Come meander with me on the pathless path of the Heart
in these anecdotal,
sometimes inspiring, sometimes personal meanderings of the Heart's opening in the every-day-ness of life...

Friday, August 27, 2010

A "me" story Window

Once upon a time there was a “me”, and apparently there still is:) And this little “me” evidently still likes to run stories…

Sitting at the window the other night, the house next door was dark and quiet – thankfully. Eventually I saw lights come on, and one of the dogs was let out the back door, but not the other. I noticed that this was strange as they are usually let out together. The dog seemed anxious, turning and standing right back at the door, like he really didn’t want to be let out. He paced a little, never leaving the porch and kept returning to the door as if it would magically open. He seemed unsettled. I then became concerned because I thought that something might have happened to his companion. I sensed that the dog was afraid to be out alone – like separation anxiety… I know the feeling :)

I began to feel disturbed, unsettled and anxious myself *thinking* there must be something wrong at the house next door, because of this unusual activity – no lights all evening and now only one dog. I lingered a little longer at the window, to see if the dog would be let in, but all the lights went out and the dog was left on the porch. My heart sank. There are coyotes out there in the dark night! I know, because I hear them yipping and howling while window sitting. In fact this particular dog was bitten by one several years ago right in his backyard. My heart could not bear for him to be out all by himself, vulnerable and alone. Would someone please let me – ah, the dog – in!

The ”me” story was birthed. The me-mind took off, creating this incredible scenario that something had happened to his female companion. Maybe she got injured and was at the vets; maybe she was injured so badly that she had to be put to sleep; maybe she got into something and got sick… My mind went from story to story. There *must* be something “wrong” over there I conjectured. And on it went as I watched out the window. So much for sinking into the Stillness… The me-mind contracted around its story, believing it, which simultaneously led to a contraction in the body that followed the thoughts being generated. The opening of spacious Awareness contracted down - perspective and the wider view were lost as the “me” became preoccupied with the story…

I headed to bed, and expressed my concern to my husband, building my story, creating more contraction. This contraction of the “me” around its story became a visceral experience that led to unease and a sleepless night.

The next morning, when I got up, I still felt the contraction in my gut. I went to the window to see - and there she was! My story had been completely erroneous! I realized I had needlessly created a story based on my assumptions of what I *thought* was true… I had created a mind story out of my own beliefs and projections, from not seeing clearly. I clouded the window of Seeing with my own assumptions and interpretations…

And now for a little window washing…



  1. Such a powerful description of the experience of "me" story telling we all do. It is simultaneously a gift and a curse to be creative.

  2. ps. sorry I've not been by in a while. I miss reading your insightful posts:)

  3. Hi Christine,
    Great description of story telling. Thank you. There are magnificent decade-long ones here :O
    This morning I woke up with the undersea oil-plumes again...Went for the coffee and to sit. The same chair as the window sitting. So much bonkers-ness that, in feeling the exhaustion, I relaxed into the not-knowing -- anything. Outside the sun broke through a dark cloud bank -- usually reserved for the glorious Colorado skies but there is was in Santa Cruz. It felt like a 'liminal light' thing as Maria describes. The mind relaxed...if I can imagine that. The red hibiscus, the orange clock vine and the morning glories all lit up like light bulbs against the dark. The not knowing gently revealed the 'real adventure'. It shown as the feeling-tone of my Teacher (and this other 'one'). It was felt to be what is really so. Just this...right here. Maybe there is stabilzation somewhere in this giving up. There 'I' go again :O

  4. Hi Laura ~ I had a feeling you'd be back :) I thought you'd come back in through the Collage :)

    For me, and the point I was trying to make here is, the "me" stories are more about the entanglements of the mind - the thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions that we get trapped in, that cause unnecessary suffering - not "creativity."

  5. Good Morning Leslie! ~ Am on the fly this morning helping my sister move, but I wanted to respond and say Wonderful! Yes, sometimes exhaustion is a dear friend that allows the mind to relax into the open Vastness. And too, as we deeply relax into That which we ARE - the mind follows and relaxes too...

    Blessings! C

  6. I loved your 'me story' and find myself doing it more than one really ought to?

    Thanks for revelations Dear Christine!


  7. Hi Akasa ~ :) It's really just a matter of becoming more aware of how we get entangled in our thoughts and feelings that create these little stories. It's amazing to watch how the mind does this! I was so aware that the mind was creating this whole thing and still did it anyway! LOL

  8. Yes, I catch myself too and do it anyway, lol. I try hard each day not to stay in my head, but much more the heart.

    Thanks for the prayer poems...I've read them many times but embrace them each time they come to me. So beautiful! I appreciate your thinking of me Christine!

    Many Blessings and Peace-Filled Window Sittings My Friend!!!

  9. Akasa - I wasn't sure if you had seen those poems or not, but yeah, when they came to me I thought of you, my Earth loving friend :) Love your photo of the reflections of the tepees. And is that Haystack Rock in Oregon as your "Header" photo?

    Be well!

  10. great post. I could feel the agitation and worry building in myself as I read this little "story". Oh I hope she tells us what has happened to the dog, I was thinking.

    I recently did a small story based on an email from someone and started to grumble to myself in the shower. Then I realized what a lot of energy I waste on that and how I can spoil my own day with a "story". I made a big effort to let it go and vowed that the other person's behaviour that felt unpleasant wasn't going to change what I would do (a kind act toward them)

    In the end it turned out they had made an error when they typed their email. It was a wonderful lesson in how it is easy to flip over into worry or anger based on the stories we tell ourselves. And not that worry or anger are ever productive but sometimes, as you point out, perhaps most of time, we've got the story all wrong! I find this a helpful thing to tell myself when I start spinning a new yarn.

    Great photo. Is that you?

  11. He ZenDS! Yes,I'm discovering how easy it is to go into story *about* everything! About what we *believe* about what is happening. Interesting to watch the mind do this - realizing what is happening and doing it anyway!

    Yes, that is moi :) My mother took it. She said I was playing this little game of going out and knocking to come back in, then going out again, and knocking to come back in. I was evidently driving her nuts! :) But it seems windows were an important part of my life early on :)

  12. Christine...it is Haystack Rock...one of these days I should blog about my experience there on my 30th birthday...needless to say I fell in love with it and then along came the film The Goonies which was filmed there and I totally fell in love. Because I'd been there, of course, lol!

    Have a Great Week My Sister/Friend!

  13. Yeah, I thought I recognized that rock! We were there in 1990 and also fell in love with the Oregon Coast. Would love to live there someday! I'll check out that movie, anything to see OCEAN from landlocked Colorado :)

    Heart Hugs! C


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