn’t. She had been beckoning me all day to enter her cavern, but I had held her off. And here she was – waiting for me again at the window; waiting to be acknowledged, listened to, heard, felt, experienced authentically. So I peered in to her gaping wound. I saw lots of other shadowy figures there too - angst, grief, anger, frustration, resentment, anxiety and worries of daily life. They’re all related, but sadness wanted my attention that night. Sitting at the window I felt her heavy pain, so I began to explore her shadowy haunts in the body; how she moved through this body, the places she liked to hide – my solar plexus and chest - and the pressure she creates in my throat when I try to resist her, to hold back the tears, pretending she’s not there.

As I explored her, I heard the word “collapse” arise. As I heard this word internally I felt a release in the self-body-mind structure. I then consciously repeated the word to myself, and I felt the scaffolding begin to melt – the scaffolding of the sad self – the constriction of the sadness released. Amazed – I felt myself sink. The body-mind sank into the liquid state of Being, if only just briefly. Whoa – really? Amazing! Let’s try this again!

I noticed that every time I said the word “collapse” to myself I felt this sense of relief, and the self-body-mind structure relaxed – collapsed – and sank. I became curious and started playing with the word. Sadness arose and collapsed like the rise and fall of the waves back into the ocean. What was left behind was a sense of liquid relaxation. Sadness has not gone for good, she rises again and again, but this week it’s been an exercise in awareness and collapse. Kind of takes the whammy out of those shadowy figures… No more boogey men lurking in the cavern… Only the realization that when sitting in the space of deep Stillness of Being even those dark caverns are just places for feelings to rise and fall, to come and go.

A sense of deep compassion arose for this sadness. It was seen that the *recognition* of this sadness was actually what allowed the “collapsing” to occur. That is, *feeling* it, awareing it, allows it to collapse. This “collapsing” was also felt as an organic unraveling, or unwinding on a cellular level. And in the “collapse” a sense of openness and fluidity returned. No “floating in the ethers” but a simple sense of flow, of openness and groundedness in Beingness ItSelf.

It was also seen that by sitting with the *awareness* of Eternal Beingness, the scaffolding of self and its shadows collapse. And beneath the scaffolding there is a deeper Cavern of Stillness, the stillness of Eternal Beingness that is Alive with Life and fills every crevice with its Liquid Light.

Really… Imagine That…

~ ♥ ~

Art: Shadow Cavern

The Womb of the Beloved

Every sound is Your vibration…
Every heart is Yours beating…
Every experience is Your experience,

felt in the Womb of Your Heart…

Every heartache is Your heartache…
Every pain is Your pain,

felt intimately in the Womb of Your Heart…

Every gesture of kindness and compassion
is Yours as well…

Every awareness is Your Awareing
from the Womb of Your Heart…

The Womb of Your Heart
is the liquid pool of Life
from which you
morph YourSelf
into form…

Liquid
Life



Mystic Meandering
copyright
Feb. 17, 2011


~*~

Photo – a clear glass sphere
sitting in a bed of glass pebbles


~*~

“The Beloved” that I speak of is not an “It”,
not an object, a persona, or
some-thing to be objectified,
achieved, grasped or owned.
It could also be called:
The Unknown, The Mystery, Emptiness,
Isness, Beingness, Formlessness,
True Nature, True Mind, Deep Mind,
Awareness,
The Heart,
Life ItSelf,
That which lives this body,
the Nameless “I”


~*~

Fixated on Form

This week I have been fixated on the body, which has been in pain. Last week it was emotional pain. As I discovered there’s no difference really. Both are very visceral experiences actually.

I tweaked my back on Sunday and by Wednesday I was unable to find a comfortable position. Laying on my left side for 24 hours seemed to bring the most temporary relief. I felt like a wounded animal in survival mode, needing to find a safe place to heal. In the pain it was noticed that both emotionally and physically I felt a sense of “disconnect” from my “core” – by that I mean that I felt unable to be in the “core” of Self. I became fixated on the pain – both emotionally and physically. Although I was conscious that I didn’t want to wallow in the experience of pain, admittedly I got sucked in by the vortex of pain and there was “suffering.” No real drama, no spiraling out of control, just an experience of pain and suffering – in form.

Yesterday I found respite sitting in my “meditation chair” in “the Cave” (my meditation space). It is a small, old swivel-rocker chair that I can tilt back with the help of a foot stool, which allows my back to be fully supported so that the muscles can relax. Ahhhh – sweet relief. This became my healing space yesterday and today – my “womb cave” while I was held captive by my predicament of pain.

As I deeply relaxed, an “opening” occurred in body, mind and spirit, and it became apparent that in both cases – with emotional pain and physical pain – there was a fixation on form; especially with physical pain. The emotional pain was able to slip through this realization last week. But they are both the same really. When there is pain of any kind it is difficult to be aware of anything else. The mind fixates, awareness fixates on the pain, the discomfort, and needs to find relief, which is obviously part of the body-mind mechanism. But I was surprised at how quickly I lost awareness of the context of Spaciousness and became narrowly fixated on form; how easily I began to feel separate from the Space of Awareness (the “core”). And in *feeling* separate I fixated more on the pain, the body, the feeling, etc., which kept me solidified in a separate sense of self – hurt and wounded.

As I sat there, my back fully supported by the chair, hot pack at my back, I found myself experiencing a sense of fluidity, a sense of the “liquidity” of Life: every sound I heard was liquid, every thought and feeling were liquid-like vibrations – ripples of liquid; even the pain and the body had become quivery liquid gel. And no, I was not taking pain medication. :) In a sense, once the *fixation* with pain, with form, had subsided, I could remember that this life, this experience of pain is just an occurrence *within* the Liquid Pool of Existence; that Liquid Life morphs itself into these forms we call body-minds with its pains and frustrations, physically, mentally and emotionally. This sense of me is really Liquid Life from which I cannot separate. This “me” arises as a liquid story that occurs in the Liquid Womb of The Beloved. We arise, have form, and melt back into Liquid Life again and again… Our thoughts and feelings and pain are liquid as well – gelatinous “mutations” if you will, suspended in a Womb of Living Liquid… Yet we take ownership of the thoughts, the feelings, the lives that we live and fixate on them as if they exist independently of the Liquid Life from which they arise – but from which they can never be “disconnected…”

And in this liquid story the pain becomes a messenger. Like the little brown duck in the photo above, pain comes and disturbs our idea of what form is supposed to look like and how we are supposed to experience it, reminding us not to fall back to sleep in form. In her own way, pain wakes us up from our fixations on form and calls us back to the fluid liquidness of Life…

In deep gratitude to the “pain ducks"…

~*~

The Heart's Nature...

Love is a subtle vibration,
shared moments of softness,
just being there…
speaking Heart to Heart…

~*~

Love is knowing that
you are the Heart of everyone,
and everyone is the Heart of you,
hidden behind transparent walls…
In seeing through, there is
a deepening compassion for our fragility,
our vulnerability, our wounds,
because they are the same…

~*~

In the deep Womb of our Heart,
there is a song…
It is sung with tenderness
for every heart that aches
from its imagined separateness
from The Beloved,
the root of all suffering…

~*~

The True Nature of the Heart is deep compassion;
the Rhythm of Love…

Sit in deep Quiet and listen
until you hear It…


~*~


Heart Hugs to all my wonderful Heart Friends!


Mystic Meandering
copyright
2004/06


Photo ~ I resurrected this photo from a 2009 post,
which some of you may remember.
It was sent to me by a friend.

Welcome The Heart Arrows

For several weeks now I’ve been feeling a very intense emotional kind of “heartpain”… No particular event, trauma, or wound comes to mind – just a generic kind of universal human experience wound of the heart. Arrow arriving in the fence nearly two weeks ago was a timely metaphor for looking at this pain, and seeing through the wound into the womb of the Heart…

In the exuberance of opening to the Heart, as has been happening here, there is now an opening and “outpouring” of the wounds that have been held here – the wounds of this life experience that have been hidden in the heart. This does not mean that I am “suffering” with any kind of victimization, or wallowing in old wounds, lost in the memories of old betrayals, and arrows. None of the wounds needs to be identified or rehashed. It’s more of a natural process of release of the accumulated “pain of life” as a whole. As I acknowledge this deep pain, these wounds and their subsequent armoring are being relieved of their duty to guard and protect this heart… But I didn’t realize the process would be so “painful” – requiring such mindfulness not to fall off the edge into story again – to not fall into the unconscious pit of pain…

Last week I just happened to pull Pema Chodron down off the shelf. I like to keep her handy. :) As I scanned through her pages my eyes fell on a few sentences here and there. One phrase in particular was rather timely I thought. She said: “Get in touch with the arrow in your heart and *relate to the wound.* Feel the wounded heart… If someone comes along and shoots an arrow in your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person (or situation). It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart and *relate to that wound.*” Wow – okay – heart begins to twitter… She says that by coming face to face with our wounds and relating to them, actually allowing ourselves to *feel* the rawness of them, the heart actually opens more, and we find the spacious tender heart of bodhichitta – the awakened Heart - underneath the pain. She says that every arrow, every wound is an opportunity to open to this deeper space of the Heart – and relate to That… She does not say to suppress them, or deny that we have them, but to face the wound directly and *it* will lead you to the tender Heart of Hearts underneath… Okay, sign me up for another Heart excursion… I’ll bring the bandages and tape…

However, it appears I’m already on one – and have been for a long time… It is not something I remember consciously choosing to do, or planning to do; it is just happening. Life circumstances have provided the opportunities - the arrows… Maybe ultimately this “outpouring” is happening now because many years ago my desire was to live with an open heart, and I think I thought it was going to happen easily and automatically – maybe even create a by-pass around those clogged arteries. You know, just put in your wish and the magic happens – you awaken and pour out gobs of love and bliss. My life hasn’t worked that way… I didn’t know what “heart opening” would entail, or feel like, and I don’t think I brought along the right gear… No matter, this heart is apparently opening anyway, whether I’m prepared or not, revealing its accumulated contents, and the tender Heart Womb beyond the wounds. I’m in labor here - birthing into the womb of the Heart… Geeze this birth canal is long and dark and there’s no air!

Interestingly, at the end of January I experienced a rather intense period of “heartpain.” So I went to “The Cave” and sat with this “heartache.” I breathed *into* the “pain”, deeply and consciously attending to it. I faced into it internally and took a good look… There was the sense that this “deep pain” was some kind of encasement around the heart, protecting a deeper more vulnerable space. Within the encasement of pain there was a deep light, although I could only see its faint glow. Through the encasement, which was transparent, I could feel beyond the solidity of the pain to a tenderness, a gentle space – the soft heart as Pema calls it. There was also a sense that the pain was also a “gate”, an opening into something unguarded and untouched. I realized that the experience of pain, no matter what the cause, is really an invitation, not an obstacle or barrier. It’s an invitation to open more to the Deep Heart. It’s not enough to just meet the pain, one must follow the pain all the way through into the Womb of the Heart…

It turns out that Arrow in the fence was a messenger of sorts, not only to relate differently to my neighbor, but to welcome the arrows of the heart, to deeply attend the wounds, and allow the light to come through them – the openings that life’s arrows have left behind…

~*~

Check out this piece of prose from Ameeta at Self discovery self

'Strange Peace'

There is a stranger that arrives sometimes
in these mid-winter days…

In Her presence
everything settles…

everything lets go…

everything becomes still…

everything rests,
not lifeless – just rests…



When She arrives
everything feels strangely

~ peaceful ~


When She comes
life is allowed to be as life is,
as I listen deeply to
Her whispers…


She feels ‘strange’ to me
only because She
has come as a surprise,
unexpected,
and is larger than life;
beyond mental understanding…

Yet, I know I know this “stranger.”
She is strangely familiar…
I’m sure we have met before…


I welcome Her in...

She gives me Her mantel of Peace
and wraps it around my heart…

The Fire-Light within begins to brighten
because She is Home...


Mystic Meandering
copyright
February 3, 2011


Photo ~ March 2010

Free to be...

I am free to be…
Free to be just as I am…
because ultimately
all there is, is “I” –
the Essential “I” -
along with some mental misperceptions
of who “I” is…

There is only Beingness being,
only Consciousness awareing;
Self expressing ItSelf as
’just this’ -
”I” as “me” – “me” as “I” – i/I
Formless as form,
Form as formless…

Opening to the “whole” ~ i/I
we are free to be ourselves,
just as we are…

When we know this
“something” wakes up inside
and hums…
Everything hums with the recognition of
the “whole” ~
inside and outside…

Everything is OM ~
the hum of Life ~ humming…
We are resting in That – already.
We are playing in the play of Life,
as i/I~
with “other” expressions of i/I
all playing in the sandbox of Life…

When we let go of the words
and the frameworks of interpretation
we are free just to be
- as we are –
letting go of the frameworks of
i/I, I/me and ”no-me”
and just Living…

Once the framework is allowed to fall away
we are free to express
in whatever way Self expresses,
because we know it is Self expressing self…

There is something authentic and freeing
in just allowing everything to be as it is;
in allowing myself to be
as “I” am…

Life is met from a different space ~
the space of the Heart…

Play well!

~*~


Mystic Meandering
copyright
January 30, 2011

The Somber Tones of Winter...

Sometimes my Heart sings the somber tones
that have lain dormant
needing expression…

An Adagio emerges
as if someone has died;
maybe that someone is “me,”
the false me… the mask of “me”
that keeps falling off,
leaving something more real exposed…

The grief begins
to sing, to play her strings,
feeling the loss.
I have heard her tune before.
I allow her to play her strings,
until she is played out,
listening to her deeply…

I know that
even the Somber tones are
an expression of the One.
There is no separateness,
no good or bad tones,
just the authentic expression
of what Lives here…

The Somber tones and shades are
Life ItSelf,
inviting me to look deeper,
to find the richness that lives within them…

Their song has to be sung as well.
Even they are the Heart’s language of Love,
calling me to more authentic Living...



Mystic Meandering
copyright
January 27, 2011


~*~

Remembering the Heart...

Come,
walk
with me

as I pour out my heart
remembering
who “I” is,
listening to the whispers
of the Heart…

Come,
walk
with me

amongst the clutter of the mind,
between the chaos and confusion,
surfing the waters of life together,
navigating the eddies in the flow
of the Heart…


Come
walk
with me


in the Stillness that connects us
to all that is true in this life experience
beyond the disturbances of the mind,
the malfunctions of the body,
and the deep pain of life
that breaks the spirit,
then opens us to
the depths
of
the
H
e
a
r
t
.
.
.


Come
walk
with me

emptied out
poured out
opened up

Remembering

Recognizing

the whispers of the Heart calling:
Come… be with ME
Come... follow the path
of the Heart
Come... be still
in ME ~ the Heart...
Remember
why you are here:
to remember that
you are ME
~ the Jewel in the Heart

Come
walk
with ME

Remember ME

"I" is your Heart

~*~


Mystic Meandering

copyright

January 19. 2011

Inner Compass...

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’ve lost my inner compass – in a boat without a paddle type thing – no wind to tack into and therefore, no movement. And it’s a little unsettling, even for a “meandering mystic.” :)

Having spent a lot of time in “the Cave” the last several days, in the space of silent Stillness, it feels as if I am being emptied out. It’s as if the burdens I’ve been carrying - the mentations and beliefs of the way life “should” be, of how life is “supposed” to look, of how I am supposed to feel, think and experience life - are being “laid down” – well almost. This includes the “laying down” of all my ideas about my so-called “spiritual path”, realizing I don’t want to be defined by any particular “path” – just wanting to follow my Heart. But the Heart is not speaking, so I am facing an apparent darkness - an emptiness.

I hear that is a good thing on the “spiritual path.” That eventually you have to lay it all down, all those ideas and concepts that you have identified with as your “self” and just step into undefined territory – the pathless path – the Emptiness Itself. However, in this space of not knowing, sitting in the deep Stillness within, just listening - where a lot of my “direction” usually comes from - there still hasn’t been that inner sense of *knowing* how to go - even how to Be - if that makes any sense. There’s just the space of no-thingness where everything reverberates like a deep echo. Helloo~o~o~o~o ~~~~…

I wait for something to emerge from the depths of Stillness - but nothing comes. There is only this sense of being “poured out” – emptied… And only being able to do the simple tasks of living… I’ve been here before…

So of course the mind gets worried, because the mind likes definitive direction, likes having structure, likes having answers, likes having stimulation – likes *doing* not being. So the mind starts questioning – what am I *supposed* to be *doing*? Maybe it’s a January thing. In the mind’s attempt to get an “answer” I even asked my husband – what do you do when you’ve lost your inner compass? He looked at me quizzically. I asked, haven’t you ever lost your sense of inner direction before? (I know he has, he seems to have forgotten.) But in his usual story-telling way he answered: Well, it’s like being one of those float planes in Alaska on very still water. And you’re just sitting there, floating on the water, waiting for the wind to come up. And then when the wind comes up the plane automatically turns in the direction of the wind and you know the direction you’re supposed to take off into. Until then you wait…

Okay… Huh! - mind said – really? Doesn’t this plane have an engine and a throttle that I can* control* the plane with? Is it really that simple – just waiting? But “i” want to *do* something about this – about this directionlessness that I feel. “i” needs to feel like life is going somewhere, like “i” is doing something – creating, expressing, doing *important* things… So I do a little of this and a little of that, but no, those aren’t it. I keep getting called back to “the Cave” - to Emptiness - the place of Stillness. Yet, even there, there seems to be a very deep sense of unsettledness and not knowing - and a seeming inability to reach Still Point - true North - True Self… Or maybe I just don’t recognize it…

I am apparently in a place of waiting – hibernating actually – needing to be very still and quiet. And maybe that is exactly my “direction” at the moment – no direction - simply waiting - for inner movement, the inner voice; waiting for clarity, waiting for the wind to come up; trusting that I am exactly where I need to be...

I wait – I breathe – I wait – for the whispers of the Heart, the inner compass to reveal the Way…

~*~

There’s an interesting blog post called Following the Moon:
Each Heart is a World
that is about the cycles of the moon and
“Forging the True Work of the Heart…”


Photo – Yes that is exactly how the shoes were!

Still Point...

Empty out everything except Silence,
the
still
hush
of

S
i
l
e
n
c
e

the
deep
Stillness
of the Heart…


Lay it all down – just breath the Silence,
the Stillness of Being.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve been taught,
what words you have heard,
what beliefs you have believed…

Lay it all down – just listen to the Silence,
the deep Rhythm of the Heart.

Unconcern yourself with words,
beliefs - concepts of the dreaming mind.
Fill yourself with the Rhythm of the Stillness…

Lay it all down – just *live* from the Silence;
the still space within the Heart.

Live from the silent Flame
that burns in your Heart;
brighter than any words,
any teachings, any beliefs,
revealing everything.

…

Live
in
the
Still
Point
of

S
i
l
e
n
c
e
.
.
.



Mystic Meandering
copyright
December 19, 2010


~*~


“Every other creature on the face of the Earth
seems to know how to be quiet and still…

We (humans) seem to have lost
the ability to just be quiet -
to simply be present in the stillness
that is the foundation of our lives.
Yet if we never get in touch
with that stillness,
we never fully experience our lives…

Reaching the Still Point is not something
unusual or esoteric.
It is a very important part of
being aware and staying awake."

John Daido Loori
from: Finding the Still Point

Dreaming Mind

I had a dream on December 30th that seemed fairly significant, so I thought I’d share the gist of it, or is that the grist of it. :) I do not remember all the details, but the main “grist” of the dream seemed to be about locks. In particular they were doorknob locks (they all looked like round doorknobs). And I couldn’t lock them. I couldn’t lock the front door to the house, or the mail box (which was also a doorknob). The locks did not work. So I became preoccupied with the locks and spent a good part of the dream trying to *fix* the locks that would not lock, taking them apart and trying to figure them out – to no avail. There were intricate images of “mechanisms” that I would take apart and attempt to put back together again, but they wouldn’t go back together.

I see this as a good thing.

My “locks” are not working anymore, the mechanisms of the mind and self that have kept me (the Self) safe behind locked doors (figuratively) are not working anymore, leaving “me” open… And – I couldn’t put those mechanisms back together again. Hmmmm. Is this what Freedom feels like – open, vulnerable, exposed, falling apart, unable to put the self back together again, unable to lock everything up safely? Be careful what you ask for - Beloved takes no prisoners…

In the middle of trying to fix the mechanisms I woke up – from the night dream that is. As I woke up I realized it was just a dream that had occurred *in my mind.* The exact thoughts were: this is occurring *in my mind!* Like I was surprised, yet clearly knowing that it was all mind-made. I had essentially *thought* the dream. And yet, my *mind* did not want to wake up from the dream! It didn’t want to let go, even knowing that it was a dream. My mind wanted to go back into the dream – to finish the story – to try to fix the locks and the mechanisms – to find resolution. But “I” *didn’t* want to go back into the dream. “I” just wanted to wake up, but found it hard to do so because my mind wanted to hang on – to continue the dream.

The realization was that the *dream* was mind-made and I *knew* it. It was absolutely evident. But the pull to stay in the dream was greater than the desire to wake up. The only “resolution” was to *completely* wake up from the sleep state – where the dream occurs. But even then, after awakening, the dream hung on – in my mind; pulling at the mind to come back. The dream had momentum, the dream-thought continued, and my mind couldn’t let it go. It *wanted* to play out in my mind – even after awakening… I seemingly couldn’t disentangle from the dream state – mentally or emotionally. Sounds a lot like life - the waking dream...

So, I asked myself, is “awakening” really “enough”, is “awareness” enough to completely awaken from the waking dream? You know, the one we call life... Or do we remain in a dream of our minds, even after awakening, even with awareness? Apparently the thought-dream still continues, even after awakening. The mind keeps creating the dream- the waking dream of life. The key seems to be in the realization that it is only a dream and the impetus to wake up from the dream – to not *believe* that the dream is real…

Several days later I woke up with the thought that I had reached “the end” - "the end" of what? The image that opened to me was that of the mouse in the maze picture looking over the wall. The sense was that I had reached the “end” of the maze, that I couldn’t go any further, as there was nowhere else to go – so I *had* to look up over its walls. It wasn’t that I had found my way out of the maze on some blissful path – the yellow brick road - and landed in Oz, I just knew that I couldn’t continue in the maze – the maze of the mind, the maze of the dream. And the only resolution was to stop, to shift my perception from the maze – the dreaming mind - to a different paradigm; to look beyond the familiarity of the well-worn pathways of the mind and discover a different way of seeing and experiencing the world...

It occurred to me that we are free to participate in the maze of the mind or not… We are not locked in to the maze. Our sense of freedom depends on whether we are fixated on the dream, or able to see beyond the walls of the faulty mechanisms of the mind.

“If you want to see what’s behind the curtain of reality,
to take the red pill and discover what the matrix really is…
you have to be willing to give up everything.
The cost is literally all of “you”
– your identity, your addictions, your life-long programming…”
[the maze].
Author unknown.

~*~

Keep on knocking
‘til the joy inside
opens a window
look to see who’s there

Inner wakefulness

This place is a dream
only a sleeper considers it real
then death comes like dawn
and you wake up laughing
at what you thought was your grief
A man goes to sleep in the town
where he has always lived
and he dreams he’s living in another town
in the dream he doesn’t remember
the town he’s sleeping in his bed in
he believes the reality of the dream town
the world is that kind of sleep
Humankind is being led along an evolving course,
through this migration of intelligences
and though we seem to be sleeping
there is an inner wakefulness,
that directs the dream
and that will eventually startle us back
to the truth of who we are

Rumi

~*~

Photo Image – CD cover for “Sonicaid”
Music to promote sleep.
Copyright - Avalon (SOCAN.)
www.avalonmusic.com
Imagery: Solid Imagery Arts, LLC

Return to Stillness...

Return to the consciousness of Stillness
that speaks through your Heart
from the in-between spaces in the
Celestial Ocean of Creation…

Stillness expresses
through vibration,
through resonance
in and through the inner Heart
~ the Inner Being…

Quiet the mind and the heart
of thoughts,
of emotions,
of pain,
of struggle,
and just listen…

Reach deeply into the Stillness of pre-creation
~ the Primordial Space ~
and allow it to permeate you,
to thrive in you…

Be at one with Stillness,
with Sacred Silence,
where the seeds of luminescent L0ve
form and expand,
through ripples of
pure Innocence,
reverberating in a pool of Stillness…

Allow Stillness to emerge from Its
place of solitude in the womb of the Heart;
from Its sanctuary of wholeness,
and give it voice…

Allow Stillness to be your Truth,
And Truth your Stillness…

~*~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
October 8, 2001

~*~

Walk the Earth in Silence...

Walk the Earth in Silence,
in the stillness of Being,
communing,
listening,
hearing,
sensing,
feeling.

Walk the Earth in the Silence
of unassuming,
open,
receptive,
awareness;

leaving only a trace
of a footstep here and there.

Walk the Earth in Silence
from the stillness of the Heart;
standing at the still-point,
in the hush of the Mystery…

Speak the language of Silence,
Heart to Heart,
whispered wordlessly
in the silent Rhythm…

~*~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
December 19, 2010


~*~

“Walking the Earth in Silence” does not mean being silent, as in - not speaking, not expressing - as “I” likes to express, to create, to speak, to write – have you noticed? :)

The sense that I had when the words came was that it is about walking in the stillness of Being; being still of heart and mind, acutely *aware* of the Silent Awareness that is Aware, as well as aware of what is being experienced – what is being lived – in every moment. It’s the felt sense of living from the inner Silence of the Heart, deeply listening to and deeply attending to this space; living Its ways, moving with Its Rhythms… I know there are those of you out there who do…

Ultimately, wanting to “walk the Earth in Silence,” for me, is about wanting to walk through life intimately with what is inherently Awake and Aware in us all, to what is inherently Awake and Aware in nature – as they are the same; recognizing this Radiant Nature in everyone. How delicious that would be! Communing intimately with this Aliveness in everyone and everything, knowing that it is ‘This’ that is living us, breathing us, and taking us where we need to go in the way we need to go. Simply trusting. Simply being.

How freeing to walk in this way – in the Silence of the Heart. This is what “I” wants… This is this Heart’s aspiration.

Walk with me and share how your Heart wants to walk on the Earth… :)

~*~

This photo was taken by my father in the early 50’s –
probably the winter of 1952/53.
He was walking in from the main road with a shovel
to where our small summer camp was
after a blizzard on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire.
The “camp” was really the size of a large “tool shed”
that he built a porch onto where he and my mother slept,
while my sister, brother and I slept in bunk beds
and on a cot inside, on Summer vacations.
It had a door, a window,
sink, a fold out table for eating, but no toilet.
Fun!
Might have made a nice hermitage for one!

He took this picture of his own footsteps in the snow.
Although my father did not “walk the Earth in Silence,”
and we did not have a close relationship,
he had a depth that I only saw glimpses of,
and wish he had expressed more.
But he kept it silent…
I think he probably appreciated the silent times
alone in nature that captured his Heart – and his footsteps…

Here I "go" again...

Here I “go” again – or maybe not. :)

I originally posted this picture on the “In Transition” post, and since I’m still kinda in that space and I liked the picture, I thought I’d post the picture again as I meander on my way here.

I’ve been in a kind of mental/emotional fog for the last week or so, bumping into things in the dark – like anger, and sadness, and grief… Not the usual holiday fare. I am also acutely aware that I need to deeply attend to the Silence of Being within; to that “Pull” that I keep experiencing. Yet the holidays do not lend themselves to retreats of contemplative Silence – at least not in this family monastery… This creates a kind of discombobulated feeling in this mind and body, as well as the strong need to find the Silent inner Rhythm and just retreat, as life as it is at this time of year requires an external flow that feels contrary to my Nature.

I also find it ironic that no matter how much of my ‘self’ I have given through out the year, in small and not so small ways, in subtle and emotional unnoticeable ways, the holiday gift giving of *things* seems to be what matters most. It becomes the measuring stick of how much we love and care for our loved ones, an “exchange” of this fuzzy, nebulous thing called “love”… So if we are “exchanging” this commodity in a transactional way is that really “giving”? Strange custom that our inherent nature for “giving” is dictated by a date on a calendar and the giving of *things*, as a culmination of all that has *already* been given in the months before in more practical ways. What’s up with that? Is what I do all year long not a *symbol* of my love and giving nature as well? But pardon me, I digress… ech-hem…

So now that the hub-bub of the holidays is over I can breath again… No more expectations, obligations or wish lists to fulfill, no comparing, no out-doing, no one-ups-man power play giving, no family baggage. Just following the Stream of Being – as IT wants to Flow - which right now appears to be - no-where. Ahhhh – sweet no-where, no-thing…

Just before the Solstice I started experiencing a “still-point” – a coming to a halt inwardly. It felt like a turning point within, interestingly coinciding with the turning of the season. It was the sense of collapsing into zero-point, the silent, still Awareness drawing me to its core, like a great cosmic tide emptying me out into Silence. I found here a deeper space of not-knowing than I was in before, a space of “waiting” - for the breath to be breathed; the in-between space. The place of not being defined by anything, of not having a framework of interpretation, or reference point to measure life, or myself by. And I kinda like it actually. Just the open space of the hum of Silent Awareness… The hum of Being Alive… But the fog rolled in...

I want to *live* this luscious Silent Aliveness unendingly as a way of life – not moments of meditation in “The Cave”… In this space there is no mental confusion about which direction to take, or where I “should” be going. All one can do here is – stand still – and listen; not focusing on direction, results, outcomes, achieving, acquiring – or the measure of gifting. It’s just about being still – at the still-point of Being – living from the still-point of Life – the Stream of Being. Listening to what this deep Silence of Being has to say and where IT wants to go…

In the fog this morning, waiting for clarity to return, waiting to *feel* this hum of Silent Aliveness of Life within again, I happened to read a blog post that was about a young Japanese poet girl who decided to become a Buddhist Nun. It said that she became a Buddhist Nun, “not in order to renounce the world, but out of a desire to teach her heart to be like the clear water which flows night and day.” That’s it! (No, I’m not running off to the nunnery.) It was the inspiration, the in-breath of clarity that was needed to clear the fog. And you never know where it’s going to come from. It made my Heart sing. Yes, that’s it - learning the ways of Silence. *Living* in such a way that this Silence of the Heart, these clear Waters, can flow day and night – consciously. A song in my Heart has been rekindled… Now we shall see where that goes… The Silence has ITs own ways…

How about you, what makes your Heart sing?

~*~

"Liberation"

We are the grace of Love fulfilled,
the shimmer of Sacred Light,
lustrous uniqueness in a field of
multidudinal Divine Shimmers
in glittering oneness…

We are the twinkle of liberated luminosity
radiating from the Heart Pulse of Love
within the Stream of Life
in continuous unfoldment.

We are created, and create from,
the glowing embers of the
furnace of Love’s fire.

Receive the molten flow of golden translucence
that forms you in the fire of Divine Love.
Let it infuse you in every micron of consciousness.

Golden Light turned fluid
flowing incessantly from the Primordial Heart.

Receive Love’s Presence, and Love’s presents:

*
Peace,
Integrity,
Awareness,
Acceptance,
Authenticity,
Contentment,
Transparency,
Light and Love.
|

Love of Love
Light of Light

Love experiencing ItSelf as Love
in every breath,
in every form…

Liberation…

~*~
Winter Solstice
2001

Confession of a Mystic

I have a secret that evidently “spiritual” types are not supposed to have. And lest you think I spend all my time floating in the ethers of “cosmic bliss,” I am telling my secret – which is - I get angry – a lot. There is a deep stream of volcanic anger that has continuously run through this body-mind since childhood. It erupts more often than I like to own up to. It has become an automatic way of perceiving and feeling that I have managed to avoid facing. But, as I have opened more to the beauty of “cosmic bliss,” a window is opening, allowing me to see more clearly this dark thread of anger that has woven itself through my life.

Right now life is extremely challenging on many levels. And I must admit that my default emotion is anger when life gets too frustrating, or too scary. Just ask my husband. :) And as much as I would like to believe my self-image as a peaceful “spiritual” mystic, I must also embrace “ugly oogla”, as my husband calls her. So I am coming face to face with her, instead of ignoring her and trying to shovel her lava back in the hole when she erupts. Cleaning up her messes has become burdensome.

Now one might say this chronic anger is because I am not accepting life the way it is. Yes, that is true. And one might say it is because there is still too much “me” – that may be true as well. And one might say it’s only the mind *believing* that life is difficult. And that too may be true. And, it is also true that it is an old habituated defense pattern learned in childhood living in a very angry family, where it was learned that anger was power as well as a protective mechanism. And I also see that anger is a messenger bringing me a much needed message – like all feelings do. So it’s time to let that angry cat out of the bag, so-to-speak.

There are many reasons why anger arises here, trying to fight its way out – in particular at the moment, life continues to fall apart, which ultimately could be a good thing, but “ugly oogla” doesn’t know that. Within this collapse uncertainty abounds, leading to fear, frustration and anger. And yes, there is evidently still a belief in a separate me (“ugly oogla”) who might not survive the fall and doesn’t like it when life doesn’t go the way she dreamed it would… There are definitely a lot of reasons on my “why am I angry list” – most of them are “me” reasons – the “me” not getting what she wants – the “me” not being heard, understood, paid attention to, loved and respected by a certain significant other. And oh yes, there is her cousin blame who wants to pin the tail on the donkey who got us into this life situation in the first place. Big practice opportunity with that one, but we’ll start with anger first. And yes, I have read all the anger books. This has been a life-long process of discovery and awareness.

Lately I’ve noticed that anger and frustration also arise as a result of not living in attunement with the Natural Rhythms within. I keep getting distracted, disturbed by and preoccupied with the survival needs of life as it is at the moment, and this gets in the way of my *idea* of how I “should” be living. You know, a life of Sacred Harmony with seemingly no problems - or so I tell myself. So I spend time in “The Cave” – which allows me to *feel* those inner Rhythms, and where I realize that life as it is at the present moment is impermanent – whew, what a relief! When I follow the anger I see that despite all my reasons for anger, it is really only energy, like all other feelings, and eventually dissipates. It only feels more intense, more “unspiritual”, more embarrassing to admit to this darkness that runs through here. And following “the pull” of the Natural Rhythms, at least for me, lets me know that there is *something* “beyond” this vaporous anger. So I look to ‘This’ for inspiration.

I sit in “The Cave” of Awareness, not to escape, but to listen. I listen to this voice of anger that festers and seethes and erupts. I befriend “ugly oogla” – give her a hug and listen with curiosity as she fumes and sputters about life events. And – at the same time I deeply attend to the space of Stillness, listening for her Voice as well – and she does speak. In the process of listening I feel myself returning to the space of Silence, the Awareness that embraces everything, even the anger. I realize that there are no magic pills for life’s challenges; that the only way out is through. And I begin to wake up from this dream of “ugly oogla” and her anger with life; her imagined slights, her need to protect, and her stubborn resistances to life’s challenges. When I follow the thread of anger that has woven its way through here, like when I follow “the Pull” that beckons me, it takes me back to the same space – Awareness – Silence – Home. In the fiery molten life force energy of anger there really is only this Light of Awareness – I merely have to pay attention to it, to feel it, to follow it and not get caught in the sludge.

And no, this doesn’t mean that anger has magically disappeared from my life. She is still here. But I keep meeting her in the Silence of “The Cave” until she recognizes that she is loved - that underneath ~ she *is* Love ~~~~

~*~

Photo – Center of the Trifid Nebula
from The Invisible Universe
by David Malin

“The long, sometimes violent creation
of stars happens in the secret, dusty places
and is at first detectable only as heat,
not light…”

Paying Attention to "The Pull"

I have been feeling “the pull” of the Cosmos lately, in case you hadn’t noticed. :) Don’t know why. It feels similar to “the Pull of Consciousness” that I wrote about while window sitting. And of course since everything *is* Consciousness, I imagine that’s what’s knocking at this door again – saying, “pay attention.” I feel immensely drawn to and curious about this pull of “the Cosmos.” I even checked out the series “Cosmos” by Carl Sagan from the library this week and started watching it to satisfy this curious “longing” for the spacious Cosmic Ocean. In watching it I feel at home, I rest internally – as if “I” recognize something. A sense of innocent aliveness wakes up in me again – interesting. And, I am learning things about the universe that I don’t remember learning before. It’s as if I’m hearing it for the first time, and I am like a child listening in awe, wanting to soak it all in…

Last weekend it occurred to me that this pull has something to do with the pull of the Natural Rhythms, the Cosmic Tides of Consciousness, which I haven’t been paying attention to lately. I have been feeling out of sync with Life, with the Sacred Harmony - unable to hear, or sense The Rhythm of Life Itself because life circumstances keep drowning out the music. And yes, I know, there is “just this,” “life as it is” – and its all Awareness… And yet, and yet - this “pull.” How does one explain this “pull…” A conundrum. I’m sure there must be Cosmic Buddha’s that could explain this… :) If you’re out there give me a ring!

What would happen if I followed the pull, I wondered? Where would it take me? No particular “answer” arose in Consciousness. Only the sense that I need to pay attention to the pull. So I went about ordinary life this week, in ordinary ways, listening, sensing, feeling it - p-u-l-l-i-n-g.

There were even little quirky messages in the everydayness of life saying “pay attention.” -

One day this week, as I approached a stop sign, a young male on a cell phone, carrying a duffle bag of some sort, waved at me with two fingers as if to motion to me to stop, like I was a taxi of some kind. I shook my head no, indicating I was not going to pick him up. But of course he was at a stop sign and I had to stop. A few tense moments ensued as he ranted and flailed his arms at me through the window. I quickly flipped the automatic “door lock” switch, while I waited for the busy traffic passing in front of me to clear so I could move out. Whew. Now there’s a “pay attention” moment if I ever felt one!

And then, while walking through a small crowded gift shop full of things, and people, trying to navigate through the maze with a package to get to the post office counter in the back of the store, I had to circumvent a woman standing looking at things at the front counter. As I smoothly passed behind her, she evidently moved away from the counter, and plowed right into me, sending me sailing into a display case. I was abruptly stopped. If the display case hadn’t been there I would have been splayed on the floor. Another rather strong “pay attention” moment.

Sometimes the little “stories” in the everydayness of life are like messengers. The ‘Mystery’ speaks through everything. And clearly the message here was to stop and pay attention…

So – today I stopped. I sat in “The Cave” and paid attention to this pull… It was experienced as a very deep pull to Silence, to Zero point – the still point; a pull into the hush of the Cosmos – the Symphony of Silence. It was experienced as a pull to stop, be still and rest… It felt like a giant unseen cosmic tide of Silence drawing me to its core; a magnetic pull, continually pulling Itself back to Itself… As I “allowed” the Cosmos to pull me (there was really no allowing, it was just happening, and I was just along for the ride on the Cosmic Waves) there was a sense of being pulled to a deep internal space, an internal “home” – if you will. There was a comfort in the Silence and a deep relaxation, as I “let” it pull “me,” collapsing into it, “letting” it swallow me up… There was no intent and no cause. I do not have any intellectual understanding of it – none is needed. This “Pull” is just happening – ongoing - present tense – always there – the Natural Rhythm of Life. It requires nothing - except maybe stopping and paying attention.

~*~

Photo - Bill Kennedy
A paper weight