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in these anecdotal,
sometimes inspiring, sometimes personal meanderings of the Heart's opening in the every-day-ness of Life...

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Breakthrough - Acceptance and Awareness...

I’ve been hidden behind a cloud of depression the last couple of weeks.  Dealing with an aging body that doesn’t allow me to do the things I once did with ease; dealing with family dysfunction that tends to keep life in constant chaos, like an undertow of unconsciousness pulling me under; and just the challenges of everyday life with its distractions that keep pulling at me – resisting the pull…

Last week I returned to a regular sitting meditation practice that became part of the breakthrough.  Sitting in meditative Silence without agenda, bringing awareness to what is Aware within, is healing.  Not needing life to *go* a certain way, or needing to *do* something about the way life is going; not needing to *react* to life, but resting in the inner space of Silent Awareness.  Unless one has experienced this deep Awareness of Being, it is hard to explain, and sounds rather boring, maybe even anxiety provoking to sit in the space of Silence.  But it does make a difference.  You become aware of an aliveness in the Silence that speaks, that has rhythm, that is aware.  A recognition arises that you are that Silence, that Awareness.  And you realize that it is this Pure Awareness/Consciousness – the One Reality - that is living us and what we call “my life.”  I must be reminded of this all the time.  It is the mind that keeps dragging me into the shadows of unawareness and non-acceptance, where I beat myself up.

This morning, as I was waking, the words “accept life” came to me.  Really!? J Where have I heard that before! J  Another breakthrough.  Yes, of course!  I was excited as I began to feel “acceptance” for life welling up within.  The cloud started to lift.   I had in mind that I would get up and do my “normal” routine, then meditate, start a mandala, read, do laundry, and maybe do the budget – with acceptance of course - maybe.  Instead, I was distracted by a rather lengthy conversation with my husband, reading inspiring blogs, and unexpectedly wrote this blog post!  I did eventually sit in silent meditation late in the afternoon. J But the day unfolded completely different than I had anticipated.  The mind said: “I should have done such and such…”  Acceptance said, all is as it should be.   

Acceptance is not new, of course.  This is what most great Spiritualities teach – Acceptance and Awareness – the keys to living freely and peacefully…   In seeing life as a distraction, or only seeing the distractions in life that keep *me* from what I *think* I really want, anger and frustration arise - daily, which led to depression (anger turned inwards).  I was identifying with the small disgruntled, unhappy “me”, unaware of the Spacious Awareness of Being that accepts life as it is in a fluid dance of living.  I had forgotten how to dance with life.  It seems for me to be an ongoing process of revelation.

In becoming aware and accepting there was a sense of release and freedom, a sense of anticipation, not expectation, about life without dread of what the day would bring. In Meditative Silence one begins to see life more holistically; that life just is the way it is.  From the space of meditative Awareness there is acceptance and allowing for everything – including depression – that needs to be brought into daily living.  And, I am once again reminded that it’s how we *see* life that makes the difference - the perception.  That too is a key to staying open and aware to what life offers us.

“Think in ways you never thought before.
If the phone rings, think of it as
carrying a message,
larger than anything you’ve ever heard…

When someone knocks on the door,
think that he’s about to give you
something large:
tell you you’re forgiven,
or that it’s not necessary to work all the time,
or that it’s been decided that
if you lie down
no one will die…”

Robert Bly
excerpt from Morning Poems

Who’s knocking at your door?
What message is life bringing you
disguised as a distraction, as depression,
as frustration?
You might be surprised!
Knock, Knock…


  1. Sometimes I think we are living parallel lives, much of what is happening to you is my story too, except you express the experience so well! I will email :~)xxx

    1. Yes, the shared human story :) I will pop over to my email! Looking forward to hearing from you! Heart Hugs :)

  2. there is a David Whyte poem "Everything is Waiting for you" that reminds me of this Robert Bly poem. Such lovely thoughts not always easy.

    Reading recently how if we can feel these things in our body that makes them more real than if we just think them. "Embodying" them, I suppose this is where the world comes from.

    Our reality it seems to me lately is a lot more moveable than we usually think. Happy acceptance Monday! Life is always bringing us messages, lovely parting thought.

    1. Hi Carole, I think I have that poem on my refrigerator! lol Didn't think to read it...You're right, it's easier said than done. Acceptance sometimes comes in stages... Oh yes, these feelings are definitely embodied... Meditation is such a good space to work with them. And meditation also changes the neural pathways in the brain - over time... Yes, reality is fluid, changing all the time, as are our feelings... Thanks...

  3. "You become aware of an aliveness in the Silence that speaks, that has rhythm, that is aware."

    that's it. it's a peaceful sort of vibrancy. it is dynamic and full, yet free of all needs and expectations.

    and then bringing this more and more into our daily movements....


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