Rest In Peace - Papaji

Rest in Peace...

You are Eternal Being, unbounded and undivided.
All is well...

You are Happiness, your are Peace, your are Freedom.
Do not entertain any notions that you are in trouble.

Be kind to yourself.  Open to your Heart and simply Be.
Those who know This know Everything.
If not, even the most learned know nothing at all.

Papaji

~

Photo Art - Mystic Meandering

 

The Elastic Now - Ira Progoff

Now is not limited to the immediate instant. It is not just
'here and now', not just the spot on which we stand, nor
this moment when we speak.  Our Now moment is elastic...

The Now of our life thus becomes more than a moment.
It is as long or short as the situation of each life requires,
and it includes the most recent part of the past that is a
meaningful factor *in* the present.  This forms the period
that [we call] Now, our most recent relevant past as it
moves in the present.

For each person, the elastic Now has a different content,
and a different duration.  Whatever [the experience] is
[in our lives] it is the Now for us...  It is the particular
present moment in which we find ourselves.  The present
moment of our lives may cover a short period or a longer
period.  Whatever its duration, whatever its content, whether
it is pleasant or painful..... it is unique to all of us. 
The period of Now varies with each individual.
 It is a movement of life...

Let yourself feel the inward *movement* of your life as it
has been taking shape in this present period.  Hold yourself
in a condition of openness in which no particular thoughts
are dominating your mind.  Be silent. 

Sit in the stillness - feeling the movement of life.
Sit in the quietness - an inward awareness comes.
There is an inward sensing of the tone of our life in this
present movement of our lives...

Ira Progoff

~

By "Here" I don't mean the present space.
Time is in the mind.
"Here" is somewhere within where the mind cannot reach.
Presence is always here and you are always That.
This "here" is not the opposite of "there."
"There" is nowhere, it is your Heart.

When the mind is still all comes back
to the Heart.

All the cosmos is but a speck
in your Heart.

Papaji

I learn by going where I have to go - Roethke

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.

I learn by going where I have to go.

We think by feeling.  What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground!  I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me, so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

This shaking keeps me steady.  I should know.
What falls away is always.  And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.

Theodore Roethke

Original title: "The Waking"

~

It is Grace taking you where you must go...
It is Grace giving you what you need...
Grace is a gift...

Papaji

~

Note:  In one analysis of Roethke's poem,
it suggests another version,
changing the repetitive line:
"I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow", to
"I live to die, and take my living slow..."
It is ultimately a poem of life and death,
while embracing the totality of life experience
while we are here...

I rather like that interpretation...

~

photo: me on path
color digitally inverted

A Story of Unexpected Compassion

While at the cardiologist's office last week, signing in with the receptionist, asking her some questions, a woman suddenly appeared behind me.  She interrupted in a frantic, anxious voice, obviously distressed:

"I don't mean to interrupt, but I just need to know when my appointment is because I have an echogram scheduled down the hall and I want to make sure I don't miss my appointment with the doctor."

I gently responded " no problem" to her interruption and stepped aside while she frantically went on.  I immediately noticed a portion of a vertical scar on her chest above the open top of her blouse - a sign of open heart surgery.

She was a fairly young (through my 68 year old eyes) short woman, disheveled, with stringy, dirty-blonde hair.  And even though it was nearly 60 degrees with no snow on the ground, she wore snow boots and a winter coat that sat cockeyed on her shoulders as she flailed her arms about excitedly; the unbuttoned coat flapped around as she flailed, in very apparent anxiety.  She reminded me of one of those odd characters in stories or movies, who interrupt a scene to bring awareness to something; to get your attention.  I could see the stress and fear on the woman's face, and in her body motions...  It was a familiar look and feeling.  I could relate...  I saw myself in her - although not quite as exaggerated - but often how I feel inside...

She kept apologizing for interrupting, and I kept saying it was no problem at all, that I understood; trying to put her at ease.

The receptionist, somewhat guarded, responded to her in a firm, almost stern voice - that her appointment was at 2:30 (it was now just after 1pm), and that she had time to get her echocardiogram done and come back in time for her appointment.  The woman left in a hurry, scuffing her snow boots across the carpeted floor.

I finished with the receptionist and took a seat, waiting for my turn.

After my visit with the doctor, I came out to a full waiting room - a sea of faces.  As I stood at the desk to make another appointment, I turned and saw the disheveled woman sitting there - fidgeting.  While I waited for the scheduler to attend to me, as she made no acknowledgment of my presence, I turned to the woman and said: "I see you made it back ok" - smiling.

She exhaled a long drawn out "yessss", looking frazzled - making more antsy body movements in her chair.

I said to her - "I have anxiety too" and smiled again, just wanting to soothe the woman's obvious internal suffering, as I knew deeply what that feels like - to be so anxious, to be so wound up inside that calmness doesn't seem possible at times.  And how "peace" often feels like a noble idea, just out of reach, while my frenetic mind and body take over, just like hers did.

I am haunted by the memory of her now - knowing how painful it is to go through life with such emotional intensity and the fear that lies hidden in the body, erupting in uncontrollable outbursts of anxiety at times - or heart problems :) - when awareness fails - although I have learned to meet it when the fearful mind arises, embracing it - trying to ride out its ferocity...  still...  I know how it feels when it is out of control...

Afterwards I was very aware that "I" didn't *decide* to be compassionate, yet Something in me responded automatically to her, from the Heart.  Compassion arose unexpectedly; a heartfelt response to reach out to someone in trouble - emotionally.

How ironic - in the cardiologist's office, where they take care of hearts, that I would experience a real Heart opening for another human being; meeting her where she was in her fear, not making judgments about her behavior...  Maybe that was a reflection, just a little glimpse in the mirror, of who "I" truly am - the True Self within.  Deep inside this fearful heart beats a Heart of Compassion...  I find that somehow comforting...

It's there in all of us, our True Nature, if we only open to it...

_/\_

Namaste

Please note:  this is not written to say how wonderful I am.  It's not about "me" being compassionate, but how the Heart opened and compassion arose unexpectedly.  How the disheveled woman came to me to teach me that it is there even when I don't realize it.  The woman's "condition" slowed my mind and gave me a different perspective.  I am forever grateful to the disheveled woman, and send her blessings wherever she is...

~*~

The only difference between "you" and "me"
are the words and concepts of "you" and "me."
The Source of everything is the same
- Love and Compassion -
this is [the True] Self.

Papaji

The Fathomless Pull - Papaji

There is a perpetual fathomless pull of Love into Love,
an undercurrent of Forever expanding Self into Self.
This is how I experience Love as the depth of Emptiness.
The more you go into this Fathomlessness
the more you will be pulled, attracted, dissolved into It.
...as you go deeper into it you will be more in Love
every moment.

This moment is pure Love
which is Absolutely Forever,
all is Love, everything is this Love,
there is no escape!

Love is the Self
and this is so complete
that it doesn't even need understanding.
There is nothing besides Love.

In the Heart there is no need for maps to get home.
Love, the Heart, this Moment, Is the Truth.
To see this Love everywhere see only from Love.
See from the Heart and you will see only the Heart.
This Love does not belong to a "me", or a "you."

Heart is Self...
Fathomless Love is where
Existence, Consciousness and Bliss
arise from.

Love is always Loving you...

You are this Love...

Be and radiate Love...

Simply Be

Papaji

From - The Truth Is

Failures of Kindness - George Saunders

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness...

Those moments when another human being was there, in front
of me, suffering, and I responded...sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.

Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope:
Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the
most undeniable feelings of warmth?

Those who were kindest to you, I bet.

Now, the million dollar question: Why aren't we kinder?

Here's what I think:

There's confusion in each of us, a sickness, really:
selfishness.

Each of us is born with a series of built-in confusions...
They are:

1) we're central to the universe (that is our personal story
is the main and most interesting story, the only story, really).

2) we're separate from the universe (there's US and "out there").

3) we're permanent (death is real, o.k., sure - but nor for me).

Now, we don't really believe these things - intellectually we know
better - but we believe them viscerally, and live by them, and
they cause us to prioritize our own needs over the needs of others,
even though what we really want, in our hearts, is to be less selfish,
more aware of what's actually happening in the present moment,
more open, and move loving.

So - second million dollar question: How might we DO this?

...to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness.

One thing in our favor: some of this "becoming kinder" happens
naturally, with age.  It might be a simple matter of attrition:
as we get older, we come to see how useless it is to be selfish -
how illogical, really.  We come to love other people and are
thereby counter-instructed in our own centrality.  We get our
butts kicked by life, and people come to our defense, and help
us, and we learn that we're not separate, and don't want to be.
We see people near and dear to us dropping away, and are
gradually convinced that maybe we too will drop away
(someday, a long time from now.)  Most people, as they are,
become less selfish and more loving.  I think this is true.

And so, a prediction, and my heartfelt wish for you: as you
get older, your self will diminish and you will grow in love.
YOU will gradually be replaced by LOVE. 

That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality
 - your soul, if you will - is as bright and shining as any
 that has ever been.  Clear away everything that keeps you
 separate from this secret luminous place.  Believe it exists,
 come to know it better, nurture it, and share its fruits tirelessly.

George Saunders
author/writer

Excerpts from the convocation speech
to the graduating class of 2013
at Syracuse University

~*~

You are Eternal Being
unbounded and undivided.
Be kind to yourself
Open to your Heart...

If you want to help the planet
Live a life of compassion
Live a life of Love...

Papaji
From - The Truth Is

When Seeking Ends - Dorothy Hunt & Papaji

I can no longer read the Teachings
or visit those awakened on the path
who sit amidst flowers and incense
and eager seekers waiting for morsels
of Enlightenment food.

I can no longer sit on my black cushion
waiting for the moment to appear
when the big bang will occur
and blow this world of work and life
into the heavens of bliss.

I can no longer search for what is missing
nor can I say that I have found it.
I listen to the furnace blowing at dawn
and watch a feather dance before its music.
I work and eat and sleep and simply live my life.

I no longer wonder if I should dye my hair
or give up eating meat
or lose ten pounds before summer.
If I do, I do, and if I don't, I don't,
and who is there to care?

The sound of the garbage truck
chewing up the remains of my week
offers just as much stimulation to my soul
as a church bell or the song bird's melody
lilting from the distant hill.

My candles of devotion sit unlit
upon the altar to the gods,
and the bell of mindfulness unrung
upon its hand-sewn cushion,
the incense resting in a drawer.

What has become of the one
who searched and chanted and read and prayed
and hoped for enlightenment?
She still laughs with her family,
sips champagne with friends, and sings in the shower.

What is life when the seeking ends?
Just what it is,
nothing more or less...

- ordinary -

not wishing to be more or less,
content to simply be...

Dorothy Hunt

Buddhist teacher, therapist and poet

~

There is simply the seeing of This as it is; just what is.
What is, is eternal movement that is eternally still.
What is, is never born and never dies.
This has no form and is every form.
I am This.  And you are This.
There is nothing special in This,
because everything is This.
When the sense of being a "me" fades
or is seen through,
then the
extraordinary ordinariness of This
can be seen...

Papaji
East Indian Sage

"Here" Is Your Heart - Papaji

"Enlightenment" is not about words
and thoughts and concepts
which can be doubted.
"Enlightenment" is always Here...

By "Here" I don't mean this present space.
Here is somewhere within where the mind cannot reach.
This here is not opposite of "there."
This here is nowhere, it is your Heart.
.....all comes back to the Heart.
All the cosmos is but a speck in your Heart.

Turn your mind over into this "Here"...
You have to take the last half-step
from Peace-Awareness-Bliss
and go deeper,
into the Mystery beyond...
Then - only Love remains...

Papaji
From: The Truth Is

The "Greater Being" - D.H.Lawrence, Mooji & Papaji

“Be at peace, in peace.
All that matters is to be at one with the living God,
to be a creature in the house of the God of Life.
Like a cat asleep on a chair
at peace, in peace
and at one with the master of the house,
with the mistress, at home,

 at home in the house of the living,
sleeping on the hearth,
and yawning before the fire.

Sleeping on the hearth of the living world
yawning at home before the fire of Life
feeling the presence of the living God
like a great reassurance
a deep calm in the heart;
a presence
as of a master sitting at the board
in his own and Greater Being,
in the house of Life…”

D.H. Lawrence

Via: Love Is A Place

 ~

Photo: Our Beloved “Yoda”
1990 - 2009

~

Our real nature is a formless field of inner Silence and harmony,

the synchronicity of “I” with Universal Consciousness.

Recognize the natural Silence of your own Self…
the natural perfume of Being…

This Pure Harmony is the language and vibration of Holiness.
It is synchronicity with God.

Mooji

A nice place to visit for more Mooji :)
 White Fire

 ~

Rest in peace…
You are the unchangeable Awareness in which
 all activity takes place.
Always rest in peace.

You are eternal Being, unbounded and undivided.
Just keep Quiet.  All is well.

You are Happiness, you are Peace, you are Freedom.

Open to your Heart
and simply Be…

Papaji

Excerpts From: The Truth IS

Dancing In "The Mystery"...

I can’t help myself. I must write what calls to me.

What I now call “God” is not the God of my childhood: the religious “persona” with a long white beard sitting in the clouds, belonging only to one religion, making judgements about who goes to heaven and who goes to hell (if there are such places).  Now I experience “God” as an open, spacious, fluid, alive energy, or Consciousness, or Awareness – that reveals ItSelf as a *felt* Presence.  It reveals ItSelf to be a vast, expansive, infinite, sometimes intense movement of energy, yet compassionate and delicately intimate.  I am (we are) immersed in THAT.  I experience the Silence of Its Vastness…  I want to *feel* Its Presence continually – until all else falls away – all the egoistic veils and mental constructs that keep me from deeply experiencing and *knowing* this Presence, and *seeing* clearly that this *is* who we ARE – Divine Essence.  I want to dive into this delicious Mystery, and be absorbed in its silent Music.   I am unapollogeticaly a “mad woman” who’s Heart is *finally* dancing! J 

Although I have experienced this “energy” for many years, only recently have I been experiencing a “new” sense of the Intimacy of this “Reality”, after my “Epiphany” in early November; experiencing more clearly that all there is, is this vast, aware Presence whom some name “God”, what others call Emptiness or Nothingness, and what I have also called The Mystery, or The Beloved, or The Divine, or The Infinite, or Silence, or Awareness, or Beingness, or Pure Consciousness (among other names.)  It’s all the same…

One night last December I noticed the Full Moon and realized that the moon *reflects* this Mystery back to us every night.  On the surface it’s just an “orb” making its way around the earth, as earth makes its way around the sun – which can be scientifically explained of course. J  But seen from a larger perspective it is mirroring the Vastness of Infinity in which it is suspended.  I am just now comprehending the immensity of this Mystery!  We reduce Reality down to words, to names like Mother Moon, Father Sun, or Mother Earth, and Father Sky, or “God”, living in the stories we apply to them, rather than the *immensity* of the Ultimate Reality that is actually taking place right before our eyes in Infinitude.

When I allow myself to contemplate it all, there is nothing but awe and wonderment that we even exist here – supposedly an illusion, or someone’s dream, supposedly my own – but I’m not so sure anymore.  Instead, I see “The Mystery” everywhere manifesting ItSelf – continually dancing *within* ItSelf - *as* ItSelf – *as* “just this.”  But we *miss* this Mystery because we focus only on “just this” – the immediate moment, the immediate experience, our little dramas - our eyes only focused on the here and now instead of the “The Mystery” behind the here and now – that which animates the here and now - which is actually the Eternal Now without limits of time and space.  I know some of you will not agree with this J and that’s okay… I am merely pointing to the larger Reality *behind* the present moment – the context for the present moment. Like looking beyond the clouds to the vast sky in which the clouds are suspended, while the clouds come and go…  We are suspended in that vast spaciousness as well – mere clouds that appear and dissipate…

There is only The Infinite – Light years and Light years of Infinity - that we cannot possibly comprehend, and so we create religions, belief systems, philosophies, and mythologies to try to make sense of it.   Our *minds* create finitude, like “here and now”, or “just this”, and “we” become imprisoned in the *belief* that there is only “this” – mis-interpreting the meaning and implications of the word “this.”  What “this” could there ever be besides the Infinity in which we float!?  Aka: the Infinite Dance of Existence that we dwell *within* - not as a separate, individual entity, but as Infinity ItSelf, manifesting as us – as “just this.”  Kind of gives one pause and perspective…

I live in awe and wonderment of THIS – this Mystery.  I want to be ever *aware* of Its Eternal Presence that is dancing here – waiting for us to recognize IT – although IT never was and never can be *separate* from who we are - our Eternal Beingness - or our experience right now… 

I am falling in love with “The Mystery” again and again – like Rumi with Shams of Tabriz; like Hafiz, like Kabir, although I have hardly read these poets  - these ancient Mystics who *knew* “The Mystery” intimately, as Friend, and danced *in* ITs celestial tune – embraced *by* The Rhythm…  Such wonderment is beyond any personal sense of “me…” J

Pardon me while I dance… J

Woman Dancing In The Fire

~

“Enlightenment is not about words and thoughts and concepts.
Enlightenment is always Here.

By ‘Here’ I don’t mean this present space.
Here is somewhere within where mind cannot reach.
Presence is always Here and you are always That.

This here is not the opposite of ‘there.’
This ‘here’ is your Heart.
All the cosmos is but a speck in your Heart.”

Papaji
From: The Truth Is

~

“The joy of being human is uncovering the core
we already are…”

Coleman Barks
The Soul of Rumi

~

"Fold within fold the beloved
drowns in its own being.
The world is drenched with
that drowning."

Rumi

~

“…what is empty turns its face to us
and whispers
’I am not empty. I am open.”

Tomas Transtromer
translation by Robert Bly

~

Top 2 Photos:  This is what I “see” internally when I *say*
 the name “God” now;
not these color specifically, and more “billowy”,
 the energetic sense of fluidity.
I did these with CrayPas oil pastels in 2011

Photo 3: Woman Dancing in the Fire

CrayPas oil pastels – 2012

So Hum Meditation...

This week I have attempted to “do what I need to do” to gain perspective and clarity and refocus my life - which btw does *not* mean I am abandoning my family, it just means I am choosing to relate to them in healthier, less dysfunctional ways, not succumbing to the family dysfunction.  I have said this every year, and here I am saying it again. J

I’ve started doing a contemplative meditation called So Hum.  I first heard of this Mantra years ago, but I recently saw the words again on Uma’s blog in a photo of her Ayurveda teacher, Dr. Vasant Lad, as he was teaching about energy flow and the breath.  So I explored it.  I started repeating it silently to myself during meditation times, and throughout the day.  “So” on the in-breath, “Hum” on the exhale – rhythmically – relaxing and surrendering.  It has had quite a profound effect on my sense of well-being and perspective.  My family no longer feels like a looming dark shadow suffocating me, but merely people playing out their roles and dramas in life that I can choose not to get entangled in.  And of course this perspective changes from day to day depending on my level of awareness. J  This does not mean that I do not feel compassion for my family, I just don’t want to be swallowed up by the shadow of their unconscious behavior.  I do not want to continue to be stuck in my own unconscious patterns with them, year after year after year.  Spiritually speaking - the way out of that is to become grounded in an *awareness* of the True Self, or Divine Nature.

So Hum is a Sanskrit phrase meaning, “I am That” – meaning we are Unified Consciousness, One with Divine Spirit.  Many of you who practice Yoga may be familiar with this, as many yogis use it in their practice.  According to the sources I checked on line, it is a meditation that focuses the thinking mind on the Mystery of Being and the *interdependent* (which is different than “co-dependent”) nature of all things, including each other.  It is said that in repeating the mantra you naturally begin to settle into a state of unified consciousness, communion with Divine Spirit and all life – opening up to life, rather than relating to life, and others, from a contracted place of unconsciousness.  It brings about the realization that you are the True Self, your Divine Nature, and that you are never separate from That, no matter what your “dysfunction.” J  In your unconsciousness you have just forgotten who you are because you have become entangled in life’s dramas.   In seeing that, experiencing that, you are able to open, stop the unconscious madness, and meet life and others in a more balanced and healthy way – with a sense of profound awareness, peace and love – reclaiming and living the innate Rhythm of Life…  That is my goal.

So Hum…

~*~

“Self is what you are…

You are That

Self is the Heart…
It shines to ItSelf,
by ItSelf,
in ItSelf.

Self is what gives breath to life,
you need not search for It.
It is Here.

Only Self is…

Knowledge of the Self is that which is worth
sacrificing anything for…

Identify as Consciousness ItSelf…

…do not forget who you are…”

Papaji
excerpts from: The Truth Is

*

Photo: Star Mandala Zoom Blurred

Simply Now-ing...

I’ve been basking in this “new” (and not so new) revelation that life is a story being lived by Life/Beingness ItSelf; that we *are* the living story of Life. And I’ve come down from my manic moment of joy at the revelation that Life lives this story of “me” that I’ve identified with all these years – and believed, for a while at least, needed to be “enlightened” – and have returned to a sense of simply living…

It occurred to me, during this “revelation”, that there is no “present moment” to be *in.* There is only the “Now-ing” of simply living life (not to sound too Tolle-ish :). That is – there is only the immediacy of our current experience, whatever that experience/story happens to be – just living that experience, however it unfolds; which may take several “moments”: hours, days, weeks, months, years. In Pure Awareness/Beingness, there is no awareness of past, present or future moments. There is only and ever Now-ing unfolding itself. You cannot *bring* your *self* into the “present moment.” “Present Moment” is a concept, a conceptual reality, a framework and structure of time – as is the individual sense of a separate self needing to be present, or *do* anything to improve itself, or become “enlightened.”

Therefore, NOW does not refer to time and space, but timeless Awareness, timeless Beingness – and the experience that is occurring *in* that timeless space *as* life. Beingness has no concept of “moment” or “presence” or “time” – or “self.”

“You”/Beingness just experiences, awares, lives whatever is happening without the framework or reference point of calling it “present moment,” or past, or future. (Did I already say that?:) It’s just Life being life. It is Beingness experiencing ItSelf as a “me” or “you” – as an experience within ItSelf... Simply Now-ing.

Time/thought/”self”/life is a “wrinkle” in the spaciousness of timelessness – like ripples on a pond… This is not new information – although I am seeing it as “new.”

“Now” is continually occurring, unfolding fluidly and seamlessly. Yet, still a ripple, a construct, *if* held onto too tightly by a belief in a “self” that can hold onto Now. This Now is not now, as in time or place. “Now” is eternally unending, constantly reverberating through the *concept* of past, present, future… Now is what the “wrinkles of time” happen *in* - Timelessness; no “present moment” – just whatever is occurring is the experience of “Now.”

And so the “awakening” seems to be that we simply recognize Life living life – seeing the Luminous in everything – recognizing and *knowing* that we ARE that Luminosity of Life living ItSelf –simply living; allowing the experience of living to take us “Home” – to the Heart of Being – which is Now. :)

“If you have no idea of self…
you are free from the idea of
past, present and future.”

Shunryu Suzuki

~

“By ‘Here’ I don’t mean this present space.
Here is within.
Presence is always here,
and you are always That.
This here is not the opposite of “there.”
This here, it is your Heart.
All the cosmos is but a speck in your Heart.

Enlightenment is always here.”

Papji
The Truth Is

~

"How can divine Oneness be seen?
In beautiful forms,
breathtaking wonders,
awe-inspiring miracles?

The Tao is not obliged to present
itself in this way.

If you are willing to be lived by it,
you will see it everywhere,
even in the most ordinary things."

Lao Tzu

~

"Now is not a moment in time,
but is truly timelessness – eternal."

Rupert Spira


~

Photo: The first rose of summer – gone now.

Tell me who "I" am...

“In the secret recesses of the heart
beyond the teachings of this world
calls a still, small voice
singing a song unchanged
from the foundation of the world.

Speak to me in sunsets and in starlight.
Speak to me in the eyes of a child.
You Who call to me from a smile.
My cosmic beloved…

Tell me who I am
And who I always will be.
Help me to remember.”

Joan Borysenko


~


Self is what you are

Fathomless

Self is the Heart

It shines to ItSelf by ItSelf
in ItSelf…

Self is what gives breath to life…

Only Self is…

Self is the indwelling of all beings

It is always here

And you are always That

It is your Heart

…all comes back to the Heart…

Papaji

Excerpts from:
The Truth Is


~*~

Noticing Thoughts Window

Every night at the Window is a different noticing it seems. Lately I’ve been noticing the movement of thoughts.

Initially when I sit I usually notice a tangible sense of Calm and Peace, as was the case a couple of nights ago. Then I noticed that “I” was being distracted by thought, accompanied by a subtle visceral sense of contraction in different places in the body – fear thoughts here, anger thoughts there. When I became aware of this, I would bring my awareness back to the space of Calm and Peace and then once again notice that over a matter of a few minutes thought had somehow pulled my awareness away again. This happened several times in a slow rhythm of awareness from one to the other. This was even noticed in the movement of the eyes as I sat with eyes closed. When I was *resting* in Calm and Peace the gaze was inward. Sometimes it was towards the window to my left, as if listening to the Calm at the window – “out there” – external. When I became aware of thought, it was noticed that my eyes were directed upward and to the right – as if thinking was “up there” somewhere.

A thought became a chain of thoughts, which then became a “swarm” of thoughts (this word borrowed from a friend, but is also what I experienced.) And it was noticed that I had no control over these thoughts. I could not stop thinking, as some teachings suggest. This is what the mind does. It thinks. All I could do was bring my awareness back to the Space of inner Peace and Calm.

It was experienced that there is a pull of Consciousness, the *Space* of Calm and Peace, and a pull of thought in a subtle rhythmic movement as awareness seemingly shifts between the two. Attention gets focused on thought, then, with awareness of that, there is a shift in awareness to Calm and Peace. But I had to consciously keep bringing the focus to the space of Calm – and not get entangled with thought.

In this *natural* movement it was realized once again that thought cannot be stopped, or controlled. I had to consciously choose not to follow thoughts out into infinity, to not indulge in speculation about the future, or resentment and regret about the past. I had to continually bring awareness to the inner space of Calm – the only Now there is. Some nights were more successful than others.

The “trick”, if there is one, seems to be to learn to rest the awareness in the internal Space of Calm (or however you want to call it). Just be there - *aware* of the movement of thoughts and feelings; aware of what is awareing this; allowing - not trying to wrestle oneself from the mind, but gently bringing awareness to this aware space of Eternal Rest again and again - entraining with this Still Space that is only Now…

~*~

“By ‘Here’ I don’t mean this present space.
Here is somewhere within where mind cannot reach.
Presence is always here and you are always That.
Here is not the opposite of there.
This here is nowhere.
It is your Heart.
…it all comes back to the Heart.”
Papaji

The Pull of Consciousness Window

For the last month I have been experiencing a huge pull from within; an intense version of the “Inside-Out” experience that I referred to in the “Inside-Out” post. It is what a friend called “the pull of Consciousness.” I have described it in my journal as a “pull to Freedom.” It’s as if Consciousness ItSelf pulls ‘self’ into ItSelf, essentially reclaiming Itself. Consequently there is a sense of collapse of the ‘outer’ into the Inner, or the outer dissolving *in* the Inner.

This “outer” expression – self - is losing its sense of separateness from the “Inner” and seems to be collapsing *into* that which doesn’t have a name: into Unknowable Beingness - into the Mystery - into the NO-thing-ness - into Existence prior to expression; sinking into the space of Awareness – dissolving – falling into Freedom, the recognition of the Freedom of Awareness. Well almost. :) It feels a little like alchemy. There’s a process going on here – a process of recognition, of Seeing how things really are: That it is not that *I* am ‘That’, but that *That* is all there is! – undisturbed Aware Consciousness… Whew, what a ride!

Although this may all *sound* wonderfully blissful, this “pull of Consciousness” vortex actually feels like a death – a death that is also a birthing. There is a *deep* sense of surrender – of succumbing actually - to this inner pull of Awareness; not necessarily to the “present moment”, or to “life as it is”, but to the Tao – the Flow – the movement of Aware Consciousness within, and how *It* wants to Flow. There is a willingness here to move with this pull of Consciousness on a day-to-day, moment-to-moment basis; a willingness to not be able to see where I’m going or how I’m getting there; to not seek relief – but to just be with this experience and allow it to go where it does until it pulls ‘me’ (Itself) all the way through...

And it’s not so much the death of ‘self’ (me) as it is death of the *perception* of self – a dissolving of orientation, of thought patterns, of identities, of attachments. It’s a “surrender” - a “succumbing” - of all that was held in this system of separation before. It is not “awakening,” it is a dying into Reality.

This “death” is like the famous metaphor of the wave sinking back into the Ocean - finding The Rhythm again, finding the calm resonance within the Rhythm of the Ocean of Awareness – Home. The wave cannot move *except* for the Rhythm of the Ocean within. So I follow the pull into quiet Awareness – most of the time :).

For brief moments, here and there, there is a dissolving of perceptions, where I recognize that I am not the body-mind. But patterns of the body-mind, of the “me,” are still working themselves through. They are rising to the surface. And there is a tendency to want to suppress them. But the need to be swallowed up by Awareness – to fall into Freedom is greater – most of the time :).

Abandoning the *idea* of a separate ‘self’, the scaffolding of the ‘self’, for THIS, this spacious Awareness that dances *through* conceptual reality is Freedom. Yet, there is not the *sense* of being freed *from* anything. There is only the recognition, however brief at the moment, that the pull of Consciousness is a pull to Freedom – inner Freedom. It is recognizing that Awareness is Freedom; that Consciousness aware of ItSelf is Freedom.

~*~

“…pure Consciousness will pull you back. It is not that you will enter it… but when It pulls you It has made the choice to pull you Home…..This is Home, the holy company of the Self. The most holy association is to be as you are [the Self] – this is Freedom.” Papaji

~*~


FunQi Art™ - Christine

I can’t take full credit for this art looking like it does.
The original is a beautiful shade of blue,
(which I will post on the next blog post). When I took the picture,
with a light shining on the picture and the flash of the camera,
this is the way it came out! Almost ethereal… Amazing…
I was awestruck. My husband explained the science of it:
The picture is only a mirror of the light that shines on it.
It can only reflect the light that comes to it…
Hmmmmm….

A Quiet Evening...

I am about to revel in some quiet time this evening. I don’t seem to get enough of it lately, so I revel whenever I can. My husband is out on a videography gig tonight. We’ve had a hectic 3 days working on business related issues trying to drum up more business. When he left this evening there was a palpable sense of Silence that filled the house and beckoned me to just stop. I could feel myself take a long, deep breath, becoming more aware of the inner Flow of Stillness.

These books have been on my coffee table since before Christmas – waiting. And yes, I still have my Christmas tree up! You can see the little lights reflected in the window. I had planned to use some quiet time over the Holiday to begin my way through the pile. With the exception of one that I added since then, they are all books that I started reading before and never finished, or read and want to re-read. I had hoped that during some “monastery time” while “Elf” was away for four days over Christmas :) that I would maybe get them read. But I only got to close the monastery doors for one day, shuffle to the couch for some needed rest, and – no not read, or meditate, or listen to anything – just rest in the Silence. So here they are – waiting. Tonight I will delve into the pile and see what awaits – or - maybe I’ll just immerse myself in this wonderful felt sense of pure Silence that surrounds me now, and just flow in the tides of Being.

Before I came to write this blog I pulled out The Truth Is by Papaji from the pile to take a peek and see what I had underlined from my attempt to read this tome before… It sang to my heart…. So I will leave you with this bit of inspiration and retreat to the Silence – that is after I do the dinner dishes, and finish the laundry, and… Some things just never change… :)

The purpose of all practice is Silence – your real nature....

Without Silence you cannot be in peace…

Even while active remain in Silence as Silence…

Be conscious of Silence always…

It is this Silence that silently answers all questions…

This is Home – the holy company of the Self…

…return Home…

Papaji – The Truth Is