Life Suspended...

I don't remember winter
being so grey - even when
the sun is shining...

So frozen, so cold, hard crusted;
which may only be a reflection
of my own inner landscape.
I have been frozen lately -
iced in by life circumstances....

And then, out of the blue,
standing in the kitchen
under a moonlit sky light
in the dark of night,
everything softened -
as I thought about "the visitor"
sitting alone in her chair,
suffering and struggling,
mentally and physically,
day in and day out...

Sadness arose for her aloneness,
and hard life - self imposed 
by life choices made long ago -
for which she now pays the consequences -
or so I tell myself...

Then Compassion overtook me -
and my heart melted, released of its
hard line - and dare I say "love" arose
for "the visitor" who sits alone in her chair,
her body and mind breaking down;
memory and mental capacity quickly waning -
struggling day in and day out;
just sitting -
solitaire and TV
 her constant companions...

A life suspended...

Mystic Meandering
January 6, 2023

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

Feeling Old - a meandering...

I feel old...

But I now enjoy sitting in "aloneness" in the
inner wilderness of silence - just being -
in an empty house without distraction;
with no need for "doing"...

I listen more deeply, and notice more;
like the ceiling fan, that's always been there,
creating a small breeze that caresses my skin.
(After all that's what it's for :))

I hear the sounds of nature merging with the
highway hum into one sound through the window
where I sit; and don't get irritated by 
a world of busyness breaking through the quietude,
sitting in the "aloneness" in the
inner wilderness of silence.

I breathe deeply into a deeper transcendent Silence within -
my comfort and solace.

I feel old...

When I catch my mirrored reflection
looking back at me...
I see an old woman in T-shirt and sweats.
(Well, fairly old :))
At least I still recognize her/me;
a shadow image of what I used to be...
With her old eyes, worn out body and bedraggled look...

I feel old...

When I have to pull out my deceased mother's old walker
from the closet to get to the bathroom at night,
easily losing my balance...

I somehow know I have begun
my end...

Unattached to physicality or self-image - yet still,
the reality of "endings" sets in...

I feel old...

Because the "spiritual questing" of my younger years
for "the truth", for the next "spiritual trinket", is gone.
(You notice I didn't say I'm "done." :))

Wanting only to rest in the Sacred Silence within;
that soothes this body and mind.

I feel old...

But I'm not ready for the rocking chair on the back porch,
although a hammock under the trees in the backyard 
would be nice - rocking to a melody by the Moody Blues
 while I watch the clouds and maybe even the stars -
knowing that even when
the owl calls my name
and this body is gone,
"I"
(well not "me" exactly, but you know what I mean)

"I" am still somewhere
in the Great Cosmos
that fills the space I leave...

Mystic Meandering
Aug 24, 2022

"In my end is my beginning" - T.S. Eliot

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

Solitude - Zat Rana

"All of man's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly
in a room alone..."

Blaise Pascal

According to Pascal, we fear the silence of existence, we dread
the boredom and instead choose aimless distractions, and we can't
help but run from the problems of our emotions into the false
comforts of the mind.

We never learned the art of solitude.  And now we live in a world
where we're connected to everything except ourselves.  Everything
 that has done so much to connect us has simultaneously isolated us.
We are so busy being distracted that we are forgetting to tend to
ourselves, which is consequently making us feel more and more
alone...

Never being alone is not the same as never feeling alone.  The less
comfortable you are with solitude, the more likely it is that you
won't know yourself.  And then, you'll spend even more time
avoiding it to focus elsewhere.  In the process, you'll become
addicted to the same technologies that were meant to set you free.
Just because we can use the noise of the world to block out the
discomfort of dealing with ourselves doesn't mean that this
discomfort goes away.

Almost everybody thinks of themselves as self-aware.  They
think they know how they feel and what they want and what
their problems are.  But the truth is that very few people really
do.  And those that do will be the first to tell you how fickle
self-awareness is and how much alone time it takes to get
there.  In today's world, people can go their whole lives
without truly digging beyond the surface level masks they
wear...[How interesting that we are required to wear masks
these days.] We are increasingly out of touch with who we are...
[Maybe this is why so many are having a hard time with
the "stay-at-home" orders - feeling confined, like their freedom
 has been taken away - acting out].

Almost anything that controls our life in an unhealthy way
finds its roots in our realization that we dread the nothingness
of nothing.  We can't imagine just being rather than doing.  We have an instinctive aversion to simply being.   And there-
fore, we look for entertainment, we seek company, and if
 those fail, we chase every higher highs.

We ignore the fact that never facing the nothingness is the same
as never facing ourselves.  And never facing ourselves is why
we feel lonely and anxious in spite of being intimately connected
to everything around us.

Fortunately, there is a solution.....  When you surround yourself
with moments of solitude and stillness, you become intimately
familiar with your environment in a way that forced stimulation
doesn't allow. [Forced socialization]  The world becomes richer,
the layers start to peel back, and you see things for what they
 really are, in all their wholeness, in all their contradictions,
 and in all their unfamiliarity.

You realize there are other things you are capable of paying
attention to than just what makes the most noise on the
surface.  [Solitude] allows you to discover the novelty in things
you didn't know were novel; it's like being an unconditioned
child seeing the world for the first time.  It also resolves the
majority of internal conflicts.

Without realizing the value of solitude, we are overlooking the
fact that, once the fear of boredom is faced, it can actually
provide its own stimulation.  And the only way to face it is to
make time to just sit... with our thoughts, with our feelings, with
a moment of stillness...

Zat Rana

Excerpt from: "The Most Important Skill Nobody Taught You"
an article in Medium.com

[brackets mine]

~

Your solitude will be a support and a home for you,
even in the midst of very unfamiliar circumstances,
and from it you will find all your paths...

Rainer Maria Rilke

Excerpt from: Letters to a Young Poet #1

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

Aloneness - John O'Donohue

It takes great courage to meet the full force of your aloneness.
Most of the activity in society is subconsciously designed to
quell the voice crying in the wilderness within you.  The
Mystic Thomas Kempis said that when you go out into the
world, you return to having lost some of yourself.  Until you
learn to inhabit your aloneness, the lonely distraction and noise
of society will seduce you into false belonging, with which you
will only become empty and weary.  When you face your
aloneness, something begins to happen..... a sense of true
belonging.  This is a slow and open-ended transition...
In a sense this is the endless task of finding your true home
within your life.  It is not narcissistic, for as soon as you
rest in the house of your own heart, doors and windows
begin to open outwards to the world.  No longer on the run
from your aloneness, your connections with others becomes
real and creative.  You no longer need to covertly scrape
affirmations from others or from projects outside yourself.
This is slow work; it takes years to bring your mind home.

John O'Donohue
From: Eternal Echoes

Solitude - Zat Rana

"All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly
in a room alone."

Blaise Pascal

According to Pascal, we fear the silence of existence, we dread the
boredom and instead choose aimless distractions, and we can't help
but run from the problems of our emotions into the false comforts
of the mind.

We never learned the art of solitude.  And now we live in a world
where we're connected to everything except ourselves [Selves].
Everything that has done so much to connect us has simultaneously
isolated us.  We are so busy being distracted that we are forgetting to
tend to ourselves [Selves], which is consequently making us feel
more and more alone.

Never being alone is not the same as never feeling alone.  The less
comfortable you are with solitude, the more likely it is that you won't

know yourself [Self].  And then, you'll spend even more time avoiding
it to focus elsewhere.  In the process, you'll become addicted to the
same technologies that were meant to set you free.  Just because we can
 use the noise of the world to block out the discomfort of dealing with
ourselves doesn't mean that this discomfort goes away.

Almost everybody thinks of themselves as self-aware.  They think
they know how they feel and what they want and what their problems
are.  But the truth is that very few people really do.  And those that do
will be the first to tell you how fickle self-awareness is and how much
alone time it takes to get there.  In today's world, people can go
 their whole lives without truly digging beyond the surface-level  masks
 they wear...  We are increasingly out of touch with who we are...

Almost anything that controls our life in an unhealthy way finds its
roots in our realization that we dread the nothingness of nothing.  We
can't imagine just being rather than doing.  We have an instinctive
aversion to to simply being.  And therefore, we look for
entertainment, we seek company, and if those fail, we chase
even higher highs.  [Even "spiritual" highs].

We ignore the fact that never facing the nothingness is the same as
never facing ourselves [Selves].  And never facing ourselves [Selves]
is why we feel lonely and anxious in spite of being so intimately
connected to everything around us.

Fortunately, there is a solution.....  When you surround yourself with
moments of solitude and stillness, you become intimately familiar with
your environment in a way that forced stimulation doesn't allow.  The
world becomes richer, the layers start to peel back, and you see things
for what they really are, in all their wholeness, in all their
contradictions, and in all their unfamiliarity.

You realize there are other things you are capable of paying attention to
than just what makes the most noise on the surface.  [Solitude] allows
you to discover the novelty in things you didn't know were novel; it's
like being an unconditioned child seeing the world for the first time.  It 

also resolves the majority of internal conflicts.

Without realizing the value of solitude, we are overlooking the fact that,
once the fear of boredom is faced, it can actually provide its own
stimulation.  And the only way to face it is to make time to just sit...

with our thoughts, with our feelings, with a moment of stillness,
[with our Self]...

Zat Rana

Excerpt from: The Most Important Skill Nobody Taught You

an article in "Medium", an online Salon for sharing ideas.

Medium.com

[brackets mine]

Connection - Jennifer Welwood

Willing to experience aloneness,
I discover connection everywhere;
Turning to face my fear,
I meet the warrior who lives within;
Opening to my loss,
I gain the embrace of the universe;
Surrendering to emptiness
I find fullness without end.

Each condition I flee from pursues me.
Each condition I welcome transforms me
And becomes itself transformed
Into its radiant jewel-like essence.
I bow to the one who has made it so...

Jennifer Welwood
From: "Unconditional"

Twilight Moon...

Stand still.
The trees ahead and bushes beside you
are not lost.
Wherever you are is called Here…

…The forest breathes.
Listen.
It answers…

I have made this place around you.
If you leave it,
you may come back again,
saying Here…

Stand still.
The forest knows where you are.
You must let it find you…


David Wagoner
Excerpt From: “Lost”
To read the complete poem click here

I walk the maze of moments,
and everywhere I turn to
begins a new beginning
and never finds a finish.

I walk to the horizon,
and there I find another.
It all seems so surprising,
and then I find I know –

Anywhere Is…

Enya
Lyrics from: Anywhere Is

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone…

…To feel abandoned is to deny the intimacy
of your surroundings.

Surely…you have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence…crowding out your solo voice…

Put down the weight of your aloneness…
The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink,
the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness
and seen the good in you at last.
All birds and creatures of the world
are unutterably themselves.

Everything is waiting for you…


David Whyte
Excerpt From: Everything Is Waiting For You…
To read the complete poem click here

“At some point there has to be a direct apprehension.
It’s about a visceral taste of this living event…

This is what “being in the Now” is all about.
When the focus on thought stories subsides,
the living happening reveals itself.
There’s just a happening happening -
shifting modulations of a great event.

Clear seeing…..simply reveals what is always
already the case.
It soon dawns that whatever is occurring
in whatever state
is nothing other than a modulation of Life’s creative play.”


Radical Tao