Zeitgeist...

In the first minutes of dawn,
at the edge of the dark of night,
I awake...

Inexplicable dread overtakes me...

.....a dream?

...or the zeitgeist of our time?

~

In the dark hours of time,
a "virus" slipped in;
a failing, narcissistic system;
a divisive ideology,
resurrected from former shadow
minds of tribal hatred,
attempting to invade and isolate
through the power of greed and
self-interest...

Turning us
against ourselves with its myopic lens,
demeaning and deriding
"other" cultures,
"other" races,
"other" religions
"other" peoples -
while pretending
to protect its own...

The "virus" imposes boundaries on a boundaryless world,
polarizing unity into fragments
that shatter,
creating the current paradigm
of Ignorance,
Paranoia,
Protectionism,
Isolationism,
Narcissism,
Nationalism,
Fear and Violence.

But those who know the beauty of true Light,
endure the false light,
knowing that the mindless "virus" cannot
shatter the pristine Light of a radiant Cosmos,
for it cannot be rent in two
by the darkness of ignorant minds
whose pretense and perniciousness
would even attempt to destroy
what cannot be destroyed:

The Eternal, Infinite Light and movement of
a Grand Cosmic Mystery
with its own Rhythms and Purposes
unknown
by
feeble, darkened minds;
by the ineptness of fake power.

Mystic Meandering
January 23, 2017

~

Zeitgeist - the defining spirit of the time, or culture.

~*~

Yet another mass school shooting Weds here in the US,
moving me to tears - children killing children once again;
and what humanity is doing to itself is heartbreaking...
The more my heart opens, the more I feel the emotional
pain of those who have been traumatized for life by
the shadow side of humanity.

May the Infinite Spirit of Love heal our
wounded hearts and help us to endure our
wounded society...

_/\_

Namaste

~

Photo - I don't remember what this is a picture of
but it seemed fitting...

Failures of Kindness - George Saunders

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness...

Those moments when another human being was there, in front
of me, suffering, and I responded...sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.

Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope:
Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the
most undeniable feelings of warmth?

Those who were kindest to you, I bet.

Now, the million dollar question: Why aren't we kinder?

Here's what I think:

There's confusion in each of us, a sickness, really:
selfishness.

Each of us is born with a series of built-in confusions...
They are:

1) we're central to the universe (that is our personal story
is the main and most interesting story, the only story, really).

2) we're separate from the universe (there's US and "out there").

3) we're permanent (death is real, o.k., sure - but nor for me).

Now, we don't really believe these things - intellectually we know
better - but we believe them viscerally, and live by them, and
they cause us to prioritize our own needs over the needs of others,
even though what we really want, in our hearts, is to be less selfish,
more aware of what's actually happening in the present moment,
more open, and move loving.

So - second million dollar question: How might we DO this?

...to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness.

One thing in our favor: some of this "becoming kinder" happens
naturally, with age.  It might be a simple matter of attrition:
as we get older, we come to see how useless it is to be selfish -
how illogical, really.  We come to love other people and are
thereby counter-instructed in our own centrality.  We get our
butts kicked by life, and people come to our defense, and help
us, and we learn that we're not separate, and don't want to be.
We see people near and dear to us dropping away, and are
gradually convinced that maybe we too will drop away
(someday, a long time from now.)  Most people, as they are,
become less selfish and more loving.  I think this is true.

And so, a prediction, and my heartfelt wish for you: as you
get older, your self will diminish and you will grow in love.
YOU will gradually be replaced by LOVE. 

That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality
 - your soul, if you will - is as bright and shining as any
 that has ever been.  Clear away everything that keeps you
 separate from this secret luminous place.  Believe it exists,
 come to know it better, nurture it, and share its fruits tirelessly.

George Saunders
author/writer

Excerpts from the convocation speech
to the graduating class of 2013
at Syracuse University

~*~

You are Eternal Being
unbounded and undivided.
Be kind to yourself
Open to your Heart...

If you want to help the planet
Live a life of compassion
Live a life of Love...

Papaji
From - The Truth Is

Narcissus Way

While I don’t consider myself a “narcissist” by definition, i.e.: I am not enamored with myself, with my thoughts, opinions, or perspectives about life, I find myself living on Narcissus Way where ego-self is preoccupied with itself. Through my inner window I have seen how this narcissistic self is a remnant of self-identification and ego function. Sometimes we can best see our own ego through the ego reflection of others, particularly those closest to us. This has been the case here on Narcissus Way for several weeks now. In the past several months, as some of you know, I have needed to attend to family more than usual. I evidently bought a ticket for a front row seat at this little ego drama.

So I wanted to share a kind of “day in the life” on Narcissus Way. I hope I don’t bore you with my meandering story, but it is life as it is here at the moment, and I find it hard sometimes to step out of the story – so I write…

Monday morning I arrived at my mother’s. TV is on, like it always is – game shows, cooking shows, talk shows -24/7. Mom is sitting in her chair flipping through catalogues and ads that come in the mail. When she turns to look at me I see that the eye that she had surgery on nearly a year ago appears bloody – not just blood-shot. She evidently had a severe coughing spell the day before and that morning that must have put too much pressure on her eyeball. I encourage her to call the eye doctor, she reneges. I felt the contraction between us. I evidently raised an issue she doesn’t want to deal with and she self-protects. I move on to something less threatening.

~

I climbed the stairs to my sister’s room – door is closed. She has not emerged yet. She was still in bed, her TV on. Her back and leg pain had returned, as evidently she overdid it the day before by being up too long, doing too much; even walked around without her back brace on – not even 4 weeks after surgery. Hel~lo... But her pain is also emotional. She desperately wants control in a situation that she has no control over, and so she gets very, very angry, trying to control through anger. My “ego-self” remembers this pattern all too well. I attend to what is needed and tactfully withdraw from her lair, not engaging – but feel my ego react to her anger, as it feels invasive.

~

I check with them both to compile a list of grocery items, and get vague answers. No one is capable of clear thinking of what is needed, even with prompt questions. I head out to the store, feeling irritation rise, and the self-centered thought that this may continue for the rest of *my* life! And how am I going to do this! My ego balks at the idea. I ask my Self - what is my real role here? What is the real need? - as I’m not seeing clearly.

I return to find my Diabetic mother eating cupcakes. She says she has eaten a salad already for lunch. I check her eye and encourage her again to call the eye doctor. She obviously doesn’t want to, and brushes me off, not wanting to be controlled – wanting to make her own decisions. I respect that. I find I am no longer interested in power struggles, so I move on. I do tell her that she probably shouldn’t do a lot of bending over – then later find her bent over looking for something in a lower kitchen cabinet! I turn away, not saying anything, resisting the ego’s need to correct, to control.

~

I find a partially written list on the kitchen counter of other items that I was evidently supposed to pick up at the store – but no one told me it was there. I also found another list of things I needed to do – like bring the hoses in, and fix the shower head in my sister’s bathroom, which neither mentioned. My ego-self has been sufficiently aroused to elicit the anger response. My mother knows nothing about the lists. She is unaware – evidently about a lot of things. And I am irritated at her unawareness, and the general lack of coherent communication – wishing that we could all communicate better without the ego walls that are between us. I find it interesting that we are all in the same living space, but no one is *really* home – internally home. Although, the unaware, conditioned “me” is very much “at home”/comfortable in this environment, thriving in unconsciousness, and unawareness; thriving in cycles of long held patterns that have blurred over time…

I head back out to the store, because we discover that my sister’s cat does not have enough food. No one remembered that before. I begin to feel myself numb out and go on automatic; another ego defense mechanism on Narcissus Way.

~

After doing the chores on the list, while my sister supervised to make sure I did them “right”, my mother announced that her blood sugar was only 68, and we head towards a possible crisis. She’s been a Diabetic for 26 years and still doesn’t eat right – is still in denial… We quiz her for her food intake that day, which she didn’t like – too invasive - because she couldn’t hide her eating habits. And now we attempt to play catch up with her blood sugar to get it back to normal… She eats a banana and pours herself a glass of OJ. Her blood sugar rises to normal levels, and we all move on… I feel the need to withdraw, to find silence, solitude…and rest.

My practice over the last few weeks has been to bring a greater sense of conscious awareness to this situation and to maintain an inner awareness of Beingness; to step back from self-centered me-ing, drop into the space of the Heart, and experience what it is that is actually experiencing this little drama; who is seeing through these eyes, hearing through these ears, as this ego story continues to play itself out… Noticing all the while that there does appear to be a “me”, and I begin to seriously question the concept that there is no “me”/no self, because I am sitting with “me-s” who *believe* they are only “me-s”, separate from one another – drowning in their “me-hood.” And my me is going right along with their little “me-s.” Three “a–me-gos” on Narcissus Way, reflecting each other’s “me-s”, creating a distorted reflection of Reality.

I trust that underneath all this ego drama there is Love – not “family love” but Divine Love; that this drama is really just the play of “the Beloved;” that Love lives in the midst of it all – embracing our little “me-s” until we remember our true reflection. And maybe the real need is just to be there – not out of a sense of resignation, or self-sacrifice, or responsibility, or obligation – but just BE there – authentically - staying open to and aware of the dynamics as they unfold, allowing Love to work Its Way…

Family Vortex - Victims and Vampires

It seems I get right to the edge of losing my self and falling into the spaciousness of the Vortex of Light, about to fully surrender into the vast pool of Love, when “life as it is” calls me back from the edge every time; sucking me back into dreamland again… How does this happen, I continue to ask myself…

In this case, as in most other cases, it’s the requirements of family needs, of an aging mother and a sibling with chronic back problems. Both have legitimate physical disabilities, one with failing memory and cognitive abilities as well. But the emotional dynamics of our family dysfunction feels like a play of Victims and Vampires.

With my own aging process and physical ailments I’m finding it more and more difficult to be of assistance to them without completely draining my own life force energy and physical body of its stamina. And I wonder sometimes *how* am I going to continue to do this – to be available to them on a daily basis - as was the case this week. I know there are many of you out there who are, or who have taken care of aging parents, and disabled family members, and so this may come across as a little whiney as I feel my victim-self arise. She wants to know who will take care of her, who will be there for her when this body gives out. I feel trapped by the family vortex and resentment arises - afraid that I’ll be devoured by the vortex of vampire energies needing me – lost in their vortex forever. Sounds *self*-centered, I know.

I will spare you the details of the current situation, but the family dynamic involves a kind of do things only just in time, and just as needed, where those in need don’t take care of themselves in a timely fashion, but wait for crisis point and hope that somehow “The Universe”/God will “take care of everything” – believing “there is a reason for everything.” This keeps everyone involved on an emotional edge – waiting for something to happen, for someone to rescue, for someone *else* to make a decision and take responsibility.

One of the “victims” in this play feels victimized and angered by life circumstances – feels life is happening *to* them, not seeing that the choices they have made in life have created the issues they now face. Neither do they see the impact that their choices are having on others – how they have actually turned into energy vampires. This “victim” *thinks* they are the center of the universe and everything is supposed to happen *for* them… The Universe evidently is supposed to move solely on their behalf. But that doesn’t happen and they end up trying to control everything, to lessen their fear of powerlessness and helplessness - grabbing a false sense of power wherever they can – usually through anger and control. I know, I’ve been there done that… :) And more often than I like to admit I re-visit that space of resentment, anger and control because of my own fear that I will not get what I need... Another *self*-centered fear...

Another victim in this play can also be “self-sacrificing,” giving in to “the victim,” sacrificing their own needs, taking the brunt of the other victim’s wrath. Unable to enjoy life if someone is in pain or suffering (another role I know well), they feel it is their obligation to suffer with those who suffer, but their “caring” is often a mask for a detached piety, and need to be in control. It amazes me the false sense of power that is wielded in this play!

When I am in the family vortex, I am in the moment with them, but I am just trying to get through that sucking energy. I cannot step out of the vortex. And I wish I could just open that aperture and fall into that pure Light and expanded space of Awareness – but I get lost in the vortex with them - feeling sucked in – oops victim language. But I am not “victim” here, I just haven’t seen all the way through this vortex, and I continue to buy into the story of victim and vampires, getting caught in a self-centered dream…

So that’s my little dream drama this week. Not one I really want to participate in, and yet, here I am – participating… It does however show me where I am still attached to the *self*-centered dream of me… And I realize that living in the dream of me is really only living at the edge of Life, always waiting, waiting to fall off the edge, but never really letting go and fully surrendering to the pull of Light; never really taking the plunge – and be devoured by Love…

~*~

We all survived the week and things have settled.
The story has changed, as it always does…

~*~

Art: this piece was done when I first started playing with Pastels,
probably sometime in 2005/2006