I'm Baaack :) & Mark Nepo

"The Pause" has ended for now...  I am re-entering blog land. :)
It was an intense "Pause" and life continues to be intense in
many ways, but I wanted to start sharing some of the insights,
poetry that came, and other people's writings that spoke to me
during the pause...
 In a kind of mysterious synchronicity I was
given what I needed to hear or see...

This does not mean that my life circumstances have changed.
  As always, life is an ever-unfolding experience - but I am trying
 to learn to *meet* life differently - trying to be open
 and listen more to where life wants me to go,
 with less resistance - and open more
 to Light - hopefully.

~*~

On Being "Lost" - Mark Nepo

From Day One of "The Pause"

When we lose our "self-created" map,
our real knowledge of the path begins...

...the journey truly begins when we lose possession of what
we *thought* were answers, and are left to accept that we are
not in control.  ...beyond every answer is a larger quest-ion.

Being lost on the inner plane can be understood as a
disorientation that is necessary as we are thrust from what we
*think* we know, into the vibrant field of all we do not know.

Being lost can be a prelude to a deeper way, because once we
admit that we're not sure where life is taking us, then we are
ripe for transformation.  Then we are shapeable.  When losing
our way, we frequently retreat and withhold or take what we
think is a safer path.  This often complicates our confusion.

The reason most people get/feel lost is because they don't go
far enough.  They doubt where they are and change direction
too soon.  Somehow we are called to lean forward [to lean
into life more] with what little light we are given.

There are sudden moments - lightening flashes - by which
we can navigate for a while, sometimes years. And the moods
of confusion in between - those very dark nights - are where
we need to practice patience [waiting].  Too often, when
drifting through a difficult passage of uncertainty, we punish
ourselves for not knowing more, or not being more decisive
[or more "spiritual"].

But the lightening flash to dark night and back again is part of
the journey, despite how hard we work.  When the lightening
flashes - in our mind or in our heart - we glimpse the hidden
order and our changing place in it.

If we can see our way *through* the uncertainty of feeling "lost",
unexpected callings often present themselves.

Mark Nepo
excerpts from Seven Thousand Ways to Listen:
Staying Close to the Sacred

~

Photo from the Internet

 

Take a Lesson from the Cosmos...

Take a lesson from the Universe, learn from the ways of the Cosmos.  If you look at it, really see it, it’s all about ever-expanding Awareness.  There’s no “closure”, no convergent anything.  It’s all divergent, synchronous energy, ever-expanding, ever aware.  It’s an organic energy that wants to be expressed.  What’s in us is the same energy of the Universe that wants to be expressed.  All we need do is – become aware - of the energy of Awareness that IS the Universe/Cosmos, in us…

There is Dissonance *and* Harmony.  The synthesis of Dissonance and Harmony creates the experience, not static energy, not either/or concepts.  The totality of the experience *includes* both –  duality and non-duality, sadness and joy, light and dark.  They are just energetic experiences.  Essentially they are one movement, one rhythm, functioning synchronistically.

My husband J

Photo - Moon, Jupiter and Venus June/July 2015

The "Greater Being" - D.H.Lawrence, Mooji & Papaji

“Be at peace, in peace.
All that matters is to be at one with the living God,
to be a creature in the house of the God of Life.
Like a cat asleep on a chair
at peace, in peace
and at one with the master of the house,
with the mistress, at home,

 at home in the house of the living,
sleeping on the hearth,
and yawning before the fire.

Sleeping on the hearth of the living world
yawning at home before the fire of Life
feeling the presence of the living God
like a great reassurance
a deep calm in the heart;
a presence
as of a master sitting at the board
in his own and Greater Being,
in the house of Life…”

D.H. Lawrence

Via: Love Is A Place

 ~

Photo: Our Beloved “Yoda”
1990 - 2009

~

Our real nature is a formless field of inner Silence and harmony,

the synchronicity of “I” with Universal Consciousness.

Recognize the natural Silence of your own Self…
the natural perfume of Being…

This Pure Harmony is the language and vibration of Holiness.
It is synchronicity with God.

Mooji

A nice place to visit for more Mooji :)
 White Fire

 ~

Rest in peace…
You are the unchangeable Awareness in which
 all activity takes place.
Always rest in peace.

You are eternal Being, unbounded and undivided.
Just keep Quiet.  All is well.

You are Happiness, you are Peace, you are Freedom.

Open to your Heart
and simply Be…

Papaji

Excerpts From: The Truth IS

A Window Through - Ram Dass...

This morning I received an email with the excerpt below from Ram Dass regarding his new book, Grist for the Mill.  Some of you may already know Ram Dass as a “spiritual teacher”, from the psychedelic 60’s.  Ironically I knew nothing of him at the time, as a teenager growing up outside of Boston.  I have only come to know of him in the past few years, having read several of his books, resonating with his words….

How interesting that this excerpt would show up on my “doorstep” at this time, dealing with challenging family issues and personalities, which my husband calls: the “misery drama.” J  I’ve been looking for a new window through which to see this experience, and my interaction with it.  And voila – here is something I needed to hear, something I needed to look at once again.  Syncronicity at work… J

Here is the excerpt – which for me offered a window through which to see my family situation with different eyes…  Hopefully J  At least make me more aware of the dynamic and my role in it…

“The optimal strategy in behavior change, with yourself  and every other human being, is compassion.  That means, as far as I understand it, the ability to see how it all is.  As long as you have certain desires about how you *think* it ought to be, you can’t *hear* how it is.  As long as I want something, I can’t really understand it, because much of what I can see are just my own projective systems.  You must come to see every human being, including yourself, as an incarnation in a body of a personality, going through a certain life experience which is functional.  You allow it to be just the way it is at the moment, seeing even your own confusion and conflict and suffering as functional, rather than as dysfunctional.

The greatest thing you can do for any being is provide the unconditional love which comes from making contact with that place in them which is beyond conditioning, which is just pure consciousness, pure essence.  That is, once we acknowledge each other as existing, just being here, just being, then each of us is free to change optimally.  If I can just love you because here we are, then you are free to grow as you need to grow, because none of it’s going to change my feeling of love.

We’re used to having these special role relationships, thinking certain roles apply to one, yet not to another, because we’re very attached to externals – do you touch somebody, do you sleep with them, do you control them, do you collaborate with them, do you support them, do you pay them, do they pay you?  That’s all stuff of the vehicle of the interaction between two beings; it isn’t the essence of the matter.

 As you work on yourself through your daily life, more and more you see your own reactions to things around you as sort of mechanical rip-offs.  You get much calmer in the space behind it all, and you’re able to hear more of how it all is, including your own personality as part of nature.

 The deeper you are in that space, the more there is available for everybody you meet who is capable of coming into that space.  You are the environment that allows them to do that – and from within this space all change is possible.  The minute you identify yourself or anyone else with models, roles, or any characteristic, any individual difference, change is really fierce.  Once you live in a universe where you experience even your living and dying as relative, rather than in absolute terms, it’s all free to change.  There’s nowhere you have to go to work on yourself other than where you are at this moment, and everything that’s happening to you is part of your work on yourself.”

You may also want to read this post I wrote on “Prickly Personalities” back in 2012 when I was more able to be in that space that Ram Dass talks about.  It does make a difference…  I just need to consciously find my way there again…

~

Photo:

Light and shadow through a window curtain

color inverted

Adaptability...

I had hoped I would have some good news to share tonight after DH’s job interview this week.  But it turns out that “the company has met its quota on the first wave”, according to the recruiter (a cattle call hiring 10 people at a time basically, and he didn’t make the first cut).  They evidently plan on doing a “second wave” – although we have no idea when that might be.   However, DH has other irons in the fire as they say, so we are still encouraged, as he is early in this job-hunting process, although it’s difficult not to recede into a fog of sadness and discouragement because we weren’t instantaneously relieved from this period of uncertainty.  Which is a segue into the subject of “adaptability.” J

A week ago DH was at the library perusing the shelves when he came across a CD series called “Adaptability” by a leading guru of change, MJ Ryan, targeted towards those in the business world.  Basically the premise is that those who adapt survive the changes that are inevitable, and so the point is to cooperate with the unavoidable, learning to take on new roles and shift with the changes that are coming more frequently in the business world.  DH has been doing this for years – adapting, shifting his career identities and roles to suit the current business environment, and still, jobs have been hard to come by and keep. We are grateful that he actually had a job that lasted a full year!  Most have been 3-6 month contracts.  He says the series on “Adaptability” is helping him with this current change, giving him a new perspective and some new skills for riding the wave.  If you’re interested, here is a You Tube link to watch her give a talk on “The Tortured Mind.” J  As always it comes down to what we *think about* what we are going through and how we interpret it.

What does this have to do with the photo of the Raccoon in the drive-way you ask? J  Well it showed up late yesterday afternoon, sniffing its way around.   I of course grabbed the camera and snapped the shot through the window.  As it disappeared out of sight to the right, I went outside to see if I could get a better shot.  I’m a sucker for wildlife – especially in the burbs.  Raccoons and Coyotes are about as wild as we get here.  The critter had climbed part way up the Spruce tree at the corner of our neighbor’s property by the driveway.  And of course I just had to try to get closer for a better shot…  But it went further up the tree – so no shot only big cute eyes looking back at me.  And what does a Raccoon have to do with adaptability?

Well... late last night I looked up the symbolic “meaning” of Raccoon in one of those animal symbolism books.  And the very first word that was underlined in the text was “adaptable.”  My eyes bugged out at the seeming synchronicity, and I went to share it with DH who was already in bed trying to sleep. J  Seems there’s a message here we’re supposed to be paying attention to!  So I read on:  Raccoons are known for their sense of curiosity about new realms, exploring what fascinates them, as well as their courage and ferociousness.  One of their most striking features is the mask.  Although the common interpretation is thievery, it actually becomes a very powerful symbolism for adapting.  When we wear a mask we create a doorway in the mind of who we believe ourselves to be.  It goes on: We can become anything we want to be by wearing different masks (identities) and learning to be dexterous in the masks that we wear, knowing when to use which mask for different purposes, knowing what circumstances requires what mask.  And in that respect, masks help us in the process of change.

There is actually a purpose for the persona of course – adapting to life situations, which seems to be a natural process.  I had somehow lost sight of that...

So – it spawned a few questions for myself like:  What masks am I wearing…  And are they serving me…  Are they helping me to adapt and change to life circumstances or am I just hiding under a mask of “spirituality”…  Do my masks keep my True Self hiding under a disguise, or are they are true expression of the Being that I am…   Do I need to change my idea of who I am, my self-identity as a “spiritual” person – ahhh – now *there’s* a courageous question…   Will have to explore that one a little more…

In any case, we are learning to adapt once again to the perpetual changes of life, accepting the reality of what is at the moment.

You might also like this humorous post
that I wrote last May on the subject of masks and identities:

Who Would You Be If You Weren't Who You Think You Are...?

"All We Are, we are..."

I realized yesterday that the second layer of this “resistance” that I have been experiencing comes from a contracted sense of “self”, a sense of separateness – which comes from fear. It is the mind fixating on the little things, resisting them – forgetting its True Nature and the simplicity of just being – just living. I tell myself that I “shouldn’t” feel this resistance. I shouldn’t be resistant to life as it is – after all, Life moves the way it moves – right? I feel badly that I still resist, despite this awareness, knowing that there’s really nothing to resist! So I resist the resistance.

On the way to the grocery store yesterday I asked to be shown what I needed to see here. The grocery store offered up its wisdom. :)

Walking through the isles, I listened and watched for what might be revealed, but nothing was apparent. And then waiting in line at the check-out, I heard the words of a song being played on the PA system. The words I kept hearing were: “All we are, we are…” lyrically repeated over and over again. I couldn’t make out the other words in the other verses, only the chorus: “All we are, we are…” And for some reason the rhythm of the words drew me in: “All we are, we are” – of course! How could we be anything else? As I stood listening to the words, I was looking around, in a relaxed state of waiting, and my eyes suddenly landed on a word over in the far corner from where I was standing that was printed on the side of a display shelf. It said: “Inclusive.” I just stopped – eyes glued to the word.

And I realized - there it was:

All we are, we are…

Inclusive…

Nothing is excluded – no thought, no feeling, no emotion – even resistance. We can’t be anything other than what we are. We are who we are… All of it – not just the parts we like, but even our hidden parts, the “darker” parts; the depression, the anger, the anxiety, the restlessness, the doubts, the uncertainties, the insecurities, the resistances… All of it is the Self – being who we are– expressing ItSelf as us – authentically.

I could feel tears welling up with this recognition – with the acceptance that everything is included – life as it is – me exactly as I am. There is nothing “wrong” with any of it! It’s all embraced as an experience of Being. It is all expressions of the Self – the waves of the Ocean rising and falling back into ItSelf – over and over again. It’s inclusive of the hard times and easy times, not separating out the good and bad experiences or emotions, as I tend to do – still – *believing* the distinctions in my mind, “complexifying” (I love this word!) my life, creating stories. Being sees everything inclusively – expressing this “me” *as* ItSelf – all of me; not the perfection of me. Being embraces everything – enfolds everything to ItSelf - our pain, our stories, our drama – as it is – without hesitation – without resistance. Everything is allowed. I know this, and I forget this. Everything unfolds the way it does, including this “resistance.” And so I continue to whisper softly in its ear, as if to a frightened child: “No resistance – all is well…"

All we are, we are

Inclusive…

Humbly

~*~

More "Coyote Medicine"

In the comment that ZenDotStudio left on the “Coyote Medicine” post, she asked what my spontaneous, personal “hit”, or interpretation, was on this Coyote sighting at the time that it occurred, and not just what “the books” say the symbolism means. I really appreciate her asking, as it gives me the opportunity to gaze a little longer through the window of greater wisdom.

In reflecting on this encounter it has been interesting to see the synchronistic flow and timing of this sighting that has created yet another “opening”… In a sense a *seeing* that has helped me to once again trust the universal Flow of Life that touches us all.

Shortly after we left my mother’s house my cell phone rang. It was my mother letting me know that I had left our left-overs on the counter. So we made a quick U-ey, and she met us in her driveway with the bag of goodies. This probably only “delayed” us about 2 mins. Heh, heh, heh… If we had not gone back to get the left-over food we would have missed this opportunity to see the Coyote! Goose bumps anyone?

We continued on home, which takes about ½ hour, nothing in particular being felt about the day – except to both comment to each other that “that went well – considering.” We were a mile from home, stopped at a traffic light at an intersection, when I spotted the Coyote at the opposite diagonal corner, just standing there *waiting* - dead prey in her mouth. I pointed “her” out to my husband with a few jabs in his upper arm, pointing, and exclaiming: look, look, look! :) The first thing we both thought of was the cartoon series “The Road Runner” which we had both watched as children. One of the characters was “Wile E. Coyote” – who was always strategizing on how to get the “Road Runner”, which in a humorous way speaks to the Coyote’s character: cunning – as in skillful…

So what was Coyote showing me beyond the pre-scripted symbolism?

What struck me the MOST about seeing “her” was how she just waited there at the corner under the traffic light, as if waiting for the signal to change, to say “go.” In fact, she even looked up *over* her shoulder at the traffic light beside her!, which I marveled at, at the time, like she knew to wait and watch for the signal! Maybe she could hear the light mechanism as it clicked through its cycle, I don’t know. But as soon as *our* light turned green, *she* stepped off the curb and proceeded across the street. It was if she was waiting for the “right time”, waiting and watching for the signals. Great wisdom in any circumstance! Wait and watch for the “go” signal before “stepping out” into life…

The fact that she was at an intersection, “at a crossroads,” says to me that it’s time to look at the ways I move through life. It seems it’s certainly time to make some changes in my relationship with my sister, family and life in general. In my family I seem to take on a lot of responsibility that maybe I don’t need to take on. Although I no longer *feel* angry regarding my sister’s words, something did click inside that said – “enough:” I no longer *feel* a self-imposed sense of responsibility for taking care of you emotionally, for trying to make you *feel* better about your life situation. If you want to wallow in self-pity, feeling victimized, that is your choice – but I will no longer dance this dance with you. Internally I resolved to relate and engage from a different space: from Presence without the emotional investment of the “self.” This may be challenging considering the family dynamics. The symbolism of the Coyote “at the crossroads” is really allowing me to *see* what is actually already taking place internally: a needed shift is taking place with regard to how I move through life – with awareness - not sustaining primal patterns of behavior.

And then - as Ms. Coyote crossed the intersection, continuing into the empty parking lot, I noticed that she kept looking back over her shoulder as if to “watch her back” – to protect herself. It is unfortunate that we need to do this, but I think this is one of the “lessons learned” here; not to leave myself too vulnerable to becoming prey to others, but to use more “cunning” ways (skillful means) of “protecting” myself, rather than the passive-aggressive Darth Vader reactive response. Woosh. In other words, it’s not about using defensive “protection” – as anger is – but “protection” through *awareness* - through *seeing* what is going on around me, and taking right action at the appropriate time.

And finally --- What I noticed as the Coyote crossed the street was that she was so determined to stay on her path. She was undeterred. She just kept going – which is what I intend to do – just keep going, undeterred and undistracted, taking care of myself, doing what needs to be done, making changes where needed – staying open to the Flow of Life…

So that is my personal take on the wisdom of Coyote. I’m also open to hearing your impressions, if you have any insights that you’d like to share. I welcome your input!

~*~

istock photo

Synchronicity ~ The Call of the Heart

The Taoists say there is an underlying Flow to all Life, a seamless Flow of Existence that is in all life – in all beings – that *is* Life. There is an interaction of the currents and eddies of this Flow in synchronistic “coincidences” and circumstances of living that bring us what we need and not necessarily what we want. The synchronicity of circumstances of this Flow “awakens” us, or awakens something *in* us, like a homing call. It seems no matter what our experiences in life, our Being is calling us “home” *through* these seemingly synchronistic life experiences – the Self calling the Self back to Self - the call of the Heart.

Strangely my husband and I are not synchronous. Our inner rhythms and timing are very different, often causing conflict on the River. We are like a confluence of seemingly disparate currents within the larger Flow, both returning to the Ocean in our own way. However, he is often the vehicle of synchronicity. He is often the one who brings me the wisdom I need to “wake up”, either in the words that fall out of his mouth, (that I share here sometimes), or in books he finds, and of course in the dynamics of relationship as teacher. Last weekend he brought home a 2 CD set series he picked up at the library for himself called: “Meditations for Emotional Healing” by Tara Brach; subtitled: Finding Freedom in the Face of Difficulty. He thought I might be interested as well. I read the back. It lists the meditations: Arriving in Natural Presence (hmmm, liked those words); The “Yes” Meditation (yes, intriguing); the “RAIN” Meditation (ooo – I like the rain, remember? :) and “Calling on Love – a heart-opening meditation for taking refuge in unconditional love.” And there it was again – the heart-quaking that I’ve been experiencing lately. I was drawn to the words: “heart-opening” and “taking refuge in unconditional love.” The call of the Heart? Synchronicity?

Tara Brach is a practicing Buddhist as well as a psychologist. She also wrote a book called: Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha. My heart leapt at the words “Heart of a Buddha.” With my new love for “the Buddha” I felt drawn in by the words as if there was something there for me to see or know. I’ve been feeling what I call the “call” of the Buddha, the call of the awakened Heart within. So when I read the words I knew it was a must have book. The local book store had it and I had a 30% off coupon – heh, heh, heh – synchronicity?

Sunday afternoon I settled in on the couch and started listening to the CD’s. She says there is an energy in us that draws us to the truth, to love, to the *awareness* of our “Natural Presence: that awake Beingness within that is listening and looking through our eyes. And what our hearts long for most is love, awakening, truth…” As I listened it started: the heart quaking – literally skipping beats, my whole being quivering, and an antsy, unsettledness running through my body that I’ve been experiencing lately. I knew I was on to something that was *needed* just by my body’s visceral response. It wasn’t as if the words she was speaking were new to me, but they stirred something deep inside – awakening a raw, tender vulnerability of the Heart; causing a deep quaking in my being as I felt the resonance of the words calling me inward to the Heart – to “Natural Presence,” or Buddha Nature.

She tells a story about a well-known ancient statue of Buddha in Southeast Asia. Apparently the statue was made of clay. But there were cracks in the clay and a curious monk took a flashlight and peered through the cracks to see if there was anything underneath. He evidently saw a flash of gold inside the statue. They discovered that there was a gold statue of Buddha *inside* the clay crust. The clay was applied to the statue to protect it from harm during times of conflict. I have seen glimpses of this shining Buddha within myself. I have felt this Presence in many forms, and called it different names. Yet there is apparently a cracking of the exterior constructs of protection occurring here, so that this True inner Being can be fully revealed.

I started reading her book. And it started again – the deep heart-quaking. My mind fogged up. I had to go back and keep re-reading; not because the content was intellectual, or esoteric, or so profound, but because I wasn’t ready to let the words in. Avoidance strategies were kicking in: the antsy-pants, the numbing, and the “hungry ghost.” I had to put the book down. It appears I’m in for a little excavation into the heart of things, layers of old patterns that have cracked open revealing the vulnerability of an open Heart that I don’t feel prepared for, but it’s evidently where the Tao is calling me… Synchronicity – the call of the Heart…

~*~

photo - christine

The Universal Buddha

In this new state of being enamored with “The Buddha” I happened to find an interesting article on-line the other day by Lama Surya Das entitled: Who and What is Buddha, Really? Hmmm… Synchronicity? It was quite enlightening actually. In the article he says: “Buddha represents what is actually possible for each of us – our full flowering… On the internal level, Buddha is innate and ever-present awareness… On the innermost…level, Buddha is our deepest nature: radiant Being or Nowness-Awareness, beyond gender, nationality, religious affiliation, or other local distinctions.” I immediately thought how universal this sounded.

He continued: “For Buddhists, wisdom is not merely a form of belief or a particular truth…but a living, breathing, functioning quality inherent in the mind of each of us, waiting to be explored… Anyone can become a Buddha.”

Further into the article he said: “Enlightenment means to awaken out of illusion’s dream and the snares of conceptual thought, and into a directly lived moment-by-moment experience… Eventually we come to realize there is nothing other than the luminous awareness of Being. In other words, we understand that life itself is an expression of Being. And once this realization occurs within us, we too awaken…” “The innate Buddha-nature or Buddha-ness within each and every sentient being is…akin to clear light. All beings are endowed with this inner lamp of pure spirit, along with the potential for *its* divine unfolding… [In this is] "the equality of us all [in] recognizing the *universally innate* Buddha-nature, the primordial pure inner light." His description was similar to the sense of Buddha energy that I experienced the other day.

Maybe this is what I feel drawn to, this innate, authentic, luminous, universal Aware Beingness that the Lama describes as Buddha Nature that we all are…

Last Sunday I went to a local metaphysical store with the intent of finding a “Buddha” statue, an icon of this compassionate, endearing Presence that I feel. As soon as I opened the door there were 3 large statues of Buddha greeting me at the door, and a sign that said – “All Buddha statues 30% off!” More synchronicity? It had to be the “right” face, so I looked at each one carefully, stepped back, knelt down on the floor, examining their faces, trying to find just the “right” Buddha face… None of them were “it” – my version of “it.” So I kept perusing the shelves through the store, waiting for the face of Self to reveal Itself. And there it was - on a second shelf of a small display case, towards the back of the shelf. If I hadn’t bent over slightly I would have missed it. Hmmm - :) I immediately knew this was the one. It was not a “traditional” looking Buddha, nor the “best” looking, but the face spoke to me. The image was close to the same meditative eyes that I saw in my head. The face reflected back to me the qualities that I feel when I experience the universal Buddha: calm repose, stillness, equanimity, an ever-present Presence of all-encompassing compassion, a meditative knowing wisdom, and peace. All these attributes, for me, embody the universal Buddha… “He” now graces my meditation space and draws me again and again in to this recognition of the innate, universal Buddha within… To the place of stillness, repose and equanimity…