Window Sitting - Night 3

I now eagerly look forward to my time at the window each night! I hope you all aren’t getting bored… I am just having way too much fun sitting each night, and writing about my experiences!

Night 3 is a Fall-like night with temps dropping into the low 60’s and a strong breeze that makes it feel chilly. So, in anticipation, I dawn my holey sweater – that is holes, not holy - :) and my holey socks for my midnight tryst.

I approach the window at the appointed hour with anticipation, wondering what awaits at this new found portal of awareness – like a clandestine rendezvous with a secret friend. Dare I say “lover.” Well a secret friend-lover that everybody has, that is. You know, the One called – “Silence” – the Vast, Spacious, Ubiquitous One…

It takes me longer to settle in for some reason. There is a restlessness and an angst rising in my gut. I fidget, trying to get comfortable in my seat. The sky traffic is heavy tonight. There are many blinking lights overhead, and the sound of a helicopter cuts through the night air. Three cars and a truck pass on the street. I can hear the rustle of the leaves in the trees more strongly as the wind blows more fully now. The smell of wetness fills the air from the rain earlier in the afternoon.

“Silence” is not readily apparent tonight. It eludes me – as vast as it is. So I put my elbows on the sill and cup my face with my hands and shut my eyes. I breath deeply – listen – and wait.

The wind blowing strongly through the leaves sounds just like the waves of the ocean – like the rising and falling sound of the waves as they crash onto the shore and then slide back into the sea. There is a similar rising crescendo that fades as the wind waves through the leaves…. I am mesmerized by the sound.

There is a lot of inner noise tonight as well. I am aware of sensations, feelings and discomforts rising in the body – like waves. There is the noise of “fear.” Imagination begins to create stories… Will there be a coyote? Will it jump the back fence? What was that shadow I just saw? Could there be somebody in the back yard? What if “Silence” doesn’t show up!? Ah – it’s just that boogieman - the mind. It likes to hide in the shadows and scare me…

I sit back into Stillness again, waiting for the entrainment with “Silence” – allowing my mind to drift.

Listening outwardly into the night becomes a deep inner listening for the sound of Silence within - listening for the footsteps of this silent lover on the stairs; waiting for the felt sense of the inner spaciousness of Love’s Presence. Sitting with heightened awareness, I notice the winds die down – externally and internally. Sinking below thought, feeling, and sensation I fall into the embrace of “Silence”- who has been waiting for me all along. I feel the Rhythm of Its breath like a breeze through the window of my Heart. Sitting back in the chair, I lean into the embrace, leaving the externals as they are, and find the familiar solace in “Silence” who has always been there – waiting for me to surrender. Awareness comes to rest within ItSelf.

Content, I give in to the call of sleep, and glide down the hall to bed…

~*~