When I am not present to myself - Thomas Merton

When I am not present to myself,
then I am only aware of that half of me,
that mode of my being which turns outward
to created things.

And then it is possible for me to lose myself among them.
Then I no longer feel the deep secret pull
of the gravitation of love which draws my inward self
toward "God." [The Unmanifest]]

My will and my intelligence lose their command of the
other faculties.
My senses, my imagination, my emotions,
scatter to pursue their various quarries all over the face
of the earth.

Recollection brings them home.
It brings the outward self into line with the inward spirit,
and makes my whole being answer the deep pull of love
that reaches down into the Mystery...

Thomas Merton

from - No Man is an Island

via - The Beauty We Love

~

Photo - by Jacqueline Riman Photographer/Artist

via - No Mind's Land

The Open Door - Danna Faulds

A door opens.  Maybe I've been standing here shuffling my weight
from foot to foot for decades, or maybe I only knocked once.
In truth, it doesn't matter.

A door opens and I walk through without a backward glance.
This is it,then, one moment of truth in a lifetime of truth; a
choice made, a path taken, the gravitational pull of Spirit
too compelling to ignore any longer.

I am received by something far too vast to see.  It has roots in
antiquity but speaks clearly in the present tense. "Be," the
vastness says.  "Be without adverbs, descriptors, or qualities.

Be so alive that Awareness bares itself uncloaked and unadorned.
Then go forth to give what you alone can give, awaken to love
and suffering, unburdened by the weight of expectations.

Go forth to see and be seen, blossoming, always blossoming
into your magnificence."

Danna Faulds

~

Art - craypas oils
?date

"The Pull"...

There is an intimacy of the Heart in turning inward,
following the pull of "The Mystery" into The Silence
that is hauntingly
sublime...

A magnetic pull of
Pure Being
calls
from within...
pulling ItSelf back to ItSelf...

In fluidity of being one feels suspended in a
deep internal womb-like Cosmos,
where there is endless depth and breadth,
fullness and emptiness,
all at the same time;
a subtle movement of awareness
aware-ing everything at once...

Collapsing into the Cosmic Waves of Being,
into Existence prior to manifestation,
everything within softens and opens,
like a delicate flower,
including the body,
touched by the subtle
rhythmic caress
of
the Unknown
 ~ breathing ~
~ embracing ~
surrounding ~ and filling;
unwinding the contractions
of body and mind.

There is a "sanity" in this Cosmic Silence
that bestows a soundness of Heart through Grace
that is beyond mere mental reason
and cognizance...

Finding this deeper Rhythm within
one loses a sense of "self"
and becomes...
"The Mystery"  ~

Breathing ItSelf...

The Breath of The Infinite

The Whisper of Love

Mystic Meandering
March 1, 2017

_/\_

A Humble Lover of "The Mystery"

~

Photo - Craypas oils, done with fingers

The Pull of Light...

The longing of your heart
is there to
draw
you
in

It’s the pull of ‘The Beloved’ ~
the Primordial
Light
of
A
w
a
r
e
n
e
s
s

Follow the pull
into
the
d
e
p
t
h
s



~*~

Mystic Meandering
copyright
June 2011

Art: "Hidden Light Vortex"

Here I "go" again...

Here I “go” again – or maybe not. :)

I originally posted this picture on the “In Transition” post, and since I’m still kinda in that space and I liked the picture, I thought I’d post the picture again as I meander on my way here.

I’ve been in a kind of mental/emotional fog for the last week or so, bumping into things in the dark – like anger, and sadness, and grief… Not the usual holiday fare. I am also acutely aware that I need to deeply attend to the Silence of Being within; to that “Pull” that I keep experiencing. Yet the holidays do not lend themselves to retreats of contemplative Silence – at least not in this family monastery… This creates a kind of discombobulated feeling in this mind and body, as well as the strong need to find the Silent inner Rhythm and just retreat, as life as it is at this time of year requires an external flow that feels contrary to my Nature.

I also find it ironic that no matter how much of my ‘self’ I have given through out the year, in small and not so small ways, in subtle and emotional unnoticeable ways, the holiday gift giving of *things* seems to be what matters most. It becomes the measuring stick of how much we love and care for our loved ones, an “exchange” of this fuzzy, nebulous thing called “love”… So if we are “exchanging” this commodity in a transactional way is that really “giving”? Strange custom that our inherent nature for “giving” is dictated by a date on a calendar and the giving of *things*, as a culmination of all that has *already* been given in the months before in more practical ways. What’s up with that? Is what I do all year long not a *symbol* of my love and giving nature as well? But pardon me, I digress… ech-hem…

So now that the hub-bub of the holidays is over I can breath again… No more expectations, obligations or wish lists to fulfill, no comparing, no out-doing, no one-ups-man power play giving, no family baggage. Just following the Stream of Being – as IT wants to Flow - which right now appears to be - no-where. Ahhhh – sweet no-where, no-thing…

Just before the Solstice I started experiencing a “still-point” – a coming to a halt inwardly. It felt like a turning point within, interestingly coinciding with the turning of the season. It was the sense of collapsing into zero-point, the silent, still Awareness drawing me to its core, like a great cosmic tide emptying me out into Silence. I found here a deeper space of not-knowing than I was in before, a space of “waiting” - for the breath to be breathed; the in-between space. The place of not being defined by anything, of not having a framework of interpretation, or reference point to measure life, or myself by. And I kinda like it actually. Just the open space of the hum of Silent Awareness… The hum of Being Alive… But the fog rolled in...

I want to *live* this luscious Silent Aliveness unendingly as a way of life – not moments of meditation in “The Cave”… In this space there is no mental confusion about which direction to take, or where I “should” be going. All one can do here is – stand still – and listen; not focusing on direction, results, outcomes, achieving, acquiring – or the measure of gifting. It’s just about being still – at the still-point of Being – living from the still-point of Life – the Stream of Being. Listening to what this deep Silence of Being has to say and where IT wants to go…

In the fog this morning, waiting for clarity to return, waiting to *feel* this hum of Silent Aliveness of Life within again, I happened to read a blog post that was about a young Japanese poet girl who decided to become a Buddhist Nun. It said that she became a Buddhist Nun, “not in order to renounce the world, but out of a desire to teach her heart to be like the clear water which flows night and day.” That’s it! (No, I’m not running off to the nunnery.) It was the inspiration, the in-breath of clarity that was needed to clear the fog. And you never know where it’s going to come from. It made my Heart sing. Yes, that’s it - learning the ways of Silence. *Living* in such a way that this Silence of the Heart, these clear Waters, can flow day and night – consciously. A song in my Heart has been rekindled… Now we shall see where that goes… The Silence has ITs own ways…

How about you, what makes your Heart sing?

~*~

Paying Attention to "The Pull"

I have been feeling “the pull” of the Cosmos lately, in case you hadn’t noticed. :) Don’t know why. It feels similar to “the Pull of Consciousness” that I wrote about while window sitting. And of course since everything *is* Consciousness, I imagine that’s what’s knocking at this door again – saying, “pay attention.” I feel immensely drawn to and curious about this pull of “the Cosmos.” I even checked out the series “Cosmos” by Carl Sagan from the library this week and started watching it to satisfy this curious “longing” for the spacious Cosmic Ocean. In watching it I feel at home, I rest internally – as if “I” recognize something. A sense of innocent aliveness wakes up in me again – interesting. And, I am learning things about the universe that I don’t remember learning before. It’s as if I’m hearing it for the first time, and I am like a child listening in awe, wanting to soak it all in…

Last weekend it occurred to me that this pull has something to do with the pull of the Natural Rhythms, the Cosmic Tides of Consciousness, which I haven’t been paying attention to lately. I have been feeling out of sync with Life, with the Sacred Harmony - unable to hear, or sense The Rhythm of Life Itself because life circumstances keep drowning out the music. And yes, I know, there is “just this,” “life as it is” – and its all Awareness… And yet, and yet - this “pull.” How does one explain this “pull…” A conundrum. I’m sure there must be Cosmic Buddha’s that could explain this… :) If you’re out there give me a ring!

What would happen if I followed the pull, I wondered? Where would it take me? No particular “answer” arose in Consciousness. Only the sense that I need to pay attention to the pull. So I went about ordinary life this week, in ordinary ways, listening, sensing, feeling it - p-u-l-l-i-n-g.

There were even little quirky messages in the everydayness of life saying “pay attention.” -

One day this week, as I approached a stop sign, a young male on a cell phone, carrying a duffle bag of some sort, waved at me with two fingers as if to motion to me to stop, like I was a taxi of some kind. I shook my head no, indicating I was not going to pick him up. But of course he was at a stop sign and I had to stop. A few tense moments ensued as he ranted and flailed his arms at me through the window. I quickly flipped the automatic “door lock” switch, while I waited for the busy traffic passing in front of me to clear so I could move out. Whew. Now there’s a “pay attention” moment if I ever felt one!

And then, while walking through a small crowded gift shop full of things, and people, trying to navigate through the maze with a package to get to the post office counter in the back of the store, I had to circumvent a woman standing looking at things at the front counter. As I smoothly passed behind her, she evidently moved away from the counter, and plowed right into me, sending me sailing into a display case. I was abruptly stopped. If the display case hadn’t been there I would have been splayed on the floor. Another rather strong “pay attention” moment.

Sometimes the little “stories” in the everydayness of life are like messengers. The ‘Mystery’ speaks through everything. And clearly the message here was to stop and pay attention…

So – today I stopped. I sat in “The Cave” and paid attention to this pull… It was experienced as a very deep pull to Silence, to Zero point – the still point; a pull into the hush of the Cosmos – the Symphony of Silence. It was experienced as a pull to stop, be still and rest… It felt like a giant unseen cosmic tide of Silence drawing me to its core; a magnetic pull, continually pulling Itself back to Itself… As I “allowed” the Cosmos to pull me (there was really no allowing, it was just happening, and I was just along for the ride on the Cosmic Waves) there was a sense of being pulled to a deep internal space, an internal “home” – if you will. There was a comfort in the Silence and a deep relaxation, as I “let” it pull “me,” collapsing into it, “letting” it swallow me up… There was no intent and no cause. I do not have any intellectual understanding of it – none is needed. This “Pull” is just happening – ongoing - present tense – always there – the Natural Rhythm of Life. It requires nothing - except maybe stopping and paying attention.

~*~

Photo - Bill Kennedy
A paper weight