Openness - Frank Ostaseski

Openness.....is a willingness to look into what arises,
to work with it, and relate to it with curiosity.

Openness doesn't reject or get attached to a particular
experience or view.  It is about allowing experience to
unfold, having tolerance of the unknown, letting go of
expectations.

Welcoming what is, as it is, we move toward reality.
We may not like or agree with all that we encounter.
However, when we argue with reality we suffer.
We waste our energy and exhaust ourselves with the
insistence that life be otherwise.  We often have little
control over the external circumstances of our own lives.
However, we have a great deal of choice about how we
relate to and learn from the cards life deals us.  We build
resilience by allowing ourselves to experience what we
are feeling in any given situation, whether good or bad.
Until we come to accept life with all its madness and
inspiration, we feel cut off, separate and isolated.

Acceptance is not resignation.  It is an opening - to
a skillful response to life.

Opening allows experiences to enter and allow for our
responses to emerge and be expressed...

Frank Ostaseski

from The Five Invitations

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

The Muse-ic of Life...

Last night... while waiting for sleep...

I noticed I could hear "sounds" differently:
the ceiling fan whirring
through the air overhead
had the vague sound of violins
playing in the distance...  The distant
"traffic" noise from the highway hummed some
unidentifiable melody...

Everything sounded " different" -

I had the feeling that I was
"waking up" to the world -
to the "magic" of the world;
that they weren't ceiling fans,
or cars, or trucks, or planes -
but some magical symphony
playing in the night...

Every sound was the sound of an alive Universe...

My heart opened to the delight
of life playing its song -
and I melted into sleep, totally immersed
in the music of the world;
as an owl softly hoooo'd in a distant tree...

Magic...

Mystic Meandering
Sept. 26, 2021

~

Photo - Mystic Meandering

 

Found Notes - MM

"There are no shortcuts to what lies beyond."

"There is poetry in emotion that needs to be expressed -
allowing yourself to be raw and open to what arises..."

"letting life take care of itself,
being open to where life goes..."

~

I found this piece of paper that these notes were hand-
written on, on top of some papers that were in a stand-
alone plastic file holder - as shown in the photo - on a
table next to my desk - very noticeable from where I
sat, noticing something was out of place, as messy as
it is :) - as if they were left for me to see...

I have no idea who said them!, or where I got them
from...  But wanted to share them as they seem
relevant for life as we are experiencing it at the
moment...

Namaste

_/\_

Open to the Dark - Fred LaMotte

We don't need to construct a higher self or a happy face that
denies our pain, our world-weary anger, the devastating loss
we may feel this very moment.  We just need to open.

Open to the dark without resistance, breathing every chaffing
grain of sand into the softness of your heart.  Embrace each
jagged edge and splinter of the world.  Open down deep
to the core...

Unconditional vulnerability is invincible strength.  When we
touch our core, the dark broken flower that seemed so
heavy with the toxins of human fragmentation suddenly
blossoms into fragrant wholeness.  Why?
Because we no longer identify with the content of our
awareness, but Awareness itself.

Beneath the fleeting sensations of the world - some pleasant,
some painful - is the continuum of awakening, the clear mirror
underlying its reflections.  Whether the image is terrible or
sublime (or both?), the nature of the mirror never changes:
bottomless clarity, immaculate stillness.

Awakening is not a miracle.  Wide-open awareness requires
no belief, no transformation, no journey.  Yet this mirror
drowns every fleeting shape in the ocean of transparency
and compassion.

Fred LaMotte
Uradiance

Enlightening Perspective :)

My husband found this pic on Facebook and I just had to repost it here :)

Definition of Down Syndrome:

"The innate ability to see the good and beauty in the world,
to radiate joy and happiness, and to offer a unique perspective
on life with the ability to change other's perceptions."

Sweet...

This touched my heart deeply and reminded me that an
enlightened perspective doesn't depend on how intellectually
brilliant we are, or how much we understand with our minds,
it's all about how we see with our Heart;
staying innocent and open to life...

We are lit from within with a beautiful, loving, kind,
compassionate, trusting Spirit.
If only we could truly Experience it, Express it,
Be it...

Just Trust, Just Love, Just Be...

Nothing is Just One Way - Joan Tollifson

...No words or concepts can capture reality.  Maps are useful,
but they can only describe and point to the territory itself.
Eating the meal is what nourishes you, not reading the menu.
Take what resonates and leave the rest...  Don't believe
anything you read, but instead, question, look, listen, feel
deep into, and see for yourself.  The book that wakes you
up one day may lull you to sleep the next.  Always be ready
to see something new and unexpected.

...stay open to the possibilities, to seeing things in a new way,
to questioning assumptions and conclusions.  ...this living
reality is no way in particular.  It is ever-changing, evolving,
dancing, vibrating, unfolding...  It never resolves into some
final package, some ultimate formulation.  There is no
finish-line on this pathless path, no definitive model or map
that captures reality.  What all true pointers are pointing to
is the living reality, and the living reality is ALIVE - fluid,
spacious, open, ungraspable.  It is not frozen or solid or
only one way.  It can't be pinned down.

Sometimes everything opens up when we hear a teacher say
that there is nothing to do.  Sometimes we need to hear
there is no choice, and sometimes we need to hear that
there is a choice.

Nothing is just one way...

Joan Tollifson

Guru Cat...

Peering over the computer screen,
with piercing eyes, Guru Cat said to me:

Today
start to de-clutter your life
of that which does not serve the Heart,
or nourish the soul;
whether people, or
situations, or
beliefs, or
your immediate environment
would be good...
Look at this mess!

Create space for
LIFE
to enter, to flow
through you.

Yes, Guru Cat - I said.
I cannot contort myself to
the forms that others have created
any longer...

Guru Cat said:

Today
start to pick up the lost pieces
of your tattered psyche,
let go of the frayed and loose ends
in the fabric of your current reality,
and open to
"The Mystery" of being.

Be at peace with life;
not afraid of what life will bring.

Yes, Guru Cat - I said.

Guru Cat said:

So - Today,
reclaim your Self,
the Eternal Being
that inhabits your form,
that allows you to move on,
past the scatteredness, through
the overwhelm, and the inertia,
moving into pure Aliveness...

Let go... Relax...
Play more!

Do you see what I'm saying...

Yes, Guru Cat - I said.
Got it...

Today
I will start
writing a new life;
as soon as my computer comes back on line...

Seeing life in a new way...
Opening to curiosity...
Accepting the uncertainty of living...
Exploring my inner Resource...
Embracing change...
Experiencing life as it is...
Content to just be...

_/\_

purrrrrrr

Mystic Meandering
Dec. 17, 2017

The Unbroken Space - Rashani

There is a brokenness
out of which comes the unbroken,
a shatteredness
out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow
beyond all grief which leads to joy
and a fragility
out of whose depths emerges strength.

There is a hollow space
too vast for words
through which we pass with each loss,
out of whose darkness
we are sanctioned into being.

There is a cry deeper than all sound
whose serrated edges cut the heart
as we break open to the place inside
which is unbreakable and whole,
while learning to sing.

Original title: "The Unbroken"
by Rashani
1991

~

Photo - Craypas oils done with fingers
2010

Authentic Being - Clare Blanchflower

Make no mistake
There is no goal
There is no path
Your quest ends
Here
In the
absolute
authentic
allowing of
this moment's
raw expression

In the deepest surrender
to what is
the lens of
limited focus
softens into
unbounded emptiness
Revealing
the infinity of you

If you truly desire

to know
your Self
Awaken to
Honesty
Let go of everything
that keeps you from
authentic
Being

Allow the awakeness
of the moment
to meet your
wholehearted
openness

Give up all roles
Surrender all masks
Melt
Into the radiant gaze
of wholeness

Clare Blanchflower

Emptying - Mark Nepo

Experience is a river that never stops coming.
Often we need to empty ourselves of conclusions, judgments and
preconceptions in order to meet whatever comes our way...
The early monastic vow of poverty was based on the need to empty,
as a way to involve a deeper form of listening.
In its original intent we find that poverty of mind reflects a quietude
that can restore an inner emptiness.  Poverty in an inner sense means
a divestment of all the distractions that occupy the mind.  It means an
emptying of the interior belongings that keep us from the essential
experience of being that waits beneath all our human noise.

[We] must carry less - must put down the wounds that clog
 and weigh the heart.  We must risk being touched [by life].

[But] letting go is not just about putting things down.
On a deeper plane, letting go is about letting your heart crumble,
 about letting yourself be rearranged by the journey of being alive.
  To soften and crumble is not to die.  It simply allows us to change.
  It is a call to enter the unknown.

When we can admit who we are, and give voice to what lives inside us,
[all that we feel and experience], that very act opens us like an inlet
and lets the depths of being rush in.  For in admitting who we are lets
the mysteries of life enter us.
We are talking about the authenticity of being.

Mark Nepo

From - The Exquisite Risk: Daring To Live An Authentic Life

~

Photo - the bottom of a glass bowl...

Connection - Jennifer Welwood

Willing to experience aloneness,
I discover connection everywhere;
Turning to face my fear,
I meet the warrior who lives within;
Opening to my loss,
I gain the embrace of the universe;
Surrendering to emptiness
I find fullness without end.

Each condition I flee from pursues me.
Each condition I welcome transforms me
And becomes itself transformed
Into its radiant jewel-like essence.
I bow to the one who has made it so...

Jennifer Welwood
From: "Unconditional"

Authentically You - V. Erickson, Nepo & MM

Often times, a person will think they know you by piecing together
tiny facts and arranging those pieces into  a puzzle that makes sense
to them.  If we don't know ourselves very well, we'll mistakenly believe
them, and drift toward where they tell us to swim,
only to drown in our own confusion.

Here's the truth:  It's important to take the necessary steps to find out
who You are [our True Beingness.] Because you hold endless depths
 below the surface of a few facts and pieces and past decisions.
You aren't only the ripples others can see.
You are made of Oceans...

Victoria Erickson
Author of: Edge of Wonder

~

What it really comes down to is the clearness of heart to stop
defining who you are by those who have hurt you
and to take up the risk to love:
to live at the vibrant edge
of being spirit in the world
exploring the intoxicating quandaries
of being alive,
accepting the grace of our
humanness...

Mark Nepo
The Exquisite Risk:
Daring to Live an Authentic Life

~

It's about being enlivened from within;
being fiercely true to the core of our Being:
Compassion, Love and Pure Aliveness...

Open to *how* That wants to express ItSelf as us -
allowing the Dynamic Mystery that we are
to express ItSelf from deep within...
Not needing to take a stand on anything,
but finely attuned to the Heart of Love -
discovering a deeper Wisdom...

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
Sept, 2016

_/\_

Photo: Craypas oils

done with fingers

Let Life Open You - Mark Nepo & MM

As you enter the day,
try not to reach for life...
Try to let life enter you.
Allow what touches you to
change your path...

Drop all reachings and simply open...
We have to settle into the wait
until we discover that there's
nowhere to go...

If we can survive the pain of being emptied,
a deeper place is cleared
in which the mystery can sing through us...
Each soul is a living flute
being carved by life to
a deeper and deeper song...

Uncover the mystery of strength by bringing
into focus a deeper sense of truth,
and your ability to step quite naturally,
with your heart...

Excerpts from Mark Nepo's book:
The Book of Awakening
(Mark's words, my format)

~

Trusting in the simplicity of Life,
let Life come to you...
Resting in simplicity,
Life will find you...

The more you trust Love
the more Life will
open up to you...

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
2004

~

Top Photo - digitally altered

Hokusai Says: Let Life Live Through You

 Hokusai says –

Look carefully.

He says pay attention, notice.
He says keep looking, stay curious.
He says there is no end to seeing.

He says Look Forward to getting old.
He says keep changing,
you just get more who you really are.
He says get stuck, accept it, repeat yourself
as long as its interesting.

He says keep doing what you love.
He says keep praying.
He says everyone of us is a child.

Every one of us is ancient,
every one of us has a body.
He says every one of us is frightened.
He says every one of us has to find a way to live with fear.

He says everything is alive -
shells, buildings, people, fish, mountains, trees.
Wood is alive.
Water is alive.
Everything has its own life.
Everything lives inside us.
He says live with the world inside you.

He says it doesn’t matter if you draw, or write books.
It doesn’t matter if you saw wood, or catch fish.
It doesn’t matter if you sit at home
and stare at the ants on your verandah or the shadows
of the trees and grasses in your garden.

It matters that you care.
It matters that you feel.
It matters that you notice.
It matters that life lives through you.

Contentment is life living through you.
Joy is life living through you.
Satisfaction and strength
are life living through you.
Peace is life living through you.

He says don’t be afraid.
Don’t be afraid.
Look, feel, let life take you by the hand.
Let life live through you.

Roger Keyes

Hokusai (1760-1849) was a master Japanese artist, painter and printmaker.  He was best known for his woodblock print, the famous Great Wave off Kanagawa. 

Roger Keyes – is/was an art historian and writer who traced Hokusai’s works and wrote about them.  How he came to write this poem is unknown.

~

Photo - Sunlight through glass

Mystic Meandering

Divine Fire...

I want to walk through life
truly *seeing* - truly Aware…

Awake to the Truth of Existence

Open to LIFE…

I want to See *everything* as the expression
 of Divine Beingness;
every leaf that drops,
or snowflake that falls,
every being…

with the same innocent wonder
and amazement
as I did as a child;
as if truly *seeing* Life
for the first
time.

I want to be in love with Life again…
if ever I was…
Maybe loving Life in new ways…

I want to hear
Divine laughter

In my
Heart
and
experience
Divine
intimacy
in
my
being

Let me be free from the entanglements
of the mind
that keep me compliant
and complicit
with the world’s ways…

Let me embrace
every thought,
expression,
and feeling
as it arises
without
trying
to
confine
it
or
suppress
it

Life
 is a passage,
endless pathways,
and I want to risk
not following
the rules
of
the well-worn
paths.

Instead,
rising above
the familiarity
of “the path”
to feel
the Essence
of Life
that lives
this
life
that
”I”
am

/

The
Divine
Fire

Mystic Meandering
meditative writings
2012/14

~

Photo: Amaryllis flower
 radially blurred

Transitions...

We are in the season of transition, both seasonally and personally.  My husband starts a new job on Monday, after 8 months of no work.  We are preparing for the adjustment to a new rhythm of life again, tentatively breathing a sigh of relief.  We’ve been through this several times in the last 10 years – these seemingly endless endings and beginnings, beginnings and endings - endless transitions, always “inbetween.”  We thought we’d be used to it by now, but each time it’s an adjustment after long periods of no work and the intensity of continuously trying to find work in a deteriorating economy – along with the antics of politics that take precedence over the “common wealth.” J But we won’t go there…

It was really sudden how it all unfolded – the job that is – not the decline of government. J  He received a phone call at 8pm on Thursday night from a recruiter for a company that had seen his resume and was interested in him - could he interview the next day...  There was literally no time to prepare!  He had a terrible head cold – but…   The interview was scheduled for Noon on Friday.  He was notified less than two hours later that he had gotten the job and would be starting on Monday! Wow!  Immediate transition!  We’re both still a little numb.

It is a 3 month contract-to-hire job.  We’re hoping for the “hire” part J…    This is how a lot of companies are employing their workers now - contract jobs through recruiters. That way they don’t have to provide healthcare or other benefits, or give a reason to let you go at the end of the contract period if it doesn’t work out for *them.*   Each time we go through this it is an adjustment – either beginning or ending – trying to find a new rhythm with life – and catching up financially…  There *is* no “retirement” on the horizon – only the continuous cycles of life being lived, season to season…  Cue Lion King music… J  Although this has been a “radical shift” in only a matter of days, B feels it will be a seamless flow ~ that we are always in the ongoing stream of new beginnings.  Just call him Rafiki – the wise monkey. J

And I too seamlessly transitioned this weekend into my 64^th season of life; the timeless, unborn Self moving through time.   The conceptual mind is relieved –  not that I'm 64 - about the job, yet still hoping it will go longer than 3 months.  The mind can get really preoccupied with uncertainty when in perceived “survival mode” J - challenging me to stay open to the larger Truth of Existence…  I told my husband several weeks ago, after so long without work, that the best birthday present would be for him to have a job by my birthday.  It was said off-handedly.  Talk about down to the wire!  I’m still gobsmacked that it all unfolded this way!   Maybe the Universe really does listen… J lol

So we press on into the unknown, cautiously embracing life that is turning once again, providing yet another new beginning and opportunities for expanded awareness of the Mystery of Being - knowing deep in our Being that all is infinitely well...

WooHoo! J

"Canyon Spirits" - The Evolution of a Painting...

I started this painting nearly a year ago in a moment of frustration, thus the red color and hash marks all over the place, painting in circles.  I am an intuitive painter, so I do not have an “intention” for the painting when I start.  I like to just see what evolves and what emerges out of it… Painting this way is a “practice” in letting go, of not having expectations – hopefully J - in not being “in control” of where it goes; like life actually – not being “in control” of life, but allowing oneself to be open and vulnerable to how it unfolds.  It’s very challenging actually to live that way – as well as to paint that way…  There can be lots of frustration…  It originaly looked like this (below) and sat like this on the easel for 7-8 months.

Every time I looked at it I kept seeing the face of a Tiger, and wondered how I could make it *look* like a Tiger, not having the trained artistic experience or skill to do that.  (The Tiger is no longer apparent, as other things emerged.)  When I started painting again in May/June I was still trying to figure out how to make it look like the Tiger that I saw, thus the single painted in eye, as that is what my mind saw. 

And then a “voice” said: keep looking, look deeper.  I wasn’t hearing things, it was the voice of my husband actually, as I discussed my frustration with not being able to create what I saw in my head.  He said – don’t stay fixated on your idea of what it is supposed to look like, but keep looking and see what else is there.  Something we need to do in life as well – look deeper, beyond the surface, and see what is really there.  So I kept looking.  And suddenly *many* different faces started emerging!  (see close-up below). Initially I saw what looked like the outline of a man’s face in a window with closed eyes, and nose, (near the middle), blended into another partial face slightly under the first one.  A woman’s silhouette in a window appeared on the right, up against what appeared to be two back to back “caricature” profiles, with a flat hat.  And then an owl appeared on the far left, and blended into what looked like a coyote face with mouth open, which blended in with the man’s face, and so on…  There’s even a little fox face tucked in there somewhere… And some teepees too :)

 The whole painting took on a different look, a different feel.  It had transformed itself.  It became a terracotta desert canyon against a night sky – and another realm beyond.  Totally unintentional…  Amazing. 

In the lower right hand corner there appeared to be a grouping of hash marks standing around what appeared to be the glow of a hidden fire…  To me they were Native peoples standing around a fire as smoke rose into the canyon and beyond, where a Raven glides through firey skies…

In the lower left hand corner there was the clear outline of yet another fire, with two “figures” nearby.

And so goes the story and evolution of a painting that took on a life of its own, inviting me to look more deeply… Like life…

An Expotition...

Pooh Bear and I went on an Expotition in the surrounding neighborhood last Thursday – our version of the 100 Acre Wood.  At my suggestion we went down a side street we had never been down before.  I was sure that there was a path that cut across a “power line right of way” back to our street, as I had seen the other end of the path from our street several times.  We kept walking down a long hill, following the curves in what seemed like a much longer way than the length of our own street just a block away.  We eventually found the path that cut through (yellow dotted line on map below), but it seemed to be a part of someone’s property that had a gate that was closed.  Neither one of us being the risk-taker type, Pooh and I decided to just keep going –  even though we had no idea where it would take us.

It was getting dark. Dogs were barking at us - strangers in this neck of the woods.  And we kept running into dead ends and cul-de-sacs.  We could see where we needed to be, but we couldn’t get there from where we were.  There was no path, no way through.  So we kept going and going and going, like an Expotition to nowhere.  Eventually we sighted a familiar main road.  We walked along the shoulder in rush hour traffic after dark – until we got to a large open field that we knew was just down the street from our house.  Once again I had seen that there was a path from our side of the field – that *appeared* to cut across the field.  But now that we were on the other side of the field we couldn’t find the path…  Okay, so this is becoming a theme here, don’t you think!

By this time I’m running on empty, stepping in gopher holes, and Pooh Bear is way ahead trying to find the way in the dark with only the remnants of light from the sunset.  We came to a deep ravine right in the middle of the field that spanned the entire width of the field.  There was no way across.  Ooops.  Very strange, I could have sworn I saw a path that went all the way the length of the field out to the main street.  I had not seen a deep ravine.  So we followed along the edge at the top of the ravine, hoping to find its end so we could get around it.  But the gaping hole didn’t end, until we got to a parking lot at the edge of the field.  We had to go through the parking lot and re-enter the field on the other side of the ravine where we *finally* found a way that would lead us home, which was not necessarily "the path" that we *thought* would take us there.  Phew.  Now *that* was an expotition.  It was probably about 2 miles, and about an hour’s brisk walk.

Upon reflection I found the whole journey an interesting life metaphor that we kept running into dead ends and cul-de-sacs, unable to get where we needed to go; not really knowing where we were going, unable to find a path that would take us home.  Everyday life reflecting an internal perception of “reality…”

 Just two days before I had awoken with the sense of needing to “leave the spiritual path behind” (also a recurring theme), although it was not clear to me what that meant exactly, and still isn’t, but change is in the air - again. J  It is the sense of “endings,” the sense of giving up the *trying*, the*striving* to find the right way, to stop *pursuing* the path; to just stop - to just *live* and not always try to *get* somewhere.  Pooh Bear has even commented that he felt I was trying too hard to find my way, efforting. And when I asked him why I was not getting the clarity and insight that seem to come to him so easily, he said – “because I’m not *trying*.”  Oooo – wise bear.  They just come to him because he stays open to life, without agenda, without the expectation of finding anything.  But as a consequence of my *trying* so hard to find the right path, the path has become illusive, and almost emotionally torturous to travel.  So I was not totally surprised when our little expotition ended up feeling a lot like my “spiritual path.”

 Recently I mentioned to a fellow blogger that I felt like I have been running on a “spiritual treadmill” going nowhere; still running on the surface of life.  That even after 30 years of being on a “spiritual path” I was still living on the surface of life, aware of a deeper Reality – a vast spacious background Presence in which all of life exists – but still focused mainly on the surface; lamenting that even “spirituality,” like religion, had become just another construct in the matrix. 

So it seems it’s time to get off the treadmill and leave the surface path behind, head deeper Into The Forest and Plumbthe Depths, tasting the sweet honey in the adventure of Being, and experience the current of Being that runs deeply through the internal pathways.

“Why search for anything when the very fabric of experience is
the path,
the unfolding of everyday experience.

Stop trying to awaken,
stop meddling with your experience
long enough to notice what is.

The key is within.”

Rob Matthews
”The Ineffable Mystery of Being”
(scroll down to read full article)

Listening to Life...

Sitting at the open window of Life,
wide open Awareness,
listening to Life’s Symphony
on a raw, cold, wet day
in May…

The chill in the air
touches my skin
caressing me,
 welcoming me,
allowing me to feel Life’s
Presence…

A canopy of lush green leaves
holds a chorus of birds
chattering and chirping.
Mourning Doves coo.
Blue Jays screech,
warning of impending rain…

The sound of rain hits
the leaves
in sharp pitts and dull plops
and splashy splatts
that barely rustle
in the light wind

The sound of cars pass on the street
leaving the crackle
of wetness as tires ride
over rain-soaked pavement -
which I find strangely comforting…

The brilliant blue, white and black markings
on the wings
of a Blue Jay

capture Awareness
as the Jay swoops
from fence line to fence line,
swiftly cocking its head around
looking sharply with each landing,
then moving beyond view...

Being takes it all in,
through these eyes…

A rabbit sits in the rain,
as if sitting vigil…
Big, black-pooled eyes
stare - watching…
ears cocked,
listening…
Being content to Be…

Beneath the “human noise”
of cars, and planes, and engines
There is just Life’s Presence,
Its inherent Aliveness
Its Awakeness…

Buds and Blossoms
bounced about
by rain and wind
nod - whispwering yes...

I exhale,
and mind lets go,
deeply listening
to Life;
deeply aware of
Life’s Presence;
communing
with the
Essence of Nature
deeply living…

Life living ItSelf…

Despite our busyness,
our harriedness,
our distractions,
LIFE lives…
holding it all,
allowing it all,
awareing it all.

Window sitting is my favorite meditation.
Aliveness flourishes in the deep silence of
listening…

Life watches ItSelf play ItSelf out
through my eyes...

silently gazing through
the open window,
while the music of Life
plays ITs own Symphony.

How intimately magical Life is…
How whimsically Life plays…

How do we miss such an enchanting spectacle…
How did we forget,
become blind and deaf,
to Life living ItSelf;
needing the kiss of a
”Prince Charming”
of Truth
to awaken to Life’s
beauty once again.

Life calls:

Are you awake?
Or are you still asleep -
pricked by the poison of ignorance -
waiting to be kissed…
to be enlivened…

Thunder rolls in,
louder and sharper.
The wind picks up,
blowing rain
 through the screen.
The chill is chillier,
coursing a deep shiver

through this body.

Life’s lusciousness
runs through the veins
and beats the heart…

Be kissed…

Awaken…

Mystic Meandering
Meditative Writings
May 23, 2012

Pruning Trees - Pruning "The Situation"

For those who have been reading this blog for a while, you may remember my post on Creating a Heart Tree last year.  Our River Birch is old and last year much of it died off.  We did deep root fertilization both last Spring and this Spring to see how much of it might come back. And of course I put little heart stones, sage and Faerie ornamentation at it’s base to “help” – if only in my mind. :)  We love our symbols :)  It really started to come to life again last year – but only about half of it thrived.  As you can see, it remained bald on top.  So we spent Saturday pruning the dead wood.  Tree artists we are not, but we did a pretty good job I think.  It looks a little dwarfish, and asymmetrical.  Yet I love still having this little guy in the front yard.

 

Pruning: to remove dead parts to improve growth – to cut out what is superfluous…  Who knew that pruning a tree would become a metaphor for working with “the situation” that I spoke of in my previous post.

As we were pruning – me holding the rope and DH climbing the ladder with the chain saw to reach the dead wood - our neighbor came walking up the sidewalk with his chain saw in hand and offered to assist.  I mean, how can you refuse a man with a chain saw, despite “the situation”, right?  Yes, this is the same father of “the situation” from my last post.  Which once again proves to me that life is a continuously unfolding story, and we never know how it’s going to unfold.  My mind thought – this is interesting.  I wonder why he’s doing this.  How can I say anything to him about “the situation” now with this generous offer of help?  Actually his offer of kindness was quite skillful in a way – it diffused “the situation” for the moment.  So we exchanged pleasantries and gratitude and the pruning began.

As the three of us engaged in the act of pruning, focused on the tree, it became clear that now was not the time for discussion.  It became clear, to me anyway, that somehow this was a time of getting clear, clearing away my image of him as “enemy” and to see the essence of the situation, to let go of the mental stories I had been telling myself, and to experience his basic goodness and humanness – and mine as well – at the heart of the interaction…  This is not to make light of “the situation”, or to deny that there aren’t issues here that need to be addressed… I am still being watchful - but with more detached mindfulness, a deeper sense of awareness, and less of the mind reactive, angry energy that wants to “catch” his son in the act, to try to control his behavior and get him to see the “wrongness” of his actions.

As a wise commenter said on the last post, “make friends…”  And I interpret that to mean to make friends with “the situation” – not the kid - but the situation – to make peace with it. If I befriend the situation, then he and his son are no longer my enemies and I am at peace…  Bazinga!  Sometimes these irritants in life are offered as a way of seeing beyond the surface situation, to the pearl of wisdom in the situation.  The neighbor’s offer of help and presence working along side us actually diffused my emotional reactivity to “the situation” – my projection, my mental habituation about “the situation.”    And I think that had to happen before any discussion could occur.

With space from “the situation”, and pruning some of my emotional dead wood, I realize that I have been attached to my anger and reactivity about “the situation.”  Thus I was held captive in my own emotional castle of protection, feeling under siege, fortressing myself against “the enemy” by maintaining a reactive stance, instead of seeing clearly and responding from a clear space, as another wise commenter said – using  Manjusri’s sword…  But what I didn’t realize is that I would have to use that sword to cut my way through the veils that blinded me, and not bring my baggage into “the situation.”  It remains to be seen if I can actually do this – to stand in the clear ground of Being within and take the appropriate action without my mind-muddied passive aggressive reactiveness getting in the way.  Only time will tell…

Who knows what effect this “tree pruning” work will have on “the situation”, pruning out the dead wood of my emotions towards “the situation” – allowing a new awareness and consciousness to flow… For now there are no resolutions.   And yet I feel a door has been opened for the possibility of dialogue.  My heart has softened towards “the situation.”  I’m not about to do battle with a 13 year old.  I’m amazed that a 13 year old could create such anxiety, anger and reactivity in me!   There is still a sense of watchful waiting, of discerning the most effective approach.  Asking questions like: How do I need to engage here?  Through my self-imposed mental suffering about the situation, through a sense of wounded anger and “rightness” of my position, through a sense of false power that comes from a need for self-protection? Or, from a place of awareness of our shared humanity with an open heart…

The pruning continues…  It may take a while :)