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Monday, August 23, 2010

Irritation Window

I love my “window sitting” practice. And I love sharing the experiences here. I have not missed one night since I started on August 2nd. It nourishes me and provides needed insight and awareness – more so than regular “sitting meditation” for some reason, and I find that interesting. The small wood chair at the window in my “office/work” space has become my sanctuary, my sacred space, more than my meditation space (in another room in the house). I normally approach the window with a sense of anticipation, curious as to what my experience will be for the night. But last night I approached the window with irritation.

Our neighbor next door has been doing some major remodeling in his home. Friday night he was up till after midnight pounding on walls and carrying the debris out to a huge metal dumpster in his driveway, which creates a rather loud, piercing echoing sound when he throws large chunks of wall into it – startling me just as I slip into stillness. Fortunately I got a reprieve Saturday night. But last night he was at it again. The back porch light was on as well – lighting up the whole back yard. I come to the window to sit in the dark, to experience the night and the silence of the night, which gets me in touch with the inner Stillness, and allows me to feel the Heart of Awareness. I’ve gotten used to my quiet space and I don’t want it disturbed. I am feeling a little territorial – and irritated – and am tempted to yell out the window: Hey you, knock it off! Do not keep a tired, grumpy woman from sitting at her window! It seems I have taken ownership of the night as “my space.” But of course, the night belongs to everybody, I cannot claim it as my own, and this is evidently part of the experience…

I purposely waited til 12:30am to sit last night, thinking that surely he would be done by then… But no – he is a night owl like me… I’d sit all night if I could function the next day… So I sat, disturbed and irritated, jostled by every sound, feeling like this was never going to work! Then I stopped focusing my attention on the distractions *outside* the window, and brought my attention inward – to the inner window - and was able to find the thread of Stillness that runs through there. I think maybe that’s the point in sitting, whether at window or on zafu. It takes the focus off the distractions and irritations, and the stories I tend to create – like how dare my neighbor disturb my nightly ritual! - and brings me back to inner Awareness – to the pure, delightful, alive River of Stillness within.

And now to the window… We’ll see what tonight brings :)


~*~


Let us take this moment
to dive beneath the cultivated veils
or our misperception.
Let us embrace
what the heart knows without knowing,
the eyes sense without seeing,
what the ears hear
without hearing…




8 comments:

  1. and there you were aware of it all, the irritation, the humour in the situation and the annoyance at your neighbour. and that's it isn't it, just seeing it and then dropping below it all. thanks for the tour and reminder of how it's done.

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  2. Neat how that awareness is always there. Just there, untouched by the noisy neighbour (in my case howling cats) or the inner burblings. Very cool!

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  3. ZenDS ~ Yes, this has been a great experiment for me in just sitting, just aware-ing! It really has helped to bring me "home" to what's "below it all." And then the sharing of it seems to also bring some clarity to the experience. Thanks for peeking through the window with me! :)

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  4. Hi Genju ~ Yes, it is neat to *feel* this undisturbed Awareness - like an old friend that is always there - who just holds the space for you... Very cool :)

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  5. My time and space is so "disturbed" by so many people and things that I've had to learn to contemplate and meditate on the fly, right in the midst of change--or at least, treat interruptions as part of the package. Otherwise, I would be in a near-constant state of aggravation! Really, all of life is a kind of meditation...even the times when I think I am disconnected.
    I so admire your honesty and forthright, human-feelingness! :)

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  6. Let the sound of lawn mowers go straight in to my heart!! :)
    XOXO
    -Leslie

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  7. Hi Maria ~ What a gift to be so in tune with Presence to be able to "meditate on the fly"! This is what we all "work for"! :) And then discover - there it is right there! I know your life is incredibly demanding of you... And I relate to the "near constant state of aggravation" :) which is why I *need* to take the time at midnight to "window sit" and be still :) I look forward to the day when I feel life as a "living meditation" :)

    And what a wonderful post you posted on "Give It Up.! :)

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  8. Wow Leslie ~ now that's Presence! :)

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