Zero - Jeannie Zandi

There is something that does not move no matter what comes,
no matter what will be lost.

I like to call it zero.  It's sitting in zero [the still point as TS Eliot
calls it].  It's sitting in Being.  It's so slow that it has stopped. And
it has a fierce fidelity to what is authentically unfolding in the
moment out of Being.  Here we stand with what's being born in
its tiny infancy, authentic and shyly showing itself, birthed from
Being.  No care for what it can be used for, where it's going, what
it means about you, me or someone else.  It simply stands without
a name, without a use, standing with that moment because it's
precious, because it's the Holy unfolding itself.

  We blow past the subtle petals of our unfolding, and
this holy birthing that's happening all the time through us.
But What emerges authentically is Holy.

In Being, we're not manipulating anything.  We're not trying
to go anywhere.  We're not trying to heal anything.  We follow
the thread of what's alive and we behold it in reverent silence,
even if every egoic hand wants to grasp it and turn it into
something.  The Holy is shining and peeking its head out...

We are not shown how to stay with the natural expression of
unfolding through us, though we were born knowing it.  As
we grew up, no one saw it, no one reflected it, stood with it,
protected it, had faith in it.....simply because it was.  We were
left in concept-land, zooming over our actual life; our own
organic unfolding.  Now we're stuck in our everyday minds
with our will trying to build something out of concept that
will never be as solid as what the Holy organically reveals.

We can stand in what emerges naturally from Being.  We
can slow down to the speed of Being, which is zero.  It has
nothing to show for itself.  It's simply a miracle as it is.
Everything that is zero is true.

It is Beingness flowing into Beingness. 
When we sit in zero [Being] there is only zero [Being],
and even what moves is still.  At some point you start to feel
 it as yourself.   It starts to wake in you...

  Stay true to the speed of Being.  Don't move unless Being
 moves [you], because you cannot leave that place and offer
anything real, and you're sick to death of ["spiritual"] manipulation
 and skipping over what's actually, purely and humbly here.

It's our zero, like a big dark hole
in the center of us that we thought was our problem. 
It's actually a portal to the Holy.  And through that empty
space of Being the Holy paints the world.

  But... we have forgotten -
how to rest as zero and stand in what's simple and authentic.
And out of fidelity to that Being [that we are], out of this
magnificent black hole, an inordinate amount of glory spills,
and each movement is the poetry of being in motion, while
utterly empty.

Jeannie Zandi

[brackets mine]

~

Photo - a mandala that my mother colored in 2016 at age 88
 digitally zoom blurred and color inverted - magic :).

A Window Through - Ram Dass...

This morning I received an email with the excerpt below from Ram Dass regarding his new book, Grist for the Mill.  Some of you may already know Ram Dass as a “spiritual teacher”, from the psychedelic 60’s.  Ironically I knew nothing of him at the time, as a teenager growing up outside of Boston.  I have only come to know of him in the past few years, having read several of his books, resonating with his words….

How interesting that this excerpt would show up on my “doorstep” at this time, dealing with challenging family issues and personalities, which my husband calls: the “misery drama.” J  I’ve been looking for a new window through which to see this experience, and my interaction with it.  And voila – here is something I needed to hear, something I needed to look at once again.  Syncronicity at work… J

Here is the excerpt – which for me offered a window through which to see my family situation with different eyes…  Hopefully J  At least make me more aware of the dynamic and my role in it…

“The optimal strategy in behavior change, with yourself  and every other human being, is compassion.  That means, as far as I understand it, the ability to see how it all is.  As long as you have certain desires about how you *think* it ought to be, you can’t *hear* how it is.  As long as I want something, I can’t really understand it, because much of what I can see are just my own projective systems.  You must come to see every human being, including yourself, as an incarnation in a body of a personality, going through a certain life experience which is functional.  You allow it to be just the way it is at the moment, seeing even your own confusion and conflict and suffering as functional, rather than as dysfunctional.

The greatest thing you can do for any being is provide the unconditional love which comes from making contact with that place in them which is beyond conditioning, which is just pure consciousness, pure essence.  That is, once we acknowledge each other as existing, just being here, just being, then each of us is free to change optimally.  If I can just love you because here we are, then you are free to grow as you need to grow, because none of it’s going to change my feeling of love.

We’re used to having these special role relationships, thinking certain roles apply to one, yet not to another, because we’re very attached to externals – do you touch somebody, do you sleep with them, do you control them, do you collaborate with them, do you support them, do you pay them, do they pay you?  That’s all stuff of the vehicle of the interaction between two beings; it isn’t the essence of the matter.

 As you work on yourself through your daily life, more and more you see your own reactions to things around you as sort of mechanical rip-offs.  You get much calmer in the space behind it all, and you’re able to hear more of how it all is, including your own personality as part of nature.

 The deeper you are in that space, the more there is available for everybody you meet who is capable of coming into that space.  You are the environment that allows them to do that – and from within this space all change is possible.  The minute you identify yourself or anyone else with models, roles, or any characteristic, any individual difference, change is really fierce.  Once you live in a universe where you experience even your living and dying as relative, rather than in absolute terms, it’s all free to change.  There’s nowhere you have to go to work on yourself other than where you are at this moment, and everything that’s happening to you is part of your work on yourself.”

You may also want to read this post I wrote on “Prickly Personalities” back in 2012 when I was more able to be in that space that Ram Dass talks about.  It does make a difference…  I just need to consciously find my way there again…

~

Photo:

Light and shadow through a window curtain

color inverted

Prickly Personalities...

My sister has a prickly personality. She tends to be brash, disagreeable, black and white, right or wrong, self-righteous, judgmental, very angry and critical of everyone and everything, creating a very toxic environment. We have had a lot of prickly people in our family tree. In fact the whole family dynamic is rather prickly. We all end up walking on eggshells – except the prickly people. :)

Anyway, she’s rather unpleasant to be around. I tend to unconsciously protect myself from her negative energy when I’m around her. I understand where she’s coming from because I too have had a “prickly personality.” I understand that her prickly personality means that she feels fearful, unloved, wounded, overwhelmed and victimized by life, not realizing that the world doesn’t revolve around her or for her, and that she keeps everyone at arms length with her constant need to be in control, using anger and criticism as a false sense of power. It has been humbling for me to see this reflection. Thankfully my “spiritual path” (and some good therapy :) has led me down a different road - a road of awareness; becoming more self-aware of my unconscious patterns, as well as more *Self* Aware. That is, more aware of my core Beingness – that still, silent place of Conscious Awareness within us all. But the tendencies are still there. I did not escape them, I only became aware of them, and over time I have softened and learned a different way of being in the world; which is not to say that I have perfected this “new” way of being. I can still get prickly at times.

I have been reading a very inspiring book by Oriah Mountain Dreamer called: The Call. While reading, the phrase: “Meet her in her wholeness” came to me. And with that, the sudden realization that I didn’t need to try to protect myself *from* my sister, but to meet her in her Beingness – that place of wholeness within her - from that same place within myself. Instead of shutting down and protecting myself against her negative energy I could consciously “sit back” into (internally become aware of) my own felt sense of Beingness/Wholeness and meet her, eye-to-eye, Being to Being.

I decided to experiment with this one day. As she railed on at what was wrong with the world, with that familiar blank look in her eyes, I just silently sat listening, while at the same time “connecting” with (becoming aware of) my own sense of silent Beigness within - looking right into her eyes. As I did, I noticed a slight softening in her eyes and demeanor, as if there was an inner recognition – Being to Being. It lasted for only a brief moment, and then that blank veil came back over her eyes, and she went on railing at the world. The difference was that I was aware that I could now meet her from a place of wholeness. By *remembering* my own Beingness, by consciously becoming aware of this space in me, I could meet her Wholeness, her Beingness behind the shield she constantly throws up to protect herself – and from behind my own unconscious shield.

This is not to sound magnanimous at all. This is not about ‘me’, but about awareness, and re-discovering a way of being and relating that I have forgotten in the chaos of family dynamics. Clearly I don’t always remember to meet my sister in this “new” way because her unconscious ways ruffle the feathers of my prickly personality. There is still a reactional instinct to push back, to get angry, and to respond in kind – to want to change her, fix her, make her behave. But I also see her suffering, and want to respond to that – if I can find a way in…

When I remember to remember the Wholeness of Being within myself and relate from there; trusting Beingness that *sees* through the prickly personality, something “magical” happens – sometimes; a recognition of Beingness in the "other." Isn’t that what we all want – a mirror of our Beingness; to be met in our Wholeness – Being to Being. I don’t think this is pie-in-the-sky idealism. Experiencing and living from our Essential Nature is not just a fantasy. It’s the Way of Being. Or is that a little too prickly... :)

~~


“Embracing your wholeness is the greatest gift you can give to others.”

Christine Wushke
Journey to Light

~~

“All things are made of the same sacred presence, stillness…”
”All things emanate from and return to and are never
separated from a vast and sacred wholeness.”

“This spaciousness that we are is not
indifferent to the suffering that we feel
when we have forgotten what we are.
It reaches out to us, calls to us.”

‘It is the Great Mystery.
It is what we are made of,
and what everything and everyone
is made of.
It is what we participate in
with every breath.”

“We will never be happy
or truly able to live and
love fully
until we find our way of living
from an awareness of the deep stillness
at the center of what we are
- our essential nature -
which is wakefulness, awareness,
love, peace, truth and beauty.”

“Look at your own life from within
that sense of quiet stillness
that you are.
You will see this inner essence,
this innocence, like a bright thread
woven throughout the center of your life.
Living it consciously is why you are here…”


Quotes from: The Call
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Dog Whisperer "Window"

Yesterday morning I looked out the window to see that one of the next door neighbor dogs was outside of her electric fence perimeter. She and her companion dog wear electric collars to keep them in their back yard - supposedly. But K’s was evidently not working. So she was sauntering through the neighbor’s garden – outside her limits – roaming around, enjoying her freedom.

I looked away from the window, thinking to myself - I did *not* see this - I don’t *want* to see this – because seeing this means I need to do something about this – this dog. (This has happened before – K getting out – me rescuing). I went to take my shower and got ready to do my errands. I opened the garage door and there was K – across the street in another neighbor’s front yard rummaging around – unbeknownst to the neighbor. Now I could have gone on my merry way, knowing that K would be roaming the neighborhood, getting into trouble, getting lost, or worse, getting hit by a car. But my heart would not let me do that. So I called to her and she immediately came. Now what. I brought her into the garage and closed the garage door. Now what. I got her water, and called her owner at work – got his voice mail- and waited – a half hour. After about 10 mins of waiting it dawned on me that our backyard was fenced in, so why not let her out there, as there was way too much stuff that she could get into in the garage that could harm her – plus now I couldn’t get out. So I led this hyperactive, panting, anxious dog through the house and out into the backyard, where she proceeded to get into everything that she could. We are not dog proofed here. I vigilantly watched her while waiting for a call-back from her owner, which never came. I called again and left another message – and waited another half hour – becoming more anxious about what to do with this dog. So I stayed out in the back yard with her. She loved the attention… The two dogs whimpered and cried to each other through our fence… My heart strings played their sad tune as well…

While waiting I thought – hey why not try connecting with the dog. I made eye contact with her and spoke softly to her – Being to Being. She responded. I became dog-whisperer. I stroked her while she panted and did her anxiety thing of pulling away and nervously circling the yard – running to me, running away from me. I finally got her to lay down on the patio while I rubbed her belly and laid my hands on her to hopefully help calm her. Once again she responded. And as I calmed her, I calmed too. I made eye contact with her over and over, telling her it would be ok, that she was ok – more for myself I think. We were both going to be okay. I was doggie bonding.

Not hearing back from the owner in an hour, thinking that K had settled enough, I left my husband in charge while I went off to do my errands. Kind of like leaving a husband in charge of a new born. He has no experience either and left her in her crib – the back yard. By the time I got back, a couple of hours later, the owner had retrieved his dog, apologizing profusely to my husband. (We’ve had a lot of dog problems with this guy.) It seems the “workers” at his house, helping with his remodel, had shut the electricity off so they could do the electrical work – and voila – K made her escape. Her companion had been so trained not to go beyond the electrical fence that he stayed. Hmm there must be something in that to see: What beliefs keep me in my pre-conditioned parameters – keep me from being free… hmmm… And am I willing to risk going beyond my self-imposed perimeters in order to be free… I need to look more deeply at this one!

I noticed other metaphors as well… Everything is a window, life is a window, an opening – inviting us look, to see, to experience, to join in the adventure of living and not shy away, no matter what the experience brings, or requires. But sometimes I do turn away from the window of experience, from the moment, from the seeing, because I don’t really want to participate, to pay attention to what is really needed to deeply attend to each situation, to respond to life as it is.

And the other metaphor? Well, how often do I make a Being to Being connection with others… How often do I look directly into the window of someone’s eyes and see the Being that is there – the Spaciousness… It’s easier with animals. They are so open, so willing to be met. Do I really meet others and *see* them… Do I actually *see* the Being that’s looking back. And do I allow myself to be met - Being to Being. Self seeing Self. Self whispering to Self: It’s all okay – all is well…

Everything is a window – a whisper to see, participate and respond…

~*~

There is a wonderful blog to check out called An Appropriate Response…