Time Passage...

So much of this life gone-by now;
remembering previous chapters
of the Fiction called "my life",
as if they never really happened -
or did they...
Some so distant in the mind they
are more like dreams, some nightmares;
and the characters I played - some good,
some bad.

Now nearing the end of the story I am an elder
character, losing her grip on life and time,
wondering what death will be like.
Will there be awareness after death?
Or, like a mist, will I dissipate back into the
Cosmos with no memory of this "journey"
on this planet spinning in a galaxy in space?
Maybe become an Aurora Borealis -
Pure Energy -
Pure De-Light...

How strange this novel turned out to be,
more drama and struggle than I would have liked,
but also more poetic than prose...

Mostly the story didn't go
the way I had in mind...
In this passage through time...

Mystic Meandering
Sept. 1, 2023

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

The Mind's Dreamscape...

Dream images pass through the mind -

stories, events, experiences,
of past, present and yet to come,
weaving their memories through
the vast vault of the brain;
chemicals playing with the neurons
and synapses.

Dramas of the dreamscape
come and go daily.
Thoughts from the mental kingdom
come and go second by second,
like coded messages keyed out over the
wires by a clerk in an abandoned
ghost town - long gone - long dead.

They are merely images of the mind -
only thoughts - surface activities
moving through the mechanism of time
with the speed and feel of electricity,
disturbing a tranquil stillness within
with static thought waves
that we take to be real,
lost in the dreamscape of the world,
spinning on the wheel of life,
believing the abstract mind.

Mystic Meandering
Oct. 24, 2005

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

Living in The Dream - Herman Hesse

Art by Alaire Bird
 

The things we see, Pistorius softly said, are the same things
that are within us.  There is no reality except the one contained
within us.  That is why so many people live in such an unreal
life.  They take the images outside them for reality and never
allow the world within to assert itself.  You can be happy that
way.  But once you know the other interpretation you no longer
have the choice of following the crowd.  Sinclair, the majority's
path is an easy one, ours is difficult.

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of
yourself.  What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.  Each
of us has to find out for himself what is permitted and what is
forbidden... Forbidden for him. It's possible for one never to
transgress a single law and still be a bastard.  And vice versa.

I live in  my dreams - that's what you sense.
Other people live in dreams, but not in their own.
That's the difference.

Hermann Hesse
excerpts from Damian

with thanks to The Beauty We Love

 

Cosmic Dream - John O'Donohue

In the beginning was the dream...
In the eternal night where no dawn broke, the dream deepened. 
Before anything ever was, it had to be dreamed...  Every single
thing is somehow the expression and incarnation of thought.

If we take Nature as the great artist of longing, then all presences
in the world have emerged from Her mind and imagination.  We
are children of the Earth's dreams.  It's almost as if Nature is in
dream and we are her children who have broken through the dawn
into time and place.  Fashioned in the dreaming of the clay, we
are always somehow haunted by that, we are unable ever finally
to decide what is dream and what is reality.  Each day we live in
what we call reality, yet life seems to resemble a dream.  We rush
through our days in such stress and intensity, as if we were here to
stay and the serious project of the world depended on us.  We
worry and grow anxious - we magnify trivia until they become
important enough to control our lives.  Yet all the time, we have
forgotten that we are but temporary sojourners on the surface of
a strange planet spinning slowly in the infinite night of the cosmos.

There is no definitive dividing line between reality and dream.
What we consider real is often precariously dream-like.  And
even our grip on reality is tenuous...

John O'Donohue
From: Eternal Echoes

Photo from the Internet

 

Realer than real - Nancy Neithercut

There is a common misconception that enlightenment happens
*to* the person.  And somehow this imaginary character becomes
a no-self.  And obviously anyone who thinks that they are
enlightened also believes that there was a path or method that
they used to get there or to attain that, where there's nothing
to attain and no "person" to get it.

People long to escape their humanness.  As you grow up you
learn morals, you learn what to be like, how to act in society.
These morals generally come from some religion originating
from some God or giant authority keeping society together.
And one of the first ones they try to teach you is how to try to
be selfless.  So they tell you to give some of your candy to
Marianne.  And Marianne is happy to get it and your parents
or caregivers are happy that you've done it and so you feel
good about yourself.  So this seemingly selfless act was very
selfish wasn't it.  Lol

So the goal of many of these religions and societies is to become
a selfless person.  That sounds good to so many because they
can't stand the pain that they feel, the loneliness they feel
inside.  They have been taught that anger and jealousy are bad,
so they are trying to have only nice happy thoughts and nice
happy emotions and act selflessly, but this simply cannot be done.
And it is quite understandable that some people would be 
trying to erase or change themselves, their thought and emotion
in order to feel better.  However, I do think that unless they had
heard of it [as some teach it] they would not be trying to get
rid of the self.

So there are people who claim they have reached this rarefied
atmosphere.  And often they are revered and people imitate their
actions and language they use.  And they give instructions on how
to reach this unreachable place.  And seekers love this stuff because
 it gives them a path and it solidifies the Belief in [a separate] self.

And these "teachers" are revered and given a lot of flattery.  And
the authority hierarchy power driven cult is born.  I knew one
woman who said that there's nothing that you can do or not do 
[to attain enlightenment].  A few years later she was giving
instructions.  Other prominent "teachers" and "teachings" tell
 people to "drop the story" [of me], obviously not realizing that
there is no one who can drop,or not drop anything as we only
exist as a story...

It's all simultaneously dream-like and realer than real...

Nancy Neithercut
Facebook

 With thanks to No Mind's Land

~  

There is no "better" version of the self;
no "enlightened" version of the self.
You don't become your big "S" Self...
We are all "The Mystery" in funky clothes :)

MM

_/\_

~

Photo - Nancy Neithercut
via No Mind's Land

Love those funky clothes!  :)

Inside the Fairy Tale - Matt Licata

It's not so much that we need (or even can) get out of the matrix,
the developmental-cultural-historical lens through which we have
come to perceive what we call "reality."

Instead, begin to see it clearly, in all its nuance, subtlety, and
dream-like luminosity.  How am I imagining myself, others, and
the world?  What is the myth in which I am living, through which
I am seeing?  What is the story I'm telling, who are the gods and
goddesses I am traveling with?

Am I willing to take the risk to dream a new dream?  To differentiate
from the voices I have inherited from a world that has forgotten the
mysteries.  To listen to the new poetry as it pours out of the stars.

While we may never be able to fully step outside the matrix and
 report back as a neutral observer and "detached witness"
(another fantasy of modern consciousness), we can play within it,
dance inside and around it, allow ourselves the freedom to
 hide and seek, and the imagination to get lost and to be found.

We can get messy, fall apart, be vulnerable, fail well, fail with heart,
forget and remember, dissolve and come back together. And set aside
the fantasy that one day we'll come to some safe, secure, knowing
resolution to the wildness of love and its contradictory, untamed,
and relentless activity.  That one day we'll become a "master" at life,
wiggle into some invulnerable/untouchable state, tucked away and
protected from the reality that the rug can and will be pulled out
from underneath us in each unfolding moment.

To fully participate in the dream without falling into trance. And
even if we fall into trance, to dare to see it, too, as none other
than "the Beloved" in disguise.

It's really like being a character in our own fairy tale, with all the
mythical and archetypal beings by our side, curious as to what the
crazy love-struck boy or girl is going to do next, in awe of the
human form and the inseparability of matter and spirit.

Matt Licata

~

Photo - via No Mind's Land

You May Dream Dreams

Be a Child of Fantasy - Pema Chodron

Regard everything as a dream/illusion/fantasy

Regard everything as transparent.
See *through* everything

See that everything is in transition,
always changing

Liberate concepts and beliefs

Let go of the need for an"answer"/solution

Rest in the nature of Essence ~
The Primordial State of everything

Be a child of fantasy
Be curious instead of afraid...

You are the sky.
Everything else ~

"it's just the weather."


Quotes from
Pema Chodron
Buddhist Teacher/author

~

Photo - have no idea what this is.
Think it was a "mistake" digitally altered. :)

In The Beginning Was The Dream - O'Donohue

In the beginning was the dream...
In the eternal night where no dawn broke, the dream deepened.
Before anything ever was, it had to be dreamed...

If we take Nature as the great artist, then all presences in the
world have emerged from her mind and imagination.  We are
children of the earth's dreaming.  It's almost as if Nature is in
dream and we are her children who have broken through the
dawn into time and place.  Fashioned in the dreaming of the
clay, we are always somehow haunted by that; we are unable
ever finally to decide what is dream and what is reality.  Each
day we live in what we call reality, yet life seems to resemble
a dream. We rush through our days in such stress and intensity,
as if we were here to stay and the serious project of the world
depended on us.  We worry and grow anxious - we magnify
trivia until they become important enough to control our lives.
Yet all the time, we have forgotten that we are but temporary
sojourners on the surface of a strange planet spinning slowly
in the infinite night of the cosmos...
[.....]
There is no definitive dividing line between reality and dream.
What we consider real is often precariously dream-like.
Our grip on reality is tenuous...

Excerpt from Eternal Echoes 

by John O'Donohue

~

We see who we think we are, who we believe ourselves to be.
We see a self that is fabricated by thought and thus we see a
fabricated world, similar to the state of a dream...

Dzogchen Donlop Rinpoche

From - Mind Beyond Death

~

Photo from the web
source unknown

A Dream of Wholeness - Matt Licata

As you fall asleep at night,
and look up into the moon -
It's just there waiting for you -
that vague sense that something is missing;
of disappointment in the way things are unfolding...

Perhaps at a much earlier time, with a star or a tree or water
as your witness, you made a prayer of wholeness.
The response to that prayer has come,
but not in the way you expected.
It has arrived by way of the shattering of an old dream,
the dream of how you thought it would all turn out.
While this dream is painful, it is alive, sacred and holy.

Heartbreak and disappointment are not easy.
They will pull the rug out from under you and remind you
of how [raw] it really is here, of how anything could happen,
and of how unresolvable life truly is.

These ancient feelings and emotions are not your enemies
working against you.  They are not evidence of your failure,
or that you have fallen off the path.
They are the path.
But they are not the path you thought.
They are of the unknown and seeded with creativity.

They are relentless in a way, these forms of love,
but will never give up,
they will never stop looking for you
and calling you home.

Matt Licata

"No More!"...

I heard a voice of a young child as I was waking from sleep yesterday morning.  It yelled “No More!”  The voice came from *inside* - How strange I thought.  I wondered if this was a message for me, or, if it was me screaming from the inside – “No More!” – enduring a particularly stressful time at this moment in life. Or was it my inner psyche calling out to a world gone mad; witnessing a species apparently turning against itself, apparently trying to destroy itself in so many different ways – or so it seems.  And the rest of us – onlookers – enduring the dance of darkness that plays itself out – forced to face the darkness within and without.  I pondered this all day, turning my awareness inward to the fear inside – repeating the phrase internally – “No More!”  At the end of the day’s reflection was the sense that sometimes all we can do is endure the way life is – day to day.  And I wondered why - why that is true, why is it that we must “endure” such pain, such suffering, both within and without…  But there was no answer….

 Maybe the voice was from a dream I didn’t realize I was having.  And maybe that really is what life is – a dream we don’t realize we’re having – that we must endure for as long as the dream lasts, until we are awakened from the dream by a voice saying “No More!”…  I don’t know…  I cannot presume to know anything anymore…

~

Below is a “poem” I wrote from my meditative writings
sometime between 2004 and 2006 that gives a
different perspective.

Entropy

The shadows have come to roost

and

 *everything*

 is

 collapsing

~

~

~

~

The tides and ripples of entropy will continue

until all is returned to Source again ~

the Primordial State:

Pure Life Energy…

Entropy is not necessarily a bad thing.

It is the way of Existence.

It is a

T

E

L

E

S

C

O

P

I

N

G

 of everything that is,

back to its original Source/State;

a re-homing of all that was created in form,

the conceptual structures,

so that only

the Eternal

Essence

 remains

Do not be alarmed by the seeming destruction

of what you have *believed* to be real.

The false must be released, shed – like dross.

In this there is a sense of chaos, destruction, loss, and death;

the crucible affect;

a state of alchemy,

the refinement of all things in existence

to its Original Nature.

Nothing is lost in the process.

All is coming Home.

The

Divine

 Outbreath

Has

 Been

 Re-called.

Bring your awareness to the place of Stillness within.

Don’t try to create order in the chaos.

But be still and let the chaos pass.

”Order” is found in the Stillness,

in returning to deep Stillness

The healing of mankind

is

 in

 the

 *recognition*

 Of

 The

 Truth

 of its Eternal Essence -

Infinite Beingness…

Entropy is the crucible of that healing…

Allow it…

~

The invitation

 is to expand our view of reality

and return to the *awareness* of

our Eternal Being…

Mystic Meandering

taken from my

Meditative Writings

written between

 2004 and 2006

Keeping Perspective...

My husband and I had an interesting conversation last weekend that I thought I’d share, as it gives perspective to the craziness that I wrote about in my previous post on “The Crazy Season” that I wished I had remembered this week.

This is the part that I remember he said: We have to recognize that life is all a game of personalities, and not get ensnarled in it.  We are just players in “the game” and everyone has their role to play.   And sometimes we feel we are constrained by “the game”, by life circumstances in the moment, even though we know on some level that we are not “the game” – we are not “the story” that is occurring, or the role we are playing at any given moment.  But we must always use our awareness to remember this – and see that it’s just a game – a story; to see that Beingness (Consciousness) takes a journey through the game of life (as us, as personalities.)  It’s all about the awareness of that…  Keeping perspective depends on how you *see* things. 

Also see these related posts - Divine Drama and, Life is a Sand Fantasy

Photo: Shadow on the wall,
but if you look at it with soft eyes
you can see an elongated face
with a feather on its head,
or a candle with a flame...
Perspective is always changing...

Shamanic Dream...

This painting was my “break through” piece during the recent art course that I took, and was a complete surprise.  I am not an “artist” by profession.  And this is my first ever attempt at painting.  It is not what I would consider my “style.”  It was an experiment as part of the course.  I just painted the images that emerged.  I wish I had taken pictures along the way, as it evolved from just markings on canvas to this.  The day that it became my break-through I laughed and cried at the same time, in a moment of letting go, as I danced around the canvas to music, painting hash marks, squiggles, zig-zags and circles…  Really, that’s how it started.  Sounds crazy I know, but it was very freeing.  I laughed and cried because something was *finally* happening – freely.  It was just a wild and crazy dance of paintbrush on canvas. J  As it turned out, those original markings created these images, except the big heart on the right.   And those images merged into this painting.  Sorry the photo is not the best. It’s a little distorted, and blurred at the bottom for some reason.

The original markings on the canvas were a repository for the paints I had been using on a previous canvas – not colors I would normally choose as the main colors – but there they were, forming hidden images. 

The center figure was the first image that emerged almost immediately.  I painted around it then sat with it for several days, wondering what to do with it – waiting for it to show me.  It didn’t want anything – at least for now. J

 As I looked deeper at the canvas each day, other images emerged around it: The Shaman’s profile on the top right; the all-seeing eye at the top; the bottom figures; and the cauldron and chalice up the left side.

I call it Shamanic Dream because it has the feel of a Shamanic journey/dream.  And one has to wonder, who is dreaming who?!  J

The other 4 canvases that I started during the course are at various stages of completion and all are very different.  Stay tuned! J

The art course I took was an online e-course called Bloom True
with artist Flora Bowley

Family Vortex - Victims and Vampires

It seems I get right to the edge of losing my self and falling into the spaciousness of the Vortex of Light, about to fully surrender into the vast pool of Love, when “life as it is” calls me back from the edge every time; sucking me back into dreamland again… How does this happen, I continue to ask myself…

In this case, as in most other cases, it’s the requirements of family needs, of an aging mother and a sibling with chronic back problems. Both have legitimate physical disabilities, one with failing memory and cognitive abilities as well. But the emotional dynamics of our family dysfunction feels like a play of Victims and Vampires.

With my own aging process and physical ailments I’m finding it more and more difficult to be of assistance to them without completely draining my own life force energy and physical body of its stamina. And I wonder sometimes *how* am I going to continue to do this – to be available to them on a daily basis - as was the case this week. I know there are many of you out there who are, or who have taken care of aging parents, and disabled family members, and so this may come across as a little whiney as I feel my victim-self arise. She wants to know who will take care of her, who will be there for her when this body gives out. I feel trapped by the family vortex and resentment arises - afraid that I’ll be devoured by the vortex of vampire energies needing me – lost in their vortex forever. Sounds *self*-centered, I know.

I will spare you the details of the current situation, but the family dynamic involves a kind of do things only just in time, and just as needed, where those in need don’t take care of themselves in a timely fashion, but wait for crisis point and hope that somehow “The Universe”/God will “take care of everything” – believing “there is a reason for everything.” This keeps everyone involved on an emotional edge – waiting for something to happen, for someone to rescue, for someone *else* to make a decision and take responsibility.

One of the “victims” in this play feels victimized and angered by life circumstances – feels life is happening *to* them, not seeing that the choices they have made in life have created the issues they now face. Neither do they see the impact that their choices are having on others – how they have actually turned into energy vampires. This “victim” *thinks* they are the center of the universe and everything is supposed to happen *for* them… The Universe evidently is supposed to move solely on their behalf. But that doesn’t happen and they end up trying to control everything, to lessen their fear of powerlessness and helplessness - grabbing a false sense of power wherever they can – usually through anger and control. I know, I’ve been there done that… :) And more often than I like to admit I re-visit that space of resentment, anger and control because of my own fear that I will not get what I need... Another *self*-centered fear...

Another victim in this play can also be “self-sacrificing,” giving in to “the victim,” sacrificing their own needs, taking the brunt of the other victim’s wrath. Unable to enjoy life if someone is in pain or suffering (another role I know well), they feel it is their obligation to suffer with those who suffer, but their “caring” is often a mask for a detached piety, and need to be in control. It amazes me the false sense of power that is wielded in this play!

When I am in the family vortex, I am in the moment with them, but I am just trying to get through that sucking energy. I cannot step out of the vortex. And I wish I could just open that aperture and fall into that pure Light and expanded space of Awareness – but I get lost in the vortex with them - feeling sucked in – oops victim language. But I am not “victim” here, I just haven’t seen all the way through this vortex, and I continue to buy into the story of victim and vampires, getting caught in a self-centered dream…

So that’s my little dream drama this week. Not one I really want to participate in, and yet, here I am – participating… It does however show me where I am still attached to the *self*-centered dream of me… And I realize that living in the dream of me is really only living at the edge of Life, always waiting, waiting to fall off the edge, but never really letting go and fully surrendering to the pull of Light; never really taking the plunge – and be devoured by Love…

~*~

We all survived the week and things have settled.
The story has changed, as it always does…

~*~

Art: this piece was done when I first started playing with Pastels,
probably sometime in 2005/2006

Arrow

“I shot an arrow into the air, it fell to earth, I knew not where…” (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow).

Well, I found it! And it’s not cupid’s arrow either!

On Sunday, January 30th, before the snow came, I looked out my back window and saw this arrow stuck in the back fence… Hmmmm…. I had a certain sneaking suspicion where this errant arrow had come from. But I just left it there, waiting to see if its owner would own up to its ownership – or better yet, come into our locked, fenced-in backyard to try to retrieve it when we weren’t looking… He did not…

Initially I was quite p.o.’d by the sight of this arrow in the fence and marched out to take pictures, just in case. Earlier that morning I had been out in the backyard in the approximate area of the path of the arrow… We live in a residential area. There are no acres of land separating houses here. We are basically in each others' pockets, so-to-speak. So an arrow stuck in the back fence is serious business, especially when two little toddlers live on the other side of that fence where the arrow was headed…

I was tempted to pull Arrow out of its landing spot and march to suspected neighbor, arrow in hand, and give him a piece of my mind. Maybe that would have been a good idea – to give away that piece of mind that was p.o.’d. But I thought better of it and kept my mind to myself. He is the same neighbor with the two dogs – you may remember from previous posts. Last Summer he decided to play target practice in his backyard with a bee-bee gun late at night when he thought we weren’t watching… I was “window sitting” so I saw everything. :)

So what to do about Arrow, and the evidently irresponsible neighbor who thinks target practice with bows and arrows and bee-bee guns are acceptable in residential neighborhoods. I knew this was an opportunity for me, but I didn’t quite know how to approach him, being p.o.’d and all. So I waited, just waited for that inner voice to say something. But nothing. There were no directions forthcoming. So for 4 days Arrow sat in the fence, and I pondered Arrow and its metaphors. I knew it was there to say *something* - besides the fact that my neighbor was not cupid, but stupid. So I inwardly listened. (More on this later this week).

Then last Friday morning, while standing in our driveway, taking photos, after snow the night before, my neighbor came out and we unexpectedly met – across the yards. We looked at each other, said hello, nodded, no usual niceties. I turned around to continue taking pictures, thinking should I or shouldn’t I – approach him that is. Now, I had basically rolled out of bed, not showered, was in sweats and coat, hair amiss, etc., etc. Nah, not good timing.

I heard him say something under his breath and start to walk towards me. I thought - here it comes, he’s going to own up to Arrow. And then he said: “I had a dream last night.” Oh really? I replied – thinking now I’m going to hear the story of how the arrow got in the fence. Instead he narrated that in his dream his two dogs were barking really loud and it really bothered me. He wanted to know if his dogs were bothering me. I was shocked. I thought - are you serious? Do you think I dropped off a turnip truck or something! I know that you know about the ARROW! What about the ARROW! I want you to own up to ARROW! But I smiled and went along with his little dream story. Oh no, they are fine, no bother. Are you sure, he said… Yes, they’re fine. (Their barking has been an issue in the past and both now have bark collars on, so very little barking occurs – anymore.) He evidently felt we were finished and started to walk away. Not so fast cupid…

I then said: Well, I had a dream last night too. (I thought two can play this game). Oh? he said. Yes, I dreamt that an arrow flew through our yard and landed in the fence. Would you happen to know anything about that?

Yes, I would, he said… His son (about 13 yrs old) thinks he is Daniel Boone, and his mother bought him a bow and arrow… But cupid, I mean stupid, now agreed that it was “not a good thing” to be doing target practice in the backyard– and would reign his son in. “Daniel Boone” has now been relegated to the fields beyond the park two houses away – not in shooting distance of any houses. I’m still nervous…

Anyway – After the fact, pondering our little conversation, I thought the way my neighbor approached me was rather skillful actually: indirect, focusing on the dream, the story, not confrontational – although not admitting to anything, not taking responsibility until “found out” – which was rather bothersome. But - it was an interesting repartee where what was needed to be revealed was revealed in its time. It gave me an opening to address the issue and we could both walk away “unharmed” – no anger, no conflict, no blame, no judgment – issue resolved. I could meet him in the dream, in his story – and he in mine. Wow – I thought, how simple, why didn’t *I* think of that… Now I will.

I returned the arrow – unbroken…

I love this opening: “Say, I had a dream last night…”

Can we meet each other in the dream? Sure we can. It’s really kind of fun… Wanna play? :) Your dream or mine…